Finding Myself - 17. Chapter 17: Summer of Jaedan

June 16 2019 (Father’s Day)

I woke up to sunlight entering the windows of Chase’s room. Jakey and I had slept on adjacent futons on the floor while River slept in Chase’s bed with him. We were sleeping over at their rental house because they have an awesome fishing pond for some early Sunday morning fishing. I chuckled as I saw that Jake was using my bare chest as a pillow and had been drooling. Gross. And cute...

This view was not helping the morning wood in my boxers. I began playing with his hair, and I guess that woke him up because he sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Mm... hey Aedan...” he whispered, trying not to wake up the others.

“Mornin’,” I drawled, sitting up. I used the blanket to wipe Jake’s drool off me. Jake looked great fresh out of bed in his plaid boxers. Our lips met in a kiss. We haven’t used the term boyfriend for ourselves yet, despite kissing several times this month. I guess we’re too afraid to make it official or whatever. We’re just close best friends who kiss a lot.

“Ew, gross,” River groaned before shielding his eyes. I laughed in response before shoving off my blanket and fishing through my backpack for a shirt and shorts to wear. After a breakfast of cereal, the four of us were sitting on a dock fishing. It was something we all liked to do, which was nice because the odds of Chase becoming a stepbrother to River and I was becoming more and more likely. Mom and John had been looking for houses to buy yesterday. The proposal could happen any day now honestly. I felt a bit jealous of Chase’s great relationship with his dad. He was talking about the fun Father's Day plans they had that afternoon like going to minigolf.

Jake, River, and I arrived home around lunchtime. “Hey mom,” I lazily waved to her as I started making a sandwich for lunch while River and Jake went to check on the bunnies. There are some baby bunnies now, born last week.

“Oh, hey, sweetie. How was fishing?”

“Um, it was fine,” I said absently.

“Alright, what’s wrong?”

“Nothin’ mom,” I drawled.

“You’re sure about that?”

“Mom! Nothing happened! Give it a rest, will ya?!” I snapped.

“Don’t talk to me that way, young man.” I blushed and nodded. “Now tell me what’s got you so upset.”

“Fine, I’m tense because it’s Father’s Day, and Chase and John made me think of dad and our weird dysfunctional family.”

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” she hugged me. “I was thinking about giving your father a visit.”

“How tha hell is that gonna help?! He abused the shit outta me.”

“You can tell him off. He’s behind bars until I’m on Medicare. He has no power over you anymore, hun.

Long Island, New York

I stepped into the visiting lobby of the Northeast Correctional Prison feeling a bit queasy, either from the ferry ride to Long Island, or nervousness of meeting dad after nearly 2 years. Mom, River, Violet, and Jake were also here. Dad had been set up in Visiting Room 6, which we entered. There was a barrier of glass between dad and the rest of us. He looked very disheveled and thin compared to before. I kinda felt bad, but he also broke the law and certainly deserves this prison time. Mom talked about work and her new boyfriend with him, which made him upset and lashed out verbally and almost physically. It was scary to see him like that towards mom. Did he abuse her too back then? If he did, then thank god there’s this glass wall so I can’t punch him. Mom’s too nice and doesn’t deserve abuse!

I was up next to speak. “Hi dad,” I said shakily. Jake stood next to me for support.

“Aedan?? Is that you?”

“Yessir,” I nodded. He seemed surprised. I guess I’m, like, 8 inches taller and 40 pounds larger since I last saw him. I gulped, suddenly feeling afraid again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I’m safe. He’s behind that glass wall. He can’t hurt me here.

“You okay?” Jake asked quietly. I nodded.

“Shut up, faggot. I’m trying to have a conversation with my son.” Dad snapped at Jake.

“Don’t talk to him like that!” I snapped at dad. “Jake’s my best friend and my boyfriend. Jake’s been there for me when you were abusing me. He actually cares about me and I love him,” I kissed Jakey’s cheek, and he blushed.

“I see your mother’s been coddling you and letting you do whatever the hell you want.”

“No. She’s been letting me live as I am supposed to.” I felt my eyes tearing up. “You don’t know anything about me. I’m so much happier without your influence. I’m free to be myself and make friends and not worry about pissing you off and getting beat up. You’re here in prison where you belong for all those crimes. You’re a villain. And I’m happy for mom. She’s been so brave. She deserves better than you.”

