Nemesis: Soulmates Never Die - 10. Chapter Ten: Soulmates

CHAPTER TEN

Soulmates

Matt stretched with a groan and grinned at Nick as they exited W. H. Smith. ‘You know, so many girls have been propositioning me since the Christmas show. Some of them have been quite pretty, too. It’s a shame to have to turn them all down.’

‘You’ve gone completely off the snatch, then?’ Nick asked casually, taking a sip of his cola.

Matt shrugged. ‘I guess. They’ve sort of stopped being interesting.’

Nick glanced sideways at him. Perhaps this was the time. ‘So, can I just ask you . . .’

‘What?’

‘You and Alan. Is there anything going on there?’

Matt stopped and stared at him for a long moment. Then his expression slowly changed to a somewhat guilty looking grin, and he looked away. ‘Maybe,’ he said at last.

Nick shook his head and chuckled. ‘I fucking knew it!’

‘Hey, I didn’t confirm anything!’ said Matt.

‘I already know Alan’s gay,’ Nick pointed out.

‘I know you know. He’s told me everything.’ Matt sighed. ‘We’ve sort of been shagging since May.’

Nick nearly did a spit-take. ‘What? Seriously?’

Matt nodded. ‘It started after a video game night at my place. You guys were there. Alan went out for some air and I followed, and we talked and then I made him admit that he was gay. And I sort of kissed him. Then, after you lot had gone, we . . . Well. You get the picture.’ He grinned.

‘Yeah, no need for detail,’ Nick agreed, and they resumed their walk towards the bus stop. ‘But, weren’t you talking about all the beautiful people in Ibiza? And that friend of yours in Birmingham?’

‘I only snogged a few people in Ibiza,’ Matt confessed. ‘Devon and I shagged, but not the way Alan and I shag, and after that we kind of decided to be exclusive. I dunno what we are, we haven’t put any labels on it. And it’s not like I need any labels, only . . .’

‘Only?’

‘Well, I think Alan is kind of afraid to call me his boyfriend because that means properly admitting once and for all that he’s gay, in a much bigger way. And he’s nowhere near ready to come out, so it would still be a secret. They told me to never date a guy in the closet.’ He sighed again, casting his eyes about as though searching for words. ‘Everything’s just really complicated. I mean, when we started we were really clear on this being just shagging, but then at some point it started to feel like more. And I’m pretty sure he feels that way too, but I have no idea how I can get him to be honest about it.’ They came to a halt at the bus stop.

‘Maybe I can help you somehow,’ Nick suggested.

Matt smiled. ‘That’s very sweet of you, Nick, but in case you haven’t noticed, you and Alan aren’t exactly best pals.’

‘I know that,’ said Nick, as the bus drew up to the kerb. ‘But maybe Dave could talk to him. We’ve sort of been debating this for a while. Now that we know, maybe Dave can ask Alan about it, without letting on that you told me. They’ve been best friends for years.’ They blipped their bus passes and made their way up the stairs to the top deck, where they found two seats in the very front.

‘Well, leave me out of it,’ said Matt as he sat down, gig bag between his legs. ‘If Alan thinks I’ve betrayed his trust I might lose him.’

Nick smiled and put his hand gently on Matt’s arm. ‘You really like him, don’t you?’

‘Well, yeah. What’s not to like? He’s gorgeous, he’s funny, and when you get underneath that gruff exterior of his he can be really sweet and vulnerable, and kind, too. Also, he has a massive cock.’

‘Okay, didn’t actually need to know that,’ said Nick, blinking. ‘Now all I’m gonna be able to think the next time I see him is “he has a massive cock”. Thanks.’

Matt smirked. ‘You are ever so welcome!’ Then his smirk changed to a soft smile. ‘But yeah, no, I . . . I definitely have feelings for him. I really like him, Nick.’

‘Have you tried telling him that?’ Nick asked.

‘And risk scaring him away? No fucking way. Not happening. No, I’m just gonna have to wait for him to come to his senses. In the meantime, at least the sex is great.’

* * *

‘What, they’re actually together?’ Dave blinked a few times. ‘That’s . . . Huh. So, what do you expect me to do with this knowledge?’

