Third Shift - 11. Chapter 17, 18, 19, and 20. Third Shift Ends

Chapter 17 – Sue Heck

March 5^th 2:59 am.

“I think we’ve had a breakthrough with him,” the counselor said, nodding to his boss. Desmond Carroll scowled in response.

“I’m not sure what that means in our context. While we certainly treat and monitor our clients, I can’t say we are in a position to find resolutions for them. What do you mean exactly?”

Cory smiled and continued, “I only mean I don’t think he’s a suicide risk any longer. John Lawson told me the whole story. He's acting calmer, resigned to his situation. In fact, he is going to make a deal with the district attorney.”

“Really?” Carroll responded, his eyes wide. “His charges have gotten more serious not less. The boy is dead now. Before the charge was child abuse. Now it’s homicide. What is he going to do to reduce his charge?”

“He knows what he did was wrong. We’ve gone over things in detail. I think he’s decided he needs to do something to help others. John was talking about helping teach other inmates how to read. He’s not a teacher, but thinks he could contribute to society.”

Carroll assessed the other man’s demeanor. Cory was more focused than he had been of late. His eyes were clear and his skin was smooth again. The bout of acne and sleepless look he’d had was gone. In fact, the mental health director could see his employee appeared to have gained a little weight. His cheeks weren’t as gaunt as even a few days ago.

“I’m glad things are going well for Lawson.” Carroll paused and added, “You seem, well, happier too.”

“Me?” Cory asked, squinting at the other man. “I’m not sure what you mean exactly.”

“You look better too. I heard a rumor you went through a breakup recently. Are you getting past it now?” Carroll asked.

Cory didn’t answer right away. He almost started to squirm in his chair. “I guess it’s fair to say I was going through a period of stress. I didn’t handle it well at first. In fact, I made quite a fool of myself a couple of times. I’m better now.”

“Good,” Carroll said, steepling his hands and leaning back in his office chair. “Regardless of whom we are or what training we’ve had, there is a grieving process to go through. It’s easy to think we are beyond needing to deconstruct our dilemma and put our lives back together. Carroll smiled, watching the counselor’s reaction carefully. “We all have to go through it though.”

“That’s true.” Cory answered. “Going through it with John Lawson must have helped.”

“Really?” Carroll asked, his eyebrows rose. “How so?”

“What I mean is we went through the stages of grief at the same time. As he healed, I was healing too.” Cory paused, biting his lip. “I only realized it recently.” He watched his boss carefully. His manager was absorbing the idea, slowly and carefully.

Carroll looked up at the ceiling, musing. After a few moments, he said, “Interesting. Though it's not as strange a concept as you’d think. I read a paper once about how group therapy really works in the brain. When people share experiences through the grieving process, they are more likely to model from the others’ behavior. Therefore, grief counseling is best done in a group setting. It seems you may have had a group of two, Cory.”

“Maybe,” Cory answered. “I’m just glad John Lawson is better. I was a little worried for a while. He’s out of the woods now.”

“So, what is your plan for him?” Carroll asked.

“First, we’ve been working on his communication skills which are sorely lacking. He never really had the ability to talk about his emotions. Therefore, he bottled it all up and it came out inappropriately. For example, in fourth grade, he got suspended for bringing fireworks to school and then set them off at recess on the loading dock.”

“It looks like a suspension would be the proper disciplinary action. Why did he do it?”

Cory looked smug as he answered. “That’s precisely the point. No one ever really asked him about it. We talked about it at length and John finally remembered his mother hadn’t been home that week. She had left him and his siblings alone with her boyfriend at the time and he was upset. No one could tell him where his mother was. In fact, the boyfriend didn’t seem to care much. John was so enraged at the situation; he wanted to make noise so someone would figure out where she was.”

“Didn’t someone try to find out his reasons for doing it?”

“John recalls they didn’t try too hard. They were more like angry accusations than questions. He said he was too scared to answer. Lawson remembered being dragged to the office and berated.”

Carroll tilted his head. “His memory of the event is a bit stretched now, isn't it? I mean, let’s face it. Some of these people have lots of imagination and given the expanses of time at their disposal, his childhood trauma now appears rather convenient.”

“Are you saying Lawson is lying?” Cory asked, indignant. Carroll looked at him with a frown which calmed him down a bit.

