Freshman Year - 11. Pain

Wesley And Seamus

By Wesley Lewis

Chapter 11: Pain

“Come on Wesley a few more, I know you can do it!” Jesse encouraged me.

This was my last session for the week. After walking around the school this week and physical therapy with Jesse my whole body ached. Trying to build up my stamina was the main thing that Jesse was working on this week. Next week we would try and get more of my muscles back in the habit of being used. I would have had one more session but tomorrow I was finally getting the last cast off my arm.

Another reason Jesse didn’t want me to have another PT session was because Mama’s trial was tomorrow. I’m not going to lie but I was a little bummed when she said she didn’t want me there tomorrow, but thinking about it I hope she was doing it because she didn’t want me to see her entering her plea and being sentenced. She did tell me that she loved me and what she was going to do tomorrow was best for everyone.

After the disaster in third period on Monday, the rest of the week seemed to fly by. Dad was really into teaching the class while the school tried to find a replacement for old lady Jones. The way he taught was more engaging and he had the rest of the class interested as well. Truthfully, I had never seen him so happy and alive than when he was teaching.

Seamus and I had also attended our first Gay/Straight alliance meeting and were surprised by the people who were there. The biggest surprise was Thomas Chambers, Melvin’s older brother. The rest of the club was made up by pretty much everyone we ate lunch with and a few students we didn’t know that well. As it turns out the alliance was planning on a dance which encouraged everyone to come. They said the Alliance was about inclusiveness and they wanted to mirror that with any activities they had planned. After the meeting, Seamus and I were glad to have come and even volunteered to be part of the decorating and design team.

Ever since Brandon had said something about Melvin the other day I also noticed subtle differences in his actions. Usually he was calm, collected, and confident and walked the halls like a peacock, but more recently his head stays down and it seems as if he’s always looking over his shoulder. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t say anything to him about it because I felt it was not any of my business to do so.

After dinner that night I went to bed early because I was tired from the workout and from worrying about the trial tomorrow.

When I woke up this morning it was raining. Secretly, I’m hoping that it isn’t a sign of things to come. Mum was coming to get me for my appointment since Daddy was going to the trial and Jesse was going for support. I got up and dressed the best I could thanking my lucky stars to be getting out of this stupid cast off my arm. I hurried and ate and awaited for mum to come pick me up. She arrived after about ten minutes of waiting and we were at the hospital minutes later. Finally, after an hour the cast was taken off. I for one was shocked how my arm looked. It had lost some muscle tone and it looked a little withered. And the smell was almost putrid. The doctor gave me instructions for when I got home and left us. I was glad to be able to use both of my arms. It’s a good thing I’m ambidextrous otherwise I don’t know what I would have done as far as writing. Then as quickly as we got there we left and I was back at home waiting on Daddy and Jesse.

As I waited around the house for them to return, I figured I’d try a few of the exercises Jesse and I had been doing. They were just small exercises like crunches and windmills. He told me on Monday we would start conditioning my arms even more and build up strength in them. After a half-hour, I began to walk up and down the stairs in the house building up calf strength. Finally, after two hours Jesse and Daddy returned and they looked like they had been crying.

After asking them what had happened they looked at each other and it was almost as if they were conversing without speaking.

Daddy began “Son there wasn’t a trial today. There won’t be a trial either.”

“Well why not Daddy? You’re starting to scare me”

“Son your mother was attacked last night by another inmate, she was stabbed in the chest by her cellmate and they didn’t find her until this morning. I’m sorry Wes, but she’s not coming back.”

Before I could even say a word, I saw blackness.

“Wesley! Wesley! Come on son you need to wake up. Please wake up son”

Those were the first words I heard as I came to. I was hoping that I had dreamed the entire thing. That Mama was there and not dead on some slab. Hoping that she was just getting ready for church. But the reality of the situation hit me, I would never see my mother again. I began to cry laying there in Daddy’s arms while he cradled me and cried too. Jesse got on the floor and enveloped both of us into is arms as we mourned the loss of mama.

After we finished crying Daddy started making call with Jesse there to help him. I slipped away and went to my room. When I laid on the bed I began to think this was all my fault. If I hadn’t been gay she wouldn’t have beat me and then she wouldn’t be in jail and had to die alone. I hated myself and cried more before I finally tired myself to sleep.

“Wesley, son listen to me it is not your fault I died. You can’t blame yourself for it. I don’t have much time but you’ve got to know it isn’t your fault. I did what I did and I will face judgement for it. I hope I can watch after you from beyond but I think we both know it’s not going to happen. You must take care of yourself, and your fathers, both of them. Don’t shut people out that will be the worst thing to do. Seamus loves you after just one time meeting him I can tell that. Don’t be afraid to lean on someone else for help. I love you son never doubt that.”

Mama’s voice penetrated my sleep as I woke I could tell I had been crying. I rolled over and tried to get some more sleep but I couldn’t. I made my way downstairs to try and find something to do to get my mind off mama’s death. I finally decided to watch TV. The first thing I found was Thelma and Louise, it had been her favorite movie. I sat there watching it silently crying to myself. About half way through Jesse came downstairs and sat there holding me without even saying anything. Having his arms around me felt safe and I drifted back to sleep.

The next time I woke up I was in my bed covered up. I went downstairs but stopped when I heard Daddy and Jesse talking.

“Jesse, I don’t know how Wesley is going to be today. I know this will be the hardest day of his life and I just wish he didn’t have to go through this.”

“Jason don’t beat yourself up over this. Nothing could have prevented this. Look on the bright side though if this hadn’t happened we never would have reconnected.”

I don’t know what was wrong but I could feel anger surging up inside of me and I shouted, “I’m glad my mother’s death benefitted you, you selfish bastard!” after that I ran out the door with no destination in mind.

I kept running until I saw the park where mama used to take me when I was little. I sat down in the swings and began to reminisce about how high I would beg her to push me higher. I sat there and swung for a few minutes until I saw a shadow. Looking up I saw the face of Melvin Chambers staring down at me.