Enchanted Life - 9. Chapter 9 Recovery

I took an unfortunate twist into misery when I got back to Celestial Academy. My days at school were tough.

Mr. Shwartz didn’t want the students to know what happened with the sacred scrolls. He didn’t tell them anything that happened with the mission.

Every student in Celestial remained ignorant about the trouble Aaronn, James, Chance, and I went through at the rival school.

It was already sad that one of us lost our life during the fight, but it was really sad that we didn’t get any credit for retrieving the stolen property.

Mr. Shwartz lied to the students at Celestial. Telling them the reason Aaronn, James, Chance, and myself weren’t at school for that day we missed, was because he kicked us off campus for a day.

It was awful. I couldn’t believe what he was doing and saying. He even had the nerve to try to cover Chance’s death!

When Aaronn and I got back from travelling from the mission. We told Shwartz what happened to Chance, and he didn’t care to consider a life was lost. He just wrote on some papers on his desk and told us ‘job well done kids, now get out of my office.’

When students started to question Chance’s disappearance. Especially his emo friends such as T.J. and Adrian, Shwartz told them that Chance moved to another city where he now attends regular school.

It was completely out of line. Someone puts their life on a line to retrieve something you stole, and you didn’t even take time to give him honorable acknowledgements? You didn’t even have a moment of silence for Chance?

I could see if Shwartz wanted to keep his secrets stored in his folders, but this was disrespectful to Chance in all sorts of ways.

His lies ate me up on the inside because I knew the truth. Shwartz didn’t care that Chance gave his life for the school, the scrolls, or for me. He was mainly concerned about getting the scrolls back in Celestial’s possession.

Nobody knew the truth, and I wasn’t at liberty to talk about it with anyone at school. I couldn’t talk to anybody except the few who went on the mission with me. Which was Aaronn, and James.

Shwartz was very clear with his threat. That if we breathe the slightest word to anyone about the secretive mission, or the death, we would be expelled, and never heard from again.

I didn’t know what Shwartz was capable of, but I knew if he said we wouldn’t be heard from again, he was seriously meaning ‘we wouldn’t be heard from again.’

One thing Markus was right about was: That Shwartz was using us to do his dirty work. Shwartz only cared about himself, and he was a coward. Had I known this before the mission, I would have not accepted his offer.

It was a weird silence amongst the herd of students since we came back. Everyone kept wondering why was I acting so strange. Shwartz lies were enough to keep everyone’s mouth shut about Chance though.

Ashlynn kept trying to find out why I haven’t been myself since I was kicked off campus for a day. I could see Talan’s silver eyes wondering the same thing but he never was the one to ask me different questions like Ashlynn was.

After a while, they both decided to give me my space. They told me whenever I was ready to communicate with them, I was always welcome to.

Little did they know, as much as I wanted to tell them about how out of control my heart was feeling for Chance, the mission, and his death. I couldn’t. I simply could not tell them those secrets because I was threated to keep my mouth shut.

They wouldn’t understand the beginning of my hurt and pain. They wouldn’t ever experience the misery, and frustration I have to carry with me forever.

Everyone was fed lies at this Academy. Which led me to believe nobody cared about Chance…nobody except me.

Several weeks, I had an immovable burden settled on me. Every day of those weeks, I cried myself to sleep. Lying in a cold bed alone, with no one to sneak into my dorm, with no one to talk to before bed. With no one’s warmth to feel resonating within the covers.

I missed his masculine ambiance that once catered to my mind’s desires. I missed his internal drive, his fire beside me in the sheets burning like a candle in my bed.

Being alone never held this type of bitterness.

Some nights I would stay up and wait for a knock…his knock. Every night I would dupe myself into believing he was alive and he would come knocking on my door like he did the first night we met…but waiting for him in the cold moonlit room fill with darkness, was only a fairytale.

His knock never came.

On other nights, when I would finally accept his knock would never come. I had trouble with getting sleep. Old flashes of him occurred in my mind. I even thought I could see him, touch him, hear his voice…in the end, I was disappointed. Because my delusional hurt heart, made my mind hallucinate.

My restless nights and my awful mornings were excruciating. I could never get a night of sleep without some kind of interruption of a lost encounter with Chance.

I endured the pain of his death so bad that my body and mind, began to turn into instruments of torture to the emotions.

Sometimes in class, sometimes in bed, sometimes at lunch, I would hear whispers cornering me off asking me questions. Telling me things I should have done, telling me how Chance would still be alive if I would have did this or that.

The whisper that stood out from the other whispers was this one in particular: “If only you would have told him how you felt. If only you would have gave him a hint. This wouldn’t have happened.”

If only I would have told Chance what I thought of him, I probably wouldn’t feel as I do. So guilty and responsible for everything that happened. Feeling left out, and alone.

I was trying to live by his advice. I was trying to make people believers, but with him not being here to support his own advice, made it unhelpful.

When I had woke one morning. I remembered the song that played on the TV before the tournament. The morning of the tournament a song by John Mayer played, depicting these very days and moments:

 

I worry, I weigh three times my body.

I worry, I throw my fear around.

But this morning, there’s a calm I can’t explain.

The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

By the time I recognize this moment

This moment will be gone.

But I will bend the light, pretending that it somehow lingered on.

 

It was very true. I remember that morning he was listening to music to get prepared for the fight. He woke me up and I went into the bathroom to oil my hair, and brush my teeth. I remember I was feeling like a pervert that morning for rubbing his skin. In the song it said ‘by the time I recognize this moment, this moment will be gone.’ And my moments with him were gone.

And I will wait to find

If this will last forever.

And I will wait to find

If this will last forever.

And I will pay no mind

That it won’t and it won’t, because it can’t

It’s not suppose to.

 

My mind was playing this song bringing back the great times I shared with Chance. Then I started to wonder was the song by John Mayer some kind of clue or hint as to what was going to happen in the future? It had to be. Look at what was being said in the song. About waiting to see if things will last forever.

