Standing In Shadows - 10. Chapter 10

SIS 10

After the wedding everyone dispersed and I decided that I would walk home instead of waiting for Dad and Mom to get finished talking and congratulating the family. A family I knew that didn’t really like me for what I did to Jenny. I hadn’t met the eyes of her father, but I knew if I did, he would have a fierce scowl; one that me and the new guy in the family would share. He has two daughters though and I didn’t blame him for being protective of them. In this town, it is well known that guys would do anything to trick a girl into taking off her clothes. I knew that Jenny wanted the two of us to after our Junior prom. It had scared the hell out of me, enough to dump her. I knew I would save her a lot of regretting, now that I wasn’t her biggest mistake someone else can fall into that place. I couldn’t handle being that for her, no matter how forward she seems to be.

On the way home I stripped off my polo, since it was in the middle of the afternoon. It got hung on my cast temporarily blinding me, but I finally managed to get it pulled off completely. The summer sun was beating down and there wasn’t a breeze to circulate the air. Sweat was beginning to form on my lower back, and droplets were starting to snake down from the top of my head. It was a nice walk, quiet and I didn’t have to deal with anyone. The thought of being in the same room with Greg, Jenny, or even Cj now is something that also caused me to take a quick exit.

I didn’t expect to hear a car barreling down the street, turn around and it be Greg’s jeep. He slowed when he saw me. He had the top down and when he parked beside me, I wanted to leave. I thought we said all we needed to say in the bright white guest room before the wedding. So I started walking in the direction of home, my face forward. I had to squint to keep the sun from stinging my eyes along with the sweat that dripped down my face. My undershirt was wet as well, small stains showing up on my stomach and under my arms. I was still about a mile from the house and after a short distance I heard Greg start the Jeep and ease beside me again.

“What is it?” I asked, he cut the ignition again. I looked around hoping no one would drive by and see us talking on the side of the road. Especially someone I didn’t like, leaving the wedding early.

“I just needed some air and saw you,” he said, leaning over, his sunglasses over his eyes so I couldn’t really read his expression.

“Yeah, I’m walkin home,” I responded, “if you let me.”

“I don’t really like weddings,” Greg said and I smirked, keeping my comments to myself. He didn’t need me to tell him that he was engaged to be married himself. That his wedding date at the end of summer break from his school was fast approaching, even if the long hot days seemed to drag by. That just a day earlier he was in a tent, kissing another guy. My smirk seemed to say everything I was thinking as he looked ahead, moving back to sit straighter.

“Sorry, but it is funny,” I said putting my hand on the rail of his jeep. I felt the sting of the heat on the black paint, but I didn’t pull my hand away. It wasn’ hot enough to burn.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” He asked, not looking at me directly.

“No,” I answered, stepping back from the Jeep to start walking towards home again. I was starting to feel sorry for the stress and turmoil he seemed to be putting on his shoulders. He seemed to want all of that, I just didn’t know why, and didn’t really want to know. I couldn’t help thinking that our situations were similar and that would lead me to feel more sorry for him than I already do. Maybe even see his point of views, things that I wouldn’t allow myself to decide, would seem easier. The thought of me being just as selfish bothered me. I let out a sigh when he didn’t leave my side after my answer. He was going to drive me home so I opened the passenger door and slid into the seat. He started the Jeep and we rode the rest of the way to my house without speaking, just the wind blowing over my face making the only noise.

“Here you are,” he said and I slid out of the jeep, closing the door behind me. I gave a quick wave and walked up the stairs and was opening the front door with the spare key lodged in the flower pot when I heard his door open and close. I heard him bound up behind me, before I turned around and saw him. He had taken off his sunglasses and his eyes were bothered by something his mind was telling him to do. Whatever it was though, he didn’t do it. Instead he blinked and looked down at his hands.

“What is it?” I ask not wanting to leave him standing on my front porch. I looked behind him, thankful no one else was around to witness.

“Just tell me something that will make me leave you alone,” Greg said, his voice hushed and his breathing was ragged, like he had run a mile before trying to speak.

