Friends, Sexcapades, And Love Affairs - 20. The Boyfriend Experience

Chapter Twenty – The Boyfriend Experience

“Adrian?”

Mike’s voice was a faded sound, and Adrian had to shake his head to regain all his senses that had been snatched, in a mere second, by the guy who had just walked through the door.

“That’s Edward,” Adrian said quickly. “I’ll go get him.”

“Wow, that’s Edward?” Mike’s excitement was enough to make Adrian feel proud. “No wonder even you’re afraid of competition.”

Adrian stood up. Yeah, competition. He didn’t need some twink to steal Edward’s attention before he could reach him. His worries were ridiculous, but he couldn’t rein them in completely. Without another word to Mike and Shane, he hurried toward the door.

Edward noticed him when he was half-way and smiled. Adrian responded in kind, overly conscious of how his entire face was a grin, and also of the jealous stares around.

“You came,” he said and stopped in front of Edward. There was no hesitation in him as he hugged Edward and kissed him on the lips. He didn’t look, but he could tell the jealous stares suddenly intensified.

He grabbed Edward’s hand. “Let me introduce you to my friends.”

“Is this your usual place?” Edward inquired.

Their hands linked as they began walking back to the table, and Adrian felt a new, unfamiliar tingle going up his arm. “Yeah, this is where we usually hang out. I hope it’s okay with you.”

“It is. You don’t have to worry about little things, Adrian.”

“Worry? Who does that?”

Edward chuckled. “If it’s the boyfriend experience you want to try, just be honest and tell me.”

Adrian turned his head to stare at Edward. “The boyfriend experience?”

“Let’s just say that I’m open to new things.”

Adrian took a moment to analyze. It wasn’t enough, and he couldn’t tell what Edward’s angle was. “Maybe I want the boyfriend experience.”

“I don’t work with maybe’s.”

“Then, be my boyfriend.”

Edward laughed. “Will do, Adrian, will do. Now let’s put your friends’ minds at ease. I don’t want them to think that I’m some sort of alien bent on stealing their bestie away.”

A bit too cocksure, the arrogant, sexy bastard. Adrian shrugged. He would figure out everything later. For now, he just wanted to enjoy an evening with his friends and the guy he liked. It was a simple desire, and Adrian was happy to see it happening.

Jared was back with beers and carefully placing the bottles on the table. “Hey, you must be Edward.” He offered his hand, and Edward took it and shook it firmly. “I’m Jared.”

“I’m Mike,” Mike saluted from his place.

“Shane, here.”

Edward took everyone’s hand while Adrian followed him with his eyes, not wanting to let him for one moment out of sight.

They sat, and Edward began. “I can’t remember the last time I had a beer.”

Jared blushed. “So sorry. I should go look for the waiter or just --”

Edward waved and raised his bottle. “Tonight is a great moment to experience new things.” His eyes traveled lazily to Adrian as he brought it to his lips.

Adrian swallowed and froze in place. There was a challenge in the green eyes, and that mouth wrapping around the lip of the bottle held a new promise.

“That’s a great reason to drink for,” Shane said and drank, too.

Adrian followed their examples only after Jared pushed gently against his elbow, to draw his attention. It was an evening for beginnings, all right.

***

Happy like a kid, that was what he felt. Adrian walked outside as if he were on cloud nine. The evening had been a success. At first, everyone had been a bit quiet, probably impressed too much by Adrian’s introduction of Edward. But Edward had proven an easygoing guy, a side of him Adrian hadn’t had a chance to meet. He had told them about his work at the hospital and had politely asked everyone what they did for a living.

All had been so normal that Adrian wanted to pinch himself to see if he wasn’t dreaming. They had talked about the stuff guys talked about when getting together, and Edward hadn’t flinched or pulled away when Adrian had held his hand or wrapped his arm over his shoulders.

“How was it? Did I pass the test?” Edward asked.

They were walking hand in hand like a pair of teenagers. Adrian made their arms swing and laughed. “I must say you surprised me.”

“Really? How come?”

“You’re a guy who’s used to, you know, the high society or something.”

“And? Did you expect me to look down on your friends? Laugh haughtily like this?” Edward made a funny impersonation of an arrogant cartoonish character. “Or send the beer back because it wasn’t served at the right temperature?”

“Was it too warm?”

