Life in Suspension - 1. Chapter 1 - The Lug Head

In school suspension
Duration: 3 days
Reason: Fighting.

The slip crunched in my hand read, my cheek hot with anger as I left the principle’s office of our moderately appointed, mid-sized town high school.

‘Not my fault.’ I seethed internally, as I walked quickly past the empty classrooms, in an empty corridor. ‘Not my fucking fault.’ I repeated in the same internal monologue over and over until I reached the bank of lockers that mine called home.

A quick right-left-right twist of the combination allowed me access, and I quickly exchanged what was in my bag if what I would need at home and slammed the locker shut, and with as much fire in me as the walk before I headed to the front entrance.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I neared the end of the hall because there he stood, the other participant who also. My brow furrowed, as he stood there as if he was waiting for me with his bag slung over his shoulder, school ball cap backwards on his head looking like he was posing for one of those old school stupid teen magazines.

I fucking hated him.

“Nathan--”

“Shove it Corey.” I spat, as I stormed past him and headed for the door.

“Wait!” He called out as he quickly tore off after me.

I ignored him as I walked to the pickup line, that still contained two cars, one parked after the other. I didn’t say anything as I headed for my ride which was my older brother, as a woman stepped out of the car behind him and made way for my nemesis.

“Corey Isaac Andrews.” She almost yelled, causing me to stop and watch the spectacle.

“Mom--”

“Don’t mom me. Get in this car right now. What the hell is going on with you? The school called me at work, do you know what it’s like to be told you’re son’s a bully? We didn’t raise you that way. Get in the damn car NOW!” Mrs. Andrews said, her voice growing louder with every word.

Corey visibly sulked as he approached his mom.

“Is this the guy you were fighting with?” She continued as she looked between the both of us, then looked at me. “I know you don’t want to hear this but I’m sorry this happened. Corey apologize to him.”

“Mom…”

“I said apologize!”

I stood there, my anger temporarily abated, as Corey looked at me.

“Nathan, I’m sorry. Really.” He said finally, his dark eyes locked on mine. I said nothing, still mildly fuming. Corey and his mom climbed into the waiting car a few moments later and disappeared out of sight.

“Well that was something.” A voice said.

I glanced at my older brother who was a senior and said nothing as I got into the car.

“What happened Nate?” He asked climbing in after me.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I replied.

“Dad’s not happy dude.” He replied as he started the car and we began the short drive home.

“When is dad ever happy Chris.” I popped back.

He pursed his lips into a thin line, but didn’t say anything. He knew it was true. Our mother passed away a year and a half ago and left a black mark in all of us that was still in the process of healing. Her diagnosis, attempted treatment and passing went by all too quickly, but I knew she loved all of us, she expressed it every day right up until the end.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly as I started to calm down, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Chris rubbed my knee gently, “I know Nate, I know.”

The incident with our mom had left us damaged. My dad was depressed, I was angry and Chris? Well Chris tried his best to hold us together and that wasn’t fair to him, especially during his senior year of school. I was a year behind, just starting my Junior year and it hadn’t started on a good note.

My anger was hard to control, it’s not that I wasn’t a bad kid or a bad student I had been quite the opposite. Before my mom’s death I had been the shy nerd, the short kid no one talked to, and after it my whole demeanor, the clothes I wore, how I did my hair just suddenly changed. After she died I didn’t take crap from anyone and openly challenged anyone who tried. Things got worse the previous year when I outed myself to the wrong person, it didn’t take long to get around and I had to deal with the fallout of that too. The hazing was at least minimal once everyone noticed I was willing to fight back and most of everyone just steered clear of me.

Both my brother and my dad knew, I’m sure in another world something would have been said but as it was our family was barely hanging on with a thread so I only received the silent support from them both, I just didn’t feel the urge to talk about it.

Chris was silent the rest of the way home but as we pulled into the driveway he looked at me and put a hand on my shoulder, “you don’t have to talk about it right now, but please tell me later. I worry about you dude.”

I nodded as his blue eyes, which were a shade darker than mine stayed on me till I gave a silent nod and we headed into the house.