Cory began again. “Maybe the story isn’t real, but the emotions are. It’s possible he was really upset with his mother and so he acted out, foolishly perhaps, and he got attention. Even negative attention tells children they are impacting things. It’s possible his adult behavior is actually learned behavior from when he was a child.”

Carroll grunted. “It’s possible. Keep going. Maybe you can get Lawson in a place where he’s stable enough to face the music.”

“I think he is, Dez,” Cory said quickly. “Like I said, he’s making remarkable progress. I think we’ve turned the corner.”

Carroll smiled at the other man. He hoped his counselor was right. The case of John Lawson was getting white hot in the press. The detainee would need to have his head on straight to handle his defense. The charges were sobering and robust. While Carroll didn’t like his counselors to know what detainees faced, he believed he needed to know.

***

Still March 5^th, 5:23 am

Cory had a faraway smile on his face. His mind was drifting pleasantly as it recalled the sound of Coolidge's voice and the grin on his lips. Without trying, the counselor was thinking about how the guard's kindness reflected his comfort with himself. Happy, contented people were comfortable in their own skin. Coolidge's approach to life and work was so refreshing and calm.

Perhaps Wayne could be more than just a colleague. There were rules, of course, against such fraternization, but frankly no one followed them. Cory recalled a statistic he'd read somewhere that forty percent of relationships started in the workplace. He didn't know if the study was reliable or even true. It was comforting and made sense.

We become familiar with those around us all the time. Since we spend so much of our lives at our jobs, it makes sense we would start to become at ease with coworkers. For coworkers who felt an attraction, it could become even more. Thinking of Wayne's lanky, muscled, body made Cory's face burn and his skin tingle.

The man was definitely sexy. The question was, did he find Cory attractive as well?

Cory sat back in his office chair alone in the middle of the early morning and thought of their interactions. Coolidge was always gracious to him, friendly without any pretensions, and gentle. There was something else about Wayne that seemed to suggest a connection of sorts. The guard wasn't afraid to touch him. He would put his arm around Cory's shoulders, lightly squeeze him, and then let go. It was an easy type of touch. There was no awkwardness to it.

With Sandy gone there was nothing holding him back. His fleeting, yet powerful, crush on John Lawson was over. The man was still gorgeous and compelling like a wild animal, but there wasn't anything else to it. Lawson was a quick pick-up at a bar or club. He was the type to rock a night and not a lifetime.

Coolidge was different. He was stable, steady, and his attractiveness was just as certain. Instead of red hot heat, Wayne was a radiating warmth, sure and reliable. There was that word again, reliable.

Cory wondered why the word was so important to him. Was he really becoming the kind of clichéd person who needed something reliable to make his life feel complete? Such co-dependencies were unhealthy. You didn't create a relationship with someone to calm down your mental state. You developed a relationship to nurture growth and happiness for both.

The guard's key attributes may be 'reliable', but they were also quite enjoyable as well. Cory loved spending time with the man talking about movies or books or even silly things. They got along so well. Was a man like Wayne the man he was destined to be with? Maybe Sandy had been just a stepping stone.

Cory shook his head to clear his mind, but the images of Sandy and Wayne were intermingled now. He couldn't stop thinking about them both. As he stared at his computer screen and glanced over at his silent phone and pager, he wondered. One thing he could do was compare and contrast the two men. Maybe by creating categories and doing an inventory of each man, he would know what to do. It was a very well-studied practice and considered quite useful.

Opening his desk drawer, Cory pulled out a yellow steno pad and placed it on his desktop. Grabbing a pen, he wrote Sandy and then Wayne's names and underlined them. Beneath each, he began listing attributes. After only a few moments, he stopped and considered.

It was obvious from what he'd put under Sandy's name; he was over the guy. It was equally weighted with negative and positive personality traits. He'd obviously gotten over his ex enough to see both the good and the bad in the man.

Under Coolidge's name, the results were quite different. All the attributes he listed were relatively positive. Sure, a couple of them could be construed over time as annoying like Wayne's obsession with his hair and his chronic lateness. However, at this moment, they made Cory smile a little. Watching the guard primp and comb his hair peering critically into the men's room mirror was endearing. So what if they were always a little late going to lunch. Certainly, there were worse things to endure.