“What a horrible thing to say on Father’s Day. You treat me with respect, you little shit! You should be thanking me for all I did for you.”

“Thanking you?! You bruised me for years!!!” My anger began coming out. “You still show up in my nightmares!”

“So you just came here to yell at me, you disrespectful little bastard?!”

“No.” I took a deep breath to stay calm. “I just have one question: Why did you choose to be a criminal?”

“We were dirt poor. That money was supposed to make me rich.”

“But you gambled it away all the time?”

He chuckled. “Well it’s a risk I took. I guess I’m not that lucky when it comes to rolling those dice, boy.”

“And why the abusive beatings?” I paused for a second to let him answer, but I decided against that. “Never mind. There is nothing you can say to justify the pain you caused.” I took a deep shaky breath. “That’s all I have to say. Bye, dad.” I turned around and walked out as Violet walked in to begin speaking to dad. “I need some fresh air…” I whispered to mom, who nodded. She was crying too from when dad lashed out at her. Jake followed me outside to sit on a bench in the fresh air. He rubbed my back while I sobbed into his chest. “Thanks, Jakey,” I sniffled.

“You were kinda scary back there,” Jake blushed.

“I wanted to say that stuff to him for so long. Sorry if I scared you, Jakey.”

“D-did you mean what you said…?” Jake began. “About loving…”

“Of course I don’t love him. That’s a dumb question…”

“Oh… I meant… never mind… Sorry,” Jake blushed. I got up and laid down on the grass and took deep breaths to calm down. I was still shaky and tense from the interaction.

July 4 2019, Bora Bora, French Polynesia

Jake and I were walking along the beach at night. We were on vacation in Bora Bora, at a water bungalow timeshare owned by Jake’s parents, before sports camp and art seminar began this month. Jake hasn’t been here for a few years, and it was my first time being on an airplane and being outside of the USA. My mom and siblings were here too. This island was amazing. It looks so much better in person than any painting by Paul Gauguin. I was wearing some swim trunks and a long-sleeve rash guard shirt because I had been surfing and snorkeling in the lagoon earlier. Jake had on his trunks and a t-shirt. The night breeze was a little chilly. July is apparently mid-winter down here.

“Aedan you did amazing earlier surfing. How are you so talented at anything athletic?”

I blushed and rubbed my neck. “I’m not that good. I wiped out four times and I’m so sore…” I sat down on a log of driftwood. “It’s a nice night.”

“Yeh…” Jake sat down. “I’ve been meaning to ask… when we visited your dad, you said you loved me? Did you mean that?”

“Mhm, yeah,” I leaned in to meet his lips in a kiss. “I love you a lot. As a friend and way more.” The beach was so quiet, except for the lapping waves of the lagoon and the breeze in the coconut trees.

We leaned back and rested on the soft sand and looked up at the night sky. I smiled when Jake’s brown eyes went wide. “Look! Up there!” He pointed at a cluster of stars between a few puffy clouds in the dark violet sky. “It’s my favorite constellation: the Southern Cross! I never saw it before!”

“Why? It ain’t visible back in America?” I asked.

“Nope. Only visible in the Southern Hemisphere,”

“Yer such a nerd, dude,” I teased him.

“I could say the same thing about you geeking out over famous old artists,” Jake playfully punched me. Soon we were wrestling in the sand as a wave came up and got us wet. I guess the tide is coming in. We both laughed and I chased him back to the wooden pier leading out to the water bungalow condos. The one we were in was nice but also simple. Three bedrooms: one for Jake’s parents, one for Mom and Violet, and another for us boys. River opted to sleep on the couch because he didn’t want to share a room with Jake and I. There was a small kitchen and a back deck with easy access to the water under the bungalow. I went to the deck to grab my sketch book, and River was out there fishing. The resort here of course doesn’t allow us to eat the fish, but he can catch them and toss them back. “Hey, Jaedan,” River smirked.

“Jaedan?” I cocked my head to the side. “There ain’t no J in my name, bro...” I shook my head and tsked.

“Jaedan is your ship name...” River rolled his eyes. “Duh... Jake + Aedan = Jaedan. You’re so dumb.”

“Ship name?” Jake giggled. “You say that as if we’re in a teen romance story.”

“Whatever. Just go make out or something...” my bratty brother shooed us away. In our room, I pulled off my wet rash guard.

“Been working on your tan, I see?” Jake smirked with a blush.

