Nemesis: Soulmates Never Die - 4. Chapter Four: For What It's Worth

CHAPTER FOUR

For What It's Worth

‘How about a D-minor thing with, like, a Dorian modal feel to it? Like this.’ Nick played a D-minor chord followed by an F and a G.

‘I dunno, sounds a bit folky, doesn’t it?’ said Stuart. ‘Can’t we at least jazz it up a bit with a D-minor seven instead of the F, or maybe an F-major seven?’

‘No, but see, then Matt plays a bass-line that goes like this.’ Nick played a melody, and Stuart nodded his head but still looked unconvinced.

‘How about we look a bit more at this thing next time?’ Matt suggested, yawning. ‘It’s getting late and I’m getting hungry.’

‘If you guys want, there’s a pizza place just up the road,’ said Stuart. ‘It’s cheap and tasty, and it’s right by the next bus stop.’

Nick and Matt looked at each other.

‘Yeah, why not?’ said Matt.

‘I just have to call Zoë and let her know,’ said Nick.

While the other two began packing up their instruments and chord sheets, Nick pulled his mobile out of his pocket. His sister answered almost at once. ‘Hey, Zoë. The guys wanna go out for pizza. Do you mind?’

‘Course not!’ she replied. ‘Go right ahead. Just don’t be home too late, okay?’

‘Nah, it’s just pizza. I’ll see you later.’ He hung up and unplugged his Telecaster to put it in its case.

The pizza shop wasn’t far, so they walked the whole way. Once there they ordered an enormous thing with meatballs, and three large colas. They sat down at a table by the window while they waited for their food.

‘So, are we writing songs together now?’ asked Matt. ‘Cause, I mean, we’ve come up with some cool stuff. Feels like we should make something of it, and if we’re writing songs together, then we’re a band. In which case we need a name.’

‘Ah, so that’s what you were getting at,’ said Nick, grinning. ‘Yeah, I guess we are a band now. I mean, we’ve been jamming for weeks and we haven’t tried to kill each other yet.’

‘So, what should we be called?’ asked Stuart.

Matt laughed. ‘I always wanted to have a band called Your Mother. You know, so people could say, “I saw Your Mother last night, it was epic” or “Your Mother was rocking” or “Your Mother was on fire”. The puns are fucking endless!’

‘I still think The Nickelodeons would be awesome,’ said Nick, and Matt poked him hard in the shoulder. ‘Ow!’

‘Well,’ said Stuart, ‘there’s a certain amount of precedent for combining band members’ names and stuff. Just a letter or two.’

‘What, MNS?’ said Matt, skeptically.

‘Or StNiMa.’ Nick laughed. ‘NiMaSt? MaNiSt?’

‘SNM would be a pretty cool band name, I’ll grant you,’ said Matt. ‘But it could fuck things up if one of us leaves or someone else joins. It was pretty pathetic when Triple J became Union J, and the fourth guy’s name didn’t even start with the right letter. I mean, more pathetic than they were to begin with.’

‘True,’ Stuart acknowledged with a nod.

‘How about The Oxymorons?’ said Nick. ‘I mean, we’ve got the proud English tradition of self-deprecative puns by sort of implying that we’re morons, while at the same time it points out that we’re different and we have different influences that could seem contradictory but aren’t. You know?’

Matt looked thoughtful. ‘You know, I don’t hate that.’

‘Me neither,’ said Stuart. ‘We can go with that for now, anyway. If we come up with something better, we’ll just change. Ooh, pizza’s done.’ He got up to fetch it.

* * *

‘You doing anything this weekend?’ asked Nick when he and Matt were on the bus back towards Windfield. ‘Dave and I were thinking of maybe getting some people together and hanging out at my place. Food and movies or something.’

‘Sorry, can’t,’ said Matt. ‘I’m going up to Birmingham for the weekend. Seeing a gig at the Roadhouse on Friday, this band I kind of used to know are playing. And then I’m staying with my friend Devon, probably. Haven’t seen him in ages.’ Matt leaned back in his seat with his hands behind his head. ‘He has really good hands, if you know what I mean.’

Nick breathed a short laugh and shook his head. ‘So it’ll be that kind of weekend, then.’

Though he had dismissed it at the time, he’d been nursing a suspicion that Matt had something going with Alan ever since Dave’s birthday. The two of them had seemed a lot closer lately than they had last year. Dave had informed Nick that Alan had disliked Matt from the word go. He had found him arrogant and self-centred, and this had not improved at all when he had attended Matt’s birthday party and Matt had tried to kiss him during spin-the-bottle.