“One day you’ll realize you’ve hurt someone, that it won’t ever be fixed,” I start, feeling my face flush and my palms begin to sweat, but I knew it wasn’t because of the heat in the air. “Then you’ll remember me and wish you were still at the lake.”

I stepped through the door, closing it behind me. I wanted to punch something, feeling my teeth grind together. A few minutes later I heard the jeep start and back out of the driveway. I banged my head against the wooden door, it clouded my vision for a few seconds then I walked into the bathroom and took a quick cold shower to wash the sweat from my body. It took some time to wrap my cast in plastic, but I wasn’t ever going to ask Dad for help again. I changed into a pair of shorts, fixed myself a sandwich and a glass of ice water. After eating I crossed my arms awkwardly because of the cast and laid my chin on them, looking straight ahead. I tried not to think about it, what I said. I didn’t even think it made sense to him, I wanted him to at least think about Amy. Then again I didn’t know Greg that well either. He seemed to get something from it though as he left without asking what I meant. I never wanted to hurt people either and I felt bad. Worse for what I almost did with Jenny, but then breaking up with her without giving her the truth still lingered. I still can’t make up my mind though, that she deserved the truth. It would mean that I would speak aloud something I couldn’t even tell myself. I also felt bad for Greg, but even with him I felt scared. That I would let something I couldn’t fix, something I couldn’t deal with, but only hide, push me to desperate ends. Decisions that would hurt the people I cared for, just because I didn’t want to face them. It would be better if I didn’t understand what was happening, but I do. Greg seemed to as well and I couldn’t help being afraid that one day I would be waiting for Jenny to meet me at the altar under a white tent.

“Get hold of yourself,” I grunted raising from the table. I put the dirty dishes in the sink and walked to my room, doing something that I rarely ever got to do. I slid under my covers, turning my air conditioner on high and I covered my head to hide from the sun. I forced myself to stop thinking about Greg and the wedding and what I said before he left. I told myself that I wouldn’t create that mess that weighed down my shoulders. Then I allowed myself to take the first nap that wasn’t on a bumpy bus ride to an away game a few hours away. I just hoped that Dad left me alone when he finally got home.

I was finally nodding off when the door opened and closed. Heavy boots crossed the floor finding my bedroom. I slid the pillow down over my face as the door opened, but Dad didn't care. He grabs the pillow and yanks the covers from the bed.

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” Dad asked and I squinted, the brightness of the room bothered me.

“Taking a nap,” I answered, not daring to roll over and ignore him.

“The hell you are,” he said, “if you have nothing to do go mow the lawn.”

“Alright,” I said and I rolled off the bed as he threw the stuff back on my bed. He followed me out to the kitchen. He had his shirt unbuttoned, his undershirt didn’t completely cover his bulging stomach at the bottom. Dad used to make fun of men that couldn’t fit into their clothes, now he was slowly turning into one of them. I didn’t mention it as I stepped out and tried to start the mower. It hadn’t rained since the storm, but the grass here is used to limited water and still grew.

I tugged on the pull string, with my good arm, holding the mower steady with my cast made it difficult to maneuver, the mower never came to life though. I yelled for Dad to come see what was wrong, but I just heard a muffled growl from the couch. I sighed, checking the gas. It was full, then I looked for anything else that would help, but didn’t see anything. Dad didn’t seem too concerned so I put the mower back and walked into the house.

“I know you didn’t mow the lawn that fast,” Dad said looking at me.

“I told you I couldn’t get it to start,” I said, cocking an eyebrow. That seemed to make him mad and the couch groaned as he stood and walked out the back door with me following behind him. I held his beer as he tugged on the pull string, getting the same dead reaction from the mower that I did.

“What did you do to it?” He asked, nudging it with his black boots. I shrugged when he turned to me.

