Keep Me As An Apple of Your Eye - 33. January 2

Thursday, January 2

9^th Day of Christmas

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

nine ladies dancing.

From “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” The nine ladies dancing represent the

nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,

goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Tayloe called his mother at seven in the morning.

“Don’t fix breakfast. Eron and I are bringing food. Well, you’ll need to make the coffee and have the juice but we’ll bring everything else.”

Marjorie protested but was secretly glad. She was tired from six weeks of entertaining and being entertained. Each year she was astounded by all of the social commitments that were crammed between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. She was making the coffee when Todd and Erick approached her from behind and planted kisses on each of her cheeks. They were already dressed and had on matching L.L. Bean barn coats.

“Where are you boys headed? Remember, we have breakfast in an hour. Your brothers are bringing it.”

“We’ll be back by then.”

Todd and Erick raced to the back door. They were acting like ten year olds, pushing each other to see who was going to drive the car, laughing, and then suddenly stopping and kissing each other…..in the driveway….in front of the neighbors who were out for their early walks. Marjorie smiled and thought that all of their friends and neighbors would know that Todd was gay and engaged to a man by the time the holidays were over.

The two couples arrived at the house at the same time. They got out of their respective vehicles and stood in the driveway kissing and hugging each other. They walked in with bags and boxes of food.

Tayloe laughed and said “I almost got arrested this morning.” Robert choked on his coffee.

“Yep, I almost got into a fight with a cop at the Krispy Kreme store on Broad Street over buying the last of the raspberry filled donuts. He told me to give ‘em up or he was going to cuff me. I swear they need to put up a police precinct sign out front of that place.”

Everyone laughed.

“Well, I see you are here. There had better be some raspberry filled donuts also.”

“Yep, donuts for everyone. Also, Hardee’s egg and cheese biscuits and also some chicken biscuits.”

Todd held up a bag and said it was filled with Ukrop’s muffins. Erick held up a bouquet of flowers and handed them to Marjorie. She crushed the flowers when she hugged Erick and kissed his cheek. She didn’t care. She loved that he brought her flowers.

Eron then held up a container. “I am the only one bringing something healthy. This is fresh fruit.”

Marjorie grabbed some breakfast plates. All of the containers were placed on the table and everyone chose what they wanted to eat. There were sugar highs all around. They were enjoying the food and bantering. Everyone was in a good mood. Erick thought the timing was right.

“Mr. Reynolds, I have a question, if I may?”

“Certainly, Erick. What’s up?”

Erick suddenly seemed uncertain and he looked at the other guys.

“Well, we have all been talking and none of us have the answer. If you get angry, please only get angry with me. Not Todd or Tayloe. Or, if you don’t get angry give me all of the credit for being brave enough to ask this question.” He grinned. “Anyway, what I want to ask is……”

Everything had stopped. Everyone put their forks down. It was obvious that Erick was having a hard time asking whatever it was he wanted to ask. Erick reached out and grabbed Todd’s hand for support.

“Well, we all think it is wonderful, of course. Who wouldn’t? But we are all confused.”

Marjorie reached out and took Erick’s other hand.

“I think I know what you are trying to ask. May I? If I get it wrong you can still ask your question.”

Erick nodded his head and looked at his future mother in law.

“You want to know how two old, well middle aged, stuck in the mud, parents could so freely accept their children’s sexual orientation.”

Erick nodded his head and held Marjorie’s hand even harder.

“Robert, why don’t you start?”

Robert thought he was prepared for the question and had been wondering when it would be asked. However, he found it hard to talk about.

“Todd and Tayloe, you remember my business partner, Senator Fairfax.”

Both boys nodded their heads.

“And you remember his son, Arden.”

Again, both boys nodded their heads.

“Well, Arden died this fall.”

At that point, Tayloe let out a gasp and turned to Eron for support. Eron didn’t know the Senator or his son but knew that he had to support his partner. Todd was being stoic.

“Dad, my secretary checks the obituaries every day to identify family members of our clients and she didn’t clip one for Arden.”

“Tayloe, there wasn’t one.”

“Why?”

“Chuck disappeared from the office one day. The next day we were told there had been a family emergency and he would be gone for a week or so. It is normal for partners to take at least a week off when a family emergency happens. None of us were told what the emergency was. When Chuck came back to work, I told him that I hoped that everything and everyone was ok, and I offered a general condolence for anything bad that may have happened. Chuck nodded his head and then turned and walked away. A week later he walked by my office and asked if I had time to talk. I was really busy but told him I always had time to talk with him. He wanted to go to the Commonwealth Club. He found a corner table in the bar so no one could hear us. It was too early for the after-work crowd so we didn’t have to worry about that. He asked after both of you boys. I puffed up with pride telling him of your achievements. He asked probing questions about your schooling, career choices, general happiness, what you did for fun, if we were close as a family, and were Marjorie and I accepting of your choices. It was all rather odd. Then he asked what I would do if one of my sons told me he was gay.”

At that point, Robert looked at Todd.

“I will apologize up front for what I told him, Todd. I told Chuck that I thought you were gay and that Marjorie and I had talked about it since you were in high school. I think you and Arden were friends in high school.”