And I will wait to find

If this will last forever

And I will wait to find

That it won’t and it won’t

Because it won’t

And I will waste no time

Worried about no rainy weather

And I will waste no time

Remaining in our lives together.

 

This is the part that broke me down. I remember asking myself while painting Chance’s fingernails: ‘Would our friendship last forever?’ At first, the thought was so little, but now it has been magnified.

Losing a friendship I thought then, would be him finding out I had feelings for him, or me and him getting into an argument. Which would cost us our friendship. I had not thought death would break the friendship for us.

‘What if Chance and I are not destined to be friends?’ I was right that day. It wasn’t in his destiny to live long, and it wasn’t in mine to be with him. It wasn’t in either of our destiny to be friends. Things between us just were not meant to be.

It was depressing.

Days passed and I started talking to Ashlynn and Talan again. It was good hearing their mouths run wild talking about the jocks. It was mostly Cameron but then it would lead them to talk about John, and Brady. Which were Cameron’s close guy friends.

Everything that the Jocks did Ashlynn was like the first to have tabs on it. He seemed to come alive when any of their names were mentioned.

Talking to Talan and Ashlynn again, gave me other things to think about. At the same time, it was hard to cover and mask the brutal suffering I was still attempting to recover from. The weight of Chance not being at Celestial Academy, walking around going to class. Was still sitting there and it wouldn’t leave.

I had convinced myself that I had to start living again. Even if I liked Chance with a deepness, I had to start living sometime soon. I don’t know how but I will try. Maybe talking to people around the school will help. I don’t know…

I was sitting at lunch listening to Talan try to give Ashlynn some counseling advice. Today Ashlynn had his fingers ruffling his bleach blond hair, not eating anything on his tray.

“It’s okay Ashlynn,” Talan’s dark hair was on Ashlynn’s shoulder while he rubbed Ashlynn’s back. “He probably didn’t know.”

Ashlynn lifted his head while Talan played with his bleach like locks. Ashlynn’s eyes looked sad, and not the light powdery blue I was used to, it looked a little darker, like he was on the verge of crying. “I don’t know, it’s like… he saw where I tried to call him.” he wiped his face breathing hard in his hands. “It sucks. He probably doesn’t want to talk to me now.”

I was sort of lost as to what these two were talking about. “What is going on?”

Talan’s silver eyes grew in width at my question. He rubbed Ashlynn’s back in continues circles. “Uhhh…well….” he started pausing in his speech as if something was wrong.

“Uhhh, what?” I wondered. Why was he acting so weird? It wasn’t like Talan to be speechless. Nobody talked more than him and Ashlynn.

That’s when I saw him stop looking my way, and lean to whisper in Ashlynn’s ear. Whatever he said Ashlynn replied, “I don’t care anymore. He is no different.”

“Okay,” Talan said as if it were a warning.

“What is wrong with Ashlynn?” I asked again.

“Well…” Talan’s silver eyes grazed over to Ashlynn who put his head back on the table out of frustration. Making sure it was okay to release the information. “Ashlynn is mad because Cameron hasn’t returned any of his calls, and they have been hanging out a lot recently. It’s like all of a sudden Cameron is acting so strange with him and he doesn’t know why.”

That’s when Ashlynn cut in the conversation. His blue eyes were so confused when he sighed, “I don’t understand.” He looked at me as if I might know what he is dealing with. “We were so cool, and we always have been cool, and now he just doesn’t answer my calls, and I like called him fifty times last night.”

“It’s okay sweetie, he’s a douche. Don’t worry about him.”

“Don’t worry about him?” Ashlynn said like he could never stop worrying about Cameron. “I can’t believe you said that Talan! You know how things are between him and me.”

“I’m sorry,” Talan was starting to get a little upset with Ashlynn’s hissy fit. I could see his silver eyes turning into boiling metal. “Gosh! You act like he is soooo special.”

“How long has he been ignoring your calls?” I was going to help if I could add my sense in.

“It’s been a whole day!” he exclaimed pounding the table. “I can’t believe he is doing this. After all the things we have been through, this is what I get?”

“Just one day?” It started sounding really ridiculous after I heard ‘one day’. Try living without the one you care about forever.

“Yes one day!” Ashlynn angrily confirmed. “Not only that but he didn’t answer none of my text messages…ugh!!”

“It’s okay, just calm down, sweetie.” Talan said shaking his head. “He doesn’t know what he is missing.”

“It’s only been one day Ashlynn. It’s not like you are going to die.” I spoke clearly to him. He needed to understand it’s not the end of his world or the death of him. “Give him his space for a little bit and I’m sure he will get in touch with you when he can. Think about it like this: it’s only been a single day. You guys see each other all the time. He might be busy or something. Take your time with this issue, don’t get all mad if it’s only been one day he hasn’t called you.”

Talan was agreeing with what I was saying. “That’s right.”

“I guess you guys are right.” Ashlynn’s powdery eyes started to flutter back to normal. “Maybe I was being a drama queen by taking this over board.”

“Yeah, you kind of were,” Talan put his hand over his chest to laugh slightly. “but we still love you Ashy.” Talan hugged him so tight.

“Aww! I love you guys tooooo!” Ashlynn stretched his skinny arms out for both of us to get wrapped in.

Soon I got involved with their hug at the lunch table, and when we finally separated the hug Ashlynn was all smiles again. “Okay Julius in case you are wondering, I don’t normally overreact like this. It’s just… I feel about Cameron, like you feel about Chance.”

“About chance?!” why did he have to bring it up? Matter of a fact, how did he know? Was it that obvious? “What do you mean ‘feel about Chance’?”

Both of them took out their nail filers and huffed out a breath of air. As if they knew so much already that they didn’t feel like dredging it up.

