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    Frostina
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Way the Ball Rolls - 4. Search and Rescue(?)

Oh, well... THIS one has ALL the answers! Its the ending after all!

Shit! Shit, shit, shit! It’s almost impossible, this cannot be happening to us now. It’s really a stretch to even imagine whatever I heard on the phone a while ago is true. How is it possible?

Mark involved in something illegal? Surely there’s been a mistake, I mean, its Mark, for crying out loud! He’s the most responsible person I know. He takes such meticulous care of even paying taxes; illegal, him? My mind was screaming and my body was quickly getting there.

Also, the phone call threw me in for a loop. I have 24 hours he’d said. Just one day to locate whatever the hell it is that he thought Mark had illegally acquired from him, for which Mark was being held hostage. I am sure I heard Rory’s scream over the phone earlier, although the only person ‘Mr. Smith’ would even agree to have been holding was Mark.

From what I could gather, I needed to get the stuff back to them, without John finding out. John is involved in this? I should have known, that’s the only way Mark could have been coaxed to do something that might land him in the least bit of trouble. John and Oscar: I have to admit, they did more for Mark that his own mother ever cared, but, for them to have endangered... wait, does that mean Oscar is in trouble too?

I sure hope not! Rifling through the mess of papers in the nightstand drawer, I pull out the old phone book. Who the hell uses these nowadays anyway?

‘We do, that’s who, you moron!’ The thought makes me chuckle.

Oscar’s number is pretty easy to locate, and it’s worth a shot, since I’m not supposed to be calling the police or neighbours.

“Do I know you?” Ha! That’s Oscar for you, no ‘Hello’; just brazenness.

“Oscar?”

“I know who I am, who the heck are you?”

“It’s me Zach.” Does he remember me, or should I add something more to that bit? “Mark’s...”

“Yeah, I know who you are. What is it?” he cuts me off! Geez, I mean, what the hell is he doing that is so hard for him to spare a minute to be civil?

“Look, I’m sorry to be bothering you at this time, but –“

“It’s fine Zach,” he sighs. Sigh? Really? “What is it that you’re calling about? Mark is not in the garage, I don’t know where he is!”

“Maybe if you give me a minute to talk without cutting me off, you’d know!” I couldn’t help snapping! I mean, give me a break, right. I’m going out of my mind with worry here, and with an empty stomach, not a good combination, I tell you!

“What’s got you in such a state, Zach? He did return home in the morning, didn’t he?” Really? How dare he talk to me like this after Mark gave me some cock and bull story about him?

“Yes, he did, and he also told me you were in a bad accident; so bad, in fact that you needed overnight observation, in a hospital. Right now, it’s high time that we come clean, isn’t it?” I snap, it’s not really intended, but I’m glad I do anyway.

“Ummm… what do you mean exactly? What did Mark tell you?” The discomfort in his voice would have made me smile with glee had I not been so anxious.

“Listen Oscar, it’s going to be a long conversation. Can you come to our apartment, or I could even come down to the garage, if you prefer. But, I really do need to talk to you. It’s urgent, and let’s just say Mark and Rory’s lives sort of depend on it!”

“What the hell…?”

“When was the last time you saw either of them?” I don’t feel like letting him question how I know what I do.

“Early morning today,” he says without hesitation. Good that he has accepted what I have to say. Just proves his involvement too. Is John the one… Shaking my head, I clear the thoughts; I don’t really need more players to the mix.

“And not after that? He left the house sometime in the afternoon when I was sleeping. Did he go to the garage?”

“No, I didn’t see him in the afternoon, but I wasn’t in the garage either, I was at John’s house, taking care of… ummm… stuff.”

“When and where will you be able to meet me?” I pull my jeans on as I talk. The sigh escaping my lips probably gets his attention.

“What’s the matter? Can’t you tell me this on the phone, I really have a lot of things to do.”

Seriously, after all this he has the audacity to… Never mind the asshole, I’m not going to lose my temper right now. I need to stay focussed.

“Look Oscar, I’ll be honest with you, I want to do this even less than you do; but I just got a very weird phone call from an unknown person, only calling himself Jack and telling me a bunch of stuff and handing me a list of instructions to follow, that is longer than my grocery list. So, honestly, I’m not in the fucking mood to be playing any games. Will you just meet me and hear me out and then if you wish to walk away, I’ll fucking let you!”

