Nemesis: Soulmates Never Die - 9. Chapter Nine: I'll Be Yours

CHAPTER NINE

I'll Be Yours

Nick snuggled up close to his boyfriend and buried his nose in his sparsely growing chest hair. He breathed in the scent of musk and sex.

‘I can’t believe they’re letting us play two songs based on just a recording,’ he murmured.

Dave chuckled softly. ‘I love how this is what you focus on. Not the fact that we won the case, but the fact that your band is playing two songs at a Christmas show.’ He kissed the top of Nick’s head. ‘The human mind . . . Very pragmatic.’

It might have sounded condescending, but Nick knew that Dave wasn’t mocking him. His tone of voice was far closer to admiration.

Finding out that the jury had found Craig guilty had lifted an enormous weight off Nick’s shoulders. Suddenly, he had felt such massive relief that he could hardly describe it, and for a moment everything had seemed possible. Craig had been sentenced to five years, which was a fair amount for a solitary incident. Knowing that he was going away for such a long time made Nick feel impossibly free. Better still, Nick had been granted £11,000 in compensation. That was money that would definitely come in handy when he turned eighteen.

Now that Craig was gone and all this was over, though, it was the last thing he wanted to think about. He hoped that he could finally put it all out of his mind, and maybe even get a decent night’s sleep without having to have Dave babysit him. No, he would rather concentrate on his band and their gig and Dave, and just live his life.

Nick sighed, and Dave laughed. ‘That tickles, when you breathe on my chest hair like that.’

Nick pulled away slightly so he could look up at Dave’s face. ‘You will come, won’t you? To the show?’

Dave smiled and kissed him on the nose. ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world.’

* * *

Neither, as it turned out, would Mandira’s family. When she had informed her parents of the show and asked if she could go, they had immediately decided that they should all go together. She told Dave this over lunch one day about a week before the show.

‘That’s cool,’ said Dave with a shrug. ‘The more the merrier. Actually, that saves Zoë the trouble of giving you a lift home after.’

‘She wouldn’t have had to do that,’ said Mandira.

‘No, but she would have insisted,’ Dave told her. ‘That’s the sort of nice person she is.’

Mandira smiled. ‘She’s kind of like a sister to you, too, isn’t she?’

‘Yeah, I guess she is by now.’ Dave shrugged. ‘There are some things you can’t go through without getting closer to people. This whole thing with the trial and everything . . . Also, I’ve been over there so much.’

Dave hadn’t told Mandira everything about what had happened the previous Easter. He didn’t feel like it was his story to tell. But he’d told her enough. She had appeared almost as happy as he had felt when he’d informed her that Craig had been convicted and sentenced to five years in prison. He personally felt that prison was too good for the bastard—that he should be chemically castrated and locked away for the rest of his miserable life—but you can’t have everything. At least Nick seemed much easier now.

‘So, how about this dance in two weeks?’ Dave asked, changing the subject. ‘Are you going?’

‘If my parents will let me.’ Mandira shrugged one shoulder and took a bite of her lasagna. ‘I mean, I’m not much of a dancer, but it sounds like a fun social thing anyway.’

‘How about we go together?’ Dave suggested with a smile. ‘I mean, I don’t even know if I’m allowed to ask an outsider and even if I can Nick probably wouldn’t want to go. But you and I could go as friends. Maybe we could even dance a bit. What do you say?’

‘Well, they’ll definitely let me if I go with you.’ Mandira grinned. ‘Yeah, why not? If nothing else, I’ll be there with the handsomest boy in school, even if he is queer. Most of the girls and a some of the guys will wish they were me!’ she said dramatically and laughed.

* * *

‘I can’t stop to think. I can’t stop to ease the pain. You don’t know I exist—’ Nick cut himself off and stopped playing. ‘No, stop. Stop!’

Stuart sighed exasperatedly and put the drumsticks down. ‘What is it now?’

‘That break before “you don’t know I exist” still isn’t right, it’s—it just sounds wrong, it throws me off. We need to do it over.’ Nick bit his lip. ‘Fuck, you guys, we just, we have to get this right! We’ve got less than a week to go and—’

‘All right, calm your tits!’ said Matt.

‘Sorry. I need some air.’ Nick pulled off his guitar, leaning it against the amp, and left the room. Before the door slammed shut behind him he heard Stuart mutter something about ‘diva’.