Edward laughed and leaned hard against him, almost making him lose his balance. “It was fine, Adrian. Everything was fine. As I told you, stop worrying about little things. And your friends are great. I like them. It’s been a while since I didn’t have to try hard to impress people.”

“That’s because they were already impressed,” Adrian said with a small laugh of his own.

“Of course. Everyone looked curiously at me, probably because of the crazy stories you must have told them.”

“But you put their mind at ease. I didn’t know you were into sports or the latest news.”

“One must stay informed. It is important so that making conversation doesn’t become a struggle.”

“Ah, so you prepared in advance?” Adrian teased.

Edward sighed and offered him a bright smile. “I didn’t want them to think I was a rich bastard with a chip on his shoulder.”

“Then, mission accomplished. But isn’t that what you are?” Adrian teased his partner again.

“Because of how we met? But it worked with you, didn’t it?”

“Who are you?” Adrian feigned surprise. “Are you Edward Hastings or a perfect clone?”

“Now, you disappoint me, Adrian.” Edward pouted but then laughed again. “I told you I would give you what you wanted. Since you asked so nicely over the phone, and I said yes --”

Adrian didn’t let him finish. He pulled Edward into an embrace and kissed him deeply until his lips hurt. His breath was gone, and his heart didn’t beat anymore when he looked Edward in the eyes. In the streetlight, they shone, and it appeared that Adrian wasn’t the only one a bit too far gone.

They kissed again, and this time it was sweeter. Was that a walk in the moonlight, after all? Followed by a kiss? Adrian didn’t want to stop at details. All evening, he had been fascinated by Edward, dreaming of how it would feel to kiss him and hold him, and not because he wanted sex like usual, but because he wanted to feel him close.

Edward stopped him after a while. “As much as the idea of public sex excites me, I don’t want to risk a fine or worse for indecent exposure.”

“We’re just kissing,” Adrian said, intent on putting his lover’s mind at ease.

“Just kissing?” Edward quirked an eyebrow. “I know you, Adrian. It’s never just that.”

“Sometimes, I just want to kiss you,” Adrian said stubbornly.

Edward brushed the back of his hand against Adrian’s cheek, and, for the first time, there was something naked and unfamiliar in his eyes. That wasn’t his usual look, of an arrogant man who had everything in the world. Adrian’s heart leaped. Could it be that Edward wanted to open up to him?

The look was gone, and Edward’s caress turned into teasing as his fingers eased toward Adrian’s mouth and painted the lips slowly with the tips. “So, after all, you want the boyfriend experience,” he said matter-of-factly.

“You offered,” Adrian said, his heart in his throat for no apparent reason.

Edward smirked. “You’re too honest to play the game to the end. That’s who you are, right, Adrian?”

“Is it a bad thing?”

Edward shook his head slowly. “No. As I saw you doing at the Awakening, you’re not one for games, no matter what you say. This part of you draws me in, don’t you know?”

Adrian took Edward’s hand and kissed the fingers. Then he linked their hands together again and began walking. “I know now,” he said with a secretive smile that was mostly for himself.

***

“If all royalty behaves like Edward, I think I have the wrong picture about that bunch,” Shane commented.

“I must admit that I was pretty surprised. After everything Adrian told us, I sincerely expected him to be arrogant and a bit annoying. After all, Adrian digs him big time, and he wouldn’t be so taken with someone who would be unpleasant.”

“They look good together,” Shane pointed out.

Jared nodded. “It’s crazy to think about Adrian being the first of us to get a legit boyfriend.”

Shane took him by the shoulders. “Why is that?”

“As I told you, Adrian is not the kind to be invested in a relationship, and now that I saw him and Edward side by side, I understand that it’s really happening, and it makes me happy. To you, I can admit that I was a little worried. I thought Edward would be too much the cynical bastard he painted himself to be. But the guy I met tonight doesn’t appear anywhere close to that.”

“Adrian couldn’t take his eyes off him.”

“Yeah, I know. It was a bit funny, knowing Adrian, who is always so self-assured.”

Shane brought him closer. “Are you cold?”

Jared knew he was shivering lightly, but not because of the cold. The evening wasn’t that chilly. He chose to lie. “Yes.”

Shane pulled him into his arms and then freed him. “Let me give you my jacket.”

“Ah, don’t worry. And I have my own jacket. I just need to button it up. See?” Jared made a point by pulling his jacket tightly around him.

“Here.” Shane seemed to be deaf to his protests.

