Storms - 13. Michael

I pushed open the door, and saw Daniel in the bathtub. He was crouched down, hugging himself and rocking back and forth. I grabbed a blue terrycloth towel off a hook on the wall and knelt next to the tub. I turned off the shower, draped the towel across his shoulders, and helped him out and onto the floor. Sobbing uncontrollably, he clung desperately to me, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close.

With Daniel naked, I noticed the bruises around his wrists. He seemed otherwise physically unharmed, but the water left in the bottom of the tub was vaguely rust coloured. Was he bleeding from somewhere? I struggled to piece together this puzzle. I had seen him get hurt before. I had seen Julie’s cousin and his friend kick the shit out of him. None of that had affected him like this. This was different. Something really terrible had happened to this boy today.

When he had calmed enough to stand, I guided him out into the bedroom and sat us both down on the sofa. Then I held him, and let him cry.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice was whispering worst case scenarios at me. I didn’t want to believe them. Didn’t want to believe that Daniel had been hurt like that. But as he shook in my arms, the idea that somebody had hurt him sexually took root in my brain. It made me absolutely furious, and I held him tighter.

It took a long while, perhaps as much as half an hour, before Daniel’s sobs ceased. His voice quivered when he spoke, and he cleared his throat. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said hoarsely.

‘What are you sorry for?’ I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice. ‘You have nothing to apologise for!’ I held him even tighter, stroking his back even though he had stopped crying. ‘My God, what did they do to you, Danny?’ The nickname just sort of slipped out, but it seemed to reassure him, and he relaxed in my arms.

‘I . . . I wish I could tell you,’ he said. ‘But I can’t. I just . . . I can’t.’

I released him and held him at arm’s length, studying his face, searching his hazel eyes for some clue. ‘Who is it?’ I asked, not really expecting an answer.

Daniel shook his head and looked away. ‘I can’t,’ he repeated, and I reluctantly decided to let it go for now.

I got up and handed Daniel the pile of clean clothes I’d found for him while he was in the shower. Then, as calmly as I could, I went into the bathroom and gathered up his dirty uniform. I put the clothes in a bin liner, and rinsed the base of the tub.

‘I’ll go put these in the wash for you,’ I said, and left him to get dressed.

I walked down to the laundry room and put Daniel’s clothes in the machine. If I ever found out who had done this to him, who had hurt him like this, that person would suffer. One way or another, I decided, I would make them regret having ever been born. The violence of the sentiment shocked me. I had never been a violent person. But for some reason, the need to protect Daniel seemed to trump that.

When I returned to my room, Daniel was dressed and sitting on the sofa, head bowed and hands folded. My old clothes seemed to fit him okay. The jeans rode low on his hips and the t-shirt was loose at the collar, but they didn’t look catastrophically big.

I sat down next to him. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey,’ he said, not looking at me.

‘So, what would you like to do?’ I asked. ‘I’m not really a console gamer, all of mine are on my PC . . . But we could play something if you like. Or we could watch a movie.’

He shrugged. ‘Whatever you like,’ he said softly.

I turned the TV on and picked out a mindlessly entertaining action film with lots of explosions and practically no plot. Something to distract. I kept glancing sideways at him while we watched, trying to gauge his mental state. He was quiet for most of it, staring straight ahead, though he occasionally smiled at the humorous one-liners.

He must have noticed me watching him, though, because towards the end of the movie he turned his head to meet my gaze and said, ‘I’m okay.’

I sighed and turned my eyes back on the film. ‘Of course you are,’ I said.

* * *

Not too long after the movie had ended, Liz knocked on my door. She stepped inside with a paper take-away bag that smelled delicious.

‘Szechuan, as promised,’ she said, smiling. ‘So, you gonna introduce me now, bear?’

‘Daniel, this is my sister Liz. Lizzie, this is Daniel. We go to school together.’

‘Daniel, is it?’ Liz gave me a significant look that Daniel thankfully seemed to miss. I gave a minute shake of the head, and she said nothing more on the subject.

‘Nice to meet you,’ said Daniel. ‘Thanks for having me.’

‘Well, any friend of Michael’s is a friend of mine,’ said Liz kindly. She handed me the bag. ‘I’ll be working on an article downstairs, but just let me know if you guys need anything, okay?’