Ashlynn stopped filing his nails for a quick second, to cup his hand over his lips “We know that you had a little ‘thing’ for Chance.” he whispered.

Talan scanned the other tables to see if anybody was listening before he added, “Yeah. We know. Its like, written all over your face.”

“How did you guys know? I mean, when did you guys ever interpret this idea?” I was a nervous wreck at this moment. It was like I was having my first day of school all over again.

“We knew you were one of us the minute we met you?” Talan pointed his nail file at me with his eye brows raised.

I was becoming uneasy. I didn’t want anybody to know about my feelings, my secrets. I didn’t want it to be obvious that I liked, what I liked. “You mean, you knew I was a sorcerer when you first met me. Ha ha, I guess I didn’t hide it that well.” I was trying to play my discomfort off, but this was a situation that made my skin sweat heavily.

Ashlynn flicked his hair, “No silly, not a sorcerer.” He stopped to giggle, while Talan and he gave each other a sideways stare. “We knew you were one of us, as in, we knew you were one of the gays.” He quietly mentioned going back to filing his index finger to a nice trim.

“Oh what are you talking about?” I tried to fake it again. But it didn’t work. I was too nervous to convince them.

Talan laughed a little, “It’s okay. You are with family. We are with you on this. We know that you liked Chance. We know that you are gay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of-“

“It’s something to be proud of, it’s something to celebrate.” Ashlynn finished for him, as if they rehearsed this conversation before. Knowing those two, they may have.

I started to feel like a wilting plant that was suddenly getting the right amounts of sunlight, and the right amounts of water to flourish. It felt like I wasn’t alone. I felt like I was finally allowed access into an undiscovered world.

It only took that one moment between Ashlynn and Talan, for me to feel like I could tell them about how I felt about Chance.

“Okay, okay. I am one of you guys.” I bashfully confessed, covering the smirk on my face. I couldn’t believe I was actually admitting this out loud.

“What do you mean one of us?” Ashlynn looked off to the side playing dumb.

“Yeah, what do you mean one of us?” Talan cued in, blowing dust from his pinky nail. “Do you mean a sorcerer?” he threw my words at me jokingly.

They both gave each other that look. The look when they were working as a team, and using their team work. I have always thought these two should have been twins.

“No, I don’t mean a sorcerer.”

“Oh then what are you saying?” Ashlynn smiled brightly. He and Talan was wanting to hear me say it. They wanted me to be proud of who, and what I was.

“I am one of the gays.” I said calmly with a soft touch.

“YAY!” the both cheered like I won first place in a tournament.

“You did it! Now we can let you in on a few more secrets about us.” Talan whispered with excitement steaming from his mouth.

Ashlynn bumped him with his elbow almost knocking Talan’s nail file from his hand. “Not too much, too quick.”

“Right, right, right…” Talan rolled his eyes, sighing.

“Baby steps first.” Ashlynn said as if he was reminding him.

The subject took a drastic change from that point forward. Ashlynn started talking about all the guys he thought was cute. Talan was talking about who all he wanted to have and to hold. It was crazy because I started pouring out to them what I truly felt about Chance. When I started sharing my emotions with them they were taken aback by it.

We all did agree on something. Chance was a hottie and we all wanted our way with him.

“Too bad he moved away.” Talan mentioned not knowing the truth behind Chance’s disappearance. It killed me that I was holding it back from them. “He really was something good to look at. Yum, yum!”

“I feel bad because Julius never told him how he felt before he moved.” Ashlynn hit the nail with his statement. “No wonder you have been looking so lost and hurt all these weeks. Carrying that extra emotional crap is horrible. I know how that is.”

“You do?” I asked finally having someone I can probably get answers from, on how to deal with this sorrowful pain. “How did you deal with it?”

“I was able to get over the guy I fell for because I found out later, that all the feelings I had for him, he had some feelings for me as well.” Ashlynn went back to filing his nails after shrugging his shoulders. “So I didn’t have to deal with my luggage too long. If you are wondering the guy is Cameron.” He laughed a little.

“Oh…” was all I could produce. I guess I got too happy. Ashlynn only dealt with this type of pain on a different, simplified level. Whereas mine was more difficult.

“Don’t get sad hon.” Talan’s silver iris’s started noticing me getting sad. “We know how it is to have someone you hold valuable to the heart and not be able to ever tell them. Trust me, not everybody is meant to know certain things.” He clarified with logic.

“Yeah you both are right. I will get over it in due time.” It shook me to say what I said. I knew that it would be years before my hearts was completely healed at this point.

“Of course you will,” Talan agreed with me. “and if you don’t get over it. Ashlynn and I can cast an enchantment that will give you a quick fix.” He laughed at himself.

“Yeah, whenever you get over this. Maybe…”Ashlynn’s head cocked to the side. I had never seen this look on his face before. He looked very seductive. As if he was building his sorcery up and putting it in his words to entice us. “Maybe we could all start dating and having threesomes.”

“Oooh that’s the best thing I have ever heard you say,” Talan told him bringing a finger to his chin thinking about the threeway. “Oh I can see it now… so much sexiness and twinkling power. That would be so hot!! Count me in.”

They both started laughing in their light laughs. I could tell they were being serious. Which didn’t sound like a bad idea, but that would have to wait until I wasn’t so burdened with this load.

Later during the week. Aaronn paid a visit to my dorm. When he knocked, my senses alerted me that it may have been Chance. Coming back to be with me, but it was only Aaronn who would shut the door gently behind him, and would come in to check on how I was handling things.

Throughout more weeks, Aaronn would make it his duty to check and see have I improved. I still hadn’t made it far. It was like every night was getting colder, harder, and more of a nightmare. It wasn’t easy trying.

James would come by and visit me. He was one of the only people who actually knew the truth about Chance’s death. He would come by wearing his black pants, with the metal clinking chains attached, and try to be there for me through everything. His hair was still spikey as it always was.

