Second Chances - 13. Moving Forward

“You wanna run that by me again?” I looked at Jerod incredulously. “You quit?” We had only been back for a week; I was not expecting the bomb he had lobbed into my court.

“Yep,” he answered with a grin. “Gave my notice this morning. In two weeks I’m gone.”

We sat on the deck outside my house, drinks in front of us, bottles and ice at the ready, each of us smoking. The large ashtray in the center of the table was half full of cold remnants. The sun was just about to set; the air had cooled slightly and there was a breeze off in from the hills. A calming end to a warm summer mid-week.

“I thought you liked your job.”

“I do. Did. Have always loved it at the ‘Labs’. But …” He paused, the imp shone bright in his eyes. “As the saying goes, I got an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“So where are you going.”

Jerod leaned back and took a slow drag off his cigarette. I knew him too well to push for the information; he was in his “game mode” and would tell me when he was ready to. Any prodding for more would just delay my answer. He took a long sip of his drink, watching me over the glass. I was becoming infuriated, wanting to reach across the table and slap the silly out of him. At last he ground out his smoke and looked me square in the eyes.

“I’m going to run sound for Mike.”

“Seriously?” The pang of jealousy rushed through my veins. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In all honesty I did not regret turning Mike down, but the old second-thought demon flared its nostrils deep inside me hearing my best friend was leaving for a related gig. “He must overpay his crew.”

The words were out of my mouth before I could catch them. My friend looked at me sadly. “You could have been coming along,” he jibed.

“I’m happy for you, Jer. Really. Not gonna be the same without you around to pick me up when I fall flat on my face.”

“You’ll be fine; you know how to use the phone. Besides,” he added, lighting up a fresh smoke, “I’ll be back sometimes.”

“How’s that work?”

“Sometimes there are gaps in Mike’s schedule. You know that. And I don’t want to let go of my place, I’ll never find another like it. It will be nice to have a ‘home’ to come to during those times when I can let the suitcase air out.”

“So … when do you head out?”

“First of the month. Wanted to give the full two weeks to the Sound Labs, and need to make sure everything’s lined up for watching the place while I’m gone and all. I’ll meet up with Mike in Houston.”

“Houston? I imagine you’ll enjoy that.”

He winked. “I plan too.”

“You are one hundred percent hound dog, my friend.”

“At least I still feed the puppy.”

“Uh huh. Well, I do wish the best for you. It will just be different is all.”

He refreshed his drink. “So tell me about Cheryl. Things still moving ahead with you two?”

“We’ve decided to just back off and chill. She’s pushing hard for making things permanent and I’m just not ready to settle down.”

“Wait a minute. You’re the one that’s always pushing for a one-to-one relationship. And now you want to play the field?”

“Shut up, Jerod. She doesn’t want marriage, just moving in together.” I drained my glass. “It’s not for me. Not with her.”

He finished his drink and stood. “Your decision, but you could do a lot worse than Cheryl. She’s alright.”

I followed his lead and stood. “More than alright. And I love her dearly. But I’m not in love with her and I won’t tie myself in a relationship my heart isn’t in completely.”

“I suppose.” He grabbed the bottles and the ice bucket. “Let me help you take stuff back in.”

I grabbed the ashtray and dumped it in a metal trash can, replacing the lid. Placing the tray back on the table, picked up our spent glasses. “Thanks.” I headed into the house, Jerod close behind.

I set the glasses beside the sink then turned and took the things from him. “So, you’ll be back by before you leave town?”

“Several times, I’m sure.” He paused and looked at me, the imp fading away. “You are my best friend, Paul. I’m not going to lose touch. You have my word.”

“I know. Thanks.” I pulled him into a hug. “I appreciate you more than you know.”

“Enough to …?” He let the question dangle.

I started to roll out my usual response but stopped short. Jerod was my best friend – what was my issue? I looked him straight in the eye. "I don't want our friendship to change…"

His demeanor changed quickly – totally serious. "It wouldn’t – unless it got better."

I had to smile at that. "Jer, I know, we messed around in college – but I have never … 'made love' with another man."

He grinned wide. "Ooh, a virgin."

I smacked the back of his head. “I need you to be serious, Jerod. I am really afraid of messing up our friendship. And I couldn't live with that.”

He drew me back into a warm, safe hug. "Trust me, Paul; I am equally concerned nothing ever adversely affect our relationship. And, I think, since we are both aware of that, both are careful to stop before anything harmful occurs … I think between the two of us we'll keep our friendship safe. As we always have." He released me from the hug but moved his hands to hold my shoulders. "You are always safe with me."

I nodded slowly. "And you with me. Thanks, Jer."

He leaned in, slowly, just a touch, his eyes locked on mine. His head tilted and he came closer. I couldn't believe what was happening but I knew I wanted it to happen. I met him part way and we shared a soft, ultra-gentle kiss. When our lips parted, there was no doubt we had crossed over to a new place.

I pulled him to me, pressing my lips to his. Passion grew and soon our tongues fenced as the sound of our breathing grew. My heart pounded in my ears and when we finally broke the kiss, I silently took his hand and led him to my bedroom.

For the next few hours I learned what it was to truly be with a man. And when I stumbled or was uncertain, my friend led me through like a tenured professor. Tender, gentle, but filled with passion. Loving Jerod was, of course, very different – but in unexpected ways. Not once did I feel something was "missing" – never did I need to "settle".

I don't know how long we were there, learning of each other, locked in throes of passion – I only know it was well into the next morning when we finally awoke and rose to shower and get breakfast. Life would never be the same again. I was not 'in love', but there was much to consider.