The Fresher - 6. Chapter 6

Having had yet another fitful night’s sleep for the second day in a row, I’d been like a bear with a sore head ever since Matt had knocked on my door that morning. I ended up asking him to join me for a run around the sports fields at the edge of campus; I desperately needed to burn off some of the anxious energy from the previous evening’s events, and running had always worked for me in the past. We seemed to be experiencing something of an Indian summer that day, and my workout gear was plastered to my skin from all the exertion. Unable to carry on running and talking at the same time any longer, I came to a stop and tried to get my breathing back under control, bent double with my hands on my knees. Straightening back up, I pulled my T-shirt over my head, swiped it across the sweat-slicked muscles on my chest and stomach, and then tucked it in to the waistband of my running shorts at the side. Matt followed suit.

“So, how did you leave it then?” he asked, struggling for breath.

“That’s the thing, I’m not really sure to be honest.”

“You’re ‘not really sure’? What the hell is that supposed to mean, Andy?”

“It means that I really haven’t got a clue how we left things…” Matt looked like he was about to blow a gasket, so I ploughed on before he got his second wind. “Look, put yourself in my shoes for just a second, Matt. The kiss itself came as a bolt from the blue, right? And as if that wasn’t enough, Jake then tells me that I’m the cutest guy he’s ever laid his eyes on. My brain is already short-circuiting at this point, but then he throws me yet another curve ball by launching into some long-winded, rambling explanation as to why he isn’t out and why he doesn’t think he ever could be. It was just too much, Matt, and – I’m sorry – but my brain must have just shut down.” I moved my hand like I was mimicking someone talking. “I could see his lips moving and everything, but I just wasn’t able to take any of it in.”

“Real helpful, Andy,” he drawled.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Ugh! You think I’m not annoyed with myself, Matt? You think I don’t wish for one second that I could recall exactly what he’d said, word for bloody word?”

Matt gave me a slightly more sympathetic and apologetic look. “Hey, I’m sorry, mate. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad–”

“I know, I know,” I cut him off. “It’s just, I’ve been thinking about it non-stop since last night. I can certainly understand why coming out would be more than just a little bit daunting for him as the captain of the rugby team, you know? And I’m hardly one to talk, am I? I’ve only just started to come out myself, so I can definitely understand where he’s coming from, especially when he has so much more to lose.”

Matt’s brow creased into a frown. “That’s utter bollocks, Andy, and you know it. He hasn’t got anything to lose, but he’s sure got a hell of a lot to gain. If he likes you, then the very least you can expect from him is to grow a pair and man up.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Trust me, Matt, he really doesn’t have any problems in that department.”

Matt pulled a mock disgusted face. “Eww! TMI, dude!”

We both laughed, easing the tension. “Ugh, I just don’t know what to think, Matt. I seriously, seriously like him. If I were to describe my idea of the perfect bloke, then Jake would fit the bill in pretty much every respect. And I’m not just talking about the obvious stuff. He seems like a proper gent and just so… I don’t know, decent, for want of a better word.”

“Oh, please! A decent guy wouldn’t expect you to get back in the closet just so that you can have some sort of secret relationship together, Andy. And you know what? Even if there are a bunch of homophobic fuckwits on the rugby team, then that’s their problem, not yours or Jake’s.”

“Whoa! I think you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself there, mate. As much as I wish it were true, it’s not like we have a relationship to hide – not yet at least, anyway. It was just a kiss at the end of the day. You know, it’s actually nowhere near as bad as what I expected him to say. I thought he was going to tell me that he had a girlfriend. I still don’t know what to make of that photo I saw on his fridge, but I didn’t have the balls to ask him about it last night. I don’t think he’d be the sort of person to string me along like that if he was already seeing someone else though, do you?”

“I hope not, Andy, but the honest truth is that I don’t really know him. And nor do you for that matter. One thing I am sure of though is that you shouldn’t let him call all the shots, you know? You matter too, and he needs to respect you. So if things do get serious between the two of you, then that means he needs to be proud of who he is and who he chooses to be with. You keep talking about how great he is, but you should take a long, hard look at yourself. You’re a catch, Andy, and unless he’s blind or a complete idiot, Jake must realise that too. He can’t live his entire life worrying about what a few idiots on the rugby team with the emotional range of a teaspoon might or might not think. He’d be a complete fool to let someone like you slip through his fingers, just because he can’t admit to his feelings. Anyway, enough of the sappy Dawson’s Creek crap.” He waved me over with his hand. “Get over here – let’s hug it out and have done with it.”

