The Whale - 20. Part III, chapter 4

- IV -

AMY

It was finally Friday night, and I was stoked! My mother kept begging me to call her if I drank anything just so she could come and get me.

"Mom," I sighed. "Drop it, okay? I will not drink anything! I swear!"

"Okay," she nodded tentatively.

I was driving to the school building where the party was being held, and kept snorting to myself. I am not going to drink anything but water tonight -- I was sure of that. When I got to the parking lot, it was almost full. I finally found a parking spot, and after I turned the car off and got out, I was trying to figure out what the party was all about, but then I gave up. Who cares. It was fun, I was here, and I hoped that Luke would be here too. The last couple of weeks or so he seemed really distraught, and I had that sickening suspicion stirring inside me again. What if there was something between him and Connor?

I shook my head. "Stop it!" I told to myself silently. "Nothing is there, okay? He is just distraught because Spring Break is almost here, and he can't wait to get the hell out of this place, that's all." For some bizarre reason, it helped, and soon enough, I was almost sure that Luke would make out with me tonight. I mean, I was thin now; I was fairly good-looking; my body looked nice and toned after all the running and working out... Why wouldn't he make out with me, right? I mean, of course, the way one looks is not the most important thing in the world, but when it comes to making out with someone, it's the only thing that matters.

I smiled and said several hellos to different people. It still amazed me how differently everyone was treating me now that I wasn't fat anymore. I mean, the guy who just smiled at me, used to spit on my back when he thought I couldn't see him. I shuddered. Funny how nobody seemed to realize that I was the same damn person as before. The wrapper was different, that's all.

I spent almost an hour and a half mingling and dancing, and I could not see Luke. Finally, I felt like crying. It seemed that he was not going to show up after all. Right before I was about to walk to my car, I finally saw him slowly walking across the parking lot, hands shoved in his pockets, a cigarette clenched between his teeth, his expression quite gloomy.

"Russell!" someone yelled and he looked up. "Took you a while, man!"

It was Mark Holden from our class. I slowly started walking towards them, trying to look very casual. Finally, I was close enough to hear what they were talking about.

"You are so late, dude," Mark was saying, and Luke just shrugged.

"I didn't even wanna come here," he said, and Mark snorted.

"Whatever, dude! You came, so it's all good."

"Yeah," Luke winced. "I decided to unwind after all..."

"Huh?" Mark blinked at sudden bitterness in his voice, and Luke grinned and shook his head.

"Never mind. It's nothing."

"Come on!" Mark slapped him on the shoulder. "Let's get you a beer; you look like shit, man!"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Let me finish my smoke, okay? Meet you in there."

"Word," Mark nodded and walked away.

I took a deep breath and walked closer to him.

"Hey," I said casually, and he looked at me.

For a second, there was confusion in his eyes, as if he couldn't figure out who the hell I was, but I knew it was impossible. I mean, we are in the same freaking class! I pushed the thought out of my head, thinking that I was seeing things again.

"Hey," he said finally, and I smiled.

"Cool party, huh?" I said, marveling at what a conversational wizard I was.

Luke shrugged.

"Sure," he said indifferently. "I am not staying long though."

"How come?" I asked with genuine interest, and he shrugged again.

"Don't feel like it," he said and flicked his cigarette away. "I just had to get out of my house before I went nuts... So I came here."

"I totally know how you feel," I said with enthusiasm.

He had some strange and really funny expression in his eyes, and he almost looked like he was about to burst out laughing, but he never did.

"Right," he nodded. "I bet you do."

"Wanna go dance?" I asked suddenly, and was really glad that it was dark outside and he couldn't see how red my face turned almost immediately after I blurted the words out.

He shrugged again, and I almost winced at his indifference, but then I figured that he was probably just playing cool. I knew that I looked good, and I knew that he could see it.

"Sure," he said, and we went inside.

We danced for ten minutes or so, and then Luke said that he needed a beer and walked away. I couldn't figure out if it meant, "I'll go grab a beer and be right back" or, "I'll go grab a beer, see you after Spring Break." I went outside and sat down on the bench. I was incredibly frustrated. Someone sat next to me and I looked up. It was Kelly Lynn; the same cheerleader who was making out with Luke on my very first day of school in the gym.

"Hey," she smiled at me. "Awesome party, huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

She lit a cigarette and offered me one. I shook my head.

"I don't smoke, thanks."

"That's cool," Kelly nodded. "Very cool... So, I saw you dance with Luke," she said slyly, and I turned red again.

Kelly laughed.

"Don't get all embarrassed," she said. "Luke is, like, super-hot... He is just really weird lately."

"Yeah," I muttered. "Hey, you guys used to go out, right?"

"Kinda," Kelly shrugged. "I mean, we would get together once in a while, but we were never actually dating, you know? I don't think he was ever dating anyone."

She thoughtfully wrinkled her nose.

"And he is not hanging out with anyone lately... Weird..."

"Right," I said, feverishly trying to figure out a way to ask her how the hell do I get him to kiss me.

Kelly shrugged again.

"Oh, well," she said. "I figured out a long time ago that if Russell does something, there is always a reason for that."

"Do you think..." I coughed. Oh boy, this was embarrassing. "You think he likes me...?" I finished in a small voice, and Kelly didn't look shocked or anything.

"I dunno," she said. "Probably, yeah... See if he makes out with you."

I started to cough and Kelly laughed again.

"Here," she started digging in her purse. "This should help..."

She handed me a small white pill, and I just stared at her.

"Umm," I said finally. "I am not taking any drugs, thanks..."

Kelly rolled her eyes.

"It's not for you," she said patiently. "Give it to Russell. Just drop it in his beer or something..."