It had come as no surprise to Nick to find out that Alan was gay. His homophobia, and his blatant need to disassociate himself from anything even remotely gay, had pretty much convinced Nick a long time ago. But as far as he had come, Alan was in no way ready to come out yet. That much was clear. Could it be that he had come out to Matt anyway?

If Matt was going off to shag some other bloke this weekend, perhaps not. Still, Nick wasn’t at all certain that Matt was even capable of being monogamous, even if he had told him once that he’d shag girls but fall for guys. But then he thought of the way he and Alan had looked together when they left Dave’s birthday party, and Nick thought that if anyone could tame either of them it was the other.

‘What you thinking about?’ said Matt, nudging Nick’s knee with his boot.

‘Nothing,’ said Nick. ‘Just the band. I think we’re gonna be pretty awesome, don’t you?’

‘Yeah. If Stu can get his head out of his arse and start treating us like equals instead of underlings.’

‘Oh, I don’t think Stuart sees anyone as his equal.’ Nick laughed. ‘But he’s mellowed out a bit. We’ll make people of him yet.’

* * *

Nick sat down on his bed and dialled Dave’s number. He glanced at his watch and winced when he realised that it was already half ten.

Dave answered after only a couple of rings. ‘Hey. What have you been up to all evening?’

‘I went out for pizza with the guys after practice. It was nice.’

‘You see more of those guys these days than you do me,’ Dave grumbled.

‘Well, you should have thought of that before you decided to go to Dorcrest instead of Sapswell,’ said Nick and instantly regretted it. He had promised himself not to make Dave feel guilty about his choice. He understood why he’d made it, and he didn’t want to hold his boyfriend back from the things he wanted to do. Nick cleared his throat. ‘Anyway, we came up with a name for the band. Wanna hear it?’

‘Go on, then.’

‘The Oxymorons!’ Nick announced excitedly. ‘You like?’

‘Interesting choice. Whose idea was it?’

‘Mine!’ said Nick defensively. ‘Why, don’t you like it?’

‘Hm . . . I think I’ll need to get used to it first. But then, if you think about it, all band names sound pretty stupid before they’re famous, don’t they?’

‘You think it sounds stupid?’

‘No, that’s not what I meant—’

‘I know, I was just joshing you.’ Nick chuckled. ‘So, we’re on for this weekend?’

‘Yeah, course. Did you find anyone who wanted to join?’

‘Well, I asked Matt, and he’s going to Birmingham, so I’m starting to think maybe it should just be the two of us. I mean, we could invite Chas and Ellie, but I’m not sure Alan would be comfortable hanging out with two couples. I don’t think he’d be comfortable hanging out with just the two of us either, to be honest. And we can’t invite Chas and not Alan.’

‘I think you’re overthinking this,’ said Dave. ‘It’s sweet, though, the way you want everyone to be comfortable. We can do just the two of us. It’ll be really nice to just spend some time together. Feels like we’re both so busy now. It’s like being back in the days of secrecy, only without the daily snog behind the bike shed.’

Nick laughed. ‘Yeah. Good times. So, you’ll come over tomorrow, then, and just stay the whole weekend?’

‘Yeah, sounds good.’

‘Awesome! See you then!’ Nick hung up.

There came a knock on his door.

‘Yeah?’

‘Hey.’ Zoë stepped inside his room. She was changed for bed. ‘So, what’s happening? Am I to expect a house full of teenagers for the weekend?’

Nick smiled. ‘Nah, just me and Dave. We see so little of each other now, so . . .’

‘How’s he doing at Dorcrest?’ Zoë asked, leaning against the door jamb.

Nick shrugged. ‘All right, I think. He’s made friends with some Indian girl. I dunno, ask him yourself tomorrow. Do you mind if I play guitar for a little bit before bed?’

‘Just until eleven,’ Zoë told him sternly. Then she smiled. ‘Night, little brother.’

‘Night!’

Nick picked up his Ibanez and sat on the floor, legs crossed underneath him. He tuned it, and strummed a few chords. Then he tried the D-minor seven, and the F major seven, following it with a G. He replaced the G with a G seven. Now it sounded like a completely different tune. He went back to the chords he had originally had in mind, and hummed a melody over it. It would sound great with a violin, or maybe a piano bit. He sighed and kept playing.

Then he remembered the song he had written nearly a year previously, back when he’d been pining for Dave and they weren’t even friends yet. After the park.

He played it, just as he’d written it back then, stumbling over a few of the words. He wondered if it would be possible to turn it into a rock song. He vowed to bring it to their next rehearsal and see what the others thought. He’d need to make a chord sheet for it.

Nick got ready for bed and lay down under the covers. He texted Dave good night, and then he lay there in the darkness for a long time, fantasising about standing on a big stage with his Telecaster and a microphone, with Matt on the bass and Stuart behind the drum kit, wowing thousands with words that he had written, until sleep claimed him.