Dad wouldn’t be home from work for a few hours, and I knew I’d need to be calm for that conversation so I just went into my room, hooked my phone to the Bluetooth speaker on my desk and let something play to mellow me out.

I was spread out on the floor still listening to music when my dad got home. I had just finished my biology homework when he knocked and stepped inside. He stood tall, like Chris, but had my wry thin flexible frame, with a worn face that showed the stress of the last couple of years. He pulled out my chair and sat backwards on it and studied me for a few moments before he spoke.

“Nathan, I just want to say I’m not mad.” His expression changed as he rolled his eyes at himself, “well not mad anymore, I just need to know. Did you throw the first punch?”

My lips formed a thin line as I thought about the answer, but there was only one I could give, “yes, but he deserved it.” I said quickly. “He and his stupid jock friends were riding me because I was short, gay and whatever other bullshit they came up with and when I didn’t respond, he asked if I was going to run home and cry to my mother.”

That made my father pause for a moment, another expression flashed on his face quickly but disappeared. “Does this kid know you? Know what we’re going through do you think?” He asked evenly but gently.

“Well, no. I don’t think so. I don’t have many friends so it’s not exactly out in the open and I think Chris keeps it to himself too except to Lucas and Dan.” I commented absently.

“So it could have been a mistake?”

“I don’t know dad, I was just so damn mad I didn’t care if it was or not.”

“I understand Nathan, and I’m sorry I’ve been mixed up in my own emotional problems to help deal with yours. Do you think you need to talk to someone that can help you with that anger. You know a professional?” He asked.

“If you sign up first.” I said a little too quickly.

“I already have son.” He replied as I looked up at him shocked.

“Really?”

“I started two months ago. I go once a week and it’s starting to help.” My dad admitted a little uncomfortably, “just think about it. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do unless this gets worse, deal?”

I nodded as my dad stood up, I stood up with him and he surprised me when he pulled me into a hug, which he hadn’t done in years. My anger of the day immediately melted down to nothing as my dad held me in that embrace. Neither of us spoke, but perhaps this was the first steps towards the healing we all desperately needed.

“So this school thing, you’re suspended?” He asked as we left my room and headed for the kitchen.

“It’s in school suspension, so I still have to go and so does Corey, the dude I’ve got beef with.” I replied.

“Corey, that sounds familiar do I know him?”

“Maybe, I think we worked on a science project together in the 8th grade and he was over some for that, but it’s not like we were friends or anything.” I replied as I tried to remember.

“Oh yes, I do remember that. He seemed like a good kid.”

“Yeah well people change.” I said with indifference.

My dad gave me a long steady look as he replied, “yes son, yes they do.”

We talked a little more, dad saw my side of it and decided not to ground me or take anything away. He did however give me a warning that this one was a free pass considering the circumstances and to not do it or be in any other fights for the rest of the semester and I promised I would do my best. Dinner consisted of Chinese take out which was my favorite and the three of us actually had a good conversation during dinner plus some family time with a basketball game on the big screen.

Dad ribbed me for choice of team support, and Chris ribbed him for his choice in the last season of football. For a moment it felt like a normal family night, the only thing missing was mom and the pot shots she would take at everyone. That thought made me think for a minute especially over the cause of the fight at school. Mom had the ability to dish out the shots as well as take them and she had tried her best, to instill that with me due to my short stature and wry frame.

‘Kill em with comedy,’ she had tried to teach me and I just simply forgot.

After dinner and the game I went back to my room and started packing up the finished homework and books I had strewn around the floor, Chris poked his head through my open door holding up his phone.

“Damn dude have you seen this?” He said hitting the play button on the video displayed on the screen. I stood up and watched, someone had recorded the incident showing me leaping up at Corey and yanking him to the ground.

“I had no idea you had skills bro,” Chris commented, then continued when I gave him a confused look. “You should try wrestling or something. Look how fast you took him down!”

“Yeah, no.” I replied as I went back to packing up my stuff.

“I had no idea my little brother was such a fire cracker.” He said, jumping at me trying to force me down. His playful attitude made me laugh and soon we were in a tumble as I forced him down onto his back, my hands pinning his chest.