At the sound of the door opening, Cory ripped off the page and crumpled it quickly. The last thing he needed was some coworker, especially Wayne, finding his weird, obsessive list. It was fine, healthy actually, to do such assessments. Other people may not understand though.

Cory got out of his chair and passed by the guard, thank heavens it wasn't Coolidge, and exited to the hallway. He quickly found a garbage can down the hall and across from the break room. He pulled out a bag and stuffed the wad of yellow paper inside. Cory tucked the bag down, deep into the garbage. He breathed easier knowing it was concealed and would soon be destroyed. His heart began to slow surprising him. Cory hadn't realized he felt so nervous not until the list was disposed of. He wondered why it mattered to him so much?

Chapter 18 - Walt Kowalski

April 2^nd, 3:36 pm – The Dana Bryant Show

“I’m here with Cory McDaniel, a mental health counselor with the Hennepin County jail. He has a story to tell and it’s not something we usually hear about. Welcome Mr. McDaniel.”

“Thanks for having me, Dana.”

“Our pleasure. Let’s begin the program with a warning. The story which follows is highly disturbing. It involves violent death, abuse, children, and mental disability. Tell us the lead up to the story. Who is John Lawson and what was he accused of?”

“John Lawson was arrested and charged with the abuse and injury of a small child, Danny Montrose. The case was in the news last November. Lawson was babysitting his girlfriend’s son when the infant urinated on him during a diaper change. Lawson overreacted and threw the baby on the floor. When he realized what he’d done, he picked up the child and tried to ice Danny’s head.”

“I remember hearing about this tragic case. What happened next?”

“Lawson sent Danny’s mother, his girlfriend, a text saying the baby had bumped his head. Jenny was working third shift at the hospital and as soon as she could, she called Lawson to find out how serious it was.”

“So John Lawson realized the baby needed medical attention?”

“Well, here’s where it gets a little confusing. Lawson told Jenny Montrose that Danny was sleeping normally and nothing was wrong. Montrose believed him, at first. She went back to work until she got another text from Lawson.”

“What was in the second text?”

“Lawson sent a message which said, ‘Everyone I love, I hurt. I’m sorry about Danny.’”

Montrose immediately left the hospital and went home. She found her little boy’s head was red and swollen. She called 911 and they took him by ambulance to the place where she works.”

“Did the little boy die?”

“Not right away. He was on machines, but they did tests and realized he had brain damage so severe he’d never recover or live without being hooked up. The family decided to let Danny rest in peace. He became an organ donor for three other children.”

“The story is tragic enough, but it’s not over.”

“No. They found John Lawson at his mother’s house in the backyard. He had taken a knife to his wrists. They were just shallow cuts though, nothing too serious.”

“He had tried to kill himself though.”

“Not really, at least we didn’t think so at the time.”

“Mr. McDaniel. What happened to John Lawson?”

“I was working with John trying to help him work through his issues. I thought he’d dealt with his feelings of worthlessness and killing himself. Sadly, I was wrong.”

“Did John Lawson kill himself?”

“Essentially. The first week John was in the Hennepin County Detention Center, he was beaten by some other detainees. He wouldn’t reveal who they were at the time, but suffice it to say, he knew exactly who they were. After they decided to let Danny Montrose pass away, I went to John to counsel him. It seemed he had gotten beyond his guilt and made peace with his actions.”

“But you were wrong.”

“In the field of mental health, we can’t always know. Lawson must have found the guys who beat him initially and started a fight with them. They killed him, beat him to death.”

“This story is so sad, and yet it would appear Lawson couldn’t handle what he’d done to the little boy.”

“No, he couldn’t. I thought he was on the road to recovery, but in the end, it was too much for him.”

“Why are you telling this story?”

“I’m telling it for a couple of reasons. First, as he was dying, John Lawson asked me to tell his story. He thought maybe if people heard about it, they might make better decisions. He dictated a letter to me. I’d like to read it if I can.”

“Let’s take a break and then you can read John Lawson’s words to the world.”

Chapter 19 - Walt Kowalski

John Lawson’s last narrative dated March 5^th and read on the show live.

Dear World,

Don’t be me.

I’ve always been a lazy person. I never thought much mattered. I didn’t work hard at school or at any of my jobs. I always tried to ‘just get by’ which I thought was the ‘smart’ way to live. Because I only did what I had to, I never learned anything about myself. I never helped anyone when it didn’t get me something in exchange. I was selfish and only learned that recently.