Jared sighed in contentment as Shane wrapped his jacket around his shoulders. It was warm and smelled of Shane, comforting and reassuring like not many things in the world usually were.

“Would you like to swing by my place, or is it too late for you? Maybe sleep over?” Jared asked.

“I’d like that.”

“Great. I have spares of everything. Toothbrush, all that. Even new pajamas.”

Shane laughed and rested his arm on Jared’s shoulders. “I hope you don’t have an extra bed, though. There’s no way I’m not sleeping with you if I’m sleeping over.”

“I actually have a couch, but, of course, you’re welcome to sleep in my bed.”

“With you,” Shane insisted.

Jared snickered. “Don’t you have any work tomorrow?”

“I think I’m young enough to handle a night with you and taking care of my business, as usual, the next day,” Shane replied promptly.

“Hmm, and what if my ass cannot handle another session of your special treatment?” Jared teased.

“If that’s the case, then we switch.”

Jared felt his jaw going slack. The words had been said so naturally that they had taken him completely by surprise. Shane hadn’t struck him like the versatile type, and Jared didn’t care too much if guys preferred to top him, as was the usual case.

“Wow,” he whispered. “Damn, Shane. You should give a guy a warning. I should have prepared myself somehow.”

“Like how?” Shane kissed his cheek quickly.

“I don’t know. Mentally or something. And you’re so laid back about it, too. Do you do this often?”

“What? Switch?”

“Yeah.”

“No.”

“No? Aren’t you going to say anything else? Like how many guys have you even allowed to top you?”

“You’d be the first.”

Jared stopped, and Shane had to stop, too. “Please, don’t pull my leg, Shane. This is serious.”

Shane turned to look at him. He appeared serious. “I’m not pulling your leg. It’s the truth.”

“And did you just decide that I should be the one to, um, pop your cherry?” Jared wasn’t sure if that expression was still in style.

“Why shouldn’t you be? You’re my special friend, after all. I don’t want to wait a lifetime to see how it is.”

“Shane, we’re talking about fucking. Like anal fucking. Do you get it?”

“I know what the words mean if that’s what you’re asking. And I’m sure you would treat me right.”

“Yeah, of course. I mean, I wouldn’t hurt you for the world,” Jared said. Somehow, he felt ridiculous standing in the middle of the street and negotiating the details of taking Shane’s virginity like that.

“Yeah. Your dick is a delicious thing, but I don’t think you could hurt me with it if you wanted,” Shane said.

Jared made a face. Now, Shane was making fun of him a little. “Really? Be thankful I’m a good guy, or I would show you hurt,” he joked. “But Shane, seriously, I’d be … the first?”

Shane shrugged. “Yeah. It’s not a big deal. And seeing how much you took from me without ever complaining --”

“Hey, I enjoy it, so there’s no need to apologize.”

“Then, I should enjoy it, too.”

“Everything is so natural and normal with you, isn’t it, Shane?”

Another shrug was the answer. “I don’t see the need for complications.”

“And yet, you decided to be fuck buddies with me.”

“What’s complicated about that?”

Jared sighed. “You’re incorrigible, Shane.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. It’s actually great. Most people just hide their real reasons for doing everything they do in their lives. But you’re not like that.” Shane frowned for a moment. Jared wrapped his arm around his. “Let’s go home.”

He didn’t want to comment on what would happen once there. It was so rare for Jared to be the top that he had real reasons to worry.

***

Adrian and Edward walked for a while in comfortable silence.

“So, are we really boyfriends now?” Adrian asked.

“It’s not like you to be unsure,” Edward replied. “If that’s what you want.”

“I do. So, will you come and sleep with me tonight? At my place.”

Edward’s hand slid from his. “It wouldn’t be practical. I have work tomorrow.”

“I promise I’ll be good.” Adrian couldn’t believe lying came so natural.

“Ah, really? The moment I say we could be boyfriends, I don’t arouse you anymore?”

“It’s not like that,” Adrian protested. “If you need to sleep through the night, I can manage to keep my hands to myself.”

Edward wrapped his arms around Adrian’s waist as they stopped. “What about me? What if I’m the one who cannot do that?”

Adrian knew that smile. “Stop teasing me. I know, for a fact, how much you cherish self-control.”

“Are you trying to say I’m cold?” Edward quirked an eyebrow.

“I fear that a little, yes.”