"What is that?" I frowned. "Is it like a date rape drug or something?"

Now it was Kelly's turn to stare at me.

"Jesus!" she said. "No! It's just a muscle relaxant... Russell's, like, beyond tight lately, he'll thank you in the morning," she grinned.

"Umm..." I carefully took the pill from her palm. "What is it going to do?"

"It'll make him mellow," Kelly said lightly. "It won't hurt him or anything... I mean, he used to take those before."

"Why are you giving me this?" I asked with suspicion, and she sighed.

"Jesus, Amy... I know that you have a thing for him. I am not blind, okay? And I also know that you are, like, way too shy... I mean, it's Luke we are talking about," she shrugged. "Not like he is a virgin or anything... This," she nodded at the pill. "Will just help you to get out of all the uncomfortable talking. He'll be mellow and he'll be horny, what else do you need, right?"

"You sure it won't hurt him?"

"I am positive," she giggled. "I gotta run, Amy... But I swear it won't hurt him, okay?"

"Okay..." I said uncertainly. "Thanks!"

"No problem," Kelly said lightly and ran off.

I almost decided to just forget the whole thing. I mean, am I really going to drug Luke just so he'll make out with me? This is ridiculous! But then I saw him again. He was talking on his cell phone, and he had that little crooked smile on his lips that made my heart to skip a couple of beats, and I thought what the hell. Kelly said it wouldn't hurt him, and Kelly would know, right? So I went and grabbed a beer and dropped the little white pill into the bottle. I made sure that it dissolved completely and went back outside.

I walked up to him and he muttered into the phone, "Hey, I gotta go... Yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

He shut his phone and looked up at me.

"Hey," he muttered, and I couldn't figure out why all of a sudden he had this weird haunted look in his eyes.

"Hey," I said and handed him the beer.

He blinked at that, but took the bottle out of my hands.

"Thanks," he said, and I nodded.

"Sure."

I sat next to him and started chattering about some useless stuff, trying to imitate Kelly. I wanted to make sure that he drank the whole thing. He did. Then we just sat on the bench for almost fifteen minutes, and I started to wonder how long it took for that pill to kick in.

"I better go home," he muttered suddenly, and my heart sank.

Luke got up and swayed on his feet. I jumped up and grabbed his shoulder.

"You okay?" I tried to sound concerned.

"Jesus..." he muttered and shook his head. "Did they spike the damn beer with some shit or something? This was, like, the second beer for me tonight... This is ridiculous..."

"Come on," I said. "I'll walk with you."

"Ugh, thanks..." he muttered gratefully, and I felt a slight pang of conscience, but I immediately pushed it away.

We slowly walked across the parking lot, and when we got near one of the sheds that were sitting along the sidewalk, Luke swayed again.

"God damn..." he said with feeling and grabbed onto me. "Freaking A..."

Now or never, I thought, and pushed him towards the shed.

"What..." he muttered, and I didn't care anymore.

I didn't care about right or wrong; I just wanted him so badly that my hands were shaking. I pushed him against the shed and started kissing his mouth. At first, he was trying to push me away, but then suddenly, he moaned and buried his fingers in my hair. It felt so good that I almost started crying. He was muttering something, but it was so soft that I couldn't understand a single word. When I felt his fingers unbuttoning my shirt, my head started to spin. Was I really doing this? I just wanted to make out with him, that's all. But everything felt so good and right that I let him unbutton my shirt all the way. I was undoing his belt buckle, when all of a sudden, he moaned:

"God, I love you so much..."

I couldn't believe it. I knew it! He did care about me!!

"I love you too," I muttered, and he gasped when my hand touched his skin.

"God..." he moaned again. "Oh my God... I love you, Faith..."

I froze. What?! Faith?! I let go of him and took a step backwards.

"Faith..." he muttered and opened his eyes.

I couldn't stand this any longer. I slapped his face as hard as I could and he cried out in pain. Suddenly, his eyes weren't glazed over anymore and he blinked.

"What..." he muttered, staring at me. "What the hell are you doing here? Where is Faith?!"

I just stared at him silently. I couldn't push a single sound of my throat. This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not hap...

"What the hell did you do?" he muttered and shook his head. "Jesus..."

He looked at his pants and his eyes flew wide open.

"Oh, God..." he muttered. "Please, tell me nothing happened..."

He looked so horrified that I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I was really tempted to say that yes, Luke, we had sex. Right here, next to the damn shed!!

"Nothing happened," I finally said, feeling numb, and almost cried when he sighed with enormous relief.

"Oh thank God..."

I started to button up my shirt, my fingers trembling.

"I am still too fat for you, huh?" I hissed. "I am still the baby elephant, right?"

He stared at me in disbelief.

"Jesus," he groaned. "No, you are not fat... God! It has nothing to do with you!"

I tucked my shirt into my pants and looked at him, tears finally crawling down my face.

"Oh, stop lying!" I hissed. "You still see the fat girl, don't you?"

I couldn't figure out why I was going off on him like this. I mean, he never gave me any reason to believe that he was interested, and let's face it, I was the one who drugged him tonight. But I couldn't stop myself.

"It's all about the weight, huh?!"

"Oh, shut up," he winced and zipped up his jeans. "It's not about the weight. I couldn't care less about you if you looked like Angelina-freaking-Jolie, okay? I am sorry, but I don't care about your weight, your height, or your appearance. I am in love with someone else."

Right, a goddamn math teacher!!

"Look," he sighed and buttoned his shirt. "Let's just forget this ever happened, okay...?"

I kept staring at him.

"Okay?" he repeated with a frown. "Did you even hear me...? Annie!"

I started to laugh. Oh my God!! It was true -- he didn't even know my name!

"It's Amy," I said finally, and walked away from him.