Nick shrugged. ‘I dunno, really.’ He sat down on the bed next to his boyfriend. ‘I thought maybe you could talk to Alan or something. Just ask him about it. Don’t let on that you already know, just ask if there’s something between them. I’m sure he’d tell you the truth if you asked him straight out. Maybe you can find out how he really feels about Matt. Convince him that being honest with himself and his partner doesn’t mean he has to come out or anything. I dunno.’

‘Why is this so important to you?’ asked Dave. ‘I mean, they’re our friends and I want them to be happy, but I don’t quite get why you feel the need to get involved.’

Nick looked away, feeling a bit stupid. There was no easy answer to that question—he couldn’t properly explain why it mattered so much even to himself—but he knew he wanted to help Matt and Alan out. He wanted Alan, whom he knew hadn’t had an easy life, to have one good constant thing. And he wanted Matt, who had always slept around, to experience the stability and security of a proper relationship. He didn’t want all that to be ruined because Alan’s internalised homophobia prevented him from being honest about how he felt.

He looked at Dave again and said, ‘I just think they both deserve a bit of happiness and stability. Matt was there for me when I was at my lowest, and Alan is your best friend. I just feel like we owe it to them to help them out.’

Dave nodded. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘I’ll do it. But it’ll have to wait until the weekend, cause I’ve got the dance tomorrow.’

Nick snuggled up to him and lay his head on his shoulder. ‘With Mandira? Is she looking forward to it?’

Dave sniggered. ‘She pretends she’s not bothered, but I can tell she’s really into it. I think it’ll be fun. It’s been weird, though, not being among the most popular,’ he admitted. ‘I’m not an outcast or anything, it seems like people respect me, but . . . I’m not the one they flock around, you know? Especially since I came out.’

‘Congratulations,’ said Nick. ‘You are officially experiencing college like a normal teenager. I’d love to switch places with you . . .’

‘Oh?’

‘Well, since the gig all these people who never even looked at me before have been trying to make friends with me, and it just feels really weird. Like, I don’t understand what they want with me. I try to just be civil and then I make up an excuse to be somewhere else.’

‘Keep going the way you are and you’ll be the most popular boy in school,’ Dave told him.

‘God, I hope not,’ said Nick with a small shudder. ‘It makes me anxious when so many people pay attention to me at once.’ He kissed Dave’s neck. ‘Besides, the only one I want to pay attention to me is you.’

* * *

Dave rang the doorbell to Mandira’s house and was admitted by her mother.

‘Dave! You look very handsome. Very handsome indeed!’ Mrs. Kaur told him and gave him a motherly pat on the cheek. ‘Mandira!’ she called up the stairs. ‘David is here!’

He heard footsteps upstairs, and then Mandira’s voice called, ‘I’m really not sure about this, Mum. Shouldn’t I just wear a regular dress?’

‘Nonsense! You’ll be the prettiest girl there! Now come down!’

Mandira came down the stairs and Dave’s mouth dropped open. She wore a hot pink sari with a simple stylised floral print and gold embroidered border. Her hair was in a long and intricate looking plait with pink and gold ribbons, and her wrists were adorned with several gold bangles. She wore very simple make-up, but since she usually didn’t wear any at all the effect was quite striking. She looked stunning.

She made an embarrassed face. ‘I should just wear a normal dress, shouldn’t I?’ she said.

‘No!’ said Dave at once. ‘No way! Mandi, you look like a princess!’

‘She is a princess,’ said her mother proudly. ‘That’s what “Kaur” means. All sikh women are princesses, and all sikh men are lions.’

‘You really think I look okay?’ Mandira asked Dave, taking the remaining stairs down to meet him.

‘Okay doesn’t cover it,’ said Dave. ‘You’re gorgeous!’

Mandira blushed to match her sari. ‘You’re lucky you’re gay, or I don’t think my mum would let you get away with saying stuff like that.’

‘Don’t be silly, girl,’ said Mrs. Kaur. ‘The boy knows a good thing when he sees it, eh? Now, you look after my daughter! A girl this beautiful, there will be boys out to try and take advantage of her.’

