Life's a Dreamboat - 8. Chapter 8

‘This used to be a fun house, but now it’s full of evil clowns.’

The light feels sharper than the music. He winces as he blinks at the sun coming in from the window, his phone blasting music away. One side of his face feels cold and his throat feels dry.

Blinking again, he pulls himself up and sits there. He looks around, his head suddenly pounding heavy. He must have ended up passing out in his bathroom.

It smells awful in here, the putrid smell of something unbelievably foul. He slams his hand on the ground, looking for his phone and finding it underneath the sink. He stops the P!nk music.

On his phone he sees a text message from Sharon.

‘Don’t invite me on another date again.’

Oh.

Oh no, it’s coming back.

Thomas feels sick as he remembers parts of the night.

He remembers being so cheerful with Sharon, flirting heavily and clumsily, claiming to go to the bathroom every ten minutes then going to the bar instead.

Then a few shots later and some conversations and laughter, and the date ended in the restaurant.

Thomas groans as he stands up.

He was in Sharon’s house. They were going to hook up. But Sharon wasn’t Zack and they somehow started shouting at each other.

Thomas runs a hand through his hair, his body trembling as the hangover really takes its turn on him. His knuckles feel tender.

‘You’re drunk’

‘No, I’m not’

'So that’s it, you need to be drinking when you are with me?’

‘I’m absolutely fine.’

So, a complete disaster.

He then looks up and sees the mirror on the wall heavily cracked.

Frowning, he runs a finger over it.

Then he remembers. He came in, feeling sorry for himself. He saw the mirror and in a drunk depressed state he thought he saw his old self. The long brown hair. The feminine face. He remembers freaking out and hitting the mirror before sitting on the floor.

What is wrong with him? What is wrong with him?

It’s been a week since the date and Thomas has kept his head down. He sent an apologetic message to Sharon and never got a response. He never expected a response to be fair.

It is now his catch-up meeting with Zack in the office. He has also kept quiet this week from Zack.

Their meeting starts off regarding work, it is all monotoned about the facts at work and generic questioning, until Zack catches Thomas’s eye and gives a little smile.

‘So, just a little off topic, how did your date go?’ Zack then adds. ‘You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.’

Thomas doesn’t know how to respond so he shrugs and gives a small smile back, ‘Yeah. Fine.’

‘Will there be a second date?’

Casting his eyes down, Thomas shrugs again, ‘We’ll see.’

Zack frowns. He then puts his papers down. ‘Everything okay, Thomas?’

‘Yes,’ Thomas says, too quickly. ‘You? Everything okay with the treatments?’

‘I mean, it’s going okay,’ Zack smiles. ‘I do miss your soups though.’

For the first time in their meeting, Thomas slips out a genuine smile, ‘It’s been a while.’

‘You should come round on Saturday,’ Zack says. ‘We’ll have some bottle of cola or beer and some good old soup. Can watch films too.’

‘Sounds like a good day,’ replies Thomas, feeling that warm feeling in his chest again. He doesn’t want that feeling but it is there and it is addictive.

It is now Saturday and Thomas and Zack are at Zack’s apartment again. They are sat on the couch and have just finished one film and now Zack has put another one on.

‘I’ve made a large pot,’ Thomas nods over to the kitchen. ‘So, all you need to do is reheat, should last you a few days.’

Leaning over, Zack nudges him, ‘You’re a good ‘un.’

Thomas smiles and sips his cola. Figured he should stay off the alcohol for a while.

‘Your date didn’t go too well, did it?’ asks Zack all of a sudden as he skips through the beginning credits of the film.

‘You heard,’ Thomas doesn’t take his eyes off the screen. He isn’t surprised if the date had made the rumour mill at work.

‘What happened?’ Zack pauses. ‘If you don’t feel comfortable sharing that’s okay.’

‘I ruined the date,’ Thomas says. He takes another sip of cola. ‘How are cancer treatments going? Has Billy been round again?’

Zack clicks his tongue, but he must have understood that Thomas doesn’t want to talk about it. He clears his throat and says, ‘Um, yeah, it’s going well, the chemo knocks you badly but just two more weeks and that will be it, then see if it’s all worked, so just powering through. Divorce is still doing ahead. Billy and I… well, we were together a long time. You can fall out of love with someone but you can’t stop caring about them.’