‘We’re fine,’ I assured her. ‘I can handle things.’

‘Course you can, bear.’ Liz kissed my cheek (she had to get up on tiptoe to do so; she was by no means short, but I was taller) and left the room again.

‘She seems nice,’ said Daniel when she had closed the door.

‘Yeah, she’s okay. I mean, we get along really well.’ I opened the bag and pulled out two styrofoam containers and plastic cutlery. ‘You hungry?’

‘Not really,’ Daniel admitted. ‘But I guess I should try to eat something.’

We watched another film while we ate, and I tried to make some small talk. I was pleased to see that Daniel ate most of his food, and it stayed down, too.

After that we took turns at a sci-fi role playing game on my computer until it became time for bed, and I began making up the sofa for myself.

‘You have the bed,’ I told Daniel. ‘I’ll kip on the sofa.’

‘I can’t do that,’ said Daniel. ‘It’s your bed, I’ll take the sofa. I don’t want to be any trouble.’

I smiled. ‘It’s no trouble, Daniel. I want you to be comfortable. You can have the bed. It’s really fine.’

‘Well, it’s a big bed,’ Daniel said quickly. ‘We could both sleep in it.’ He looked terrified the moment he had spoken, as if the very idea of sharing a bed with him would make me angry or something, and I found myself wondering, not for the first time, how much shit this kid had been put through that I didn’t even know about.

‘Sure,’ I said, and I felt my heart pound as I said it, because even though my bed was pretty wide, there was no guarantee that we wouldn’t accidentally touch during the night. ‘If you’re comfortable with that, that’s fine with me.’

* * *

I woke up in the darkness of my bedroom to retching noises coming from the bathroom. Getting out of bed, I padded into the bathroom where I found Daniel kneeling before the toilet, vomiting between panicked sobs.

Announcing my presence with a soft, ‘Hey,’ I put my hand on his back and stroked in what I hoped was a soothing manner. ‘Let it out. There, you’re all right. It’s all right.’ I didn’t really know what I was saying. I just knew that I wanted to comfort him. I needed him to know that I was there, and that he was safe with me.

When he had finished, I helped him over to the sink so he could brush his teeth. I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and found a flannel in the cupboard under the sink that I soaked in cold water and proceeded to mop Daniel’s brow, face, and neck with.

‘You okay?’ I asked, and he nodded.

‘Bad dream,’ he mumbled. He seemed to lean into the touch of the cold flannel, and I wanted to pull him into my arms, hold him tight and kiss him.

Instead I helped him back to bed and lay down next to him, draping an arm protectively over him. I stroked his hair and murmured what I hoped were soothing words at him until he fell asleep again. I lay awake for a long time after that, looking at him in the weak light from the crack in the bathroom door. When I was sure that he was sleeping soundly, I let myself fall asleep, too.

* * *

The next morning I woke with Daniel’s lithe form in my arms, and with a raging hard-on. I untangled myself from him as carefully as I could, not wanting to wake him. He made a small sound and rolled over, but stayed asleep. I switched off my alarm, which was set to go off ten minutes later, and went to take a shower and get rid of my problem.

I felt like the worst person in the world. Here was a boy who was bullied daily and now may have also been raped, and I was getting my rocks off thinking about him while he was asleep on the other side of the door. How utterly depraved was I? I kept my lips shut tight as I worked myself, breathing through my nose so I wouldn’t moan out loud when I came. A quiet groan was all that escaped me.

I finished showering, brushed my teeth and pissed, and then I wrapped a towel around my middle and went back out into the bedroom. Daniel was half sitting in my bed, looking blearily at me when I approached.

‘Hey, you’re awake!’ I smiled.

Daniel rubbed his eyes and sat up a little further, yawning. ‘Yeah . . . Morning.’ He looked adorable with sleep in his eyes, his curls all over the place, and once again I wanted to hug him.

‘Good morning.’ To stop myself from staring, I walked over to my closet and started rummaging for clothes. I dropped my towel and pulled on a pair of pants before picking out a t-shirt to wear under my school sweatshirt.

I heard Daniel slide out of the bed behind me. ‘Excuse me,’ he mumbled. I turned to see him heading towards the bathroom.

‘Hey, Dan,’ I said, and he halted, not turning around.

‘Yeah?’