It felt like he was going to crush my bones in the hug. “Thanks for listening, Matt. I must be doing your head in going on about Jake all the time.”

With his head over my shoulder, he muttered, “Talk of the devil…”

I pulled away from Matt and turned around. Sure enough, we could see the distant figures of the rugby team jogging towards us and the nearby rugby pitch from the sports centre. I’d completely forgotten about the rugby training.

“Well, I guess we’ll soon see how the dust has settled,” I mumbled.

As the rest of the team started running through their warm-up routines, Jake made his way over to us. His eyes raked over my body as he approached, his cheeks tinged with pink. He gave Matt and me a bit of a questioning look, and I guessed it was because of the hug he’d just seen.

“Hey!” he called out. “I wasn’t expecting to run into you guys here this morning. Good to see you again, Matt! How are you doing now?”

“A lot better than when you last saw me, mate. I owe you one for what you did the other night,” Matt replied, trading fist bumps with Jake.

“Forget about it. I’m just glad to see you’re feeling better.” Jake turned his attention towards me and, whether it was embarrassment after the previous night or my state of undress, he seemed to struggle to maintain eye contact. “How are you, Andrew?”

“Uh, good, I guess. We’ve just been getting in a run and working up a bit of a sweat.” At the mention of the word sweat, Jake’s eyes dropped to my torso and a grin played at the corner of his mouth. “Looking forward to the pub-crawl tonight though. Any chance you’ll be showing us around town tonight?” I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“I still don’t know yet, actually. But I’ll see if I can pull some strings–”

From behind us, a gruff voice cut him off. “Come on, Wright. We’ve got practice to get on with, so stop gassin’ with the two fairies and get your arse back over ’ere.”

There were snorts of amusement from a couple of the other guys.

Jake visibly blanched. “Shut your mouth, Tom,” he growled.

Before I really knew what was going on, Matt had stormed off towards the other guy. As he squared up to him, it was like watching two stags locking horns. “Why don’t you try calling me that to my face, dickhead?”

Had the situation not been quite so serious, it might almost have been comical. Matt had a good half a foot on Tom, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in bulk. It looked like he was almost as wide around as he was tall. I was annoyed that things seemed to be spiralling out of control from what perhaps could and should have just been shrugged off as a thoughtless arsehole making an offhand, albeit offensive comment. Sadly though, the guy didn’t drop it there.

“Looks like I touched a nerve, eh?” he snarled. “I’ll call you whatever I fuckin’ please, princess, you worthless piece of shit. You and your boyfriend over there need to get the fuck away from ’ere. This is a rugby pitch. For real men, understand?” Once he’d finished venting, he spat in Matt’s face and shoved him hard in the chest.

I think my jaw hit the floor. To my complete surprise though, Matt calmly wiped the spit from his face and somehow managed to reign in his anger, but there was a steely, almost menacing edge to his voice when he spoke. “Real men, huh? You seriously need to wind your neck in, pal. Before I do it for you.”

“Tom! Apologise! NOW!” Jake barked in a drill-sergeant tone as he pushed his way between the two of them, towering over them both.

“Fuck you, Jake! And fuck your faggot friends!”

I thought Jake was going to lose it, but he simply jabbed one of his long fingers into the centre of the guy’s barrel chest and spoke calmly but authoritatively. “You’re a joke, Tom. I won’t stand for that kind of shit on my team. You’re suspended until further notice. Make just one more homophobic comment and I’ll report it to the university myself.”

You could have cut the tension with a knife. Tom stared daggers at Jake before making his parting shot. “You’ll regret this, Wright. I’ll make sure of it.” He then turned on his heel and stormed off, spitting on the ground next to where I stood as he passed me by. “Fuckin’ queer,” he muttered through gritted teeth, just loud enough for me to hear.

“What are the rest of you staring at? Get on with your drills! NOW!” Jake bellowed. Then he turned to me and bit down on his lip, struggling to meet my gaze. “I’ll text you later, okay bud?”

Unable to find my voice, I nodded just the once.

