A Life - As It Was - 3. Chapter 3

The sound of the voices stopped but the footsteps on the stairs got closer, I was scared, so scared it made feel sick in my stomach. I was only a little boy what could I do? Nothing thats what, and that was the truth. I decided that I may as well just get it over with. I pushed Carl off me, gently this time I didn't want to hurt him again.

After wiping away my tears with my hands I told Carl “I can't stop them, I'll have to go. Thank you for being nice to me but you'll soon forget me and you will be alright.”I turned to the door and unlocked and opened it. Carl had stopped crying but carried on sniffling like little kids do.

…....

**Jack**

Seeing these two women bickering in my home got me annoyed, and as they continued when the boys come in I got angry. It must have shown on my face because when the boys came in they both ran up the stairs looking like frightened little mice.

I know I was louder than I meant to be when I told them “You two should both be ashamed of yourselves. Your bickering and totally unprofessional behaviour has scared both of the boys. After all Chris has been through you have just scared him half to death, I could see it on his face but neither of you noticed, did you and remember you are in my home and have upset my son in the one place where should feel safe. Sort yourselves out or I will speak to your manager.”

Startled they both looked down. The new one looked up at us and started to speak. “I'm sorry Mr Payne, Mrs Payne, I'm Janet McBride. It is not my intention to show any disrespect or upset anyone, least of all either of the boys.” Then looking at Joan Smith “Like I was saying Joan. I know that you placed Chris here temporarily as an emergency placement but now that Chris has been made my responsibility please let me make the decisions. I also know that you have found him an ongoing place in a children's home in Coventry but I don't think it's a suitable place for a five year old boy.”

Joan Smith was glowering “Fine you make the decisions, I don't really care. It doesn't matter to me anyway, I leave at the end of the month. I'll just go back to the office.” Then she got up and flounced off like some sort of prima donna.

“Maggie I think we need to go check on the boys.”I said to Janet “It may be best if you wait here. I don't know how long we will be, hopefully not too long.”

Janet answered me saying “I agree and now that Joan has gone maybe we can get things right. Now you go check on the boys and make sure they are ok. I can wait.”

I made my way upstairs two at a time with Maggie close behind me. As we got to the top of the stairs the bedroom door opened. There stood this vulnerable little boy who had obviously been crying. My heart went out to him. I'd been at work the previous day when Maggie called telling me that the Children's Welfare Department wanted us to to take in a five year old boy as an emergency placement and that it would only be temporary. Maggie had gone on to explain that she had agreed and didn't know what time she would be home as she had to meet the Child Welfare Officer at the Children's Hospital near town and would be bringing him home from there. Carl would be at a neighbours, they had looked after him before, I needed to pick him up from there after work. I agreed even though it wasn't what we had signed up for. We had been signed up for a baby for long term care and possible adoption since before Carl was born. I went with it thinking that maybe it was a test before we got what we had signed up for. We had been waiting for a long time with nothing happening.

That was when I fell for this little boy, Chris, looking like a defeated stray but trying to be brave. No I need to get that right, I didn't fall for him, we did, both Maggie and me.

…....

***Back to me***

I opened the door and looked up at this man, Jack, I hadn't really seen much of him until this morning. Thats because it was late when Maggie and another lady brought me here last night, so after a quick hot drink I was packed away to bed.

I didn't know what that look was on his face meant. I didn't understand. I was scared and shaking inside feeling sick, but I wanted to be brave and with a shaky voice said “I'm sorry. I'll be a good boy and go with them now.” Closed my eyes and just waited.

I heard Carl behind me, “Mom, Dad please don't let them take Chris. I'll share my toys with him and my clothes and even my bed, please, I promise I'll help look after him.”

Then it was like a storm around me as I felt two pairs of hands pull me into a hug between two adult bodies. A lot of things were being said to but I didn't know what any of it was at that time, I was simply tuning it all out. Then Jack carried me down stairs and Maggie followed with Carl.

When we got back downstairs I noticed that one of the ladies had gone. That puzzled me. Jack sat down in his armchair and put me on one knee then picked up Carl sitting him on the other. Maggie sat down on an armchair opposite and the lady was sat on the couch closely watching both Carl and me.

The quiet in the room disturbed me, it probably didn't go on for long but it felt like it dragged on and on. The new lady broke the silence first saying to us, “Let's start this off afresh. The first thing I want to say is to you boys, I'm sorry if I upset you earlier I didn't mean to and wish that that hadn't happened. I hope that your both ok. Everybody I am Mrs Janet McBride but please call me Janet. I've been asked to be Chris' permanent case worker and when I'm not working I have two children of my own, a boy and a girl, I like to treat every child in my care with the same care and respect that I give to my own children. Now as I haven't met Chris before can you tell me which of these two boys is Chris and which one is your son Carl”

Jack bounced me up and down on his knee, “This is Chris.” Next he bounced Carl on the other knee saying, “This our son Carl.” I noticed a smile on his face as he continued, “And please call us Maggie and Jack not Mr and Mrs Payne.”

Everyone seemed to be smiling except me, I was still worried and definitely getting angsty. I think it was the way she was looking between Carl and me that made me feel so uneasy. She was smiling when she said that if she didn't know better she would have thought that we were brothers as we looked alike. Maggie said that it was the first thing she noticed when she saw me in the hospital.