The cool December air hit him as he stepped outside, making him shiver. He wrapped his arms around himself. At the very least the cold seemed to calm his brain, though. He closed his eyes and leaned against the brick wall of the building, taking a deep breath in an attempt to restore his equilibrium.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling this nervous before. Not even before the trial, though in truth he might have blocked a lot of that out. Now he just felt lost. He leaned his head back against the cold brick and let out the breath he hadn’t realised he’s been holding. Perhaps Stuart was right. Perhaps he really was a diva.

The door next to him opened and Matt stepped out. Wordlessly he handed Nick his jacket. He lit a cigarette while Nick gratefully put it on, covering his gooseprickled arms.

‘So, what was that all about?’ asked Matt after a few moments.

Nick shook his head. ‘I don’t fucking know . . . I just . . .’ He paused, weighing his words. ‘I am really fucking nervous about this gig,’ he confessed at last. ‘Like, when I think about it I feel like I might throw up kind of nervous.’ He turned his eyes to his friend. ‘I don’t know how I can do this, Matt.’

Matt met his gaze. He seemed to be appraising him, sucking thoughtfully on his cigarette. Then he grinned. ‘You’re not on your own, you silly sod!’ He reached out and ruffled Nick’s hair. ‘You think Stu and I aren’t shitting ourselves? You’ve just got to think that it’ll be worth it. And it will. We’re gonna be awesome, yeah? We can do this, together. We’ll carry you. Okay?’

Nick smiled in spite of himself. ‘Yeah, okay.’

* * *

‘I’m really excited! Are you excited?’ Zoë grinned and grasped the steering wheel tightly while bouncing up and down slightly in her seat.

Dave smiled. ‘Yes, I’m excited. Bit nervous, though . . .’

‘I’m just really excited!’ Zoë repeated. ‘My little brother, on an actual stage! I just know he’s going to be brilliant.’

They turned right into the car park of Sapswell College. Dave stepped out of the car and checked out his surroundings. It looked like a nice place, and he was at once hit by a pang of remorse at the thought that he didn’t actually go here.

They followed the signs past a green, in the middle of which stood a large, mostly leafless tree covered in Christmas lights, towards the entrance of the farthest building.

‘Dave!’ said a voice, and Dave turned his head to see Alan trotting towards him.

‘Oh, hey, Alan! Have you met Zoë?’

‘Not formally, I think,’ said Zoë, and shook Alan’s hand. ‘Nice to properly meet you.’

‘Likewise,’ said Alan with a lopsided smile. ‘Theatre’s through here,’ he told them, and they entered the building.

A sort of café had been set up in the lobby, selling tea, cocoa, mulled wine and an assortment of christmas cakes and biscuits. Christmas decorations and colourful lights hung from the walls and ceiling. Groups of students and parents were standing around with paper cups and napkins, chattering excitedly. Dave couldn’t help but notice that the ethnic demographic was rather more varied at Sapswell than at Dorcrest.

Zoë was looking over at the counter selling hot drinks. ‘Ooh, a cup of tea would do me. Do you want anything, Dave?’

Dave squinted through the crowd. ‘No thanks, I’m fine. Hang on, I think I see Mandira.’ He waved, and she saw him almost at once. She pointed him out to her parents, and soon all three were wading through the throng towards them.

‘There you are!’ she said when she reached him. ‘I’ve been looking.’

‘Glad you made it.’ Dave smiled. ‘Mandi, this is Nick’s sister, Zoë, and my best friend Alan. Guys, this is Mandira, and her parents.’

Hands were shaken and pleasantries exchanged, and then Zoë and Mandira’s parents went to get drinks.

‘Place looks really nice,’ said Mandira, looking around. ‘Do you go here, Alan?’

‘Yeah, but I haven’t got any lessons in this building. This is where all the arts are. Music, drama, visual arts, that sort of stuff.’

‘Oh? What A-levels are you taking, then?’

‘Sociology, Media Studies, English language and Economy. Economy’s dead boring, though, I’ll probably drop it next year.’

‘What is it you want to do, then?’ Mandira asked.

‘I haven’t a bloody clue.’ Alan grinned. ‘I’m just winging it. We’ll see what happens.’

‘Oh, there’s Nick and Matt.’ Dave pointed through the crowd, and waved.