He reminded me on every visit, that whatever I went through, he went through. Whatever painful challenge I had to face, he faced it too. He wasn’t afraid to hold me tight and kiss me on the cheek. James’ visits weren’t too often but his comfort was mightily felt.

He had my back. He told me if he was there at the second battle with Markus, he would have made sure everyone walked away alive. For some reason, I believed his words.

It was really surprising one day when I saw Mason, and Damien at my dorm room door. They walked in uninvited and stood at the far wall with their arms crossed. I thought Mason came to take his old revenge from him losing against me in the tournament.

I looked at his black lipstick remembering the horrible things I saw him do with his shadows. I saw James do advanced things with shadows too, so I knew their abilities were powerful and almost limitless. If Mason made a move, him or Damien, I was basically screwed.

Not only was I vulnerable, but I wasn’t in the mood to fight back.

So his plan for revenge was well thought out.

Minutes after their dark silence had passed. They both put their heads down. While Mason’s black lips from his lipstick began to speak with a strange odd terror. But this oddness sounded a little sadder than that menacing boy I fought.

He told me, they weren’t in my room to make trouble or start trouble. I was happy to hear that.

“James told me to come by because you were suffering and dealing with a lot.” Mason picked his head up showing the darkness in his eyes. “If this makes anything better, James told us both to apologize to you.” He said it as if he was having problems with the words.

“Why?” I wondered. They didn’t do anything to me…I don’t think. “What did you guys do?”

Damien started fiddling with his iron spiked neck chocker, before looking at me in a soft weird fashion. “We may be the reason why your best friend, Chance moved.” He had a deeper, voice than James. Which scared me when I first heard him speak.

“That’s impossible.” I knew this was impossible. They couldn’t have had anything to do with Chance moving, because Chance was dead. I know James thought an apology of some false sort, would heal me quicker but it wasn’t necessary.

“Yes. We. Did!” Damien said it with finality presenting itself in his sturdy tone.

When I asked, ‘what did they do?’ Mason took over and told me “Before you started coming to Celestial Academy. Damien and I would target certain people out to scare or play shadow tricks on.” He shifted his feet around in his black boots as if he wasn’t confident with sharing some of his shadow tricks with me. “Well, Chance was one of those people. We haunted his room with Shadows, and when he would freak out, or come out running in the halls frightened, that would be our entertainment. We played these games with everyone. We didn’t mean any harm, only sometimes when we didn’t like someone, but it was just our way of fun.”

That’s when I understood why Chance came knocking on my door when I first got here. He knew my room wouldn’t be haunted by anything since I was the new kid. Which was a smooth move.

I wanted to get angry at Mason, and Damien for doing what they did. But when I sat there and thought about how it was them who basically pushed Chance in my direction. I reconsidered my anger and I wanted to thank them.

“Why didn’t you ever haunt my room with shadows?” I asked Mason directly. “I thought maybe you would, since I beat you that day in the tournament.”

His lipstick looked like it turned blacker. Then his eyes looked like they were leaking with shadows. As if that was the key word, to get me killed. “Oh I wanted to. I was going to haunt your room with shadows and have you screaming for your life…who knows, I might have even killed you-“

Damien bumped Mason’s rib cage to stop his words. “Dude, remember what James said.” Then after Damien told him that he remained quiet.

Then Mason shook his black hair from his killer state of mind. “I wanted to haunt your room, I was going to do it that very night we fought, but James…James told me not to do it… He saved you.”

My heart leaped for a minute. Then it fell through my stomach. James really had a great influence over these guys. I’m so thankful for him caring so much. Even when I didn’t know he was looking out for me, he was.

After they apologized, they shut my door loudly and left. I had to really thank James for his loyalty towards me. He was a true person beneath his weirdness. An odd guy that I appreciated for his supervision over me.

 

It was very depressing to hear how people kept thinking Chance moved away. Like some of his emo friends like T.j. who came to me one day in the hallway asking me ‘Did Chance ever tell me he was leaving?’

I said ‘no’.

It was strange seeing T.j.’s green streaked hair and how it was so similarly styled to Chance’s. Only with green strips dangling in his eyes.

He kept seeing me in the halls, talking to me like it hurt him that Chance was gone. He was telling me that Chance never had any intentions on leaving Celestial Academy. Even Adrian who was another emo, with shaggy black hair and piercings. He was saying, that the big move Chance made didn’t sound like him at all.

It was like all the emos were trying to figure out what really happened to Chance. The more they dug the more I cried. Because I was trying to hold it together on the inside, but it was hard not letting his best friends know what the principal was keeping from them. I also wanted to keep my life at the same time.

I remembered how Mr. Shwartz threatened my existence. I definitely didn’t want to end up like Chance.

This aching in my heart was so terrible, that I couldn’t look at fire.

Fire had become a major weakness of mine. Seeing it flicker, or dance, seeing its warmth would always put memories of him in my heart. Especially when he would always say: ‘He would light me up’ all I could see was his orange flames doing a dance for me.

Fire was responsible for consistently placing me back in the state of misery when I would barely climb out to breathe a bit.

When Aaronn came to the dorm sitting on the edge of my bed. His violet eyes would reflect earnest care and he would let me spill my hurt out to him. Aaronn would listen to me whine, and give me the best advice he could give. Sometimes he would wipe my tears from my eyes and greatly attend to me until I fell asleep.

The next day I would awake feeling soreness in my chest, and dried tears on my face. Aaronn would be gone, because he obeyed the no guest in the dorms rule…unlike Chance.

What I liked about Aaronn was: on some days when we could sneak off campus. He would let me teleport us to a private exquisite dinner. He would always plan ahead and know where we were going. Whether it be a movie, or some shopping. He would always make me smile with his concerned graceful ways.

He told me it was important to him that I get back into the swing of life, because if Chance saw me cradled away in my room crying all the time, he would be angry. For somebody who didn’t hang with Chance, Aaronn knew him well.