“Hmm, so you do know fear. I thought you were the top dog. Do I smell a bit of insecurity, Adrian?”

The way Edward said his name, low and seductive, was enough to turn his skin to goosebumps everywhere. Elated with how the evening had gone, Adrian had lost from sight who he was dealing with. Was he moving too fast? Did he show too much? Was it a bad thing?

Edward knocked gently against his forehead. “Are you worrying again?”

“About little things?” Adrian smirked. “No way. I’m just a bit surprised. I was happy to see you come, but this boyfriend thing --”

“Is it too soon?”

Adrian brushed his hands through Edward’s hair, revealing the tall forehead. Lately, he had begun to notice all sorts of details about his partner slash current boyfriend. And he liked everything about them. “Don’t play me, please.”

Edward let his eyelids drop, and a mysterious smile curled his lips. “Like all we’ve done so far, you mean? Don’t you like it?”

Adrian didn’t know what to say. Edward was still a mystery; even after being together for a while now, he couldn’t know for sure when he was joking and when he wasn’t. That meant that he still had to keep his guard up, but, unlike before, he was in no mood.

“I’m just asking. If you can.”

Edward sighed and placed a small kiss on Adrian’s lips. “This soft part of you is killing me.”

No trace of joking in the low-spoken words this time. So, there was hope. “I like you alive and kicking, though.” Adrian chose to be the one to make light of the situation.

The chuckle that followed was a breeze against his lips. Adrian caught Edward’s mouth in another searing kiss. Anyone he had been with before Edward was a fading shadow now; Adrian couldn’t see himself in another man’s arms, and not just tomorrow, but forever. The thought was scary, but Adrian didn’t want to deny the truth it held.

“I wish I could spend the night,” Edward said. “But duty calls, and, after all the stories I told you and your friends tonight, I think you know what that means.”

“Of course. But we’ll work out something, right?”

“Sure,” Edward replied. “Now, give me one last kiss to take me through the night.”

In what universe did Edward honestly think he was no romantic? Adrian was melting, and he had never been into sappy stuff. What was he going to do with all that pleasant feeling pouring honey in his veins?

“Goodnight, Adrian,” Edward said softly. “It’s been a pleasure.”

Such formal words after a kiss like that. But Adrian couldn’t find it in himself to mind.

***

This is ridiculous.

Jared was well aware that remaining stuck in the bathroom for twenty minutes couldn’t sit well with Shane, who was waiting for him, between the sheets. After coming from his shower, smelling heavenly, with a dark desire in his beautiful eyes, Shane had nodded politely when Jared told him that he would wash, too.

What was about Shane that rocked his world so badly? Jared caught his face in his palms and rubbed it vigorously. Now was the time for him to prove himself a man. Did he want Shane that way?

A look down between his legs at his little friend that was staring at him, hard and weeping already, told him that was the truth and nothing but.

How would he go about it? Would he take Shane from the back, on all fours? Jared felt his cock twitch. All right, he needed to stop overthinking; for the sake of his cock and not blowing his load prematurely, he had to do that.

He couldn’t stay there forever, no matter how nervous he was. It was, after all, Shane’s fault, for wanting to have his cherry popped by some random dude. Well, Jared wasn’t entirely a random choice, but still.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Jared did that a few times, and his blood chilled a tiny fraction. He had to work with what he had. With a small prayer that he wouldn’t come too soon and make a complete fool of himself, Jared walked out of the bathroom, in nothing but his birthday suit.

His throat went dry when he took in Shane lying on his bed. He was on his belly and reading a magazine left by Jared on the nightstand. Maybe he lacked modesty since he hadn’t bothered to pull a blanket over his body, but, truth be told, Shane had nothing to be modest about.

Jared bit his bottom lip as his eyes traveled along the muscular back, down to the enticing curve of Shane’s butt. Something about it made Jared want to hurry and touch it, no, to squeeze it, no, to slap it, just a little –

“I know it’s nothing original, but do you like what you see?” Shane’s teasing words pulled him back to reality.

Jared cleared his throat. “Like? I’m absolutely impressed. And I think I’ve complimented you on your looks before.”

“You think? You’re not sure?”

Jared narrowed his eyes. “Are you making fun of me?”

“I wouldn’t dream of that. Seeing how you’re going to go for my ass with that thick throbbing thing between your legs, I shouldn’t, anyway.”

Jared caught his cock and squeezed it to behave. “So, it’s adequate now?”