“Hold on, they called you from Mark’s phone? That must mean they have Mark!”

“No shit, Sherlock!” The late realisation on his end does nothing for my jittery nerves.

“Hey! No need to get all high and mighty on me, now.” Oscar is defensive and I know this conversation can take a long, long time if I don’t get my butt in gear, and right now!

“Whatever, Oscar. Just tell me where is good for you, I’ll get there.” I let out an exasperated breath, fumbling with my pill bottle.

“Come down to the garage, it’ll be easier to talk there. No one will be around at this hour.”

“Okay, see you there in fifteen.”

Pocketing my phone, I proceed to pocket my meds as well. A panic attack in the middle of whatever it is we’re about to do will not be helping either of us much. Water, I need water… and shit! Am I hungry! Maybe I can grab a burger on the way to the garage, god knows when I’ll get the next chance to eat a decent meal if the night proceeds even slightly in the flavour of how the day has been.

 

Ah, I seem to have made it before Oscar, I might as well lean against the wall beside the chained garage doors while I finish my dinner. Five, ten, fifteen more minutes pass and I’m done with my coke as well, where the heck is Oscar?

The phone goes straight to voicemail, so I decide to take one last shot at rattling the chains in the garage door. Fuck! Talk about loud noise. The chains and the heavy lock clanging against the metal door could have woken up the dead.

“Where the fuck were you?”

My head snaps to the entrance of the alley beside the garage because that’s where I see Oscar standing with a glare and very defensive attitude. What the hell?

“What do you mean, I was just here... right here for the last-” I check my watch, “…twenty minutes now. Waiting for you, you moron. What the heck were you doing in the alley?”

“That’s the entrance we use, I thought you knew.” Oscar just shakes his head and turns back towards where I presume the entrance to the garage is. “Come on, this way.”

The redundant statements really manage to rile me up. It’s not like I would have lounged about on the streets; like I am here for the scenery. Biting back a retort, I follow him anyway.

“Now, talk!” He has the nerve to show attitude about it.

“Maybe if you cool it with attitude, we just might be able to get along.” He needs to take a step back with his superiority. It’s grating on the already stretched nerves.

“Look here…” He takes a step towards me with a hand on his hip. And I manage to lose the last straw.

“NO! YOU LOOK HERE, NOW!” I don’t really want to scream, but that’s the only way I could’ve shut him up; and to my credit, it works like a charm. Taking in a deep breath, I continue with what I have to stay. Since he’s quiet now, I might as well finish. “Mark and Rory have been kidnapped, and are being fucking tortured. The bastards had the nerve to call me while they were doing this so that I could actually hear them scream. And they told me a LOT of stuff, most of which I’m sure you know already, I won’t go into all of that. But, what I do care about is Mark’s well being. And while they were real nice about it and assured me that Mark and Rory would both be ‘alive and kicking’, forgive me while I freak out imagining exactly what plans they do have that could make the Mark and Rory talk!

“All they want is some manila envelope that has some ‘only surviving hard copies’ of some documents that is a matter of ‘life and death’.” I can’t continue anymore, I need to sit, my knees are getting weaker and the greasy burger has chosen just this time to do flips inside my stomach. It takes a minute for my mind to catch up to the images that should have accompanied my tirade, but Mark… hurt… God knows where… probably screaming his guts out… The image is more than enough to drop me to my knees… almost.

“What envelope?” I’ve almost forgotten about Oscar’s presence in the room, and I startle when he speaks after a brief pause.

“How the fuck would I know, he said you would have it!”

“We steal cars, not papers Zach. It’s a garage, not a snoop agency. What use would I have of papers?”

Wow, talk about an honest confession. The situation doesn’t even warrant it, not really.

“So, you steal cars, and?” I guess my curiosity got the best of me here.

“What do you think?” His laughter is sort of mocking me, and I honestly don’t care for it much, so I simply shrug.

“It’s just work. What’s there to talk about in details, I don’t talk about gauges and pills, and he doesn’t talk about car parts.” It’s not conventional, but that works with the two of us, between the studies, chores and our respective jobs, we are pretty busy to be talking about something that the other isn’t particularly fond of. “It’s not like we have a lot of free time either, to sit and gossip about who shagged whom at work.” My smirk just gets wider as his eyebrows shoot up at ‘shagged’.

