The Sock Drawer - 4. I always watch him in awe

I always watch him in awe

One could say I stare

And I am aware of his presence

of every minute he is there

He turns and looks this way

I switch on my charm

Let him see me I pray

and smile that won't do any harm

He smiles back and says hello

His voice is sexy as hell

My mouth forms hello too

my voice is muffled by the bell

The teacher arrives she's always on time

So we all take our seats

He looks at me till the end of the chime

My heart skips a few beats

I'm already done with the task

I pass the time with stealing glances

He is engrossed in his work

The teacher patrols and prances

It's recess and he's with his friends

as usual I hide behind a book

One of the phonies slaps him on the back

and he shoots me a look

Inwardly I curse for being caught

I want to know what he thinks

Risking a look I am puzzled

as I see how he winks

I put the book before my face

don't want my red face to be shown

I am such a wimp

been holding it upside down

Recess is almost over now

There are still a few minutes to pass

I wait for his gang to leave first

Why doesn't he go we'll miss class

Part of them enter the building

he just keeps standing there

I think he's daring me to go first

but then I think why would he care

So I stand up and walk back

I'm headed for the door

He notices me brushing past him

which I am trying to ignore

Back in the classroom I continue to stare

just cannot help it he's a goodlooking lad

doesn't look at me again though

and I'm perfectly cool with that

At the weekend at some birthday party

many are there and he is too

so I watch him most of the time

then he corners me near the loo

Hey you stalker he says grinning

close up he's great looking as well

His eyes in the dim light pierce into mine

are they blue or green I can't tell

I greet him with my nervous smile

and apologise much too quietly

He pats my shoulder as if in consolation

I don't really mind he says lightly

He tells me he thinks I am cool

and I don't really know what to say

He asks why I'm such a loner at school

I answer: It's not cool being gay.