Todd nodded his head. In fact, Arden and Todd had gone out on a few dates though nobody knew. For Todd, Arden became a friend to talk to about his wants and desires in terms of having a partner. Both fellows recognized they were not meant for each other but they became good buddies. In fact, Todd had stood up for Arden at school when other students made fun of him. Todd was on the football team and was a National Honor Society scholar so the other students respected him and listened when he told them to stop teasing Arden. Todd was also the shoulder to cry on when Arden would tell him about the physical and emotional abuse his father doled out. Arden played in the band and was in the drama club. He was smart but not Honor Society smart. He could also be flamboyant; not too much, but for conservative St. Christopher’s school a little was perceived as a lot.

“Anyway, Chuck told me about a meeting he had in D.C. He thought he would connect with Arden while he was there. Arden was a student at Georgetown majoring in International Policy. Apparently, it was a surprise when he developed into quite the scholar. He had planned to work for the State Department after graduate school. Chuck was going to surprise Arden with his visit. Chuck and some clients had left a restaurant and were driving through Dupont Circle on their way back to their hotel when Chuck saw Arden. He was standing in front of a gay strip joint. Someone in the car said that was where all of the queers went to dance up on stages and people would put money in their bikini underwear. Arden was standing out front in a pair of bikini underwear with dollar bills sticking out of the waistband of his briefs. He was laughing and it looked like he was having a great time. Chuck didn’t tell anyone that his son was a dancer in a gay strip club. Chuck thought Arden was like some modern day Delilah. The next day Chuck called Arden and invited him to lunch. Chuck got somewhat rough with Arden at lunch and called him a pansy faggot. I am only saying what Chuck told me. I normally don’t talk like this. Arden started arguing with his father and his father slapped him in the restaurant. He physically slapped him. He also told Arden that if he didn’t change his ways immediately, he was no longer part of the family and that he would be disinherited. Chuck told me that Arden walked out of the restaurant. A week later the police called Chuck and asked him to identify a body. Apparently, Arden left the lunch with his dad, went home and slit his wrists. They found the body in a tub of water after someone from the school had asked for a wellness check on Arden. Chuck said it was the most awful thing that had ever happened to him and Evelyn. His only son killed himself because Chuck told him he was disowned. Chuck said he was only trying to scare him into being straight. Chuck was gutted. He and Evelyn had him buried at the family farm up in the Northern Neck. They got a priest out of Maryland to do a funeral. They told no one.”

There was silence around the table.

“Anyway, I came home and told Marjorie that we needed to talk. I told your mother that we would not do that to our son.” At that point, he looked at Tayloe. “Little did we know you were gay also. No way. I might not understand everything. Hell, I don’t understand a lot in life but I was not going to reject my two boys. You mean so much to me and I love you more than life itself.”

Robert teared up. Todd and Tayloe jumped up and grabbed their dad. They were all crying when Marjorie joined the group. Eron and Erick looked at each other and stood at the same time. Erick started singing and then Eron joined in:

May His great Name grow exalted and glorified. Amen.

In the world that He created as He willed.

May he give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and in your days,

And in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel, swiftly and soon. Amen.

May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,

Mighty, upraised, and lauded by the Name of the Holy One, blessed is He.

Blessed is He beyond any blessing and song,

Praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Amen.

May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life

Upon us and upon all Israel. Amen.

He who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace

Upon us and upon all Israel. Amen.

By the time Erick and Eron had finished, all six were huddled together holding onto each other for support.

“I need to take five. I have to pull myself back together because there is more to the story.”

All four boys ran upstairs and washed their faces. Todd had recovered his wits while the other three were still shaky. Again, he realized that in a crisis he was the one who could maintain a sense of objectivity. Erick looked at him and asked if he was okay.

“Yes, I am fine. I am deeply saddened by Arden’s death, particularly the way it happened. He was always emotionally fragile; his father had berated and beat him most of the time while he was growing up and Arden couldn’t deal with the rejection. He just wanted his father’s love. The few times that Arden did something to please his father, he was told that he was a good soldier. Not son but soldier. He only wanted his father’s love and acceptance. He would sometimes come get me from class when someone said something particularly nasty. I could always calm him down and get him back on track. I wish that he had called me but we lost touch after going to college.”

“You don’t cry though. I broke down when I found out about Eron and it was you who got everything organized. You looked after me then you took care of Tayloe. My parents said it was your calmness that helped them get through those days. They said you were so intense but so calm that they felt that everything was under control. They said they could not have made it through without your peaceful presence.”

“That is kind of your parents. I will need to think on that.”

They all returned to the table and Marjorie had cleared everything away.

“I don’t think we really want more food, do we? I know that I have no appetite.”

Todd looked at Erick and then at his dad.

“Do you think it would help if I talked to Senator Fairfax?”

Robert was surprised at the question.

“I don’t know, son. Chuck told me they were going to spend Christmas and New Year’s up at the farm. Do you really want to drive up there?”

“Yes, I would like to tell the Senator about the Arden I knew.”