Aaronn was doing his best to help me get on track. But it wasn’t enough. Talan and Ashlynn were listening to me talk endlessly about my heart ache of missing Chance but no matter what I did, nothing would relieve the burden.

I figured at one point that this was something that would pass over with time. Then a plan struck me as I scanned the walls of my room. It was something that I was going to look for, something I was going to search for, like Talan and Ashlynn said ‘a quick fix.’

******One Month Later*****

This month I was purely devoted to finding the correct enchantment I needed to carry out what I planned. I wanted my life back. I wanted to make a full recovery from this situation and since nothing seems to be helping, I thought finding the right enchantment would.

I sat in class. Everyday I would go into class taking notes hoping the teacher would give off some hint or idea as to what kind of enchantment I would need to do what I needed to do.

At the end of class I was disappointed when she never led me in a new direction.

When that didn’t work, I tried asking Ashlynn did he or Talan know any enchantments for certain purposes that were too disastrous to name. I didn’t keep asking them because they started asking too many questions, and I couldn’t have them doing that.

I wanted to get my words off my chest. I wanted to tell Chance how I felt. It wasn’t too late to tell him and I know I was starting to sound senile but I wasn’t.

There was a way! There had to be. There was some way I could talk to him even if he was dead. There was an enchantment or something that could help me open a route to him.

I know there was such sorcery that existed, but the problem was nobody knew what enchantment allowed you access to such deadly realms.

Where ever this enchantment was, I needed it and I wanted it now! If I could tell Chance how I felt while he was decease, I wouldn’t have to worry about a negative reaction anymore. I would be healing because I let him know how I felt, and I can move on.

I never knew that unsaid words could anchor ones soul so badly that they couldn’t move forward. I was tired of living like this. Something had to change for the better.

The more I looked for the answer I started to think the further it ran from me. No matter how much I read any articles, studied in class, checked websites, or tried to sneak questions in to Ashlynn, nothing would work.

I got so frustrated with not finding the answers, not finding the enchantment. I started to question was there such an enchantment that existed? If so, why is it so hard to locate? Why do people act so stupid when you start talking about the dead?

It was crazy! Everybody was crazy! Everything about this situation was driving me crazy!

I have had enough!

I went to my room and I started pulling the covers off of my bed, Screaming loudly. I was at my breaking point. I couldn’t tolerate any more pressure.

I went to my drawer, snatching it out and throwing it across my room floor. Then I ran to my closet yanking closed off of the hangers screaming in a blinding madness.

I had never been like this before. Nor did I think it was possible for me to go insane, but I couldn’t help it. Things had gone so wrong for so long, there was no turning back.

My room was in a mess with clothes strewn in the middle of the floor, covers, pillows, underwear, I had knocked the lamp down on my desk.

When I thought I had broken everything in my moment of insanity I grabbed one of my shoes and flung it into the flat screen TV. Hearing a cracking noise, I knew I had fractured the TV screen and I wouldn’t be able to watch anything else.

…But I didn’t care.

When I gazed over my cluttered room, I started to laugh at what I did. The destruction of the cleanliness and neatness of my room was hideous. Just like everything else in my heart. I wanted to stop myself but this was too much fun.

I kept running around my room knocking things over, kicking walls, ripping some of my shirts. I laughed even though nothing was funny. I didn’t know what had come over me, but the insanity felt better than the pain any day.

I started to have a rush of thoughts at once. Everything cramming in my head trying to be released, speeding to the front of my mind.

As I waged more destruction I started saying, I hate I met Chance. I hate that Mason and Damien sent him to my room by haunting his room with Shadows. I hate that I feel so deeply for someone who isn’t alive, I hate that I went on that stinking mission for Shwartz, I hate that I ever came to Celestial Academy… at times.

I really HATE that my mother and father tried to play a game with me and sent me to this place!

I stalked to my shelf and put my hands on either side of its wooden frame ready to rock it, and tilt it sideways until it hit the floor in a clattering jumbled heap of books, and wood. I wanted this shelf to join the clutter surrounding me on the floor. I wanted this shelf to break because I had not found the answer to what I seek.

Something had to feel my rage…

I gripped the edges of the shelf’s frame, and pushed it to the left, exerting all of my muscle strength. The book shelf began to sway, it wanted to fall. I panted looking at it groan, and leaned to the left to collapse.

Then all of a sudden the shelf stood upright, and stabilized itself. It acted as if it had a mind of its own.

I grabbed the shelf by its sides again, wanting to destroy it for trying to keep standing in the mess of my destruction.

I put more force behind my hands, trying to throw the shelf off its stance.

It was strange. The shelf would tilt to the side but it wouldn’t fall no matter how hard I pushed, shoved, and kicked.

I kept trying but I soon realized it was probably something the Celestial put in the shelf to keep it from falling, but that didn’t seem right.

“Why won’t you fall?” I pushed the shelf again and again, but it would only come back to where it stood. Planting its base flat on the floor. “Fall over you…stupid…thing….”

Grunting and struggling, sweating, I finally got tired, and kicked the front lower part of the shelf where a lot of books sat. “Why are you still standing? Why won’t you fall? What is so great about you that you won’t fall when everything else has?” I kicked it harder.

I turned away from the shelf folding my arms over my chest. I breathed so hard that I could see steam coming from my nostrils. I was angered about putting my strength into messing the room up but I couldn’t knock down a simple wooden shelf.

Argh!

What is so great about that dumb shelf anyway?

That’s when I decided to yell at the shelf. “You’re the dumbest thing I have ever seen. You think you’re so mighty and powerful. You think you can stand against anything? You think you are stronger than me?”

Why was I yelling at a shelf? I had no sense at all for doing this, but it felt right. It felt like this was the answer to letting go of all of my stress.

The more I screamed at the shelf for being stubborn and refusing to fall I started to realize something. Not only was I going nuts, but I could learn something from the shelf. There was something to learn from anything, and something about this wooden shelf could be learned.