‘You don’t love him anymore.’

‘It’s complicated, Thomas, but no, I don’t.’

Thomas goes to say something and stops. The film plays on and Thomas starts fiddling with his bottle, pulling at the paper logo.

‘Just need the bathroom,’ he suddenly announces and stands up.

Zack looks confused as Thomas walks past him.

In the bathroom he splashes some water in his face. He just wants to hold Zack close and he can’t.

Zack pushed him to go on a date with Sharon. Zack still cares about his ex. Zack is his boss.

There is a knock on the bathroom door.

‘Everything okay?’ he hears Zack’s faint voice coming through.

‘Fine,’ Thomas replies back, drying his hands. ‘I’ll be out in a sec.’

Thomas needs to leave.

He comes out and can see Zack is standing in the hallway. He walks over and grabs his jacket off the couch. ‘I’ve got to go.’

‘You’ve got to go?’ Zack sadly repeats.

Thomas pulls his jacket on. He looks at Zack, who is looking confused like a kicked puppy.

Thomas walks over and gives him a hug. Zack stiffens, surprised at the sudden contact. The stiffness upsets Thomas and he clears his throat and murmurs, ‘See you later.’

He isn’t even half way home when he gets bombarded with messages from Zack.

‘I’m worried about you, please come back tomorrow. Reheat soup and tv show? We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want.’

Thomas feels like crap. Zack isn’t at fault. Thomas is. Thomas is always at fault. He messages back and agrees to see Zack tomorrow.

It’s Sunday and to get a head start of the week, Thomas brings his work laptop in to Zack’s apartment and starts making the weekly spreadsheet updates. He sits in the kitchen as he does this as he has also began reheating the soup.

‘Hey,’ Zack’s voice is soft as he gently pulls at Thomas’s shoulder. ‘Just want to make sure you’re okay.’

‘I’m not the one with cancer, so I’m fine,’ Thomas gives a little laugh at that.

Zack just frowns as he sits next to him, he pulls the laptop away, ‘It’s Sunday, Thomas, you can take a break, you’ve done more than enough.’

‘I really don’t mind. Really.’ Thomas clears his throat. ‘Soup should be done soon.’

‘If I wanted a chef, I’d pay for one, I just want your company, Thomas.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I thought we can hang out without work stuff? I consider you quite a close friend now, Thomas.’

A bitter lump forms in Thomas’s throat as he nods and murmurs, ‘Of course.’

‘Would that be, okay?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘Okay,’ Zack pauses. ‘As a friend, I am worried about you and I want to make you feel better.’

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘I’m sorry your date didn’t go well.’

‘I told you; I messed up the date,’ Thomas sighs as he turns his laptop off. ‘Got drunk, and just sabotaged it.’

‘Is this because of your brother?’

What?

‘I have the restraining order against my brother, he’s not supposed to come anywhere near me, that’s fine and I haven’t seen him for weeks.’

‘But your family. Did you sabotage because of them?’

‘Ha!’ Thomas can’t help but let out. ‘I can’t even go into how far from the truth that is. My family hates me and I’ve fully accepted that. I’m not going to ruin my life or the dates I go on because of them.’

‘But Thomas…’

‘They’re not the kind of people I would make a fool of myself for, just,’ Thomas pauses before finally admitting. ‘Just you. The only person I would deliberately sabotage a date for would be for you.’

Zack is quiet and he looks unsure of how to respond.

Thomas stands up off his chair as he puts his laptop away, ‘You’ve got cancer, you’re getting divorced, you’re my boss, I know this already, trust me, and even if you felt the same way as I do, we both know you can’t do anything about it, so this is my crap to deal with not yours. I can’t hang out with you as a friend because I care about you so much more than that. You’re amazing and handsome, and I will deal with these feelings so it doesn’t make it awkward at work.’

‘Thomas.’

The sounds of sizzling interrupts them both as the pan starts to boil over. Thomas rushes over to the pan and takes it off the stove.