“Whoa, a fire cracker with a big bang! For a short dude you’re pretty tough.” He said holding his hands up in surrender.

“I guess so.” I said moving back to my feet, I extended a hand to help him up.

“You feel better?” He asked as he shook off the fall.

“Yeah I do, thanks Chris.”

“I love you bro,” and for the second time tonight I found myself in the embrace of another family member. Chris pecked the top of my head before heading back to his room.

I started my evening ritual, brushed my teeth, washed my face and turned on the TV for some background noise as I stripped down and climbed into bed. My phone had lay forgotten on the nightstand with several Instagram notifications from posts I had been tagged in.

‘Here we go.’ I thought to myself as I unlocked the phone and opened the app. It was the same video my brother had shown me, I even saw his top rated comment, ‘my bro the fire cracker.’

“Such a dork.” I said as I scrolled through the comments. There was a lot of support, and some nay sayers. Many people thought Corey and his group of friends had it coming, and they shouldn’t pick on people, others who were probably jocks said they could take me.

Along with the post and the assorted comments, there where a few unread messages, from people who I followed and followed me, plus a couple from people requesting permission to message me.

I ended up on that list as I didn’t feel like replying to messages and one stood out. I was curious so I clicked on it.

therealCIA96_: Hey I just wanted to say I really am sorry for what I said.

I rolled my eyes.

I didn’t bother responding. Instead closed the app and put my phone on the charger and just went to bed instead. Thankfully sleep came quickly.

The next morning I woke up to my brother banging on my door as he always, and so began the normal morning ritual. I showered, got dressed and headed downstairs as he was finishing a bowl of cereal.

“You gonna eat?” He asked as he took his dishes and rinsed them off in the sink.

“Don’t feel like it right now, maybe lunch.” I replied grabbing a granola bar and a single serve container of juice out of the fridge.

“You ready then?” He asked and I nodded so we locked up the house and left.

The ride to school was as quick and quiet as the trip home had been yesterday. I ate my granola bar and drank my juice on the way as I rode lost in thought. Chris always knew when I was thinking and usually let me have it. Eventually he would ask what was stuck up my ass but would leave me alone until it was time to talk until I figured it out and today was no different.

I of course got looks when people noticed I was at school, I always did after a fight, but no one approached me.

“Hey fire cracker.” A voice called out behind me, I stopped and turned to see Jessica Bartlett standing behind me with a wry smile on her lips. Okay so maybe I had a friend, maybe two. She was just someone I chatted to about boys, school, home, and whatever else we could talk about that filled in time.

“Hey Jess,” I replied as I walked closer.

“So did it feel good?” She asked directly.

“Feel good? What taking down that bone head?” I replied as I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah. You didn’t respond to my messages on insta.” She said as she slid up beside me as we walked to my locker.

“I didn’t respond to any messages Jess, so don’t feel left out.” I quipped.

“I figured, so I don’t. But my question stands unanswered.” She replied coyly with a smirk.

“And it shall remain so, I gotta get checked into suspension. See you in three days.” I said with a half smile.

“Jerk.”

“Skank.”

She smiled and gave me a wave as I headed for the lower level. In school suspension usually happened downstairs in one of the few empty classrooms that where generally used to store, well junk. Normally there were very few students incarcerated like this at school, mostly because at this school if you where suspended they generally didn’t want you in the building, but I guess some crimes weren’t as bad as others.

It was much to my dismay as I entered the room and checked in with the monitor that only Corey and I were to enjoy the days activities alone. Only two desks where setup and they sat side by side. Corey was already in his and it took me moment to unfreeze from my position to take the other one. He watched me as I sat down and tried to give a little wave.

I didn’t even look at him. I hated him remember? At least he wasn’t wearing that stupid cap.

Teachers had already been made aware of the situation so created work specifically for us to complete during this three day venture and I didn’t say a word as I dug a pencil out of my bag and went through the stack of work I was to complete today. I found the English assignment from Mrs. Livingston the easiest to start with. She just wanted a page and a half essay on who what where and why on what happened yesterday, along with how I felt and how I planned to correctly move forward. Livingston was probably the only teacher I had opened up to about my mom and some of my anger because I had expressed it during other writing assignments. Sometimes I felt she gave me special assignments in lieu of other work just to help me vent what was going inside of me, so who was I to deny her.

