Oregon in the Fall - 9. Chapter Nine: Mark

Three years ago. The Strawberry Mountains, Oregon. The Belcore Pack.

The day after a full moon always felt like a Sunday, with not much to do. There were no pack responsibilities for me today. And not for Mark, either.

It was dawn. I woke up by the side of the riverbed and nuzzled my snout against Mark, who was still sound asleep. His fur was soft, calming. I listened to the steady rise and fall of his breath, watching the first faint light of dawn begin to break over the horizon. I wanted to stay like this for much longer, but we couldn’t. They would find us. So I waited until the last vestiges of the night’s stars had faded, and let out a tiny yip.

That woke him up.

I slowly shifted back into human, dirt and leaves sticking to my skin, and intently kept my gaze on Mark. My body made the oddest sounds in the process, with bones rearranging, hair and fingernails retreating, and most of all the skin stretching and bending. It’s not like this was unfamiliar to Mark, but he particularly liked watching me shift, so I played the part.

“Sometimes we spend a night like this together, and everything is alright. But then you retreat, and you become… so distant. I don’t understand you,” I said to him.

That was probably the most honest I had been in a long time.

He sat up, still wolf, and tilted his head from one side to the other, as if to question me. He quickly shifted to human, it didn’t even take him a second.

Mark.

His skin was lighter than my own. Eyes so green, saturated to an extent that must’ve been impossible.

I held both hands out to cup his face between them, and I searched. I searched his eyes for an answer. Why couldn’t we be? What am I not seeing?

His gaze met mine, those verdant eyes holding a world of unspoken thoughts. Mark exhaled, a small cloud forming in the crisp morning air.

“Grey, you know it’s complicated,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. The sincerity in his eyes was unmistakable, yet there was a shadow there too, something he wasn’t sharing.

I let my hands fall to my sides. “Complicated doesn’t begin to cover it, Mark. We’re more than pack mates, and you know it.” The words came out more accusatory than I intended, but the frustration had been building up inside me for too long.

Mark looked away, his jaw tightening. “It’s not just about us,” he said, his voice tinged with a bitterness that didn’t suit him. “There are expectations, responsibilities. You’re meant to be a leader, Grey, and I… I’m just…”

“Just what, Mark?” I urged him. “Just my friend? Just someone I care about more than I should?”

He met my gaze again, and there was a vulnerability in his eyes that I rarely saw. On anyone. “Just someone who’s afraid of ruining everything for you,” he admitted. The confession hung between us, raw and revealing.

He was right. It would ruin everything. My people wouldn’t accept us. They wouldn’t accept me, the future Alpha, being with a man, someone who can’t bear my children. The whole concept of a pack is to be a big family, yet they stick to supposed ancient rules around everything. Bigotry was a given.

I reached out, touching his shoulder. “We could figure it out together, you know?” My words were as much a plea as they were a promise.

Mark’s hand covered mine, gripping it tightly. “I want to believe that, Grey. I really do. But there are things you don’t know, things I can’t tell you.” His voice cracked slightly, and he quickly looked away, as if ashamed of his own vulnerability.

“What things, Mark? Tell me. We’ve always been there for each other, haven’t we?” My frustration was giving way to concern now. Whatever was weighing on him, it was serious.

He shook his head, a pained expression crossing his face. “I can’t, Grey. It’s not my secret to tell.” He released my hand and stood up, brushing dirt from his legs. “We should head back before the others start looking for us.” He put on his clothes.

I watched him walk away, feeling a mix of confusion and concern. What secrets was he carrying? And why couldn’t he trust me with them? It was a divide between us, a chasm that seemed to grow wider with each passing day.

But I couldn’t let it go. Not yet. “Mark!” I called out, and he stopped, looking back over his shoulder. “Whatever it is, whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be here. You know that, right?”

He nodded, a small, grateful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I know, Grey. And thank you. I just hope I’m strong enough.” With that, he turned and continued walking, leaving me to quickly put on my pants and shirt, and follow in his footsteps.