Shane laughed, and that simple sound made Jared shiver a little. “I told you. It’s delicious. And I take back anything that might have made you think I was a rude boy whose momma didn’t teach him better. Now, come here.”

Jared moved and stopped inches from the bed.

“Wasn’t I supposed to be the one to get cold feet? Could it be that you’ve never topped, Jared?”

Jared shook his head. “I did, but it’s just … ah, you’re messing with me again.”

Shane reached for him with one hand and caressed Jared’s thigh slowly. “I’m not. I really want you to be the one to do it.”

Jared snickered to hide his embarrassment. He couldn’t deny the pleasure he felt upon hearing those words. “Then, don’t let me keep you waiting.” He climbed on the bed and straddled Shane’s ass. His cock rested against the crack like it knew it was there he needed to be. “Let me just get you ready first.”

Jared pushed his hair behind the ears and leaned over to pepper small kisses down Shane’s back. As much as his cock was in a world of pain, he needed to make this right.

Shane trembled under his lips.

“Are you all right? Should I go on?”

A long exhale followed. “Please, do.”

“If you have second thoughts --”

“I don’t. It’s just my damned cock that feels like it’s about to burst.”

Jared let out a sigh of relief. “I thought only mine got crazy.”

Shane looked at him over his shoulder. “I know that being the good guy you are, you want to make it good, but can we go at it without too much foreplay? This time? Please?”

Jared didn’t have to be asked twice. “Still, I need to, you know, work on your hole a little.”

“Okay, sure. I mean, you know best.”

Shane knew it, too, because Jared recalled perfectly well what a considerate lover his friend was. But being the one in charge, he needed to assume responsibility and help Shane feel the most pleasure possible.

He moved away and took the lube and a condom. Shane shifted and then raised his ass, exposing himself. Jared gulped and looked away. Still, he couldn’t be so shy, or they would never get around to do anything.

With newfound confidence, he grabbed Shane’s buttocks and pushed them aside to reveal the puckered hole. It seemed so small and vulnerable, and Jared had to close his eyes. If he looked too much, he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

With his eyes shut, he brought his face closer; right now, he was guiding himself by Shane’s body heat, and after a second try, he managed to bury his tongue directly in Shane’s asshole.

“Oh, fuck!”

The sudden exclamation took them both by surprise. Jared stopped.

“No, please go back to it,” Shane added. “Sorry for cursing. I knew it had to be good, but I guess I wasn’t prepared for it for real.”

Jared chuckled. “For a bottom boy, you’re pretty feisty. Just let me do my job. It’s serious stuff I’m dealing with here.” To make his point, he smacked Shane’s ass once. A small hiss was the immediate reaction. “Ah, not so pleasant anymore, huh?”

“Are you kidding me? Anything you do there, it blows my mind.” Despite the words, Shane didn’t sound like he was complaining.

“Let me properly introduce you to the pleasures of rimming.” Jared had to admit that it was something that he didn’t do much, not for lack of wanting, but because the guys he usually got freaky with preferred him to be the bottom. Still, Shane’s reactions were enough to give him courage. After all, he was the top tonight, and the bottom was in his care. Not to mention, the said bottom was Shane, and Jared had to show how grateful he was for how fantastic Shane had made him feel in bed so far.

Shane moaned and grunted as Jared licked his asshole thoroughly, making sure to stick his tongue inside as often as he could and without risking to sprain it, although he wasn’t sure that could happen to a tongue, after all.

Shane’s encouragements, sometimes soft, sometimes loud, made him want to try harder. But, he couldn’t spend the entire night eating Shane’s ass, no matter how rewarding it felt to hear his partner enjoying it.

“Now, let me just make it a little larger,” Jared whispered.

He worked two fingers, well lubed, into Shane’s ass, slowly and teasingly, until his partner took his hand and pushed it forward. “I won’t break, babe,” Shane said. “I really want you.”

Jared ignored him for a bit, as he continued to add more lube and work to make the hole fit to handle his cock, at least as much as possible. Shane was pliant in his hands, but his ass was hard, as expected.

With a determined last push, Jared decided that it was time to get to the real work. He was thankful for his hands being steady enough when he put on the condom and added more lube on his cock, too. If he could help it, Shane would remember having his cherry popped as a pleasant experience.

“Oh,” Jared whispered when his cock managed to enter a bit. He didn’t dare to push yet.