It’s easier to not know yourself because then everything can be blamed on someone else. I’ve spent my life claiming my bad luck was someone else’s fault. I never succeeded at anything. My mother made me mad. My father abandoned me, therefore I was owed something. Gordy didn’t give me the ‘fair’ amount we stole from others. The little girl whose dog I killed made me mad. Every step along the way, I’ve taken the easy way out. I’ve never looked inside and realized I was weak and stupid.

It’s really easy to be like me. It’s also why I ended up hurting a little boy who only liked to cuddle with me and mumble happy sounds at me. I never learned to control my temper and in the end it finished me.

I’m telling Mr. McDaniel these things and having him write them down to tell the world. Don’t be like John Lawson. Don’t be lazy and expect the world to take care of you. Don’t let your emotions control you. For all the men out there who think it’s easier to just blame others for your troubles, I promise you it isn’t.

If you accidently kill a child, it will in turn kill you. It will make you realize your life is worthless. The guilt will consume you. Life will become intolerable.

Whatever you do, don’t be me. Please.

Sincerely,

John Lawson

***

Cory fell onto the couch in the green room and sighed in relief. The show had gone even better than he'd hoped. John Lawson's story had garnered an immense reaction, and in the final couple of segments, the questions had become more thoughtful and even supportive. The audience had turned just as he’d hoped.

Instead of being seen as a monster, an inhuman child murderer without pardon, the man was seen as a lost soul who had seen the error of his ways. Lawson voluntarily paid for his sins with his life. Those in the audience now saw him as a victim.

John Lawson's contribution to society was only beginning. What he hadn't accomplished in life, the man would in death.

Cory sat up and grabbed his phone. He saw there were several messages already. He scrolled through them until he saw a familiar number and even more familiar name. Cory hit the return call button and held the cellphone to his ear. It buzzed a few times.

"Hey, Cory," the man answered. "Did the show go well? I taped it to watch later."

His best friend Casey's excited tone made him grin. "The audience was great. I even got a few questions about the foundation. People already want to donate."

"Awesome. I think it's a testament to your character you're doing this for others," Casey said. "It'll be a lot of work though."

"It's worth it," Cory said. "Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?"

"I booked reservations at Manny's for eight o'clock. Who is this new guy anyway? I didn't know you'd been dating."

"We've been getting to know each other a little better. I think he's the one. I can't wait for you to meet him."

Cory and Casey chatted away much as they used to. Cory was feeling much better about things since he'd finally made some decisions in his life. The first one had been well received. Now it was time to move onto his second life choice. As the two friends finished their conversation, the door to the green room opened and a man walked in pushing a cart. Cory said goodbye to his best friend and hit end on the phone.

***

"The producer sent this in for you. Would you like me to open the champagne?" the young man asked. Cory smiled and nodded.

The waiter/attendant guy had the same glorious golden brown hair as Coolidge. He was definitely younger, but Wayne was more ruggedly handsome. With the cork popped, and a frothy, sparkling glass poured, the man bowed and exited.

Cory picked up the glass, grabbed a juicy, ripe strawberry from the silver plate, and bit into it, sipping the champagne as a chaser. The flavors mixed and filled his head with sweetness and light. Once again, Wayne Coolidge's face came into his mind's eye.

Tonight would be the night. The elegant and careful dance they'd been having since Lawson's death had frustrated Cory. He wanted more than what they had so far. Sure, getting to know the guard better had been wonderful, but there was so much more to becoming a couple, and not just two people who enjoyed each other's company. Wayne's easy smile and full red lips beckoned to him. His graceful hands touching his arm, his shoulder, his knee had inflamed Cory.

The counselor sat back down and took another sip of his bubbly, the effervescence tickling his nose and making him smile. It brought to mind the picture Wayne had on his desk and the joy it represented.

In a sturdy wood frame stained a dark tan with the word, 'Family' etched at the bottom, was a photo of three people. It was Coolidge with a young girl in his arms and a dark haired woman. It was obvious they were comfortable because their happiness beamed through the glass. Cory had picked up the picture and looked at it many times. On the back were the names, Wayne, Jenny, and Trisha. Coolidge had once mentioned his sister's name was Patricia and this was obviously her daughter.