“Yup. New England was makin’ me pale,” I drawled and flexed my arms a bit.

“You’re so cute...” Jake giggled and pulled his shirt off too. We ended up taking a bath together and after that, well, one thing led to another... and yeah... *blush*

The next morning, the sound of rainfall outside woke me up. I was feeling butterflies in my chest. Did I seriously do THAT with Jake last night? It all feels like a dream. Church always told me I’d feel gross when I lose my virginity if I wasn’t married, but I don’t feel anything but amazing right now. I heard the door open and I immediately blushed and hid under the covers as River entered. “Hey, bro,” I whispered trying not to wake Jake up.

“Hey,” River grabbed some clothes from his bag and went into the bathroom to shower. I prayed to God he didn’t realize I was buck naked. While my bro showered, I got dressed for the day in swim trunks and a tank top. After I was dressed, Jake rolled out of bed in his boxers.

“Morning, Aedan,” he blushed.

“Mornin’,” I drawled, and sheepishly rubbed the back of my neck. I felt pretty awkward after messing around with him last night in bed. “Um, I’m sorry about last night. It was...”

“No, it was perfect,” he kissed me.

August 1, 2019, Rhode Island

The second half of my summer was spent at the Art Seminar, which I had mixed feelings about. I was only able to attend because it was free for high school students, because I wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise. It was exciting to get to make art and meet other teen artists, and learn about storyboarding and animation as well, something my high school didn’t have. However, being away from Jake for a month was hard, especially after he took my v-card. And I’m only two weeks into the program! I am also the youngest student in this program. The others were juniors and seniors in high school, or college students, while I am going into my sophomore year of high school. It also felt weird being away from home, and that was creating anxiety for me too. Anyways, enough about that. Tonight, I was in my dorm working on a watercolor painting. My concentration was broken when I heard my phone ring in the pocket of my shorts. “Yo,” I answered the phone without checking who.

“Hi, baby,” mom said.

“Oh, hey mom, what’s up?” I smiled.

“John and I purchased that house we’ve been looking at! We’re moving in later this month.”

“Oh, that’s... great...” my smile slowly faded. Living away from Jake... ugh...

“That’s why I wanted to call you. Jake’s parents said you’re welcome to stay with them as long as you want If you don’t want to leave. I know adjusting to having a stepdad and stepsiblings can be hard, especially for a fifteen-year-old...”

“As great as that sounds, I wanna support you, ma...” I sat down.

“Okay, hun, I understand. We’re having the construction crew make that extra bedroom, since that basement den is so huge. So, you won’t have to share a room with River or Chase.”

“Mmkay, thanks mom.” I said before updating her on how the art program’s going.

So much was changing. Violet had moved out in July to live with her girlfriend. And now I’ll have a new home. It’s thankfully only a few blocks from Jake’s house in a new suburban neighborhood in Avalon.

After hanging up with mom, I grabbed my paintbrushes to continue work on my watercolor painting.

August 23 2019, Avalon, Connecticut

“Thanks for helping me move my stuff while mom and John are at work,” I set down a cardboard box containing some of my art supplies. I didn’t have a ton of stuff, but I certainly needed Jakey’s help.

“No prob,” Jake smiled. “The worst part was getting that mattress down here. Do you need any more help?”

“Naw, dude,” I shook my head. “You comin’ over for dinner tonight?”

“You bet,” Jake put his shirt on. “I might have a housewarming gift for you then.” He smirked.

I spent the afternoon putting my clothes away in the dresser and making my bed. The other stuff could wait. Chase and I had made dinner in the kitchen for everyone: some chicken spaghetti. I mixed the chicken, pesto, and noodles together when I heard the doorbell ring. Chase ran to answer it. I then heard Jake’s voice and he entered the kitchen area carrying a box. “Oh shoot, did I leave another box at yer house?” I blushed in embarrassment.

“No.” Jake opened the box and Chase and I looked inside. There was a bunny in there! It was Snowball, a fluffy white bunny with grey splotches in his fur. “This is your new home, little guy.”

“Wait, seriously?!” I squealed. Jake nodded.

“Yeah, your parents were okay with it. And we’re giving away some of the bunnies because we can’t take care of them all, so we’re finding good homes for them,” Jake explained.

“He’s so cute,” I booped Snowball’s nose. “Thanks Jakey,” I kissed him.