“Anyway, what do you do with the cars?”

“We get them here, mostly. There is another garage that we work with, but they deal with cars that are nicked from around here. It gets tougher to work on them if there is a chance that the owner might just walk in here looking for a new ride, because his older one was stolen, and he sees his old one sitting in a corner.

“Anyway, mostly we strip them, take them apart part by part and then rebuild them. We try to randomise as much as we can just so that the stolen cars cannot be traced back. It’s pretty simple actually. Especially if you know how to stick to cars that wouldn’t draw a lot of attention.” He finishes with a smug grin.

I can see why he’d have a reason to be proud, maybe; mostly because what he says they do sounds pretty complicated, but that’s not what I am interested in, am I?

“When you take the cars apart, do you wait a long time after you’ve stolen them?”

“Not really. Then again, there is no hard and fast rule that it has to sit idle for a week, or anything, why?”

“The man on the phone said something about a Manila envelope, which was inside his boss’s car. So, let’s go look if it’s still there?”

I can’t wait to get my hands on that darned thing and get rid of it, maybe even throw it at those assholes, if that means I get Marky back in full health.

We both make our way to the dressing rooms, and walking through it, Oscar opens another shutter, behind which are 3 shiny, almost new, obviously stolen cars.

 

Two very, very long hours later, we are still where we had began. No envelope, me panicking, and Oscar grumbling at the stupidity of it all. Except now, I know a lot more about how things run in the garage and laugh at my own naïveté in believing that Mark had been given an increase in pay just because he’d been doing well, and they’d started catering to richer clients. ‘High tippers’, Marky had said.

To be honest, it seems just a tad too tough. We have no idea where else to look. And if Mark did indeed have it, what will he do with it? He’s not the kind to blackmail someone with papers as leverage. I laugh at my own observation when I realise that just a few hours back, I’d have found it hard to even imagine Mark stealing cars to earn extra money.

“I think it’s your phone Zach.” Huh, what? I’d spaced out and didn’t even realise the beeping coming from my pocket. Oscar is looking at me like I’ve grown a third eye.

“It’s Marky’s phone!” Thank God!!

“Put it on speaker.” Oscar almost leaped over the benches, and is by my side in a second.

“Hello?” Please let it be Mark, please, please!!!

“Zach?” YES!!! Thank you!

“Mark, oh my god, we’ve been so worried, how’re you? When’re you coming home? What’re you doing now?”

“Calm down Zach!” I can hear people laughing in the background, well, they can all go to hell for all I care. I need to make sure Mark’s fine. “I’m just fine. Relax!”

“Uh huh, sure!” Of course you are, you ass. You’re being held by people who kidnap, torture and do who knows what to people, and you’re just peachy! Can it get any more fucked up than this?

“Listen Zach, I know you’re worried, but I need you to pay attention.” Now he sounds serious, for the love of all that’s sane!

“Tell me what I need to do Mark, I’m here at the garage with Oscar, and tell Mr. Ed that we’re trying to locate his precious envelope for the past two hours and haven’t had much luck.

“We’ve turned the car inside out and have looked in all the places in the garage that could even hide such an envelope. It’s a good thing that you called when you did, tell me where I can find it?” I really hope we find it without breaking into the lockers of Mark or Rory. If we don’t find it there, it would have been a terrible thing to have done. Now he can just tell me where it is, and I can go retrieve my precious cargo in exchange for theirs.

“That’s what I called to tell you Zach. Listen, is Oscar there?” He exhales, almost disappointed that we didn’t find it yet, but what else can we do?

“I’m right here with Zach, Mark. Do you know where it is? Or even what it is? Because I haven’t the foggiest about such a thing.”

“Did you clear out the BMW after it came in? According to these guys, it was on the back seat of the car, so it should have been pretty visible.”

“Should have been? Does that mean you haven’t seen it either?”

“I wish! But, no, I didn’t notice it, Rory and I kept our eyes glued to the rear-view mirrors and the streets ahead for the police cars. It was a pricey car after all. Anyway, tell me how things look now.”