‘No harm will come to her,’ Dave promised. ‘She’ll be just fine and I’ll have her home by eleven.’ He offered Mandira his arm. ‘Well, then, Princess. Shall we?’

* * *

Dave wasn’t surprised that the two of them attracted looks. He knew that he looked good in his dark grey three piece suit and deep green tie, and the colour of Mandira’s sari was definitely an eye catcher.

‘Feels like everyone is staring,’ she whispered.

‘Of course they are. We’re the most attractive people here.’ Dave grinned.

The gymnasium had been decorated with icicles and paper snowflakes and tinsel. A band was playing covers of popular songs and there was a table with snacks, soft drinks and a large bowl of punch which Dave felt sure someone must be planning to spike with vodka during the course of the evening. The girls were all dressed in long gowns or cocktail dresses in fashionable colours, while the boys wore suits, some more elaborate in cut and design than others, or tuxedos.

‘Oh, my god, Mandira, you look stunning!’ said a voice, and they turned to find a girl from their Biology classes, named Yvonne, smiling at them.

‘Oh, thank you!’ said Mandira. ‘You too! Wow, I love that shade of blue on you, it goes so well with your eyes.’

Yvonne’s date was a boy named Russell, whom Dave had spoken to a couple of times but didn’t know very well. They shook hands, and a few minutes of small talk ensued.

‘Do you want something to drink?’ Dave asked Mandira after a little while.

‘Ooh, yes please. Get me some punch before someone spikes it?’

Dave laughed and said that he would, and then he made his way through the crowd to the snacks and drinks table. Once there, he found himself face to face with Patrick, the boy he had come out to not many weeks ago.

‘Oh, you’re here,’ said Patrick, as though this surprised him. ‘Did you bring your boyfriend?’

Dave rolled his eyes and filled two plastic cups with punch. ‘No,’ he said as patiently as he could. ‘I’m here with Mandira.’

‘Ah.’ Patrick nodded knowingly. ‘The hag.’

Dave stood up straight with one punch cup in each hand. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Isn’t that what it’s called when a girl is in love with a gay guy? A fag hag?’

Dave glared at him. ‘Do not call Mandi a fag hag! She’s my friend.’

‘It’s what everyone’s calling her,’ said Patrick with a shrug. Then he studied Dave’s face intently and licked his lips. ‘So, if your boyfriend isn’t here . . .’ He stepped a bit closer. ‘Wanna hang out a bit later, maybe?’

Dave blinked and just stared at him for several long seconds. What was up with this guy? He went from being antagonistic to friendly to flirty in the blink of an eye. Dave wouldn’t have pegged him for gay even for a second, but then he never had been the best judge for these things.

‘Are you having me on?’ he asked. ‘Or are you fucking serious? If you are, you can forget it. I’m not that kind of gay. And if you’re just faffing about, you can fuck off as well. I’m fairly certain I can make life pretty uncomfortable for you if I start spreading round the rumour that you’re gay, whether it’s true or not. Excuse me.’ He pushed past him and made his way back to where he’d left Mandira.

She was no longer talking to Yvonne, who appeared to have drifted to the dance floor with Russell. Instead, Evelyn and her little gaggle of girls appeared to be engaging her in conversation. Dave approached cautiously, listening to what they were saying.

‘So, are you here as Dave’s beard, then?’ one of them was saying.

‘No, no, Charlotte,’ said Evelyn. ‘It’s not called a beard when he’s already out. It’s called a fag hag. Get it right.’

‘Oh, sorry Evvie,’ said the girl called Charlotte. ‘How’s it feel, then, Mandira? Knowing that the only date you can get is with a queer guy?’

‘Excuse me,’ said Dave loudly, sidling up next to Mandira and handing her a cup of punch. She was looking down at her feet, but took a sip from the cup when offered. ‘Right, what are we talking about then?’ He turned to Evelyn. ‘Ah, it’s you! Have you come to enlighten us on how to best look like a slag? What do they call that style, Whore Chic?’

Evelyn’s eyes widened and she took a step back, grabbing the hem of her dress which, truth be told, was far too short of the occasion of a dance.

‘If I hear that either of you have been calling my best friend a fag hag or any other names, I’m gonna make things pretty fucking difficult for you. I’ll forgive your ignorance, but you should know that you’re talking to a princess. You’re not even fit to lick the bottom of her shoes. Now, fuck off!’