It was heart-warming to see how much Wayne appreciated family. Maybe someday they could have children together. Cory shook his head and grinned at the thought. "First things first," he said out loud and took another bite of his strawberry. From the way Wayne was holding his niece, it was obvious, he liked kids.

Chapter 20 – St. Jude the Obscure

June 23^rd – 6:30 am

Wayne Coolidge and Cory McDaniel walked in quiet contemplation towards the employee exit. Before they got to the end of the hallway, Coolidge grabbed Cory’s arm.

“I hope we can still be friends. Your, well, the proposal you made kind of freaked me out.”

Cory felt his face burn with embarrassment. The previous few weeks had been uncomfortable to say the least. Coolidge had been aghast when Cory asked him out. The man’s response was still echoing in his ears.

“What makes you think I’m gay?” Coolidge asked, touching Cory’s shoulder and looking at him through squinted eyes. “You know I’m married. You’ve looked at the picture with my wife and daughter at least a dozen times.”

“But I thought—“

“Dude, I’m flattered, but you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

“We’re good,” Cory finally said after he took a breath. “I didn’t mean to, well, you know insinuate anything.”

Coolidge didn’t answer him. They continued walking toward the back door, the employee’s exit. The quiet wasn’t really comfortable. There was something holding them apart.

Finally, Coolidge bridged the gap and it gave Cory reprieve to put the awkwardness aside. “I can’t believe you’re quitting your job and leaving for Cali next week. Did you have any idea it would take off like it did?”

Cory smiled at Coolidge while shaking his head. “No idea. When I went on that television show and read John’s letter, I thought it was over. The saga of John Lawson was finished.”

“So it’s true, they’re making a movie of his story?” the guard asked.

“First Lifetime called and asked me to be a consultant. Then I heard a couple of other production companies were interested. I wrote up the story and right now the director, Jonathan Demme, is considering whether to buy the rights from me.”

The guard grinned broadly. “Who are you going to have play me?”

“I don’t think I’ll be asked.” Cory looked closely at Coolidge, “Probably Max Theriot. He’s got the same piercing blue eyes you do.”

Coolidge blushed and said, “Matt Bomer can play you.”

“I think I’m more of an Evan Peters type of guy. None of them will ask me I’m sure.”

The men continued walking down the corridor. “One thing bothers me,” Coolidge said, once again putting his hand on Cory’s arm. “I had lots of talks with John Lawson and he never struck me as being so articulate. When you read the letter to the world, I couldn’t help but think it didn’t sound much like Lawson.”

“I did some editing and organizing of his words. His intent is there. I didn’t change his final sentiments.”

The guard tilted his head and squinted at the counselor. He peered into his eyes. “The other thing is, the John Lawson I spoke with also wasn’t terribly self-aware either. The last time I saw him he blamed his troubles on the boy’s mother. He said, “Anyone who’s dumb enough to have me as a babysitter, gets what she deserves.”

Cory listened and nodded. “They say confession is good for the soul and in the end, as he was dying from blood loss on the shower room floor, he wanted to be forgiven. I tried to give him that before he passed.”

Coolidge watched him closely and in the end gave the other man a single nod. “Okay then.”

Cory shook Coolidge’s hand and gave him his lanyard, keys and a packet of his security devices. Before he walked out the door, Cory stepped close to Coolidge and gave him a hug. Surprised, the guard hugged him back before he pulled away.

“Sorry,” Cory said, his eyes cast downward. He smiled sheepishly and slid out the door past the metal detectors. As he walked down the sidewalk, his heart lifted.

He started to whistle as the tension eased. Coolidge was far more astute than Cory was comfortable with. The guard had been right. In the end, stupid, lazy, selfish men don’t look for forgiveness. John Lawson had laid before a crouched Cory McDaniel and whined about the pain. He cried about how unfair it was. Lawson had even sworn the kid, the baby, had asked for it.

John Lawson died as he’d lived; a coward hiding from himself.

Cory breathed deeply and relaxed as he entered into the parking garage. His dream of being a star was coming true. Sure, he’d originally thought it would be a show like Dr. Oz or books and a speaking tour like Dr. Phil. He knew he could do it. John Lawson could finally do some good in the world.

The Third Shift had ended.