* * *

Dave hung up with a sigh. He felt strangely jealous of Matt and Stuart. Not because he thought Nick would cheat on him or anything. Matt had grown to be Nick’s closest friend, and Nick absolutely deserved that. And he couldn’t really see Nick with Stuart. They were insanely different people, and in many ways he didn’t think they even spoke the same language. Not to mention that Stuart didn’t really strike him as gay.

But it bothered him that Nick spent so much more time with those guys than he did with him. Dave missed his boyfriend. He missed seeing him every day and kissing him in secret places. He missed looking forward to going to school because Nick would be there. And he knew this was his own fault. Of course he knew that. He could have defied his parents. He could have gone to Sapswell anyway. But the prospect of a good science education, so he could get into a top tier university and become a great doctor, had seduced him, and he had put that first. It was the rational thing to do, of course, but still. He couldn’t say he didn’t sometimes regret his decision.

He got up and walked down the stairs. The door to his father’s study was closed, which meant he was in there, working. He could hear sounds from the telly in the sitting room, so he went inside. His mother was sitting in the sofa in her dressing gown and slippers, watching Sky. Dave sat down next to her and she glanced sideways at him.

‘Have you finished all your homework?’ she asked.

‘Of course,’ said Dave, rolling his eyes. He stared at the television screen for a little while, without really registering what was on there. ‘Mum?’ he said finally.

‘Mm?’

‘Just thought you might like to know that I’m spending the weekend at Nick’s place.’

‘Hm.’ Abigail Thompson frowned. ‘All right. Do what you like.’

‘Thanks.’ Dave sighed. ‘You know, I wish you’d stop acting like this is something I’m doing to hurt you. It really has nothing to do with you.’

His mother pursed her lips. Then she looked at him again. ‘I know that,’ she said softly. ‘That doesn’t mean I have to like it.’

‘No,’ said Dave. ‘But you should accept it.’ He stood up. ‘Good night, Mum.’

The approval of others wasn’t really something Dave had ever worked for. When he was younger it had just sort of seemed to come naturally from his peers. He had always been the kind of person that other people liked and gravitated towards. Attractive, confident, and intelligent. At home had been a different matter, however. He wasn’t sure if his parents had ever really liked him, though they had occasionally expressed pride in him, and he had longed for more of that. As he grew older, it became harder to obtain, though. Their expectations became higher, especially his father’s, and approval became hard to come by. Looking back, Dave thought it was a wonder he had turned out as well adjusted as he had, really.

He crawled into bed with a science magazine and had dozed off when a text buzzed in on his mobile.

Good night. x

Dave smiled. This, at least, he could count on. He wrote back:

Night, babe. x

Then he took off his reading glasses, put out the light, and went to sleep.

* * *

Nick opened the front door and pulled Dave inside, hugging him.

‘Mm, you smell good,’ he murmured.

Dave chuckled. ‘Thank you. I’ve missed you.’ He dropped his bag and put his arms around Nick, pulling him in even closer. Long hugs was, perhaps, one of the things he missed the most.

He heard someone clear their throat and he let go of Nick, taking a step back.

‘Hi, Dave,’ said Zoë with a smile. ‘Good to see you again.’ She hugged him. ‘Keeping well?’

‘Yeah,’ said Dave, smiling back. ‘Not bad. How are things at the library?’

‘Ugh, don’t talk to me about the library,’ said Zoë, waving her hand dismissively. ‘I’m getting so sick of that place. So, do you guys need anything, or shall I just go up to my room and pretend I don’t exist?’

‘No!’ said Dave. ‘Help us out with the tuna pasta bake and watch a movie with us!’

‘Yeah,’ Nick chimed in. ‘It’ll be fun!’

The three of them cooked together, making a bit of a mess that Zoë quickly and efficiently cleaned up, and then they sat down in the sitting room to eat and watch the movie. Nick had picked out The Fifth Element, which was one of his favourites. They did more talking than watching, however, Zoë eager to hear what Dave had been up to at college, much to Nick’s (rather amusing) irritation.

‘All right, seriously, you guys at least have to shut up during the Diva song cause that’s the best part of the movie,’ he grumbled when yet another of Bruce Willis’s one liners was drowned out by Dave and Zoë’s chatter.

‘We promise,’ said Dave and kissed Nick’s temple. They mostly kept that promise.

When the movie was done, they cleared away dinner and Zoë excused herself and retreated to her bedroom to read. Nick and Dave got halfway through Spider-Man before they forgot to watch in favour of kissing. When their snogging started to involve quite a bit of touching, they decided they too had better go somewhere more private, and switched the TV off.