As I caught up to him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever secret Mark was keeping, it was going to change everything for us. For the pack. For me. But for now, all I could do was be there for him, as he had always been for me.

Usually, walking through the forest was very peaceful. Today, the beauty of the wilderness seemed overshadowed by the weight of unsaid words between me and Mark. The walk back to our pack took a while, longer than usual. Here, the complexities of pack life were distant, far enough away. It’s why I had decided to sleep out in the open. It’s why we had decided to do that together.

As we approached, I started hearing sounds of pack members in the far distance. Sebastian intercepted us. He stood in front of me, crying for confrontation. Sure. I could do that.

My brother was tall and imposing, but not as much as I was. He hated that. I stopped only inches from his face, looking at him with indifference.

“What now?” I said to him.

“The Alpha’s been looking for you. There’s a meeting. Urgent matters to discuss,” Sebastian said, with a smug look on his face.

“Sure.” I wasn’t looking forward to seeing my father. Especially not to discuss pack business.

And Sebastian wasn’t stupid. His eyes flicked between Mark and me, a questioning look in his gaze. Sebastian was sharp, perceptive, and I knew he sensed the tension that lingered between us.

“Enjoy the night?” Sebastian said with a smirk.

I ignored him. So much that I just continued walking. Over him. I was way stronger than him, and Sebastian knew that. He didn’t like it, of course, but he had no other choice than to land on his ass.

The jealousy on him just grew stronger every day—rancid and vile—yet no one bothered to reign him in. Secretly, my dad wanted him to be the firstborn anyway. I was sure of it.

“We should just leave the pack. They’re not good people,” I said to Mark.

“You can’t,” Mark replied.

“I can do whatever I want.”

“But…” Mark tried to respond, but stopped.

I saw my dad, as we approached his house. “Anyway, duty calls, I guess. See you later, Mark.” I didn’t look at him, and just continued walking towards my father, who nodded at me and went inside. I followed him, feeling the familiar tightening in my chest. Unwarranted, maybe, but I didn’t easily forget.

The house always felt more like a prison than a home, especially when my father was around. His abuse had stopped, mostly. It must have been after my 15th birthday when he had last tried to lay his hands on me. I had finally fought back. The emotional weight, the sense of always being under his scrutinizing gaze, never went away, however.

He sat down at the dining table, his eyes fixed on some papers. He refused to acknowledge my presence at first, drawing out the silence and allowing it to stretch uncomfortably. Finally, he looked up, his eyes piercing.

“Grey,” he started, his voice deep and stern, “there’s a matter that needs your attention.”

I waited, knowing better than to prompt him. He pushed a folded piece of paper across the table towards me. I unfolded it, scanning the contents. It was a request from another pack for assistance in tracking a rogue werewolf. A task that, by all rights, shouldn’t fall to me, but my father had his ways of delegating responsibilities. And to annoy me.

“You’ll handle this,” he stated, more than asked. It wasn’t a suggestion; it was an order.

“Why are they even asking us? We don’t play nice with others. You made sure of that,” I said to him, my voice as neutral as possible.

“You will do as I say!” He tried to put authority into his voice. I was unfazed and just stared at him.

“Yes, sir,” I replied.

He studied me for a moment, as if searching for a sign of rebellion. But I had learned to mask my feelings well. “Good. You leave at dawn. And Grey,” he paused, “you’re not taking the fag with you.”

That was the wrong thing to say. I was on him so fast, he couldn’t even blink before I had my hand around his throat. I didn’t care. He was so not used to people challenging him that I heard a whimper escape his throat.

My teeth grew. I growled in his face. “Listen, you pathetic old man. You don’t control me anymore. And I will do whatever the fuck I want,” I said, and paused, “Come to think of it, that is what you teach us here, right? Be vile. Be violent. You must be so proud right now.”

I dropped him. And he did indeed fall to his knees, panting.

The door opened. My father’s minions dragged Mark inside. I rushed them, freeing Mark of their grasp. I simply took both of their heads and smashed them together so hard, that both fell to the floor, unconscious. I then turned around to face my father, my eyes must have pulsed red, and shouted, “How dare you? If you even think about hurting him…”

Mark interrupted me.