I think this shelf not falling even though I put it through the most extreme strengths, was a lesson to me. A lesson saying that I should be this firm. I should be this stubborn, I should be able to stand and not fall no matter what pressures came at me. I could regain myself.

Then as I registered my lesson from the stubborn shelf. It occurred to me, that this shelf did think it was stronger than me. It thought it could handle a death of a friend without falling.

“So you do think you are stronger than me, huh? Is that what it is?” I hurried in a swift walk to the shelf again shaking it like a madman.

“What is your secret? What is your secret?” Everytime I asked the question, I shook the shelf. ”What’s your secret? Why can you stand through all of this destruction? Tell me what’s keeping you from tilting over?” I kept screaming everything as I gave the shelf a sturdy shake.

If I learn what kept this shelf together through everything I put it through. Then I could apply it to my life and I would be just as strong. Then I would be able to carry on with living my life normally.

Suddenly when I ask the question “Reveal your strength to me!!!” that was all I needed to say. It was like I said the ultimate magic words. When I said ‘reveal’ there was a blue twinkle that glittered on the shelf.

I stopped shaking the frame to see what it was, and then when I brought my face close to the spines of the books. A black book pounce off the shelf and slapped me right on the nose.

I caught the book being blind sided by the sudden hit. I turned the book over in my hands taking a glance at the front cover where I saw a brown question mark inscribed on the cover.

This was the book my mom gave me before she sent me away to Celestial Academy! The book with all the most powerful enchantments passed down from our ancestors. Some were my mom’s alone. Things she never got to cast.

When I looked at the shelf. I knew if I was to shake it, or even put a little move on it, it would surely fall without the power of this book sitting on it.

I marveled at the black thick coating of the book. Looking at it with the same amusement I did when my mom handed it to me. That woman abandon me. She left her life of sorcery to be in love with that idiotic man I had for a dad. Through all of the betrayal, she did come in handy for something. She left this book in my possession.

Good luck mother. You did me a favor today.

I sat on my bed with my room still in a cluttered mess. I didn’t care. I was finally getting a chance to read through the contents of this thick book of enchantments. Some were dark enchantments, that other sorcerers could never fathom in their imaginations.

Enchantments I knew my mom didn’t ever want to cast because they were too horrible, and caused others to be punished greatly with only a few symbols and words.

I saw my mom’s handwriting on some of the pages I glanced at, but her enchantments were goody-good. They were things like bringing someone’s memory back, healing the wounded, hair growth, and other boring stuff like that.

A couple of days I spent my spare time reading the black book of enchantments. Filling my mind with old sorcery from my grandmother, and aunts, in the past. Learning how to channel. Teachings on how to build a greater amount of mystic energy. It was all written for my pleasure.

While flipping through the contents of the pages I discovered something. It was something useful. It was something that I hadn’t been able to find anywhere else.

I found an enchantment that would allow me to talk to Chance! Here it was, after months of searching for the idea, it was in my room sitting on my shelf, waiting for me to explore it for the right answer.

Once I got my room back organized. Aaronn and I went to one of the nearest stores so I could pick some items out for the ritual that was needed to talk to Chance.

I grabbed two black mats woven with a unique cloth. Specially designed for a sorcerer’s ritual. Then I grabbed crystal chalk. Which was a special writing chalk used for drawing impeccable symbols, and insignias. Then with the last purchase of the ten candles,(nine white candles, and one blue) I was able to leave out of the special mart, and go on about my day.

I was prepared to set things up to see Chance again. I was ready to get this off of my chest.

When Aaronn teleported back with me to my dorm, he kept asking ‘what was I doing?’ I told him ‘nothing, and he couldn’t be around because I had a lot of things I needed to think about.’

When he left I immediately got busy. I desperately pushed the furniture around in my room making a clearing for the ritual in the center of my dorm. The book said I needed an open wide space for the enchantment and this would have to do the trick.

Then the book told me to lay down the black mats. One of the black rugs would have to be the rug I sat on (sitting rug) and station the other rug at least two or three feet apart from the rug I would be sitting on.

The next step I had to get the crystal chalk, and draw an eight point star on the rug that was apart from my sitting rug. (Which is called the summoning rug) I drew a white chalky eight point star just like the one I saw in the pages of the book, before continuing.

Later I had to draw a symbol on my sitting rug. It took me at least ten minutes to perfect each line but I nailed it. Next, I was lighting five white candles putting them in a circle around the summoning rug.

The book said: There were to be five white candles placed at the points of the eight point star, On top of the rug.

Then I placed four candles around the symbol on my sitting rug. I had to space the candles out so that I would have leg room whenever I went to sit down. The final candle was a blue one. It was short, but it was supposed to sit in the space between the two rugs.

So I put the short blue candle exactly between the two rugs, the eight point star, and my symbol. Everything had to be in its exact positioning. The blue candle had to be precisely inbetween the two ritual rugs.

The blue candle had significance. It was significant because it was the link that was supposed to unite the realm Chance was in, into the realm I was in. Connecting the living with the nonliving.

The rug that was in front of mine (summoning rug) was where he would be summoned . The eight point star drawn in the middle of the black rug (where he was to be summoned) was for pulling the right individual from the realm and not some other person or bad spirit. Lastly, the five white candles sitting on the points of the star, represented the first layer of protection from anything that may try to swim through the cracks of the link.

The book warned: That many ghosts, and haunting spirits would attempt to escape their realm to join ours, so keep those five candles burning at all times.

I took my seat. On the sitting rug. I was seated in the center of the symbol which was a sign that was a mixture of earth, reality, and life. Around me on this black rug were my four white candles that would keep me protected. It was a second layer of protection, just in case one of the other five candles blew out in the first layer and something tried to attack me. As long as I stayed with the square of these four white candles, I would be shielded from the spiritual attacks.