Matt was practically bouncing with nervous energy, but otherwise seemed his normal, confident self. Nick, however, looked very pale. He nevertheless relaxed visibly when Dave put an arm around his shoulder and kissed his temple, melting slightly against his boyfriend.

‘Nick, I want you to meet my friend Mandira. Mandi, this is my boyfriend.’ He knew he was grinning like an idiot and didn’t even care. Even now, he still got a kick out of introducing Nick as his boyfriend.

Mandira smiled and shook Nick’s hand. ‘I’ve heard loads about you,’ she said.

‘I shudder to think.’ Nick returned her smile tentatively. ‘And, likewise. Dave’s said nothing but nice things about you.’

They introduced Matt to her as well, and Dave wondered, while Matt kissed her hand flamboyantly and said something vaguely inappropriate but altogether charming, whether Matt was actually capable of meeting new people without flirting with them, or whether this was some strange, Captain Jack Harknessian compulsion that he had no choice but to follow.

Zoë returned with Mandira’s parents and a cup of tea, and more introductions were taken care of. Mrs. Kaur immediately bombarded Nick with questions, observed that he was terribly skinny and told him that he should come to their house for dinner one day so she could fatten him up a bit. Nick appeared so taken aback by this that Dave was quite sure he momentarily forgot to be nervous.

Her attention then shifted to Matt, whom she asked whether he had any Asian in him, because he did have that sort of nose, to which Matt replied, ‘No, but I used to on occasion.’ Mrs. Kaur thankfully did not appear to get the joke. When the focus shifted from him, Nick began to look a bit pale again, and fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt.

‘How are you feeling?’ Dave asked him softly.

‘I’m okay,’ said Nick, unconvincingly. ‘I mean, I think I might be sick or possibly pass out, but I’m okay.’

Dave took his face in his hands and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs, looking deeply into his grey eyes and said, ‘You will be absolutely brilliant. All you have to do is go up on that stage and be yourself, and they will all love you. Okay?’ Then he kissed him on the lips, and felt his boyfriend relax, shoulders dropping and eyes fluttering closed.

When they reluctantly pulled away from each other, Nick let out a deep breath. ‘Yeah,’ he murmured. ‘I’ll be fine. We should probably go get ready. We’re not on until the end, though. We’re not dead last, but almost.’

‘Okay. Go warm up, try to relax, and then go out there and have fun, yeah?’ Dave smiled and stroked Nick’s shoulders. ‘You’re amazing and I love you.’

Nick smiled. Then he hugged his sister, and he and Matt disappeared up a staircase.

Mandira was at Dave’s side almost immediately. ‘Oh, my God, you guys are so cute together!’ she gushed.

Dave smirked and cocked his left eyebrow. ‘Your inner fag hag is showing,’ he teased, and she slapped him on the arm in mock offence.

The crowd began to shift slowly towards the entrance of the theatre.

‘I think we’d better go inside,’ said Zoë. ‘Everyone ready?’

The theatre, as it turned out, could fit rather a lot of people. They all sat down on the seventh row, and Dave had a look around while more and more people filed in and took their seats. He knew Sapswell was a big college, but it hadn’t occurred to him just how many students actually went there before now. He recognised quite a few people, and exchanged waves and nods with some of them. Julianne, Linda’s old best friend, in whose living room Dave and Nick had had a fight that nearly ended in violence more than a year previously, gave him a cold glare and then ignored him.

It felt a bit bizarre, seeing all these people again in a new setting, one in which he didn’t actually belong. It made him feel oddly sad. But then he remembered that if he hadn’t ended up at Dorcrest, he would never have met Mandira. That had to count for something.

The ceiling lights dimmed slowly and the curtains parted to reveal a brass ensemble that played Christmas carols. They were followed by a ten minute Christmas comedy play by some of the drama students. There was a string quartet, a dance group, a magic duo, a pop band with a girl singer who had a serious set of lungs (under a serious set of tits), a big band with no less than three singers who performed White Christmas and Santa Baby in wonderfully jazzed up versions, and then the presenter came on stage and said, ‘And now, for the first time ever, Sapswell College’s brand new rock trio, give it up for The Oxymorons!’

Nick, Matt and Stuart came on stage. Nick and Matt plugged in their instruments, and Nick adjusted the microphone stand before saying, ‘Hi, we’re The Oxymorons, and this is Dull.’