“Well, after you guys brought it in, I didn’t touch the car. And I’m pretty sure no one from the garage did either, it doesn’t look worked on. But, the envelope isn’t in the car, we’ve even looked under the carpets.” Oscar’s confusion is doing miracles for my increasing panic. I’m raking my brains trying to figure out what is it we can do next.

“The only people with keys to that room are you and John, so if you haven’t removed it, then John must’ve. Would you call him?”

“I did try to, Mark, he wouldn’t pick up. But you know what, that’s just probably because it’s an unknown number.” Turning to Oscar, I reveal my next big idea; “Why don’t you call him from the garage phone or something, maybe he will answer then? And then we can just tell him what’s going on and if he has indeed seen the envelope, or removed it from the car, he’d know where it is.”

“Ha! That’s a good idea.” Oscar smiles, a ghost of a smile, but a smile nonetheless. “Wait here, let me go make the call.” With that Oscar walks out to the main garage.

“Just give us a couple of minutes Mark. Oscar will be back soon.”

“That’s fine. Zach?”

“yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Huh, what for?”

“I know you’re upset and…”

Mark was rudely cut off with, “Hey… SHUT IT! Didn’t let you make the call for love talk!”

A bit of scuffing noises and then I can hear Mark’s voice again, faint, “We’re just waiting for Oscar to call our boss. Give me a break, will you guys? Zach’s already ill, you don’t have to scare him even more.”

“Forget it Mark, it’s fine; I get it that you’re okay. We’ll get this mess sorted out soon and then you can come home.” I take a deep breath; I need to stay calm… ‘Stay focussed’, ‘stay calm’, ‘breathe’, funny thing is no matter how many times I keep chanting the words in my head, my body simply refuses to cooperate.

“Shouldn’t be long now. Just give them what they want and we’re free.” His sigh almost makes me cry. It sounds so… resigned somehow. Is he really okay? I so want to ask him, but…

“John’s not taking his calls. He’s not even home, got his machine.” Oscar’s statement draws more number of expletives than I care to register in my head.

“What do we do now?” Is what I manage to voice out over the hubbub in and around me.

“Oscar, can you get into John’s office? You need to check that place, just in case he’s found it and stored it somewhere there.”

“Would he do that?” I’m surprised at Mark’s request, mainly because I didn’t think John would like to get himself mixed up in the ‘dirty’ stuff; the kind of person he is.

“Yes, he just might,” Oscar answers me and then turns back to the phone, “I don’t have the keys, but then again, he was the one that made sure my skills didn’t recognise a lock as a barrier.”

The smile in his voice makes me optimistic, there’s a chance this might be resolved before the sun rises, and I’ll be home… with Mark... safe!

“Lets go get it then, what’re we waiting for?” I stand up grabbing the phone to take with me, stopping just seconds later when a voice interrupts.

“Hold up Zach.”

“Who’s this?” Where did Mark go?

“Ed, but that’s unimportant now, what matters is that you remember the instructions carefully. Once you’ve located the package, just give us a call on this phone, and I suggest you have a ride ready.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem Ed!” Another voice interjects from the other side, filled with humour, and they laugh at their own joke.

My blood is boiling by now and I cannot even hold the phone steady, I’m so pissed.

“Where do I ‘ride’ to?” I grit my teeth to keep my voice steady, and it’s comforting when I feel Oscar’s hand on my shoulder as if offering silent support.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. All the best guys.”

I can’t help but stare at the phone when Ed disconnects the line abruptly. But then again, it isn’t like I’m expecting a love-filled farewell.

“Let’s get going then!” Oscar tugs at my arm, leading me to where I presumed John’s office is.

Like Oscar predicted, the locks take but just a moment longer to deal with than it would have taken with a proper key. Oscar really is talented. I wonder if Mark can do this too; if Mark and Rory are both trained this way.

The mess on the table is so bad I cringe at the thought of even trying to find something in there. However Oscar isn’t the type to waste time, and he dives right in, shifting things ever so carefully so as to leave the least amount of trace of us being there, if at all.

After a few minutes of me just standing there and admiring his work, he turns to me with an incredulous expression, and a mocking smile;

“What’re you waiting for, Christmas?”

“It’s such a mess! I’ll just mess everything up even more.”

“Like you said, it’s a mess already, you can’t make it any worse, can you?” He turns back to the drawers behind him and tries one, it’s locked. Of course it’s locked. You don’t have locks on bureau drawers and not use them, especially in offices like these. “Come on, you look on there,” he gestures to the table; “I’ll try and unlock these and look in here. I’ve seen him keeping important documents in here. Two pairs of hands are better than one.”

Since he is making more sense than my incoherent mind, which cannot find a better justification as to why I shouldn’t be touching the papers on the desk, I approach the table cautiously, and get to work: looking for a manila envelope containing some 8”X10”s and a few papers.

“Here it is!”

By the time Oscar exults, finding apparently what we are toiling after, I have managed to clear out half the table; as in dumping the contents of the table on the floor in an attempt to look under the papers, that looked filed but in reality were just loose sheets, just piled in random bundles.

 

How I resist the urge to try to put the room back in order I don’t know, but what I do know is that Oscar doesn’t much like the way I snatch the package out of his hand and almost tear it in order to verify that it is indeed what we’ve been turning the office upside down for.

“Did you get it?”

“Yes!” I can barely stand still, my knee is bouncing with excitement. And I am fidgeting something awful. Even Oscar’s hand on my shoulder and his ‘calm down’ look is doing nothing for me.

“Okay… this is what you do… first… take me off speaker phone.”

“What?” My eyebrows shoot up and looking up, I see Oscar’s do the same. What’s with all the secrecy? I mean, Oscar will know anyway, right?

“Do it! You’d agreed way earlier to follow my instructions.” The voice has lost all its playfulness, and my first thought is ‘shit, we’re in trouble!’ then again, as long as we listen to him I figure we’ll be fine… well, not worse at least.

So, I do just as I was asked to do, and Oscar is the one fidgeting now. I don’t blame him at all. I would have been doing much worse if I am in his shoes.

“Okay, you’re off speaker phone.”

“Here’s what you do… take the most nondescript car you can find and drive down to the private airstrip just outside of the city on highway two. You know where it is?”

“Yes, I’m sure I can find it.” I am chewing my nails by this point, I’m pretty confident I can borrow one or the other beat up car from the garage.

“Just park it in the parking lot, it’s pretty much empty, and one of us will meet you there. Just remember, do NOT tell Oscar, if we even see any other car, this is going to get really messy!”

“Why? I thought this is ending in good faith!” I really am angry now. What’s with the cloak and dagger routine, when it’s at the end.

“How do we know that if we don’t see what you’re getting for us?”

“Okay, FINE! Anything else?” My head is throbbing now, and I have to pinch the bridge of my nose just to concentrate on what’s being said.

“No, just get here within the next hour!”

 

I reach the airstrip with almost ten minutes to spare. Thanks to the late hour, and minimum police on the streets.

The place gives me the creeps. There’s not a single light anywhere near the area except in the hangar and that’s almost a kilometre away from where I am currently parked. As soon as I turn the ignition off, I am completely blind. It’s a funny feeling. The noises suddenly get louder and honestly, that scares the hell out of me. I mean, I know wind rustles through dry grass, but does it really have to be this loud in the dark?

Tentatively, I step out of the car, the cab light doesn’t work, and so, when I open the door, it’s till dark around me. Grabbing the precious cargo that’s supposed to be the get out of jail card for Mark and Rory, I start to walk towards the only source of light I can see; the hangar far away.

The wind is howling and I instinctively wrap my arms around me, there’s a soft rustle somewhere behind me, and as I turn to look, another ‘clink’ somewhere and—

 


 

“Zach? Zach, can you hear me?”

“Mark?” Shit, is that my voice? What’s wrong with me? I try to open my eyes, but I have a terrible headache and…

“Zach? Open your eyes sweetheart… Zach?” I can hear the panic in Mark’s voice, and I want to calm him, but… it’s so, so damn hard.

“Mark, my head hurts…”I am trying to speak, but it sounds somewhat like a croak.

“Here, let me help.” I can hear a second person, I know that voice, I know…

“Rory, go easy, they hit him on the head.” Rory! Yes, that’s it! So, Mark and Rory are both here, with me, that means... that means…

It’s a herculean effort, but I manage to open my eyes. It’s still dark! I don’t understand…

“Where are we? Are we home, Mark?”

“Home? Oh, no Zach! We’re still in their warehouse…”

“What happened? I got them what they wanted. I swear I did!” What the hell? Why would they do something like this? Obviously they have what they wanted, so, what’s the deal here?

“Shush baby, I know you did. We’re free… well... almost! They have verified the documents and called just now to tell us that they’ll just come open up the doors and we’re free then!” Mark’s happy, and so is Rory. Does that mean I should be too? Why does this still feel wrong then? My god, the head hurts. What did they hit me with?

“Mmm… okay. My head hurts so bad! I don’t—”

The sound of the doors opening has all three of us turning towards it. Free finally… Mark and Rory are trying to help me stand up, supporting me from either sides, when I see the three big men walking into the room.

The last thing I remember is the smile on the face of a man looking somewhat like Khali; I never really liked that dude!

 

Any Questions?? Please ask them HERE, I'll try to answer those I can!


Okay... Now that you know exactly what happens, comments suggestions, or even reviews? Heck even PM me if you so wish! Do leave me a note telling me how you found it! :) :D
Copyright © 2011 Frostina; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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<_< you had to leave it there didn't you... you are one big horrible tease :P

 

Love the ending actually, poses loads of questions! :D great story frosty :hug:^_^

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On 05/29/2011 05:16 AM, Agaith said:
<_< you had to leave it there didn't you... you are one big horrible tease :P

 

Love the ending actually, poses loads of questions! :D great story frosty :hug:^_^

HUH? Don't pretend like you didnt know what was coming...
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On 05/29/2011 06:03 AM, Andrew_Q_Gordon said:
Yeah now that we know exactly what happened Pfth. Sure we do.

 

Nicely done, even if you are a big tease :)

:o :o you DON'T know? yet? :o there's NO more to come! :P Really really! :hug: thanks for the reviews Andy... and the nice words.. really really appreciated!
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Well naturally this isn't the end. Nice spot to pause though. All cliff ending and all. But either you are continuing the story or you have a sequel ready to go. I mean you could pick it up from the three guys entering the warehouse. I mean Kahli, wasn't that the god of death? Well, until you give us more I guess I'll have to hound you. Nice story but not letting you off the hook.

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On 05/29/2011 09:52 AM, comicfan said:
Well naturally this isn't the end. Nice spot to pause though. All cliff ending and all. But either you are continuing the story or you have a sequel ready to go. I mean you could pick it up from the three guys entering the warehouse. I mean Kahli, wasn't that the god of death? Well, until you give us more I guess I'll have to hound you. Nice story but not letting you off the hook.
eh! that really wasn't a cliffie! its more like reader's interpretation! and as of now, i dont have a sequel planned... so.. :P Thanks for the review and i'm soooo stoked that you like it! ^_^
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You did answer a bunch of questions but not all of them, not by a long shot. Like are they dead? Where is this story set; is it in India? I had to look up Khali since I didn't get the reference at all yet to me it seemed as if the setting was a more western world environment. Who was the big boss that really wanted the package? Who were the men who wanted it and what was it really? What happens to John and Oscar? If these guys are ruthless enough to kill Rory, Mark, and Zach then certainly they'll kill John and Oscar since it's likely they saw the documents as well.

 

The story you have so far is good and you do have great pacing with the action and the revelations of the different plot points. However, I just don't see this story as complete. You left too much unanswered. I do understand leaving some things up to the imagination of the reader but it just feels like you only ended part way in the story.

 

You made it so much about the documents and the men who captured Mark and Rory that I feel that was the main part of the plot, not the interactions between Mark and Zach as the main characters. Without getting resolution about that aspect of the story it leaves me feeling dissatisfied. Couldn't you please consider a chapter 5 that ties up some of the loose ends???

 

 

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On 05/29/2011 11:25 AM, Cia said:
You did answer a bunch of questions but not all of them, not by a long shot. Like are they dead? Where is this story set; is it in India? I had to look up Khali since I didn't get the reference at all yet to me it seemed as if the setting was a more western world environment. Who was the big boss that really wanted the package? Who were the men who wanted it and what was it really? What happens to John and Oscar? If these guys are ruthless enough to kill Rory, Mark, and Zach then certainly they'll kill John and Oscar since it's likely they saw the documents as well.