“Push it over and let the mechanics look at it,” he said as he took the beer from my hand and walked back inside the house. I did what he asked, but the mechanics were too busy with other things to work on it today. I told them to take their time. They shrugged and I walked back to the house. I hesitated at the front door. I didn’t want to go in knowing he would find me something else to do. Anything to keep me from looking lazy and doing something he didn’t have to be around and talk to me. When I was younger he would always watch me from the back yard as I mowed. He would take over when my little arms would give and I couldn’t push it anymore. He would even tell me not to worry, that one day I would be able to mow every lawn in the county. He would pat me on the back and Mom would give me five dollars for the work that I did.

I sighed, missing those days, but they were long in the past. Now if I didn’t throw up at practice, I wasn’t trying hard enough. Wasn’t being serious about things that were important. Even if they really weren’t all that important to me. He noticed me looking at him through the window, his cold stare made me turn around and walk down the steps. I had on my old sneakers and a pair of shorts. So I quickly turned and walked into the house. I told Dad that I was going to go hang out somewhere. He didn’t approve, but he also didn’t have to see me so there wasn’t an argument this time.

“See you tonight,” I offered and he turned briefly, then smiled.

“Be sure to see if Jenny is free to tag along,” he said then waved me out the door. I kept my shoulders square and my expression as masked as possible until I was standing on the porch. Then I let out an angry breath as I stomped down the stairs to my car.

I started towards town, slinging gravel as I barreled out of the driveway. I knew Dad wouldn’t like it, but I was angry enough not to care about it yet. As I passed Jenny’s house the Tent was in the process of being taken down, I wondered how long it would take to clean the place. I didn’t stop to see if Jenny was free to come with me. Dad wouldn’t check in, he would be watching ESPN and drinking now until he went to bed.

Not having many options in town I stopped at an ice cream shop, it was owned by this husband and wife. They served good milkshakes, but I hadn’t had one in a few years. Now they were letting their daughter run the place for them. I ordered a strawberry shake and walked over to the empty picnic tables to drink it.

Like before there wasn’t a breeze, but the shade trees did cool the air under them. Hornets and other insects buzzed around the picnic tables looking for trash that still had the sweet leftovers for them to eat. I had to wave my hand constantly to keep them from landing on my cup, the cast acting like a battering ram, knocking them onto the picnic table. They would crawl around disoriented for a few seconds before they left me alone.

I heard someone else stop at the store, but didn’t turn my head to see who it was. I was concentrating on not getting stung. The milkshake was just as good as I remembered, even if I was just a little boy when I had my last one.

“I thought that was you,” a voice said as he plopped down beside me on the picnic table. He instantly had to start waving his hand around swatting. “How can you stand to sit here?”

I looked across the table at Clinton, he was too engrossed with the hornets to see me frown, “I have a weapon.” He didn’t understand at first, but I reached up and knocked a hornet down with my cast. He smiled then frowned remembering that he was partly the reason I had to wear it.

“Sorry about the cast,” he said and I waved my good hand, shrugging.

“I think it was Cj’s big ass that broke it,” I said and he smirked, his eyes brighter now that he wasn’t worried about my arm.

“Your old man probably gives you hell every time he sees it,” Clinton said leaning forward, the smirk still spreading across his face.

“Yeah, along with everything else,” I answered, wanting to take back what I said. I didn’t trust Clinton, he could use anything I say against me later. Cj seemed like the mastermind behind the taunts and teasing though.

“Everyone knows you have it bad when football season comes around,” Clinton said then he took a few drinks from his straw.

“Well this year it’s Cam’s ass,” I said and he glanced down at my green cast before he smiled and held up his milkshake.

“To Cam’s ass,” he said and I couldn’t hold back my laughter as I hit my cup lightly against his. “So you can’t play at all?”

“Probably not until January,” I shrug, “If Cam is just as good as me he can have the job all year.”

“I thought you liked football no matter how bad your Dad is,” Clinton said and I looked over my shoulder to make sure Cj wasn’t sneaking around behind me ready to dump something over my head or coax a hornet down the back of my shirt. Of all the years I knew Clinton this is the longest we’ve ever talked to one another. He was the quiet follower behind Cj’s boisterous personality that reeled everyone in.

“I liked football before Dad got serious about it,” I answered, swatting another hornet away from my face.

“Do you want to go somewhere less dangerous?” Clinton asked, dodging the hornet that I swatted. It buzzed around him and I swung at it again, knocking it to the table.

“I probably should get back,” I said, not really wanting to go anywhere with Clinton. Although he had been nice to me, I couldn’t stop wondering when it would end. I know he wouldn’t be nice to me if Cj was anywhere around.

“Oh, ok,” he said, shrugging as he stood and we backed away from the picnic table. We tossed our empty milkshake cups into the trash, swarming with even more wasps and hornets. When we were both back to where we parked, he hesitated at the front of his truck.

“What?” I asked when I thought he was about to turn around and not tell me what was on his mind.

“My Dad let’s me take the boat out,” Clinton said, turning to fidget with an invisible smudge on his black truck. I had always wondered if being one of the more financially spoiled people in town that Clinton and Cj would naturally be friends. They lived on the richest corner of the small town, where everything good about the town was built around. “Do you want to try a little fishing?”

“You’re not going to dump me overboard are you?” I asked trying not to smile, but he didn’t return a smile. He looked more apprehensive, possibly feeling stupid about asking.

“Not on purpose,” he answered, his voice harder than it was a little while ago.

“Ok, I’ll come,” I said, pretending not to notice the way Clinton reacted to me.

“Do you want to follow or do you want to lock up the car and go in my truck?” He asked and I looked back at my car. Dad would kill me if he saw it left out here.

“I better follow,” I answered and he shrugged and walked around to the driver side of his large truck. I felt the ground vibrate beside me as he fired the engine and I watched as he carefully backed out of the gravel parking lot. I gave him a quick wave before I got into my car. I thought I saw him smile as he slowly started towards his house.

From the small ice cream shop, it wasn’t far from the business part of town, where all the banks and the few gas stations and restaurants were. I followed him through all of the green lights, on the way to the other side of town, where all the people lived. It was a straightened stretch of road, with everything just off to the side. The town was just barely large enough to warrant stop lights, but they were useless not long after dark, even in the summer this town was dead. Most people vacationed and the ones that stayed, knew everything around town closed around nine. It turned the place into a ghost town. On late road trips back to the high school, I looked out the window at all the darkened shops and banks, wondering how quiet it was walking down the street at night. Nothing dangerous ever happened in this small town, nothing was ever broken into and if it was, the police station wasn’t even five minutes away. No one would get too far if they tried.

When we arrived at his house, I noticed the large white boat in the driveway, already on the trailer. I watched as Clinton slowly backed into the driveway, his Dad came outside to direct him close to the trailer so he could hitch it to his truck. When Clinton parked the truck, I got pulled into the driveway beside him, hoping that I was out of the way.

“Dad, Corey is going out on the boat too,” Clinton said as his father looked over his shoulder at me. I expected a cold welcome from his dad, after speaking with my dad, but Clinton’s father didn’t show any hard feelings.

“Cj called while you were out,” his father said as they started testing the brake lights and the turning signals.

“I guess I forgot my cell,” Clinton shrugged, “what did he want?”

“Wanted to know what you were up to,” he answered as I walked up to stand beside Clinton.

“Corey, this is my dad, Robert,” Clinton introduced, waving his hand between me and his father. Robert offered his hand and I shook it. Unlike Dad he didn’t try to break my hand with his grasp, but it was still firm.

“Call me Rob,” he said smiling as he let my hand go.

“Ok, thanks for letting me tag along,” I said glancing at the boat.

“I’m not going, just you and Clinton,” Rob said, glancing at the boat, that would blind you if you looked directly at it. It was definitely well taken care of and I knew if Dad owned something like this, there would be no way I would be handed the keys to it.

“Ready to go?” Clinton asked, stepping around me, he didn’t wait for my answer. He seemed to want to get away from the house before his Dad said anything, or invited himself along.

“Wear your life jackets,” Rob said as I stepped to the passenger side and slid into the seat. I was about to close the door, when Robert stepped in the way. “And Clinton, if I hear of any foolishness you won’t take it out anymore.”

