The Whale - 7. Part I, chapter 7

- VII -

We sat down on the bench that was the farthest from everybody else, and I took a deep breath.

"Roxy," I said slowly. "You have to swear that you will not repeat this to anyone else!"

"I swear," she frowned. "What is it?"

"Not to your parents, not to your brother, not to your priest!"

"Got it," she nodded. "I swear. What is it? You are freaking me out!"

I took another deep breath.

"Okay, here goes... Roxy, I think Russell and Connor are having an affair!"

She stared at me silently, and I patiently waited for information to digest.

"Huh?" she said finally. "Russell... As in Luke?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

"Connor... As in Faith?"

"Yeah..."

"Faith Faith?!"

"Yeah."

"The math teacher?!"

"Jesus, Roxy, shut up!" I nervously glanced around. "And yes, the math teacher."

She looked completely dumbfounded.

"Are you crazy?" she finally said weakly. "No way! She is older than him and... and... She is a teacher!!" Roxy managed to keep her voice down this time. "No way, Amy! No way!!"

"She is only four years older," I whispered urgently. "And Russell is eighteen; he had his freaking birthday last week, so technically he is legal and all..."

"Legal..." she repeated and shook her head. "No, Amy! That's impossible!"

"Oh yeah?" I almost scowled. "Then how do you explain the fact that he hadn't missed a single math class ever since Connor showed up, huh?"

"Well..." she stuttered. "Maybe he likes math..."

"Please!" I snorted. "Also how do you explain what just happened?"

"What?" she frowned, and I almost hissed when I realized she didn't see anything before Russell shoved me out.

"Oh my God, Roxy! He was standing, like, really close to her, and she was so sad that she almost cried... And he was all pissed off when she said she had to leave... It was like they planned to be together for the holidays and now she is leaving to freaking Minnesota!! I bet you anything that she found out about her Uncle right before she came to school today, because Russell didn't know that she was leaving!"

"Of course, he didn't know," Roxy whispered back angrily. "Why would he know? Amy, this is insane! So he got pissed off, big deal! He was probably mad that nobody would cancel math for a week... And he stayed after class, probably because she gave him a low grade on the last test! Jesus, Amy!" she shook her head. "No way are they having an affair! No way! It's like... It's illegal! Even though he is eighteen... It's still illegal 'cause he is still a student here! No way!!"

"Then why was she sad?" I demanded.

"Probably because by now, she knows what pain in the ass Russell can be, and she knew that he'd bitch about his grade! That would make me sad," Roxy shrugged.

"Humph..." I said in frustration.

"Why do you even care?" Roxy asked suddenly, and I blinked. "Oh my God..." her eyes became wide and she pressed her palm firmly against her mouth. "Oh my God, Amy! You have a thing for Russell?!"

She looked downright horrified and I winced.

"No!" I said defensively, and she kept staring at me. "No...!! Well... Maybe just a little," I admitted unwillingly.

"God, Amy..." she whispered. "Russell is a jerk!"

"I know that," I winced. "I am not in love with him or anything..."

"Liar!" the sarcastic voice howled in my head. "Liar!!"

"Oh, Amy," Roxy sighed. "How the hell could it happen? I mean... He was a total ass to you ever since you came here..."

"I know," I closed my eyes. "Roxy, am I sick?"

She sighed.

"No," she said finally. "You are not sick... Have you noticed, though, that Russell doesn't really have any friends?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned. "Everybody freaking adores him..."

"Including certain teachers," I added silently.

"Well, yeah," Roxy said with a shrug. "He can be funny, and he is pretty smart and all... But Amy, he doesn't have, like, really close friends. Not a single one. It's like he is staying away from everybody. I was in the same class with him forever, and he was always like this. I mean, after all these years the only thing I know about him is the fact that he has a brother."

"What about girlfriends...?" I murmured and Roxy winced.

"Same thing," she said. "He hangs out with a lot of different people, but it's never serious... It's like, the guy is a total loner. He is also a total ass. He is the kind of person who would high-five you after your dog died..."

"Roxy," I sighed. "Do not say this to anyone, okay? Because if I am right..."

"You are not right!" she whispered angrily. "And I would never say this to anyone! Jesus, Amy! Do you realize that a rumor like this would ruin Connor for life?! I mean, just a rumor!"

"What if it's true though?" I asked softly and she stared at me. "Think about it, Roxy... He is always there, always around her... Even when there is no math. He is always in her office..."

"So?" she winced, but I could see doubt in her eyes. "Maybe he needs help with math?"

"Whatever!" I almost laughed. "When was the last time he asked anyone for help?"

She grumbled something I couldn't decipher.

"Think about it, Roxy!" I insisted. "I am so sure that they are sleeping together..."

She shuddered.

"Ugh," she said finally. "Okay... Okay, even if it's true... Amy, I am sorry, but it's none of our business! I mean, it's not like she is forty and he is fifteen. You said it yourself -- she is only four years older than him... Even if it's true..." she winced again. "He'll be graduating this May, so who cares...? Plus," she added softly. "If you are right and he was really pissed off that she is leaving..." Roxy shrugged. "Amy, he never let anyone to get anywhere near him. I mean, what if it's, like, for real, you know? It's not like I care much for him," she shrugged. "But I have to admit, he is different since Faith came to school. I mean, he is actually tolerable! Have you noticed that he doesn't act like a jerk every five minutes? And he stopped picking on you!"

"I know," I said bitterly and immediately bit my tongue.

"Ugh," Roxy sighed. "Amy, just let them be, okay? If it's true, then just let them be, please! I like Faith... Do you realize what will happen to her if someone finds out?"

"Yeah," I said gloomily. "I did some research. She'll get fired and will probably never be able to teach again."

"Why would you do that to her?" Roxy was almost pleading. "Amy, just let it go, okay? Plus, I am sure it's not true," she added quickly, and I pressed my lips tight.

She was absolutely right. Even if it was true -- I was sure it was -- I couldn't do this to Connor. I have to keep my mouth shut! Plus, it's not like Luke ever cared about me before she came. He only cared to make my life miserable, because he was probably bored out of his skull and a new fat girl was such an easy target... I realized just now, that's what I was for him. A fat girl. Fatso. I wondered if he even knew my name by now. I gritted my teeth in frustration. Fat girl no more. I am losing these stupid eighty-plus pounds by spring break. I didn't care if I had to run all the way to Egypt and back. I'll be thin by spring break and then we'll see if he remembers my name!

I made myself run for two hours that night. I ran until my legs were shaking again. And then I stopped, fell on my fat knees, and cried for almost an hour.