As I started writing the essay I could hear and feel the fidgeting beside me. I’m guessing Corey couldn’t decide what to start first because I kept hearing the papers shuffle. Then I heard is leg as it began to shake up and down.

I ignored it as I wrote. Just the fact he was next was spurring the words from the pencil tip, faster than I could form them in my head. God would you please stop making his leg shake. I was well into my next assignment when I heard him shift in his seat again. I didn’t look up as he stood up to throw something away but a small scrap of paper appeared in front of me as he walked passed.

The suspension monitor wasn’t paying attention and I quickly grabbed it and gave it a glance.

I’m sorry can we talk maybe?

I made quick eye contact with him his return trip and crumbled up the paper in one hand as tight as I could, giving him my silent answer in a way I hope he would understand.

‘Fucking talk? Are you serious?’ I wanted to shout, but I bit my lip and stayed silent.

He didn’t try again for the rest of the time before lunch. Of course we ate lunch silently, we had been allowed to collect whatever we wanted from the cafeteria before the start of lunch so we wouldn’t run into anyone while being escorted by the suspension monitor. By now my hunger was getting to the best of me since I didn’t eat anything except from that granola bar so I had a pretty full tray when we headed back.

In the briefest of moments when the monitor stepped outside to confer with another issue, Corey broke the silence.

“Nathan,” he whispered. “I’m--”

“Don’t talk to me!” I said as loud of a whisper I could manage.

Corey shrank back into his seat and he didn’t try again during lunch. However after lunch is when things changed up a little bit. Coach Yates, stuck his head in and looked to the hall monitor then at both of us.

“I’m here for these two, for P.E.” He said. “Leave your stuff boys, it’s not going anywhere.”

We were off with a nod of the head from the monitor and quickly found ourselves in the changing room, because we were still expected to dress out. We were alone, as everyone else was already dressed out and doing whatever activities where planned, and I changed clothes as quickly as I could just so I didn’t have to deal with Corey trying to talk to me again.

Which I found out next was going to be damn near impossible when the coach gave us our assignment, “start running guys.” He said pointing at the track in the distance. “No fighting, no nothing. Just run or else. I’ll tell you when you can stop.”

‘Fine whatever.’ I thought to myself as I began my run.

This was at least something I liked to do. I had a shorter stride then most people, but I did enjoy running. I had even entertained the idea of running track in the spring the previous year but didn’t end up doing it due to household issues.

I stretched, and did a few warm ups before I actually hit the track. I had no idea what Corey was doing because I didn’t bother to look and I just didn’t care. Let him sprain something.

I started off in a light jog, that was barely faster than a brisk walk. I didn’t feel like running myself into the ground and the coach never said what pace I had to achieve. I could hear foot steps following behind and beside me at the same pace.

I ignored them.

I my goal was to just get through this quietly, and calmly as I could.

A twinge formed in the back of my neck, he was about to say something again.

“Save it.” I said cutting him off before he could even speak. He was still behind me but his pace didn’t falter.

“Please.” He said anyway.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m-”

“If you say you’re sorry one more fucking time I’m going to lose my shit.” I replied with a hint of malice.

“Well I am.” Came the reply.

I really wanted to stop and cause a commotion, but I knew we were being watched and I promised my dad I wouldn’t. So I increased my pace, and he increased his. Damnit all I wanted to do was create distance and the lug head behind me couldn’t take a hint.

‘Alright you wanna do this, then let’s do this.' I said as I bore onto a full on sprint that was powered by my want and my need to just be away from him.

My feet pounded on the track as I took the curve, I didn’t slow down. Sweat formed on my brow as I hit the straight away, and I still didn’t slow down. I was coming up on the next full curve when I heard his body hit the ground.

I wanted to just keep running, it served his ass right. Let him wallow in it, I hope it hurt. The thought left me as soon as I heard him groan in pain.