‘Your clothes should be all clean and dry and fluffy. I’ll go get them when I’ve finished dressing, okay?’

‘Yeah. Thanks,’ he said. I saw his hands tighten into fists and then relax again. His voice sounded strained. Nervous. ‘Thank you for . . . For everything.’

I moved closer, against my better judgment. ‘Hey, no worries. I’m . . . I’m just sorry I can’t do more.’ I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. He seemed to jump at the touch, but did not pull away. ‘You feeling okay?’ I asked.

‘Yeah. I’m . . . Yeah. Better.’ He glanced over his shoulder and smiled a sad smile, and my heart melted into a puddle on the floor.

‘You don’t have to be brave, you know,’ I said softly. ‘You’re safe here. I’m your friend.’ I tugged a little at his shoulder, and he turned around to face me. ‘You can lean on me,’ I said, and then I put my arms gently around him and hugged him, not wanting to ever let go. Daniel stood frozen in my embrace for a couple of seconds, but then he returned it, slipping his arms around my middle and hugging me back.

‘Thank you,’ he murmured against my chest, and I hugged him just a little tighter still.

* * *

We walked to school together, and Daniel seemed okay until we could see the building. Then he started to look about him nervously. I wanted to hug him again to reassure him, or take his hand, but someone might have seen.

‘Hey,’ I said instead. ‘It’s all right. I’m looking out for you, okay?’ I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

We ran into Julie at the entrance to the school building.

‘Morning, guys!’ she said sunnily, and gave each of us a one-armed hug. ‘Where’d you get to after PE yesterday, Dan?’ she asked. ‘You never turned up in English.’

‘Wasn’t feeling well,’ Daniel mumbled.

‘Aww, I’m sorry!’ said Julie.

‘I should get to class,’ I said. ‘See you at dinner?’

Daniel nodded.

‘Yeah, see you then,’ said Julie.

I had a hard time focusing on my classes that morning. All I could think about was seeing Daniel again later, and making sure that he was all right. For all I knew the person who had hurt him was in one of his classes.

I was relieved to find him with Julie in the canteen at the break. We ate together, with Amy, Siobhan and Deacon joining us soon after.

When we were dumping our trays, Daniel sidled up to me and asked quietly, ‘Did you get in trouble for leaving yesterday?’

‘Nah,’ I replied under my breath. ‘I just told them I was sick and had to leave. How about you?’

‘Same.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘They were pretty nice about it, but then I have been sick a lot lately.’

‘Yeah, you should stop that,’ I said with a grin. ‘Silly thing to do, being sick all the time.’

He shrugged. ‘On the plus side, I’ve gotten really good at faking my mum’s signature.’

‘A handy skill,’ I conceded, and unthinkingly reached out to tuck in the wash tag at the back of his collar, my fingers brushing against the soft, brown skin of his neck. ‘Tag,’ I explained when he looked at me, and turned away so he wouldn’t see my face flush.

* * *

‘So,’ said Liz, sitting down opposite me at the kitchen table, where I was doing my history homework. ‘Daniel. That the Daniel you were talking about? The one you wanted to help?’

I closed my book with a sigh. ‘Yeah.’

‘He seemed like a sweet kid.’

‘He is.’

She regarded me for a moment, clearly choosing her words carefully. ‘Is he also the one you have a crush on?’

I considered lying. It would make things easier. But I was a terrible liar when it came to my sister. She could always see straight through me. ‘Maybe?’ I said. ‘I don’t honestly know. I mean, I guess I like him, he’s kind of . . . I mean, he’s adorable.’ I blushed, saying it out loud, and Liz reached across the table to squeeze my hand. ‘But I have no idea if he likes guys,’ I continued, ‘and even if he does . . . I don’t want to push anything. He’s going through some shit right now, and I don’t want to make him feel like he owes me anything for being nice to him or something. He has a hard enough time trusting people as it is.’

Liz nodded. ‘Well, I think you’re being very mature about this, bear. I’m proud of you.’

I smiled. ‘Thanks. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Whenever I’m near him I just wanna hug him or whatever.’

She laughed. ‘Yeah, that’s normal.’

‘It’s kind of really hard not to,’ I mumbled.

‘I know,’ she said. ‘But I think if you just keep doing what you’re doing and thinking the way you are about this, you’ll be just fine.’