Dave made short work of Nick’s clothes, attacking his throat with his lips and teeth. He had missed being near Nick, missed having him this close all the time. That made it hard to hold back, and he took charge now, pushing Nick down on the bed. The sounds Nick made when Dave kissed and licked a trail between his nipples, his little moans and gasps and whimpers, made Dave desperately hard. He needed to be closer.

It had taken a while for Nick to get comfortable with the idea of doing it this way around. Now he encouraged Dave, rocking his hips against him and seeking friction. They had gotten rather a bit better at this since they started out in the spring, and now Nick lay back, biting his lip and breathing heavily while Dave prepped him. When he pushed inside, Nick uttered a breathy, ‘Fuck . . .’ and arched his back. Dave leaned forward and kissed him, swallowing his moans, and started working his hips. Being inside him like this, being this close . . . It was the best feeling in the world. They moved as one and Nick had one hand in his hair, pulling slightly, the other at his shoulder, fingers digging into flesh.

Dave came first, and then he finished Nick off with his mouth, relishing in the response he got. Nick was very close already. It didn’t take very long.

‘God,’ Nick gasped. ‘I’ve missed this . . . When was the last time, your birthday?’

Dave nodded. He was pretty sure it had been precisely that long. They just never really felt like they had the time needed. Usually, when they saw each other in the evenings, they would get off using their hands or mouths only, whereas all spring and summer they had experimented, tried out new things, failed at a lot of them (the most porny ones) and laughed at themselves. Now everything felt so rushed, most of the time. And that upped the intensity in many ways, but Dave frequently missed taking his time, watching Nick for his reaction when he tried out new things on him. Watching him fall apart when he managed to do them right. It had soon become very clear that they both preferred it this way around, though they still switched it up occasionally, most memorably on Dave’s aforementioned birthday.

They curled up under the duvet together. Nick’s bed wasn’t very wide, but then they almost always spooned when they slept anyway. Dave was the big spoon, and stroked Nick’s hair gently. ‘I love you,’ he whispered in his ear.

‘I love you, too,’ Nick replied sleepily. ‘Tomorrow, I’m gonna wake you up with the blow-job to trump all blow-jobs.’ The promise made Dave’s dick twitch a little, even though he’d only just come. ‘I felt that,’ Nick murmured. ‘You’ll have to wait until tomorrow, though. ’M sleepy.’

‘Good night, babe,’ said Dave softly.

‘Night.’

* * *

When Dave woke up it was still utterly dark outside and he wasn’t certain at first what had woken him up, but then he felt a shudder next to him, followed by a distinct sob, and he put his arms protectively around his boyfriend.

‘Hey,’ he murmured. ‘You okay?’ He shook him gently. ‘Hey, wake up, babe. Come on.’

Nick drew a sharp breath and then opened his eyes. They gleamed wet with tears in the darkness of the room. He let the breath out, shakily, and buried his face in the space between Dave’s shoulder and the hollow of his throat. Dave stroked his back soothingly and kissed the top of his head several times.

When Nick had calmed a bit, Dave asked him again, ‘Are you okay?’

Nick nodded. ‘Yeah. Thanks.’

‘Did you . . . Did you have a nightmare?’ Dave didn’t quite finish the question. He had intended to ask if Nick had had a nightmare about Craig, but he wasn’t sure how to phrase it. Nick seemed to understand what he was asking, though, and nodded again.

‘I wish they’d stop.’ He sniffed, and swallowed. ‘I wish they’d just stop . . .’

‘Do you still get them often?’

‘Yeah.’ Nick sighed, and pulled his head back a bit so he could look at Dave. ‘It’s better with you here, though. I think . . . Knowing that he’s out there, even if he’s not allowed to come anywhere near me at the moment, it just . . . It’s like my brain doesn’t accept that he’s not gonna come back here and hurt me again.’

Dave nodded. He thought he could understand that. ‘Have you heard anything from the CPS?’

‘Well, they’re gonna try him in the Crown Court. They just haven’t set a date yet. There’s a bit of a backlog, I think.’ Nick sighed again and curled up with his forehead against Dave’s chest. ‘It’ll be better once they do. I’m sure of it.’

‘I hope so,’ Dave murmured. He hugged Nick close and kissed the top of his head again. ‘Come on, love. Try to go back to sleep.’

‘Mm.’ Nick sounded half asleep again already.

It was much better than it had been, Dave reasoned as he listened to Nick drifting off to sleep once more. A few months ago it would have taken Nick a good half hour before he was even coherent after one of those nightmares. It worried him that they were still so frequent, though. He hoped the justice system would get its arse in gear and schedule that court date soon. If anything could help Nick, it was that.