 

The story you have so far is good and you do have great pacing with the action and the revelations of the different plot points. However, I just don't see this story as complete. You left too much unanswered. I do understand leaving some things up to the imagination of the reader but it just feels like you only ended part way in the story.

 

You made it so much about the documents and the men who captured Mark and Rory that I feel that was the main part of the plot, not the interactions between Mark and Zach as the main characters. Without getting resolution about that aspect of the story it leaves me feeling dissatisfied. Couldn't you please consider a chapter 5 that ties up some of the loose ends???

 

Thanks for the input Cia. you see, in my head, it was never about the documents and what they were, but the car-theft and what trouble Mark got into because of it. so, honestly, even I have no idea what the documents are, and what use they were for Ed. besides in my head, Ed and Jack were just talking rough. there was no mention of a gun or knife anywhere and the death-threats were merely that, threats. all i left upto the readers is the choice whether the goons let them go, or really hurt them. :) as for chapter 5, i really dont have any plans! lets see.. maybe i'll do a companion story of some sort that answers some of the unanswered question, but tbh i really dont want to! :) we'll see, eh? ^_^
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Riiiight. If I had left a story like that I would have been hung drawn and quartered. I know what you're after hun and I have done the same thing myself BUT I don't think you've gone far enough; not at all. It's too far away from a resolution.

 

I hate to criticize this story because it is just totally awesome and it completely drew me in, but really don't think you should end it here. It needs more; not a lot more but enough to bring it to a conclusion. Okay it can be an enigmatic conclusion but there HAS to be an ending of some kind or all it leaves is irritation and unsatisfaction.

 

Oh and as far as i know Kali is a bad ass bitch ie girlie/

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Hey and AAGGHH!! Frosty what you doing to me!

I kind of get it and kind of dont.

You'll have to help me a bit maybe . Awesomely good story though. Brilliantly done if a little frustrating.

Well done Frosty girl ......we want more :) Mark

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On 05/30/2011 01:48 AM, Mark92 said:
Hey and AAGGHH!! Frosty what you doing to me!

I kind of get it and kind of dont.

You'll have to help me a bit maybe . Awesomely good story though. Brilliantly done if a little frustrating.

Well done Frosty girl ......we want more :) Mark

:hug: thanks for the nice words! and i'll definitely answer the questions you have :D and i'm sure you'll see my point then! ^_^
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Hit the minus key in error on my tablet - argh!

 

I liked the chapter...thanksnfor the story..

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On 05/30/2011 06:23 AM, KevinD said:
Hit the minus key in error on my tablet - argh!

 

I liked the chapter...thanksnfor the story..

:hug: awww, no worries! :) I'm glad you liked the story though! :) also, you hitting the - by mistake means i was abt to get a + right? :P its the thought that counts.. so :)
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!!!!!!

 

That was mean. No more complaining about my cliffs :P

 

But seriously, a fun, absorbing read :)

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On 05/31/2011 10:35 AM, Sara Alva said:
!!!!!!

 

That was mean. No more complaining about my cliffs :P

 

But seriously, a fun, absorbing read :)

Thanks sara, glad you enjoyed it! :D its not really a cliffie perse! just a choice! :P whether they're freed or killed! :devil:
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FROSTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

 

2handed.gif COME BACK HERE AND WROTE the sequel!

You can't stop here! Think about your poor characters, staying in danger... your are cruel!

 

You needs to help them, really!

 

Apart from that, your story is a little difficult to read because everything is too speedy! but the clifhanger make us forget it.

 

So it's a good story but it will be better with....A SEQUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

 

 

Kisses

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On 06/10/2011 04:27 AM, Elezbed said:
FROSTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

 

2handed.gif COME BACK HERE AND WROTE the sequel!

You can't stop here! Think about your poor characters, staying in danger... your are cruel!

 

You needs to help them, really!

 

Apart from that, your story is a little difficult to read because everything is too speedy! but the clifhanger make us forget it.

 

So it's a good story but it will be better with....A SEQUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

 

 

Kisses

:whistle: who said they're in danger? the door could be opening to let them go! ;) lets see about the sequel, as of now, i really dont have one in my head! :) but i will try, I can promise you that! :D Glad you enjoyed it! ^_^
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