Shane helped him by pulling at his buttocks with both hands. In that position, he looked so submissive that Jared had to take one deep breath. He didn’t usually dream of topping guys, but seeing a strong man like that, offering his body, a new feeling of pride grew in him.

And Shane was right. It was quite a sight to watch his cock going slower inside a beautiful ass like that. It felt nice to relate, too. He knew that Shane must have told the truth.

“Babe, your cock feels great,” Shane said in a strained voice.

“Really? Doesn’t it really feel like something is stabbing you to death or something?”

“It does hurt a little,” Shane admitted in the same breathless manner. “But it’s good, too. Ride me, babe, ride me like you mean it.”

Jared knew he couldn’t stop if he wanted. His cock was already on autopilot and now using him to do its bidding. He anchored himself by grabbing Shane’s ass and pushed as slowly as he could without losing his mind.

Shane didn’t hesitate to help him by pulling hard at his ass to open it and pushing back to meet him half-way. From there, it was easy. Jared couldn’t believe he had been so nervous about it all. It came naturally, how his hips moved, or how he angled his thrusts, in synch with Shane’s moans of pleasure and verbal encouragement.

He glued his body to Shane’s back and kissed one shoulder, a bit sweaty and salty. Now, he was hammering Shane’s ass, aware that he was letting himself go too fast. He could blame it on Shane for being too sexy, and also on how he encouraged him to go at it.

Jared needed confirmation and also to prove that he was not some jerk. With one hand, he reached for Shane’s cock that throbbed in his hand the moment he touched it. He used to other to caress Shane’s chest, pulling at the curly hair and the hard nipples, wanting to make the moments matter for eternity.

“Oh, babe,” Shane whispered. “You fuck me so good.”

“I’m glad,” Jared whispered back, wanting to make it sound like a joke, but failing.

They were both too close to give a damn, as it seemed. Shane went first, with strangled cries and whispered soft curses that sounded like praises, and Jared followed, no longer in control of his body.

When he dropped on his back, breathing hard, his eyes on the ceiling, his mind remained empty for long moments. What a freeing sensation, to focus on the other’s pleasure, no longer obsessing about himself. He couldn’t have seen that without Shane.

He turned his head, and his eyes met the dark ones. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Shouldn’t I say that?” Shane laughed.

“You’re the one who got his ass plowed. I don’t think so. I’m the guy who got the long side of the stick, right?”

“No, that’s me. Your stick is pretty long. I think I still feel it.”

Jared slapped Shane’s shoulder playfully. “Are you sure I just popped your cherry, or you’ve been making fun of me all evening?”

“You popped my cherry, all right. Seriously, you have a gift, babe.”

“A gift for popping cherries? Wait till the boys hear about it. No, I mean, they won’t hear about it. What am I, some jerk?” Jared began babbling.

Shane reached for him and shut him up with a kiss. “I don’t see any jerk when I’m looking at you, Jared. But don’t go around popping cherries.”

Jared caressed Shane’s hair. “Don’t worry about that. By the way, your ass was absolutely fantastic.”

“Thanks.” Shane grinned. “But, seriously, how come you didn’t complain before while I dicked the hell out of you?”

Jared snickered. “Those are secrets only a true bottom knows.”

“Really? So you don’t want to share them with me?”

“I don’t know. You’re a great top, Shane. I don’t want you to lose that. What are we going to do if we both prefer to bottom?”

“Maybe take one of those dildos with two heads?”

Jared’s eyes grew wide. He started laughing. “Okay, now do something to take that image out of my head.”

“Hmm, like what?”

“Like the kind of thing I kept praising you for just earlier.”

“You mean, top you?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah. You’re great at it.”

And not only at that. Jared closed his eyes as Shane kissed him and locked them both in a world of their own.

***

Mike took a long look in the mirror. Could it even be possible for him to look worse than that? He hadn’t gotten a shut-eye all night, and now the face staring back at him was drawn and pale, like that of a sick person. Not that he didn’t feel sick to the stomach already, which meant that, in a way, he looked like he felt.

There was a possibility Ryan must have thought that Mike’s sudden decision was targeted against him. Which wasn’t true at all! Mike washed his face one more time. It was about Ryan, and about how much Mike wanted him.

Jared had already sent him a long message to encourage him after calling twice. As much as he felt the need to lean on someone, Mike knew that it was his decision and his responsibility to assume it until the end. He would apologize to Jared later.