This second layer of protection would buy me enough time to find another enchantment to send the thing back to where ever it came from.

Sitting in the center of the symbol after making sure all the candles were lit. I was ready to start.

Building my mystic energy like the book told me, I concentrated with all my mind, and heart. I could sense the sorcery reeling through my chest. The mystic power was doing a constant whirl in my mind.

I sat in a meditative pose closing my eyes, and I started to chant the verses from the book, while including Chance’s name into the words. I was trying to conduct my sorcery’s highly focused power on the blue burning candle so that the other realm would feel my mystic abilities trying to open and tear through their walls.

At the same time I was chanting, I was praying that my four protection candles wouldn’t blow out on my rug (second protection). Then I had to keep reminding myself that I better make sure the five candles on the summoning rug would stay alight.(first protection)

I felt the power drawing the corners of the room into the blue candle. At a moment’s notice, the flame enlarged on the blue candle. Shooting upward. The flame stood taller than the other white candle flames as it burned.

The surging tingles of my sorcery was coming out of my body, soaring through the chanting syllables of my words. Being passed into the blue linking candle, where the eight point star suddenly started to swing, and swirl.

It’s chalky white lines started to spin out of order until I couldn’t make out its image anymore. It had become a rotating disc. The symbol of the eight star was doing its job hunting, and searching for the right spirit to pull from the other realm.

Hopefully we won’t have an accident. Hopefully I won’t have to battle a ghost or anything.

When nothing was coming or being pulled through the summoning rug, I started to worry. I was wondering if I was doing the right enchantment? I started to worry if I was applying enough power to the ritual?

I checked the candles twice to make sure they were positioned correctly. I looked at everything from the angle of the rugs, and the symbols drawn on each. I kept reanalyzing my every step, hoping I didn’t overlook a small step in my urgent need to speak to Chance.

…but I kept on chanting just in case.

After another minute the room slammed into the floor, as if a meteor had hit the outside of my dorm. The floor quaked in a disturbing way, and then the candles started to flicker.

Uh oh!

Then one of the candles on the summoning rug blew out, at the whoosh of the wind when the room got settled again.

I was about to pray when the candle relit itself, and everything was quiet, still, and empty. My whole dorm room was empty from sound, or anything that could make a sound. It was like my dorm was in its own quiet world. Shipped off from Celestial.

I quit the chanting. Looking around the room hoping nothing had broke loose from the protection of the candles that blew out earlier. I was nervous. This was my first time doing a ritual of this level and I was nervous that I had brought another unwanted problem into my life.

   ….

…nothing happened.

Just the stillness of the room.

   ….

There was no indication that the ritual had worked. It was really keeping me on the verge of a break down.

Please don’t let me have summoned a ghost into this school! Especially one that would hunt and torture me.

…looking around quietly, afraid. I knew the book told me if something gets past the five candle’s protection, my rug with the four candles was another ensured layer of protection that would keep me safe as long as I stayed within the square of their arrangement.

   …

…If I did the ritual right. There is supposed to be some type of link opening, linking our two separate worlds together.

Why is nothing happening! I raised my concentration level out of anger to attempt to try-

“Julius?... Is that you?” an echo called from the summoning rug a few feet in front of where I sat.

Lifting my eyes at the sound of the familiar voice touching my ears, I almost cringed with glee. I wanted to get up and run onto the summoning rug, but I couldn’t. It was too dangerous.

Floating in a ghostly, golden shining haze, directly above the eight point star was the form of Chance!

It worked! It actually worked!

“Chance!” I yelped, almost crying that I couldn’t touch him physically, almost sad that I had to keep my distance even though I knew for sure it was his spirit.

“Julius.” He called my name as if he was happy and yet confused.

“Chance.” I stammered his name. I was bothered because I was barely able to see his beautiful face through the cloudy bright mist of his ghost form. Not being able to see his face through the cloudy distortion, was better than not seeing him period.

“It’s me.” he proved, “What am I doing in your room?”

It was good to be able to talk to him. It was like old times. “I had to link you back to the living world. Because you died. And my life has been hard to cope with since your death.” I sadly spoke to him, trying to relish in our reunited moment.

“Julius,” Chance’s replied, sighing “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Summon my spirit?” he was talking to me like I had made a huge mistake. “You would have learned how to cope over time.”

“I did it because I have something to tell you!” I blabbed, getting sentimental. The last thing I want him to think is that I made a mistake by summoning him. “I have something that has been on my chest bogging me down that I need to tell you. It has to do with our friendship.”

His spirit glimmered, floating above the eight point star and its five candles, waiting for me to let everything out.

I opened my mouth pushing the doubt away. “You became my best friend. I liked having you around, I loved having someone around who understood everything about me. Everything we did or talked about, I felt tremendous about it.” at this time my heart begged to see his full face. Just once to see his reaction.

I went on with the rest of what I had to say. “I knew deep down that you were being a loyal person, and a great friend. It’s good to have someone who believed in me, and cared about my well being, but…” I stopped talking. I hesitated on the next part. I wasn’t sure if I had the nerve to continue.

“Go on. I’m listening.” he encouraged me, waving his ghostly arm through the air.

“My feelings got involved, and I slowly fell for you.”

At first, I was shocked that I went through with my feelings. I let my mouth say the words as fast as possible, so that I couldn’t take them back if I tried.

A second later I experienced a twinge of dizziness. By letting the pressure in my head settle, and decrease I felt my liberation living inside of me again.

The words that withheld were finally out, and I wasn’t pressed down by the weight of them anymore.

“Julius…” he paused using an even tone. “Why didn’t you tell me about this when I was alive?” there was nothing mean, or aggravated about his voice as I expected it would be.

I went to say something to answer him, but he started to talk again.

“I wish you would have said something sooner. We probably could have worked something out.” I heard his unique laugh. As I was drawing in a big breath, asking myself ‘work something out?’

