Nemesis: Soulmates Never Die - 16. Chapter Sixteen: Blind

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Blind

Dave stared at his phone where it lay on his nightstand. It had been days without a single text from Nick. The last one had been sent Tuesday night and read, Good night. x I love you. Since their argument the day after that, there had been complete radio silence between them.

It was Sunday afternoon. He supposed the guys would be on their way back from Birmingham by now. He had received a text from Alan the previous night, telling him that The Oxymorons had played really well and that everything was good. He wished he could have been there to see it himself. Nick, on stage, rocking out . . . It was one of the hottest things he could think of.

Dave shifted on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The thought had made him slightly hard, and he palmed himself through his jeans. That just made him feel sad, though, and he removed his hand again with a sigh. He wanted Nick. Wanted him to be here, next to him, on top of him, under him. He wanted Nick’s lips and hands and body pressed up against his own. It was all he ever wanted, and he had fucked it all up by being a prat.

He turned over on his side, and then, in spite of himself, he let his hand wander down to his crotch. He closed his eyes, picturing his beautiful boyfriend. Lying on his back again, he unzipped his jeans and began to stroke himself, slowly, teasingly, the way Nick would do it. He moved his hand faster, picturing Nick’s mouth on him.

He came with a groan, biting his lower lip. Then he just lay there for a long moment, ragged breaths coming forth from his open mouth, wishing that his boyfriend were there.

Dave glanced at his alarm clock. It was nearly six. Surely Nick would be home by now?

He wiped his hand on his pants and picked up his mobile. He called Nick’s number, but there was no answer. He had hoped a few days would calm him down enough that he’d want to talk to him, but he supposed not. He stared at his phone for nearly a minute before composing a text.

I miss you. Please talk to me?

Sending it to Nick, he wrote another text, for Matt this time, asking how long he thought it would be until Nick would be ready to talk to him again. When a text buzzed in a minute later, Dave allowed himself to hope for a split second that Nick was the one who had replied, but he wasn’t.

I dunno. Maybe give it another day or two? was Matt’s reply. Dave sighed and covered his eyes with his arm. Maybe he could go to Nick’s house tomorrow. Convince him to come out and talk to him. He needed to see him. Needed to make this right. Needed Nick.

* * *

Monday passed excruciatingly slowly. Dave had had a hard time focusing on his studies since the fight, but, having decided to go to Nick’s house to try and talk to him that afternoon, now it was worse than ever. He had told Mandira all about what had happened, of course, and now she kept giving him worried glances whenever he obviously wasn’t paying attention in Biology, until he turned to her and said under his breath, ‘Stop that. I’m okay. We’ll talk at lunch.’

‘I’m sorry I’m all mother hen,’ Mandira told him as they set off for the cafeteria. ‘It’s just that this stuff is so important. I’ll lend you my notes if you like.’

Dave smiled at her. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I’ve decided to go to Nick’s house and try to talk to him today. I just can’t take all this sitting around anymore. It’s driving me crazy.’

‘Understandable enough.’ Mandira hooked her arm through his. ‘It’ll be fine. I’m sure once you get to see him in person and apologise properly, he’ll forgive you. Right?’

‘Yeah. That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway,’ said Dave. ‘Cheers, Mandi. You’re a good friend.’

‘Don’t I know it,’ she replied with a half smile. ‘Not everyone would put up with your mopey face, I’ll have you know.’

‘Good thing you’re a princess, then,’ Dave told her importantly. ‘One with the patience of a saint.’

* * *

He rang Nick’s doorbell nervously. He heard steps inside, and then the door opened to reveal Zoë, who gave him a look of surprise.

‘Dave!’ she said. ‘It’s been a while. It’s good to see you.’ Then she smiled. Her red hair was tied back in a ponytail and she wore a cosy looking jumper.

‘Yeah, you too.’ Dave felt awkward where he stood. ‘Er, is Nick in?’

‘He’s not back yet.’ Zoë looked him up and down. ‘That your Dorcrest uniform?’

Dave nodded. ‘Yeah. I came straight here, so . . .’

‘Looks good on you.’ She took a step back. ‘Why don’t you come inside and wait?’

Dave stepped inside and shrugged off his coat. ‘Has Nick told you . . . ?’

She gave him a sad sort of half smile. ‘Yeah. He told me what happened between you two. I tried to tell him you probably didn’t mean it like that, but . . . He’s still pretty angry.’

‘I sort of figured,’ they stepped into the sitting room and Dave sat down with a sigh, ‘you know, when he wouldn’t return my call or answer my texts or anything.’