Then he began to play, and almost immediately Dave got the distinct feeling he had heard this before, but on an acoustic guitar, without any distortion, on an October afternoon that had been far warmer than it had any right to be. And then Nick began to sing, and a hush fell over the audience as they listened.

‘Waking up has not been the same. I’ve been trying to make a change. Your look left me feeling cold, but I’ll remember it until I grow old.’ Hearing those words again nearly brought tears to Dave’s eyes.

They went into the chorus with an unexpected but wonderful amount of noise, as gritty, distorted bass joined the guitar and Nick sang out with a voice so powerful and strong that even Dave was surprised. He had no idea that Nick’s skinny frame was capable of supporting such thunder. When he sang, ‘You don’t know I exist!’ it was with so much real anguish and desperation that Dave really did feel his eyes well up with tears.

It was a wonderful performance. The song lent itself well to the genre, and was followed by a faster, more up-beat tune, but Dave had a hard time following what it was about. He just kept staring at Nick, whose fringe was now sticking to his sweaty forehead as he sang and played his white telecaster for dear life, and Dave thought that Nick had never looked so gorgeous or so sexy before. This was where he belonged—on a stage with torn jeans and a loose t-shirt, giving everything to the crowd.

When The Oxymorons had finished, they received a standing ovation, and then a choir came on and ended the show with a few traditional carols in untraditional and impressive a cappella arrangements.

When the show was over, Dave felt like he couldn’t get out of the theatre fast enough. He had to see Nick, had to tell him how remarkable he had been. Then his mobile buzzed in his pocket, and when he pulled it out he discovered a single text from Nick saying, I’m outside getting some air.

He found Nick leaning up against the wall outside the entrance, wearing Dave’s leather jacket. Matt was standing next to him, smoking a cigarette, apparently oblivious to the fact that one of his teachers could come by and see him at any time. Stuart was nowhere to be found. A few people had apparently stopped to congratulate them on their fine performance, and Dave watched in amusement for a few moments while Nick accepted their praise with a sort of embarrassed surprise. Then he made his way past them and said, ‘Excuse me, I just need to kiss this boy.’

And he did. He pulled Nick close and delivered a deep and passionate kiss, to which Nick responded with enthusiasm. Then he pulled back slightly, his arms still tight around Nick’s waist, and said, ‘You were amazing. That was so, so good! I seriously cried.’

‘What, don’t I get a kiss?’ said Matt with a smirk.

Dave and Nick looked at each other, and then they both kissed Matt on one cheek each. ‘You were very good too,’ Dave told him.

Then Zoë showed up, and Mandira and her parents, and Alan, and then Matt’s parents, and Chas and Ellie stopped to congratulate Nick and Matt on their way out, and soon everyone started to migrate towards the car park, chattering about the show and laughing and smiling.

Before Mandira and her parents parted ways with them, Mandira’s mother put a hand on Dave’s cheek and told him that Nick was a good boy, she could tell, and to take good care of him.

‘Do you need a lift, Alan?’ Dave asked his best friend when they reached Zoë’s car.

‘No, I’m getting a lift with Matt and his parents. But thanks.’ As the four of them continued on towards Matt’s parents’ Skoda, Nick and Dave stood looking at their retreating backs for several seconds.

‘I still wonder about those two,’ said Nick, pursing his lips.

Dave shook his head. ‘No way, though.’

‘You’ve been wrong before,’ Nick reminded him. ‘I called that he was gay, remember? You didn’t believe me.’

Zoë laughed at them. ‘I’m sure if there’s something between them they’ll let you both know soon enough,’ she said. ‘Now, get in the car, it’s freezing.’

Nick and Dave sat holding hands in the backseat all the way home. Dave couldn’t stop smiling, thinking back on the performance and how incredible Nick had been. He glanced sideways at his boyfriend, who looked very tired but very happy.

‘You know, you really are amazing,’ Dave told him quietly. ‘I knew you could play and I knew you could sing, but I didn’t know you could command an audience like that.’

‘I wasn’t, really,’ Nick protested. ‘I just . . . I pretended there was no one in that audience but you, and then it just sort of stopped being scary.’

‘I’m glad,’ said Dave, and squeezed his hand. ‘You were utterly gorgeous and sexy up there, and everyone could see it. Everyone loved you, and your band. You were wonderful.’

Nick smiled. ‘Thank you,’ he said. Then he rested his head on Dave’s shoulder and sighed happily, and after a short while Dave heard his breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep.