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    Zuri
  • Zuri
  • Author
  • 01/27/2024
  • 768 Words
  • 702 Views
  • 10 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

For you - 9. Chapter 9

Warning: This chapter features a sex scene. If you are uncomfortable reading those, you might not want to read this chapter

When it got late, and we had watched our third or fourth episode, I knew what came next. Resigned to my fate, I took things as they came. We went to bed, and regularly as clockwork, I felt his hands taking off my shirt in the dark. Instead of continuing to undress me, I heard him getting rid of his boxer briefs. His hand returned, hovering over my body like a metal detector, barely touching my skin, trying to get me horny. Then, his hand disappeared again. I felt him turning around.

“Fuck me,” he squeezed out.

I froze. Did I really want to do that? Until now, I had done everything to satisfy him as he’d done anything to please me, unaware that it didn’t. If we had gone on like usual, I might not have questioned it. Honestly, I didn’t find any inch of Rhys's body arousing, let alone any other man’s. I used to treat it as an activity, a task perhaps, but something inside me wasn't in for it today.

“Rhys, I …,” I whispered.

“We can do it slowly—don’t worry,” he whispered back. “Or tomorrow–no hurry.” When I didn’t answer, he added: “Or you can bottom, if you like that better. I’ve never tried it—never slipped my mind—but maybe, despite my assumptions, I might like it.”

“No,” I said. “I don’t want … anal.”

“Okay,” Rhys replied. He should have been confused—that’s what I expected him to be—or disappointed, but it was something else, yet I couldn’t pinpoint what it was instead. It wasn’t even understanding as far as I could tell. “So … back to sucking?”

“Rhys, you don’t understand.” I sat up and turned to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

I wanted to speak up to stop us whispering, but now I was fighting back tears, and I wasn’t even sure, what I was exactly feeling that almost made me cry. I swallowed the lump and continued to speak, once I was sure, I had my tear glands back under control.

“I just don’t like sex. I’m sorry. I know, you like it and I—it’s not fair.” Now, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “I didn’t know, what was wrong with me. I am asexual. I should have told you. But I … I …”

Rhys sat up as well and was right behind me. The next thing I felt was his embrace. I would have expected it to be a sexual pose, loaded with eroticism, but surprisingly it wasn't. I first wanted to pull away, but now I let Rhys hold me. It didn’t feel like we were lovers. It didn’t matter at this moment. We were just friends … I just realized, we hadn’t been up until now. We had never been close before. Physical, but not close. Rhys comforted me, but I still felt bad, for putting him in that position. Needing him now, but unable to give back.

“I could have said something, too.” I heard Rhys's voice.

“You? Why you?” I mumbled. It felt like someone else was speaking. I felt disassociated from my body. “I didn’t give you any reason before. It wasn’t your responsibility.”

“Fuck responsibilities,” Rhys responded. “It’s not an eye for an eye. It’s not all about you.”

What did he mean by that? Had I been selfish beyond what I already knew? What did it have to do with this, with us?

“I’m … I’m …,” Rhys started, but now his voice started to tremble. He stood up and started wandering through the room. It took him some time to presume his explanation. “I’ve been thinking. It was strange. I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t have a name for it. I didn’t want that.”

He had circled the bed and crouched down right in front of me, looking me straight in the eye.

“Haven’t we both run from something? Isn’t all that just an expression of how we feel inside? Goddammit! This is absurd! We didn’t have to do all of this. Don’t you see? You did assume that I liked it as much as I assumed, you did. I can’t really tell if you are good at sucking, but you definitely fooled me.”

“Are you suggesting …” I guess, I understood what he was saying, but I couldn’t believe he actually said it. “You are … asexual?”

“I think so. I mean … I have nothing to compare it with. And I don’t like this label, but by definition … yes.”