“Since we are letting things out.” he continued, “honestly, I had developed some feelings for you too. I didn’t know how to tell you, I didn’t know how to bring it up to you, because I couldn’t tell if you were interested in me or not.” He was compassionately confessing himself.

After hearing his confession, I came to the conclusion that I was pathetic for holding my feelings back. I was unwise, and ridiculous. How could we both not say something when the attraction was there?

“I wish I would have known.” I pleaded shutting my eyes tightly. Imagining what would have happened if I could take things back. “I wish I would have known!” I pouted hitting my fist on the rug. I started to sound like a baby. “Knowing how you felt about me would have made my life different. It would have made my emotions whole.”

“It’s fine. Don’t get worked up about it.” he said sounding heart broken himself. “I mean, think about it, we both failed to approach each other. So it’s both of our faults. We missed our ‘chance’ at love.” I could hear the unhappiness stirring as he tried to talk.

I was left wordless, and so was he.

Until I thought of an idea. “We can still try it. We can still be together.” I suggested getting some excitement from what I had thought of.

“I don’t want you chasing after me anymore. I’m dead. I’m only a ghost. I can’t kiss you, I can’t hold you. So us dating in two separate realms doesn’t sound good. Eventually one of us will want something the other can not provide.”

His explanation was true, but I wasn’t looking to give up that easily.

“I know, but it wouldn’t harm us to try, would it?” I threw in, raising an eye brow. Hoping he would think what I was saying over.

“In a long run…it will harm us Julius. Trust me!” he insistently said, with kind hearted honesty.

“I can keep summoning you, and we could be together like that. It can be a long distance relationship.” what was I saying? This wasn’t going to work. I guess I was having trouble accepting that he liked me, and we couldn’t date like we wanted to. Like I always dreamed we would.

“I can’t be in a relationship like this” he referred to his hazy cloudy form. “Let me show you something…come here.”

I stood shakily, taking a couple of steps off of my sitting rug, and away from the four squared candles that protected me. As I moved to his ghost figure. His presence still made my heart jump. He was really here!

He must have taken his warm essence along with him into the after life, because I could still feel the heat he carried with him surrounding the summoning rug. The heat I felt was very different from the candles low temperature.

When I was standing beside one of the five candles on the eight point star. Chance reached for my hand. I extended my hands, ready to be engulfed by his touch, ready to be reunited with what I loss.

On contact our hands met. My hand went straight through his hand causing his arm to disarray. It was like I was reaching through smoke.

That is what he meant. He can’t hug or kiss me, he can’t be anything to my but a form and a voice.

When the bomb of realization had dropped on me. I quickly went back to my sitting rug so that I could have my protection. But as I was walking away I had to resist standing in his rememerable warmth. His spirit wanted to keep me as close as I could get to him.

“You get my point, now?” Chance made sure I understood. Which was something I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want what was happening to be real. “Now, since I’ve proven that to you. I want you to go be happy. Go find someone you like, and take that chance you never got to take with me.”

Hearing him tell me to be happy. I still worried about him. “What about you Chance?...what about your girlfriend?” I spat out. I have always wanted to question his girlfriend situation. Now that the cards were laid out, why not?

“My girlfriend…” There was something in his voice I could detect he was about to laugh. “I broke up with her a long time ago. The first time you told me to.”

“What!”

“Yeah, the only reason I kept you thinking we were dating was because. I liked you and I didn’t want to be suspicious.”

How could he want to laugh when he was no longer alive? He was nonexistent. Dead! Does he know what that means? How could he tell me about this and want to laugh like everything was okay?

With a serious angered motive I yelled, “You are dead! Don’t you realize that?” I was being harsh but I couldn’t stop myself. I was sad because it was evident that we couldn’t be after this ritual ends. “You don’t care about being dead? You don’t care that you died and you are going to be lonely forever?”

I had to let him see where my anger was building from. He probably needed to be reminded that life goes on for me, and not him because he was acting as if he didn’t care.

“I don’t care.” There was a boom that flew at me. “I don’t care that I died. Because I died for something I believed in. I died protecting someone I cared about.”

“Oh…” was my only reply. What he said made so much sense that it iced my anger. I also couldn’t handle discovering all the secrets that we kept from each other.

I looked at his face, or what I could make out as his face, and my eyes got teary.

All those days, and I didn’t know he shared my same attractions, my same feelings. WOW!

“Julius.” He started to speak again, like he was coaching me on things. “I’m serious, find that person who can be more than I am. Don’t let the opportunity bypass you. Find a guy worthy of your sensual beauty.” When he said beauty, my eyes got wetter, and the water slid down. “I will be watching. Whenever you smile, remember… I will be…smiling too…”

At that exact time his sentences started to get choppy, and he started to fade in slow blinking. Then without another word his image had disintegrated from reality.

When his ghostly haze tried to lingered, as the candles flickered. Then when he was whisked away by the invisible wall that separated our worlds. The blue candle went out as our connection was broken. Only leaving a wisp of white curly smoke ascending.

Then all the other white candles that were used for protection blew out on both the summoning rug and my sitting rug.

There was only wisps of smoke strands wafting to the ceiling of my dorm.

The ritual had extended its maximum time. Chance’s ghost had vaporized, leaving behind only a faint smear of his ghost floating in my room. Although he was back in the other realm, his words still rung in my ears.

When he dwindled from reality and into nothing, I wanted to get the materials to cast the summoning ritual again, but I knew Chance wouldn’t want that. He doesn’t want me chasing after him when there are people in the world who are actually living and could be more to me than he could.

No more missed opportunities. He wants me to be happy for myself. He doesn’t want me cradled away in my dorm crying.

Starting today, starting this moment, Julius Rainy will live his life the way it should be lived! If I like someone I should go with my feelings, I can’t hesitate when I want something or someone, I should make a point, or hint around at least so that I won’t miss out on good things.