What was he supposed to wear while handing in his resignation for real? After a short, but intense struggle in front of the closet that offered the same clothes with minimal variations, Mike settled for his usual t-shirt and jeans. As formal as the situation was, as the server guy, he had never been asked to dress according to a code. Wearing the suit he had had on when Ryan had danced with him on the roof seemed like overkill.

Or did it? After a short debate, Mike decided to go for formal, after all. At least, this time, when he finished, he didn’t look like an undead person. He took a few steps; the shoes were still too new, and they squeaked a little, making him self-aware. But he couldn’t wear a suit with sneakers, or at least not that kind of outfit.

Well, the situation was already uncomfortable. Wearing clothes and shoes that he didn’t usually wear was just a small ordeal compared to the rest. How would Ryan react? Would Mike remember all his lines?

With sweaty hands, he took the piece of paper on which he had written all he wanted to say. After obsessing over how many things could go wrong with his phone – on which he could have kept his message much more conveniently – from having the battery die on him to a rare malfunction, he had decided that a traditional medium would be a better choice.

Where should he keep the message? He tried his chest pocket, and then he reconsidered. The left side pocket was much better. No, the right one. Hmm, but what if he needed to do something with his right hand, and it would be awkward to reach for his pocket with the same hand? No, it needed to go into the left pocket.

All right. He was ready. He would print the resignation letter at work, and send it by email, too, just in case.

Everything was in order. Mike took one deep breath. He checked everything one last time. It would be fine; everything would be just fine.

***

“Is Mr. Armstrong in?” Mike cleared his throat and asked the question again since it looked like the assistant hadn’t heard him.

The woman stared over her glasses at him. “He’ll be in a meeting in five.”

“I’ll be quick,” Mike promised.

The assistant kept her eyes on him as she reached for the phone. For a stupid moment, Mike wondered whether she could see right through him and knew what he was thinking. Not that he had impure thoughts or anything. Nothing of the kind.

“Go in,” the assistant said shortly and returned to her work without sparing him another glance.

Mike shook his arms and legs as he walked, trying hard not to draw more attention. He knocked so timidly that the person behind it couldn't hear that. But, before he could knock a second time, the voice he knew invited him in.

Ryan was at his desk, and his face was all a frown. His eyes were on some documents in a folder in front of him, and he seemed troubled. Mike cleared his throat.

“I hope you’re here to tell me that you just thought it would be funny to pull a stunt like that on me.” Ryan didn’t move his eyes to look at him, something that unnerved Mike to no end.

“Um,” he barely managed.

“Apologies accepted. You don’t have to make more of it.”

There was something tight like a spring in Ryan’s voice as he spoke.

Mike felt his head reeling. Of all the possible scenarios he had imagined, this one was completely unexpected. Could Ryan think that he was some kind of joker? The thought poured ice into his veins.

Ryan finally looked at him. He examined him for a short while, and, for a moment, the cold façade dropped. Mike felt his knees going all jelly under that stare. He liked to think that he knew what it was about. Not that he was a presumptuous kind of guy. Not at all.

“Mike?” Ryan quirked an eyebrow. “You’re forgiven.” His voice became warm. “I mean it.”

“No.” Mike couldn’t believe that was him saying that word.

Ryan’s look turned quizzical. “Do you have anything else you want to say to me?”

Damned neurons. His mind was all blank. Mike walked to the desk and placed his resignation letter on the desk. “I quit,” he said in a whisper.

Great. Where the hell was that speech? Mike began searching his pockets frantically. As he did that, he must have missed something, because when Ryan leaned over the desk to bring their eyes to the same level, he took Mike entirely by surprise.

He yelped and jumped back.

“Mike, please, I don’t have time for jokes,” Ryan said in a steady, but menacing voice.

Well, it wasn’t menacing-menacing, but it sure looked like Ryan was unhappy about how Mike had chosen to hand in his resignation.

Oh, the paper was there. Mike took it out of his left pocket and stared at it. What the hell? That wasn’t the message he had prepared! He was staring at a regular, white piece of paper on which nothing was written.

“I’m terribly disappointed,” Ryan began.

“No.” Mike put one hand up. “I had it all right here,” he moaned.

“Can I ask you what could have made you so unhappy to take this decision?” Ryan asked, and his voice was pained now.