“Okay, let me call him but don’t be surprised if he says no.”

Robert called Chuck and was stunned when he received a positive response. In fact, they were all invited up for the day. Todd said that he and Erick would drive separately since they would be going directly to Williamsburg when they left the Fairfax’s home.

Robert suggested that they should dress nice but not wear suits.

“Maybe business casual. No bowties.” He laughed because he knew Todd and Erick loved their bowties. “By the way, I don’t know if you want to disclose your relationships to Chuck and Evelyn. They might not be able to handle it.”

After agreeing on a route, and with specific directions from Robert, the two cars left Windsor Farms and headed northeast. Erick let out a low whistle when they went through the gates to the farm. Todd grinned and said, “Now, this is real money. Be prepared.”

They were greeted by a pack of hounds. Todd loved tri-color hunters thinking they were the most beautiful dogs in the world. Todd and Tayloe got out of the cars and the dogs immediately calmed as they walked toward the front door. Erick and Eron were less keen to put themselves in the middle of the pack. Marjorie would just bop them on the nose when they stuck their snouts up the front of her skirt. She laughed merrily and told them they were bad dogs.

The front door opened and a large commanding man walked across the porch to greet them. He was followed by a petite woman dressed in a wool skirt and an expensive sweater set. The pearls were real. The rest of her jewelry was discreet but expensive.

They were taken into a large parlor with the windows overlooking the upper reaches of the Chesapeake Bay or the Potomac River. It wasn’t clear to Robert whether that was the bay or the mouth of the river.

Mrs. Fairfax had a maid bring out afternoon tea assuming they hadn’t eaten on the drive up. The boys displayed their best manners but it was evident they were hungry. Mrs. Fairfax had a wistful laugh talking about the appetites of young men. They had a general conversation about the holidays without anyone mentioning the upcoming nuptials among the four young men. Robert talked about Erick’s prowess as the quarterback for the annual football game. Chuck Fairfax chuckled several times and spoke warmly about the annual face off with the Price family.

They had talked themselves out of pleasant topics and the conversation was lagging when Todd spoke up.

“Senator and Mrs. Fairfax, I am so deeply sorry about Arden. He and I were in elementary and high school together. We lost touch with each other when I went to William and Mary. I will say it was my fault that we lost contact. I was so busy enjoying myself that I always deferred when Arden would call and ask me to come to D.C. for a weekend. I am sorry I did that.”

Todd then told funny stories about he and Arden at school. Todd worked hard to make sure that every story included humor and that Arden was the good guy. He told a few fibs but figured he would be forgiven. Everyone laughed at Todd’s stories and several times Erick reached out and touched Todd’s hand. When he realized he was doing that he would quickly withdraw his hand as if scorched. One time the Senator gave Erick an odd appraising look.

There was quietness in the room except for the hissing logs on the fire.

“This may be asking too much, and if so I understand, but can I go to Arden’s grave? I need to tell him goodbye.”

The senator looked at this wife and then said, “Let’s all go to the graveyard.”

The sun was low in the sky when the dogs led them to a stand of cedar trees near the river. A black cast iron fence enclosed the graveyard.

Todd had stopped by a florist before they left Richmond and picked up a floral arrangement. He had it in his hands as he and Tayloe approached Arden’s grave and placed it there. They touched the grave stone and then kissed their hands. Eron and Erick had each brought rocks which they placed on the headstone. Marjorie had brought the bouquet of flowers from Erick and placed those at the foot of the gravestone. Spontaneously, Todd started offering a prayer. Immediately afterwards, Eron started singing the Kaddish for the second time that day. Erick joined in and their singing wafted through the trees to the river. By the time they finished the hounds were joining in the singing. This brought laughter from the boys and smiles from everyone else.

A last ray of sunlight breached the tree branches and shone on Arden’s headstone. Mrs. Fairfax caught her breath.

“Thank you for giving our boy a proper goodbye. We didn’t know how to do it. Let’s go back to the house because I need to talk with you about something.” The Senator was being his grandiose public persona again and not the grieving father.

Each couple held hands as they walked across the lawn to the house. They entered from the portico on the water side. Erick continued to hold Todd’s hand when they sat. The Senator looked at them for a few seconds.

“I was a fool. I have ruined our lives and I will always regret that. Thank you for coming here today to provide comfort and support to us. Todd, thank you for bringing our son back to life for a short while. If you will excuse me, Mrs. Fairfax will see you out.”

They understood the abrupt ending was because the Senator was overwhelmed and did not know what to say or how to act. They were gracious in their goodbyes with Mrs. Fairfax. They did not see her looking out of the window as they each kissed the other before getting into the cars; particularly the boys. It seemed that they clung to each other just a tad too long for straight men. She knew that they were two couples. She had known for many years that Arden was gay and hoped that one day her husband would come to understand and accept him. She now had to focus on not blaming her husband every day for killing her only child. She considered what he had done as murder.

She looked out again as Robert helped Marjorie into the car. Perhaps she had made a friend in Marjorie Reynolds and could visit her. She needed a friend.

“Mourner’s Kaddish”

Composer: Maurice Ravel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3USptpfcZc