Zoë nodded sympathetically. ‘He’s stubborn. So are you, but I knew you’d come around here eventually. I think he misses you, even though he’d never say as much. Would you like a cup of tea?’

It was a good fifteen minutes before Nick showed up, and Dave and Zoë spent them drinking tea and talking about how things were going at college. Then the front door opened and Dave tensed where he sat. He put down his tea cup and stood up quickly.

‘Hey, you’re home,’ Zoë called.

‘Yeah. I missed a bus, so—’ Nick appeared in the doorway and abruptly stopped talking when he saw Dave.

‘Hi,’ said Dave sheepishly. ‘Sorry about just turning up, I just really need to talk to you.’

Nick’s expression changed from one of shock to one of anger. ‘I have nothing to say to you.’

‘Then just listen. Please.’

‘I’ll leave you two alone,’ said Zoë, standing up. She gave Nick a pat on the shoulder as she passed him in the doorway, and he gave her a look which clearly spelled, Traitor. Then she disappeared. Dave could hear her footsteps on the stair. Nick crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow.

Dave took a deep breath. ‘Listen, Nick . . .’ he began. ‘I’m sorry about all the things I said. I didn’t mean to accuse you, and of course I want you to have friends. I don’t want you to sit around and wait for me. You deserve to have your own life. I just . . . I’m really sorry. Please, please forgive me. I . . . I miss you. I don’t know what to do without you.’

Nick stared at him for a moment. It was hard to gauge his emotional state. There was more than anger there. ‘Are you done?’ he said at last.

‘I—yeah. I guess so.’ Dave bit his lip.

‘Good. Then I’d like you to leave, please.’

‘You—what?’ This wasn’t how Dave had pictured this going. He had expected anger and reluctance, but not outright dismissal. ‘I’m trying to apologise to you!’

‘Noted.’ Nick’s tone was cold, and Dave felt his courage shrinking rapidly.

‘Please,’ he tried, in a final desperate effort. ‘I miss you. I love you!’

Nick looked away, and for a moment his face betrayed something more vulnerable. Pain. Sadness. Regret, perhaps. ‘Please, just go,’ he said softly. Then he turned around and walked back out into the hallway. Dave followed, and saw him take the stairs up towards his room. A moment later, Nick’s bedroom door slammed shut.

* * *

Nick threw himself down on his bed and sobbed into his pillow. He wanted more than anything to forgive Dave, to put his arms around him and hug him and never let go. But how could he do that after what he had done? How could he ever look him in the eye again? He couldn’t possibly tell him the truth. The thought of Dave hating him was more painful and more heartbreaking than anything else. He couldn’t live with that. He couldn’t imagine having Dave look at him with that kind of disappointment and anger. This way, at least Dave still loved him.

Remembering the sincerity with which Dave had apologised, his assurance that he missed Nick, loved him, wanted him back, the way he had begged for forgiveness . . . It all made Nick feel like the most horrible person on the planet. Matt had been right. If Nick forgave Dave, he wouldn’t be able to live with lying to him. Something had to give.

There came a knock on his door, and for a wild moment Nick thought Dave might have followed him up the stairs, but then he heard Zoë’s soft voice.

‘Nick? Are you all right?’

Nick sniffed. ‘No,’ he replied, truthfully, and Zoë opened the door and stepped inside.

She crossed the room and sat down at the edge of his bed, combing her fingers through his brown hair. ‘I take it that didn’t go well, then? Didn’t you think his apology was sincere?’

‘No,’ Nick murmured. ‘I mean, yes. I think he meant it. I know he meant it. I just . . .’

‘You’re not ready to forgive him yet?’

Nick looked up at his sister through his tearstained eyelashes and swallowed. ‘Zoë,’ he said softly. ‘I’ve . . . I’ve done something. Something really horrible and stupid.’ And then he couldn’t stop the tears anymore, and Zoë pulled him into her arms, hugging him to her chest, just like she used to when he was a kid.

‘Shh, it’s okay,’ she whispered. ‘Whatever it is, it’s okay. What did you do?’

Nick shook his head. ‘You’ll hate me too . . .’

Zoë held his face in her hands and looked at him with eyes that were exactly like his own. ‘Whatever you do or say or think, you’re my little brother and I will never hate you.’

Nick blinked a few tears out of his eyes. Then he said, ‘I had sex with someone else in Birmingham.’

Whatever she had thought he might have done, this clearly hadn’t been it. His sister stared at him in shock and surprise for several moments. Then she looked away and let out a huff of air. ‘Did you use protection?’

Nick frowned. ‘Of course we did.’

Zoë nodded. ‘You should tell him.’

‘I know.’ Nick swallowed. ‘That’s what makes everything so hard.’