I stopped. Dammit, I stopped. I willed myself not to turn around but I did. Sweat was still beading down my face and through my hair and I was breathing hard but compassion won over and I turned around and slowly walked in his direction.

“What the hell happened?” I asked pointedly

“I fell.”

“No shit Sherlock, why did you fall?”

“You really have a mouth you know that?”

“Yeah it comes with the bad attitude I’ve got. Are you hurt?”

He stood up on wobbly legs, and brushed himself off. He was as sweaty as I was maybe even more so than I was, it was almost cute how his hair flowed when it was damp. I slapped myself internally for thinking it. I hated him remember?

“I don’t think so.” He replied.

“Start walking before someone notices we aren’t moving.” I said glancing around the field.

He gingerly took a few steps then started moving back down the track at a sedate walk. Well at least he didn’t fucking break anything.

“Why are you so angry all the time?” His voice called out from behind me.

“Because people give me grief.”

“I’m sorry I gave you grief, I deserved that take down.” He responded before I could say otherwise.

“Why are we talking about this? In fact why are we talking at all? Can’t you just leave me alone?” I said with more than a little irritation.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll shut up then.” The lug-head replied solemnly.

Ugh, now I felt worse. First the idiot hurts himself while trying to keep up with me, tries to apologize, and then gallantly decides to give me what I want. What a fricken’ piece of work.

I could have took off back on my jog but I didn’t. I walked the same pace Corey was, he was still beside me and to the behind of my position just following me silently.

“At least walk beside me or in front of me. Not behind me I don’t like that.” I said out of the blue after another half lap of walking.

He silently complied staying in his lane beside me.

More silence.

“You should run track, you’re faster than you look.” He said breaking the silence.

“Thought about it, sports aren’t my thing.” I said shrugging off his compliment.

“What is your thing?” Lug-head asked directly.

“I’m a fuckin’ nerd dude. I’m in four AP classes this year. I don’t care for school spirit, I don’t care if I have friends. I don’t care if people don’t like that I’m gay.” I replied, looking at him incredulously.

“That doesn’t bother me by the way.” He said simply, and I knew what he meant.

“Then why yesterday?”

“I made a mistake, which you quickly corrected.” Corey replied as he rubbed the back of his head.

‘Damn right you make a mistake,’ and if I hadn’t been pulled off of him he would have gotten more than a bump on the head.

“You aren’t going to apologize again are you?” I said with a snort.

“No, you don’t like that.”

Well the lug-head had a point. I didn’t like that, nor did I like compliments or anything else that brought attention to myself. Kind of a contradiction in terms since fighting usually brought lots of that attention.

Coach Yates blew his whistle from a distance and motioned us closer once we caught his gaze. Gently we jogged from our position across the field and approached quickly.

“Looks like you guys got a good work out, and no bruises. Very good. Hit the showers and head back to ISS. You got fifteen minutes before everyone else heads to the lockers.”

We both nodded quietly and did a light jog back to the locker rooms.

“I hope you’re planning to shower before going back, because I don’t wanna have to smell you the rest of the afternoon.” I said as I started pulling off my gym attire.

“Yep.” He replied, I guess lug-head can only speak in complete sentences some of the time.

Of course I’m sure people expected me to catch a look but honestly I didn’t. That’s not my thing, yeah I’m gay but I’m not a total perv either. If a dude wants me to look he can ask as far as I was concerned. I grabbed a towel and my shower supplies and was the first one in there.

Corey appeared a few shower heads to the left of me and we both turned on the water and got under the spray. Actually after that particular stint on the track I needed this. The water helped relax my muscles and the clearing of sweat helped improve my mood. It made me feel human again for a few moments.

Feeling much more refreshed I turned off the water grabbed the towel making quick work to dry my skin and hair. Then I wrapped the towel around me as I headed back into the locker room. Corey took a couple of minutes longer, I guess that tumble he took required a knew more degrees of hot water, but he exited the same way I did and didn’t appear the least bit uncomfortable.

We dressed in silence and as I was tying my shoe, he stood in front of me fully dressed and ready to go.