They did, turning and walking away as quickly as their kitten heels would allow. Dave turned to Mandira.

‘You all right?’

She shrugged. ‘I guess. It’s no big deal.’

‘Mandi, have people been bullying you over me?’ Dave asked seriously. ‘Be honest with me.’

‘I wouldn’t call it bullying,’ said Mandira evasively. ‘But I guess they’ve been giving me a hard time lately. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. It’s just Evelyn and her clique, and I don’t care one bit about them.’

‘Good. You shouldn’t. You’re so much better than those slags, it’s like you’re not even the same species. No one gets to call you a fag hag but me. All right?’

She smiled. ‘Yeah.’

‘All right. Now, finish your punch, and we’ll go out there and bust a move to put them all to shame. Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Mandira grinned. ‘You know, I wouldn’t trade our friendship for their approval. Not ever.’

Dave returned her grin. ‘Good. I’d hate to miss out on your mum’s cooking. Come on, Princess.’

He took her hand and pulled her out onto the dance floor. ‘So, do you still think the patriarchy is to blame for these girls’ bitchiness?’ he asked.

Mandira seemed to consider for a few moments. ‘On a statistical, wide-spread societal basis? Yes. Individually . . . Maybe not every time. I guess some people are just bitches.’

* * *

Snow had begun falling outside and Dave put on a hat and gloves to walk the ten minutes to Alan’s house. It wasn’t terribly cold yet, but it was certainly cold enough. When he reached his destination, his friend was already waiting outside, and he had his little sister in tow.

‘My dad’s in a bit of a mood,’ Alan told Dave quietly. ‘And mum’s working. I didn’t want to leave her alone with him . . . Is it all right if she comes along?’

Dave bit his lip. It would be harder to talk to Alan with Susanne around, but he couldn’t exactly say no either.

‘Sure,’ he said after a moment. ‘We can go to the park for a bit or something.’

As it was a Saturday, there would usually be people about, but the snow kept them indoors or, Dave supposed, in one of the three pubs. The Red Lion (and didn’t all towns have a pub called The Red Lion or The White Horse or something along those lines?) was a traditional sort of pub, usually frequented by those over forty, and ale snobs. The Cock & Bull showed football and rugby and was where Windfield Green’s sports fans gathered on match days. The Jekyll & Hyde had more of a youth profile, and also lately—since the new owners had taken over the previous summer—served as an espresso bar in the daytime.

Once Susanne was busy on the swing set (the snow was not yet in any way deep enough to play in) and Dave and Alan had sat down on a park bench, Dave began to wonder how to broach the subject. He hadn’t really given much thought to how he would actually ask. Now he glanced at Alan, who was watching his sister play with a gentle smile on his face, and he felt suddenly extremely nervous.

‘Alan,’ he began, uncertain of how to proceed. His best friend looked at him questioningly. Oh, well. In for a penny, in for a pound. ‘Is there something going on between you and Matt?’

Alan’s eyes widened comically, and he looked around as though he expected someone to be listening in. The park was completely empty aside from the three of them, however, and they were far enough away from the swings that Susanne wouldn’t be able to hear them over he creak of the swing set.

Alan cleared his throat. ‘Why are you asking?’

‘I’ve just noticed—I mean, you didn’t use to like him at all, and now you’re hanging out a lot . . . I dunno. Gut feeling?’

Alan sighed and looked down at his hands. He wasn’t wearing gloves, and they were already starting to look a bit red. He put them in his pockets and surveyed the playground. ‘We’ve been . . . I guess, doing it. For a while.’ His cheeks flushed red and he darted a glance at Dave, who found himself smiling.

‘Good for you. It’s about time you got some,’ said Dave, bumping Alan’s shoulder with his own. ‘How long?’

‘Since May?’ Alan’s fearful expression slowly shifted into a nervous grin. ‘A pretty long while.’

‘Is it serious?’ asked Dave.