<><><>

We’d arrived at a place called Po Na Na, an underground club in the very centre of Bath. It appeared to be decked out in a French-Moroccan style with sumptuous lamp-lit interiors, rich fabrics and snug areas with booth seating. Like many of the clubs in Bath, it was a bit of a rabbit warren and had lots of rooms to get lost in. I’d been in a funk since the incident on the rugby pitch that morning, and then Jake’s text message later that afternoon hadn’t done anything to improve my mood either. All he’d said was that something important had come up and that he wouldn’t be able to help out on the pub-crawl after all. I was beginning to wonder if the run-in with Tom would make him retreat even further into his shell – or should that be closet?

I was really struggling to keep up the pretence with the rest of my housemates and the volunteer who was showing us around town. Her name was Claire, and I felt really bad for her, because she was an incredibly bubbly girl and she’d been making a huge effort to try to drag me out of the doldrums all evening. I knew that wallowing in self-pity wasn’t going to achieve anything, but I just couldn’t seem to snap myself out of it. I’d been glued to my phone the whole evening, hoping that Jake would send a text or something, but there’d been nothing. Whilst we’d been waiting outside in the queue to get in, I’d fired off a message to let him know where we were heading, just in case he was able to make it after all. When I took my phone out of my pocket inside the club to see if he’d replied, I groaned when I realised that I no longer had any reception now that we were underground. Typical. I contemplated calling it a night, but I knew that I’d end up regretting it if I felt like I’d missed out on a great night.

After getting ourselves some drinks, Claire started to show us around the club to help us get our bearings. The place was absolutely heaving and many of the tiny rooms that contained seating booths were already crammed full of people, all of whom appeared to be in high spirits. Passing by one of the rooms, I glanced in and saw a familiar face: David was wedged in at the back of one of the booths and appeared to be the life and soul of the party. Just as I was about to turn to leave, he glanced in my direction and did a double take when he realised it was me. I gave him a small smile and wave before quickly moving on to catch up with my housemates. I snuck up to Matt and tapped him on his right shoulder whilst standing on his left side. He craned his head over his right shoulder to see who it was, and realising my childish prank, he snapped his head around and glared at me on his left, rolling his eyes. I grinned at him.

“That’s the first smile I’ve seen on your ugly mug all day, Andy.”

I instantly felt bad. My sour mood was obviously rubbing off on Matt and he’d probably had more than enough of my pity party. That was the last thing I wanted. “Yeah, I haven’t exactly been the best company today, huh?”

“Nope. You’ve been the worst,” he said flatly. I punched his arm. “Hey!” he chuckled. “Less of the physical violence, please! I’ve already been spat at today, in case you’d forgotten.”

My face clouded over and I ground my teeth at the memory. “Yeah, that Tom was a real prick, huh? You’re a braver man than I am, Matt.” I sighed and gave him a look full of gratitude. “I really appreciate you standing up to him like that though, I hope you know?”

“Yeah? Well, bigots like him need knocking down a peg or two. I couldn’t care less what assumptions he wants to make about me, but I’m going to challenge anyone who thinks it’s even remotely acceptable to talk about people like that.”

“You’re my hero, Matt,” I said, without a trace of sarcasm.

Matt arched an eyebrow and grinned, downing the rest of his drink. “Is that so? In that case, your hero would like another Snakebite & Black, pronto.”

I clapped him on his shoulder and chuckled. “Coming right up, mate. Coming right up.”

<><><>

A couple of drinks later, my mood had improved immensely. I was finally able to let loose and enjoy myself. Excusing myself from the dance floor, I went in search of the toilets. As I made my way off the dance floor though, Claire intercepted me and dragged me over towards a quieter part of the club.

“Finally!” she said. “You’re smiling!”

I struggled to hold her gaze. “Have I really been that bad?”

She ducked down to continue looking me in the eye and giggled. “Pretty much, yep.” Her smile was really infectious. “You’re Andy, right?” I nodded. “So, how are things going so far? Everything okay?”

“I think so. Or at least, I hope so. But I don’t really know,” I sighed. “It all seems pretty complicated at the moment…”

She giggled. “It sounds like it! I’m a good listener and I’ve got time…”

I wasn’t desperate for the toilet, but I wasn’t really sure how much I wanted to tell Claire either. I hesitated and twisted my mouth to the side. “I wouldn’t even know where to start…”

“I always find the beginning is as good a place as any…”

I chuckled and decided to tell her an abridged version of where things stood with Jake, without mentioning his name, of course. She nodded and smiled encouragingly, and commiserated and shook her head at all the right points. It took her a moment before she said anything.