“Grey, stop chasing me. I don’t like you that way,” he said.

That took my breath away. What?

“What?” I replied. What was he saying?

“Just leave me be. I don’t want to be with you, Grey.”

“What did he do to you? Why are you saying this, Mark?”

I heard my dad laughing behind me. I turned around and was prepared to just end his pathetic life.

restraint. pack. alpha.

Oh, get lost. Shut the fuck up.

evil. cursed. we’re not them.

I was breathing heavily, each breath a growl. Frustration. Misery. I tilted my head up and howled. I howled to the moon, and to a life I needed but didn’t have. That I would never have. Mark’s sudden declaration left me stunned, my heart racing. It felt so surreal, like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

I heard Mark shifting behind me, ripping his clothes, and he ran. Ran from me. I was alone with the weight of his words.

So I shifted, too. I couldn’t just let him go, not like this. I was a majestic wolf, and everyone had to fear me. I ran from the house, through the settlement, and into the woods. My paws pounded against the earth as I chased after Mark. I could smell everyone’s fear. It was exhilarating. But they didn’t matter. Mark did. I chased after him. Maybe, just maybe, this was all a misunderstanding, a cruel joke.

What was I turning into? I defied my father, yet I was becoming him. It didn’t matter. I just had to run. Back to the riverbed because that was peaceful. Peaceful. It’s where he ran to. And it’s where we were… fine. We were just fine. Weren’t we?

I found him near a clearing, his wolf form pacing restlessly. He must have sensed my presence because he stopped and turned to face me, his eyes a storm of emotions.

I shifted back to human form, standing there, exposed and vulnerable. “Mark, please,” I pleaded, my voice shaking with emotion. “This isn’t you. You don’t mean what you said. I can feel it. There’s something you’re not telling me.”

He hesitated for a moment before shifting back into his human form, his expression tormented. “Grey, you don’t understand,” he said, his voice a mixture of anger and pain. “I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t be with you.”

“But why?” I pressed, stepping closer. “Is it the pack? Is it my father? We can leave all this behind, Mark. We can start somewhere new, just the two of us.”

“No, Grey,” he snapped, taking a step back. “You think it’s that easy? To just run away? You have responsibilities here, to your pack, to your family. And I… I have my own duties. Duties that mean I can’t be with you.”

I felt a surge of frustration, mixed with a sinking feeling of despair. “Duties? What duties are more important than us? Than what we feel for each other?”

Mark’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, a silent testament to the struggle within him. “I’m sorry, Grey. I just… I can’t. Please, just leave me alone.”

Before I could respond, he turned and ran off into the forest, leaving me standing there, alone and heartbroken. The pain was overwhelming, a physical ache that seemed to radiate from every part of my being.

I fell to my knees, the sorrow too much to bear. The forest around me seemed to respond to my anguish. The wind picked up, howling through the trees as if echoing my own inner turmoil. Leaves rustled and swayed, creating a symphony of sadness that resonated with my soul.

I looked up at the sky, my vision blurred by tears. “Why, Mark? Why can’t you just be honest with me?” I whispered to the uncaring wind.

But there was no answer, just the sound of my own heart breaking. I lay there, on the cold, damp earth, letting my sorrow wash over me. The forest seemed to mourn with me, its creatures silent, its trees standing as solemn sentinels to my pain.

In that moment, I felt more alone than I ever had. The man I loved, the man I thought I knew, had rejected me in the cruelest way possible. Did my father do this? They would pay. They had to pay. And the worst part was, I could sense that his pain matched my own. There was something he wasn’t telling me, some secret that kept him from being with me.

I stayed there. For a very long time. No one came for me. They wouldn’t have dared. Good. As the night fell, the forest became a cocoon of darkness, enveloping me in its embrace. I didn’t know how long I lay there, but eventually, exhaustion took over, and I drifted into a fitful sleep, haunted by dreams of something else. They didn’t include Mark. Sand. The desert. The sun.