“You,” Mike replied quickly. He couldn’t stand there, saying and doing nothing. He would have to make do without the message he had so carefully crafted.

“I made you unhappy?” Ryan asked, measuring his words slowly.

“No! I mean, yes! No,” Mike bit his lips. “I mean, I quit --”

“Because of me.” Ryan sighed and ran one hand over his face. “Look, Mike, what happened was --”

“Everything to me,” Mike said.

Ryan stopped and looked intently at him. “Everything?”

“So I have to quit.”

“But I need you here,” Ryan said softly. “We’d be lost without you.”

We, as in the company. Mike searched his brain for what Jared had told him the day before. “It’s about me and what I want.”

Ryan let his shoulders drop. “Of course, of course. I will make sure that you will take some great recommendations with you.”

“Thank you. I mean, I still have stuff to say.” Mike hated his voice when it went all weird and squealy.

Ryan took the folder from the desk and began walking toward the door, choosing the side that took him as far apart from Mike as possible.

Mike couldn’t say what must have possessed him right that moment because courage he didn’t have urged him to grab Ryan by the forearm when he came close. And not only that. That moment had to go down in history as the second of Mike Cavanaugh’s life when he had finally grown a pair.

He grabbed Ryan by the back of his neck and kissed him. The sound of the folder dropping and of papers rustling gently just made it perfect. Mike didn’t use his tongue or anything but pressed his lips on Ryan’s to make a point.

He released him shortly. “I quit because I love you.”

All right. That wasn’t part of the message. Surely it wasn’t. But it was out of the bag, and Mike felt it was right, even if Ryan was probably the most surprised. He had never thought, not even in his head, that he loved Ryan, not just that he felt attracted to him and all that entailed. But it had to be true because Mike would never quit his job for a man he didn’t love. It was exactly like his mother had told him it would be; he just knew that it was right, damned be the consequences.

Ryan was in shock. The assistant knocked on the door and stuck her head in. “Mr. Armstrong, I don’t want to interrupt, but --”

Mike grabbed the folder and the papers from the floor and handed them to Ryan. “Here, Mr. Armstrong. Go knock them up; I mean, out. Knock out, that is what I mean,” he babbled.

Some heroes only had their moments, it seemed. Mike’s had run out, and now he was back to being his usual messy self. But, at least, he had driven home a point.

“Sure,” Ryan murmured.

“Have a great day.”

“You’ll still be around for the two weeks’ notice, right?” Ryan asked quickly as he tried to put the papers in his folder in order.

“Yes. I will help with whatever I can,” Mike promised.

“Mr. Armstrong,” the assistant interrupted them.

“Then, I will see you around,” Ryan said stiffly.

For a moment, Mike felt the need to laugh. It wasn’t like Ryan to lose his composure, but it seemed that, right now, he wasn’t entirely in control of himself. That was a good sign, right?

Mike murmured his goodbyes and walked out. Behind him, the assistant began talking quickly to Ryan. He couldn’t believe he had done it. He had really done it.

***

“So, how was it?” Jared sounded cheerful and a bit impatient. “What did Ryan say?”

“Not much. He had to rush to a meeting, but I did it, J, I did it!” Mike tried to rein in his excitement. He was alone in his server room, but still, just in case, he didn’t want anyone to hear him, other than Jared. “I told him that I loved him,” he added quickly.

“What?” Jared was surprised. “You love him? I mean, I know that you’re crazy about him … Wait. Did you forget the message you wrote at home?”

“Yeah,” Mike admitted, his voice growing meek. “I just didn’t think. I mean, I couldn’t. But I don’t regret it. I love him. Are you mad at me?”

Jared laughed softly. “How could I be mad at you? Now, stop killing me. I really need to know how Ryan reacted to your sudden confession.”

“I think he was lost for words. I mean, he couldn’t say anything because I was kissing him --”

“What?!”

Mike had to take the phone away from his ear. “Yeah,” he said and snickered. “I told you. I didn’t stop and think.”

“Well, look who grew up overnight. I’m seriously glad for you, Mike.”

Someone knocked on the door, and Mike felt sudden apprehension. “There’s someone at the door, J. Talk to you later?”

“Sure. Kisses.”

“Kisses back.” Mike turned off his phone and hurried to get the door.

Ryan was there, his eyes burning, his face determined. Mike only managed a gasp as he was grabbed, pushed inside, and kissed. The sound of the door closing shut down his sanity, too.

TBC