I felt Jack turning us round and he kept flicking his eyes between us. A big grin started to appear on his face, then he was quietly laughing and declared. “I must be going blind or something, your right and I hadn't noticed.” Then the adults started talking between themselves. I was trying to take notice of what they were saying and listen in, but a lot of it went straight over my head, until I heard Jack ask about the information that they should have been given and what the future plans were.

Janet suggested that we should go play while they had a chat about that. I'm not sure how I felt about that but it probably wasn't good. Carl and me 'the boys' were sent out to the garden to play but I didn't really feel like playing, so I went and sat in the play house. Carl kept trying to get me to play but I wasn't having it. I don't know if dozed off to sleep or just zoned out because the next thing I remember was Carl shaking me saying, “Come on Mom's calling us.” I got up and we went back into the house.

Maggie seemed to be happy, I couldn't tell how Jack was and Janet was smiling. Carl was taken into the kitchen by Maggie and Jack, leaving me on my own with Janet. I know I was still feeling scared, holding back tears, this was worse than being at home knowing that I was going to be hit. Janet was asking me to sit, patting the couch next to her. Like the frightened little boy that I was, I went and sat.

The conversation we had went something like this.

“Chris do you know why your here.”

I couldn't talk and just shook my head 'no'.

“Ok I'll explain. After receiving a call a Policeman went to your house to see you and your Mum and Dad.He your bruises and how thin you are. He also noticed that your brothers and sisters were looked after but not you, and that everyone appeared to be bullying you. He made your Mum and Dad take you to the hospital. Thats when we were told that your Mum and Dad weren't looking after you properly. That they were hitting you and not feeding you properly.”

“I remember going to the hospital, we went in a Police car and I sat with a nice Police lady and they were nice to me.”

“That's right you did. When you got to the hospital your Mum and Dad had to talk to the Doctors. They wouldn't tell the Doctors much, just your name and birthday and said they didn't want you back then left.”

I was crying, all I could think about was nobody wanted me and I was going to a children's home like you see on tv. Where the big boys pick on the little boys and bully them and beat them. Janet started hugging me trying to make feel a bit better.

“I have to tell you the rest Chris. I went to see your Mum this morning, your Dad wasn't at home and she told me what they said at the hospital. I was given your birth certificate and told what school you went to. I have all that in my case.”

I cried some more and she hugged me some more. Then she asked me where I wanted to live. I told her that I knew that I had to go to the children's home since nobody wanted me. She was whispering in my ear asking me if I wanted to stay with Maggie, Jack and Carl. I know I told her that I wanted to, but that they wouldn't want me as 'I'm a nasty dirty little boy who wets the bed', I knew it was true because my Mum and Dad told me, I asked her if we could just go and get it over with.

When she said we should ask Jack and Maggie what they thought I got more worried and started to feel a bit strange, I now that I was getting light headed. When Jack, Maggie and Carl came in I could feel the room spinning. I vaguely remember that she started talking to them and I think she was saying that I wanted to ask them something. I don't know what happened next, everything went black I'd passed out.

….....

From what Maggie later told me this is what happened next as best I can remember. I wish I could ask her to refresh my memory, but that's not possible any more.

I hit the floor and everything went mental. Carl was in hysterics and Maggie was shouting to Jack to call the Doctor, which he did and Janet was sitting there dumbstruck. She'd never seen anyone react like it before.

After calling the Doctor Jack picked me up and took me upstairs putting me in bed. Maggie was consoling Carl who she eventually managed to calm down and Janet was looking worried making hurried notes. Then they waited for the Doctor to arrive.

Apparently it wasn't long before I came back round and the Doctor arrived after that.

…....

I know I was feeling a bit groggy though. When the Doctor arrived Maggie went to let him in and must have explained what happened.

The Doctor put some horrible smelling stuff under my nose and checked me out, that woke me up. He told everyone that apart from the bruises and being a bit underweight I'd be good to go after some rest. It seems that my passing out was probably caused by stress and exhaustion, emotional exhaustion. Which didn't surprise him with everything that I'd been through. After suggesting that I rest up for remainder of the day he said I'd be fine and left.

I think I heard the Doctor leave, I'm not sure because Carl was getting excited and bouncing around the bedroom.

What happened next I remember very clearly, I will never forget, it's imprinted on my brain indelibly.

Jack told Carl “Go on you tell him, I know you want to.”

Carl jumped on the bed “Guess what... your staying here... your staying with us and your now my foster brother. Will you still be my friend?” He looked up at Jack, “Did I get it right Dad.”

Jack smiled saying “Yes son you got it very right. Chris, Janet will be calling in weekly to see you and check that everything is going well, if it is you will be staying here for a long time. We all want you to stay.”

I wanted to cry again, I seem to be doing a lot of that the last couple of days.

Then Carl chirped in again, “I want to ask you something really special. When is your birthday.”

I didn't know Carl thought it was special my birthday isn't special, but I told him anyway, “May the tenth, why?”

“Mine's May the eleventh, if we were real brothers we'd almost be twins.” Then he was laughing so much nobody could get any sense out of him.

I just didn't know what to say. Maggie said I was like a goldfish, my mouth was opening but no words were coming out.

All the time Janet was stood there watching us and smiling.