Alan drew a deep breath and blew it out again from between puffed up cheeks. ‘I don’t know. I . . . I like him. I guess. He made me sort of face the fact that I’m—’ He cut himself off, like he didn’t really want to say it. ‘I don’t want to come out yet. I can’t, as long as there’s a chance it’ll get back to my dad. He thinks I’ve got a girlfriend or three. It feels sort of unfair to make Matt commit to someone who’s still in the closet.’ He smiled a half smile. ‘His parents know. I’m over there most nights, now. They know Matt likes guys so they must know we’re shagging. They’re nice people, though. Liberal, I guess you could say.’

‘What about Matt?’

‘What about him?’

‘How does he feel about all this? You say it would feel unfair to make him commit, but does he want to do that?’

‘I have no idea. I mean, we sort of agreed to not shag anyone else. And he said that I’m . . . special. That I mean something to him. But I dunno if that just means he likes what we do, or that he actually has feelings for me.’

‘Maybe he’s afraid he’ll scare you away. Maybe he thinks that if he’s honest about how he feels about you you’ll be intimidated and run away from it. Maybe he thinks you’ll think it’s too gay to have a boyfriend.’

‘I don’t think that!’ said Alan at once. ‘God, in so many ways, I owe Matt everything. He’s made me accept myself and what I am. He’s made me feel comfortable with these feelings. I still have a long way to go, but it’s like he’s fixing me. With every—every kiss, and touch and—‘ Alan blushed furiously, ‘—it’s like I get a little more—a little closer to—God, I don’t even know.’

‘Whole?’ Dave supplied.

‘Yeah.’ Alan looked at him and his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. ‘Whole.’

‘Then why don’t you tell him that?’

‘Because what if he doesn’t feel that way about me? What if I lose the only thing that—that makes life fucking bearable?’

Dave sighed and grimaced. This felt so dishonest and underhanded. But Nick was right. Matt was too stubborn and Alan too afraid for them to do this on their own. They needed a push. ‘Maybe . . . Maybe I could find out?’ he said. ‘Maybe Nick could talk to Matt. Find out how he feels.’

Alan shook his head. ‘God, I’m not even sure I want to know . . . Just don’t involve me, yeah? I mean, I’m not asking you to do this. If . . . If you do, it’s by your own volition.’

Susanne jumped off the swing set and came running towards them, long dark curls bouncing under her big, woolly hat.

‘Alan, I’m cold!’ she complained.

‘Yeah, me too,’ Alan replied.

‘How about we all go to Jekyll & Hyde for a cocoa or a cup of tea?’ Dave suggested. ‘My treat. Since I dragged you guys out in the snow anyway.’

‘Yay! Cocoa!’ said Susanne excitedly.

‘Yeah, maybe even a pie, if you’re nice,’ said Dave, ignoring Alan’s look—he hated it when Dave treated him to things and he couldn’t return the favour—and stood. ‘Come on.’

Dave and Alan took Susanne by one hand each, and as they walked towards the pub Dave smiled to himself. He was very sure that both Alan and Matt would be very happy very soon.

* * *

Nick answered his phone as soon as he felt it buzz in his pocket. ‘How did it go?’ he asked.

Dave laughed on the other end of the line. ‘Yes, hello to you too, love,’ he said. ‘Well, Alan said that he definitely likes Matt and would like to have a relationship with him, but he’s afraid to let him know because he doesn’t know how Matt feels. So, pretty much what you suspected.’

Nick rolled his eyes and poured hot water in his teacup. ‘What did you tell him?’

‘I told him I could try and find out how Matt feels about him. Which we already know, so . . . I dunno. Your move, I guess.’

‘You are the best!’ said Nick. ‘I’m pretty sure if I just tell Matt what Alan said to you the rest will sort itself out. Are you coming over?’

‘Yeah, I’m on my way. Just walked Alan and his sister home. I’ll be there in five.’

‘Ooh, I’ll make another cup of tea, then,’ said Nick. ‘See you soon!’

He hung up the phone and grinned. He pictured double dates with Alan and Matt. Maybe Chas and Ellie, too, if Ellie could stand being around so many guys. Hopefully now they could all be happy, together.

I posted another Hubris story. The one about Craig this time. Please check it out, but take care to heed the warning posted in the chapter note. It's a good opportunity to read Alan and Matt's stories as well, if you've missed them.