“Oh Andy, I don’t think there’s anything I can say to make it right, is there? It’s just one of those times when you need to let things run their course. My mum always told me: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

“I know, I know. Guess I’m just impatient. Thanks for listening though. I think I kind of feel a bit better just talking about it. Anyway, I was actually on my way to the toilets. Don’t suppose you know where the gents are, do you?”

Claire gave me directions and pointed vaguely in the direction I needed to head, but it still took me a couple of trips around the club before I finally found the dimly lit passageway that led to the toilets in one of the nooks of the building. I was conscious that I’d been gone for quite a while at this point – Matt was probably about to send out a search party – so after going about my business, I swiftly made my way back along the narrow passageway towards the main part of the club, my eyes cast down at the floor.

Someone shouted: “Hey, Blondie!”

Blondie? I snapped my head up and saw David. It took a moment for the penny to drop; I’d never actually told him my name. I chuckled. “Oh, uh, hi David. My name’s Andrew.”

He screwed up his face and dismissed what I’d said with a wave of his hand. As he got closer to me, I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. “Wondered where you’d got to, Blondie… Been looking for you. Where’s the meathead this evening.” Meathead? “His night off?”

“I’m not sure who you mean– ”

“Your boyf,” he cut me off. “You know…” He struck a ridiculous muscle pose and plastered a gormless look on his face.

“If you’re talking about Jake, then he’s not my ‘boyf’ and he’s anything but a meathead.”

“Oh, so Blondie’s single, huh?” He smirked. “What about your other bumbling sidekick? Where’s he?” He looked smug before continuing. “Didn’t look as though he was doing so well the other night.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “If you mean my housemate Matt, then he’s here. Out on the dance floor when I last saw him.”

“So we’re all alone then,” he leered. “Good. I can finally make up for what I missed out on the other night.”

It took me a split second to catch his drift, but before my brain was fully up to speed, he had pounced on me and had me pinned up against the wall. He mashed his lips against mine, desperately trying to ram his tongue into my mouth and down my throat. I struggled furiously to hold him at bay, my hands all over his chest trying to push him back, but he was strong and managed to overpower me. Things must have looked very different to how they felt; I can only assume it looked like two people completely lost in the heat of the moment, because as I struggled in vain to push him away, someone walked past us and wolf-whistled in our direction, telling us to get a room. In a last-ditch attempt, I jerked my knee up into David’s groin and hit him hard across his face as he buckled over in agony. I swiped furiously at my lips with the back of my hand to try and remove the taste and smell of him. Although it’s not something I ever do, I even spat on the floor in an effort to get rid of all traces of him.

I yelled at the top of my lungs. “You sick fuck! Don’t you ever fucking dare try anything like that again, you hear me? And if I ever find out that you’ve spiked someone else’s drink, I’ll personally make sure it’s the last thing you ever fucking do, you spineless prick!”

Before he had a chance to say or do anything else, I marched back along the passageway towards the main part of the club. I got my second shock of the night when I looked up. Matt was stood at the end of the corridor, but he wasn’t alone. Next to him was the stunning brunette from the photo on Jake’s fridge – she was even prettier in real life, rather disconcertingly. Both of them goggled at me with their mouths agape. I stormed up to Matt, giving the girl a furtive sideways glance. I was absolutely fuming.

“Did you see what that fucking sleazebag just tried to pull?” I asked.

“Uh, yeah. You’d been gone a while, so we came looking for you,” Matt looked pained and exchanged a fleeting glance with the girl stood next to him before shrugging. “Up until you kicked him in the bollocks and twatted him in the face, mate, it actually sort of looked like you were enjoying it–”

I was outraged. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Matt gestured for me to calm down with one of his hands. “Uh, Andy, listen, there’s something you should know.” He exchanged another cursory glance with the brunette. “Although me and Sam here saw the whole thing play out… we, uh, we weren’t the only ones here at the beginning…” he trailed off.

I tilted my head up to the ceiling and closed my eyes. “Fuck my life.” I knew the answer before I even asked. “Jake…?” I opened my eyes and saw Matt and the girl nodding in tandem. “And he didn’t stick around to see the ending…” It was a statement rather than a question, but they both shook their heads in complete synchronicity. “Fuck! Where is he now?”

“I think he–”

I started to run for the exit before Matt had even finished talking.

“Andy, wait!” he called after me.

I couldn’t wait. I had to find him and put this right. Now.