“Thanks for talking earlier.” He said with that ever present simplistic expression on his face.

“Yeah,” I said waving him off.

“Can we talk again maybe?”

Jesus, what was up with this guy.

“Fine.” I said as I got up, he replied ‘cool’ and followed me back to ISS not saying another word.

The rest of the day went a little different then first part, Corey didn’t seem to fidget as much and he was more intent on his work than he had been this morning, not that I was watching or anything. I managed to finish my stack early and pulled a book, yes an actual honest to God paper back out of my bag and read silently till the end of the day.

I was still reading the same book when the final bell for the day rang, the monitor looked at us both and finally said more than two words to us.

“I appreciate you guys following the rules today, you did good. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that we were dismissed.

Chris was waiting for me outside by himself I didn’t see Corey’s mom’s car anywhere. I gave him a glance as he frowned.

“Guess she’s still at work.” He said as he glanced around.

“Can you call her?” I asked.

He shook his head, “she took my phone away. I’m grounded until suspension is over.”

“If you know the digits you can use mine,” I said pulling my phone out of my pocket. I unlocked the screen and handed it to him.

“Nice background,” he said with a smirk.

It was a simple meme that said ‘fuck you and the dick you rode in on.’ I just rolled my eyes as he started to make his call.

Chris came up to us and asked what was up. I informed him the details and he looked at Corey, “we can give you a ride.”

I jabbed him in the side quickly.

“Hey! Don’t be an asshole,” Chris admonished. “Mom raised you better.”

He was right, she did. Corey did manage to connect with his mother and did relay what my brother suggested. Corey handed me back my phone and we got into the car.

“Have you two kissed and made up yet?”

“Never!” I said.

“Working on it.” He said over me.

“Wow okay then.” Chris said with a light heart-ed chuckle. He got the directions from Corey and come to find out he lived in the same sub division we did, just at opposite ends.

“Thanks.” He said as he got out then looked to me, “see you tomorrow.”

I waved him off and we headed back to the house.

“He doesn’t seem bad.” Chris commented, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Yeah neither does a mild infection yet it can still kill you.” I replied.

Chris just shook his head, the smile still plastered on his lips as he drove us home.

That night was pretty chill like the night before, me and Chris made dinner, and I told him about my day in ISS and the incident on the track. Chris told me maybe I should give the big ape a break since it sounded like he may have been half ass sincere and I didn’t commit to anything either way.

Dad came home right as dinner was ready and it looked like he had one of those days at work, so we immediately tucked in and kept the conversation light. After dinner Chris had homework, but I didn’t so I ended up doing the dishes, while dad ended up in his office to make a few calls and finish a couple of tasks he didn’t get done at the office. I retreated back into my room and laid around with the TV on as background noise again but not really watching it.

Instead I was on my phone going through some stuff on reddit, Jess on snap chat before ending up on Instagram where I found another message waiting for me.

therealCIA93_: you can message me here if you want.

Fine, I’ll bite.

natesfate_1022: I thought you had your phone taken

    therealCIA93_: she forgot the tablet

I shook my head and found myself smiling a little, I tried to shake it off.

natesfate_1022: good one.

I went back to his profile and clicked follow, and I immediately got a notification that he followed back.

therealCIA93_: this mean we good?

natesfate_1022: whoa slow down lug-head, sometimes a follow is just a follow.

therealCIA93_: lug-head?

natesfate_1022: well I had to call you something other than asshole.

therealCIA93_: ill take it.

natesfate_1022: you better. if not I will knock you down again.

therealCIA93_: pls don’t lol it hurts.

natesfate_1022: fine.

therealCIA93_: gotta go, talk tomorrow?

natesfate_1022: yeah fine, just don’t get used to it.

therealCIA93: ok

natesfate_1022: gn lug-head.

therealCIA93_: gn fire cracker.

I closed the app shaking my head, that asshole stole my brothers nickname. I still didn’t know why this guy was talking to me, or even wanted to talk to me.

Fuck it that’s tomorrows problem. I plugged my phone in and set it on the nightstand and watched TV till I fell asleep.