Copyright © 2022 Zuri; All Rights Reserved.
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Believe it or not, but I do believe in feedback being a currency—at least for content you get for free(!). And before you might think, I might like to change it: I like it to be free. However, feedback ultimately is what motivates me (you could say "fuels me"). Without feedback, how could I possibly know what you think about it and if you crave more or just desperately want me to shut up for once? That's why feedback is important. And by "feedback", I don't just mean clicking a random emoji; I don't necessarily mean writing a wall of text either. Just a few, but personal lines—after all, that's what distinguishes you folks from bots. I really want to go this journey with you, but in order to do that, I need to know, you are there with me. So don't hesitate to post your few cents below a chapter, be it praise or a list of things you didn't like—one comment is still more than none. I'm looking forward to reading from you!
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Zuri
41 minutes ago, drown said:

Nice turn of events.

Although, you were wrong, your hopes were heard ^^ You probably see now, why I couldn't reply to this back then 😅

On 1/24/2024 at 8:29 AM, drown said:

Our protagonist being ace becomes apparent, yet Rhys is most likely the opposite, caring about sex more than anything else. […] I hope that Rhys' intense focus on sex doesn't become an issue.

I find it funny how being honest can be the hardest in a relationship that close that is built on so much mutual trust but also with the constant fear of offending this person, you care so deeply about, and losing them.

42 minutes ago, drown said:

Truth in a relationship is important

On the other hand, this showcases that communication (and more specifically truth) is key in a relationship. One might be surprised at times and happen to save time and trouble.

On 1/24/2024 at 8:29 AM, drown said:

This is the first time I think they're cute together, but it's also bittersweet.

For me, it was a "fun" twist to work both with a protagonist, who shares his thoughts with us and a second character about whose motives the protagonist knows not more than we do. They only just met each other and start things straight out of the rule book by the letter. That's what I meant about our society and the queer community being drawn to social constructs, even if we hide it better these days. Up to this point, they both are completely unable to imagine a relationship (to work) entirely without sex. That's just beyond them.

Ironically and sadly enough at the same time, they both kinda played the role a woman used to play in a marriage for centuries.

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drown
13 minutes ago, Zuri said:

Ironically and sadly enough at the same time, they both kinda played the role a woman used to play in a marriage for centuries.

Rhys seemed way more forceful in the relationship, but it's what appeared to our protagonist, and was not the truth. They both played a role. Now they have a chance to get to know each other.

Maybe I'll write a story about my previous relationship (10+ years, wtf) and how that ended. Not sure I want to go down that rabbit hole yet, though.

Looking forward to more 🙂

  • Love 5
drown
23 hours ago, Zuri said:

And if you want to get an idea what I imagine the characters to look and be like: https://mastodon.online/@shaedrich/111828623720975440

I think I remember 95% of them weren't even actors. Kuntergrau ended me. Not every story has to have a happily ever after, but the series just floored me at the end. What the f***.

I appreciate your actor choices though.

  • Like 3
Zuri
5 minutes ago, drown said:

I think I remember 95% of them weren't even actors.

Yep, out of the five main actors, only one is an actual actor and this particular actor was replaced in later seasons. But Leo's grandmother is actually an actress, for example. The young actors are just people from the queer club that created the project. You can see Daniel Kosic clearly getting to his limits when he's task to play angry because his friend is in coma, but he just can't. That's not his fault, though. Given that they all aren't actors, the script has to account for that. But maybe, their limits just weren't known until they were met.

6 minutes ago, drown said:

Kuntergrau ended me. Not every story has to have a happily ever after, but the series just floored me at the end.

Well, it was drama with high stakes. The ending brought everyone to tears, I'm sure, but this is similar to how I wrote a story (not inspired by the ending). It's consequential, because the built-up is leading to this, and having a deus ex machina recovery at the end would be mere fan service. However, the last season was quite grim in tone and a little focussed on that one particular story line. Season two also had a storyline, they primarily focussed on, but it wasn't that dominant, if memory serves me.

What I love about the series, is that it is not the nth coming-out show and doesn't always focus on being queer.

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Talo Segura

Well that was mind blowing. When people get together and have sex it's also a way of trusting. If you can trust your body with someone you can trust that someone and overcome your fears. In theory, in reality it's not so easy to trust and be honest and much more easy to pretend. Depth of relationship grows with time, with shared experiences, with shared confidences. Seems these two got a lucky break in sharing and discovery very early on.

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