His sister glanced at him and smiled a half smile. ‘Thanks for being honest with me,’ she said, ruffling his hair gently.

‘He’ll never forgive me,’ said Nick.

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Would you?’ He looked at her. ‘Would you forgive a boyfriend who cheated on you?’

Zoë looked down at her hands. ‘I have, once. But I never trusted him again.’ She looked up at Nick again. ‘But Dave isn’t me. You don’t know how he’ll react. Please, be honest with him.’

Nick nodded. ‘Yeah.’

* * *

Dave received a text at around ten that night.

We need to talk. Jekyll & Hyde tomorrow at five.

Heart pounding, he typed his reply. Okay. See you then. He considered adding an ‘x’ or an ‘I love you’ at the end, but decided against it and pressed send.

He could barely sleep that night, and the next day he was utterly useless in all his lessons. All he could think about was seeing Nick that afternoon. Spring term was nearly over, the Easter Holidays were right around the corner, and if he couldn’t get this sorted out there was a very real chance that he’d flunk his AS-levels.

When he had finished all his lessons, Dave went home to change and then walked to the Jekyll and Hyde. Nick was already there when he arrived, drinking cocoa. Dave ordered himself a cappuccino and sat down opposite him.

‘Hey,’ he said.

Nick stared at him. ‘Hi,’ he said at last. ‘Listen, I—’

‘No, please, let me go first.’ Dave drew a deep breath and sighed. ‘I get it. This, it isn’t about me. I mean, my apology yesterday was terrible, because I acted like you somehow owed me forgiveness or something. And you don’t. It’s totally up to you whether or not you forgive me, I just . . . I just need you to know that I love you, and I miss you, and I want to be with you. If there’s anything you need me to do to show you how incredibly, truly sorry I am, I will.’

Nick licked his lips, took a sip of his cocoa and looked away for a moment. Then he mumbled something.

‘Sorry? I didn’t quite catch that,’ said Dave.

Nick met his eye again. ‘I love you too,’ he said softly, and his eyes glistened with tears. ‘I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I want everything to be like it was.’

‘Me too,’ Dave told him emphatically. ‘I want us to be like we were, and just . . .’ He grabbed Nick’s hand across the table and squeezed it. ‘Can you forgive me for being such a twat?’

Nick gave a small smile. ‘I already have,’ he said.

Dave grinned and kissed his hand. ‘Thank you!’ he said. ‘God, let’s never fight like this again.’

‘Just, there’s something I need to tell you, about Birmingham,’ said Nick, and Dave looked him in the eye again. There was a long pause, during which Nick licked his lips again and a number of emotions seemed to pass over his face.

‘What is it?’ Dave prompted.

Nick shook his head and smiled. ‘It’s nothing. I just missed you. Wish you could have been at the gig. It was pretty epic.’

‘Yeah, Alan told me,’ said Dave with a wide smile. ‘He texted me and told me you were all awesome. But I’ll be there next time, and the one after that. I promise.’

* * *

‘So, Alan told me Dave texted him last night to say you’d forgiven him.’ Matt gave Nick a quizzical look. ‘I take it you didn’t tell him about Birmingham.’

Nick looked away and pretended to be very interested in his lunch.

‘You need to be honest with him,’ Matt pressed. ‘You know that. Don’t you?’

‘Yes, I know.’ Nick sighed heavily. ‘I know, all right? And I will. Just . . . It’s a bad time. I want to hold off until after exams.’

‘That’s months away! The longer you put this off the worse it’s gonna be,’ Matt warned him.

‘Yeah, well, once I tell him the truth Dave is never gonna want to see me again regardless. If I’m gonna break his heart and destroy our relationship, the least I can do is make sure I don’t also distract him from his exams.’

‘And what about you? Are you gonna be able to focus with all this shit going on in your head?’

Nick shrugged. ‘Doesn’t matter. I’m probably not gonna complete my A-levels anyway. What would be the point? I’m not interested in going to university.’

Matt cocked his head to one side. ‘Why the fuck not?’

‘Why would I waste time on some degree when I could be playing and writing songs and working on becoming a great musician?’

Matt shrugged. ‘You don’t have to do a degree. You could just go to uni for a year and party. Lots of people do that.’

‘Yeah. And lots of people then end up in student loans debt. I think not.’ Nick looked up at his friend. ‘Look, I know you’re trying to be my friend and help me, but I’ve got this covered. Okay?’

‘All right.’ Matt raised his hands in surrender. ‘Just . . . Don’t put this off too long, okay? There might still be a chance.’

‘No, there isn’t,’ Nick muttered. ‘You know that as well as I do.’