“Alright Dad,” Clinton hissed as Rob smiled and stepped out of the way, so I could close my door. I barely had my seat belt on when Clinton tore out of the driveway, just careful enough not to hit anything. “He’s a little over protective.”

“If this was my Dad’s boat, do you think he’d let me out with it?” I asked, and Clinton smirked knowing the answer.

“I guess not,” he answered and I nodded. “He said that because I was busted for speeding on the lake.”

“It has speed limits?” I asked and Clinton looked at me, probably to make sure I had seriously asked the question. I guess everyone that had free summers and a boat would know the speed limits.

“I was with Cj at the time,” he said as he started telling me the story. “The speed limit is around forty and we’re designated only on certain parts when the water gets warm enough for swimmers. Anyway, Cj kept bothering me to see how fast I can make the boat go.”

“How fast can it go?” I asked and I noticed a sparkle in Clinton’s blue eyes when he glanced at me smiling.

“A lot faster than forty,” he answered, “and Cj wouldn’t shut up until I did it. I didn’t think we would get caught though, I mean the Wardens don’t check for anything.”

“Well they probably didn’t want to fish two dead people out of the lake,” I said, causing Clinton to laugh. He shook his head then started to concentrate on the road as it was becoming more curved as we started getting closer to the lake.

When we arrived, Clinton paid for the parking spot, then we went down to the unloading station. It was a concrete ramp into the water. Clinton got out of the truck and unsnapped all the straps holding the boat steady on the trailer and then he got back into the truck, slowly backing down the ramp, the trailer hit the water and he slowed down until the boat was about to start floating.

“Could you out and tell me when it clears the trailer?” He asked and I nodded and slipped out of the truck. I walked to the back of the truck where the trailer was under the water, but the boat was still resting on top of it. I raised my hand and motioned him to start and he slowly let off the break and the truck slowly started backing again. When the boat started floating freely, I held up my palm, telling him to stop. I heard him put the truck in park, hitting the emergency brake before he got out and looked for himself.

“Is that far enough?” I asked and he nodded his head.

“Let me help you on the boat,” he said and we walked to the small metal ladder on the side. It was difficult with my broken arm, to climb it one handed. The boat was swaying with my weight, then I felt Clinton’s hand run up my side, holding onto me as I made it up the ladder. When I was standing in the boat, I turned to see that he was already walking back towards the truck. The touch though, had surprised me. I had to fight the urge to pull away from him, knowing from the past, every time he touched me was to do something. Something that Cj probably put him up to doing, or possibly he was the one behind some of it.

I had to fight back the anger that surfaced, thinking about all the times he did pull something over on me. Especially when I saw him smile as he returned from parking the truck. He climbed onto the boat, me giving him a hand on the last rung of the ladder. He stepped past me to start the engine, then he slowly backed out of the loading zone into deeper water. I turned and saw the two small white leather fishing seats on the front, but I kept hold of the small railing, not liking how the boat tipped one way, then the next. Then I saw the two neon orange life jackets hanging on a snapped hook just before you entered the small cabin area where Clinton was. I slowly walked over to the life jacket, I quickly unsnapped it, it was a tight squeeze over the cast, but I was able to slide it together and snap it to me.

“Is my driving scaring you?” Clinton asked over the roar of the engine. We were slightly bouncing on the small waves left by the other boats on the lake, even though we weren’t going that fast.

“No,” I answered, trying to make myself heard over the roar of the boat’s engine. I didn’t know how fast Clinton was going, but I wasn’t used to the feel of the boat on the water. I kept hold of the door frame as best I could with one good arm to use to steady myself.

A little while farther down the lake, at the mouth of the river that feeds it, Clinton killed the engine and dropped an anchor to keep up stationary on the water. We were the only two out here at the time, but it was still pretty early for the fishing to really pick up on the lake. The water was still too cold for swimmers as well.

“This is where I like to fish,” he said grabbing two fishing poles. He handed one to me and I noticed that it was a left-handed pole. It also hadn’t really been used and looked new. When he saw me studying it he shrugged. “I knew you broke your right arm.”

“Thanks,” I said as he sat the artificial lures between us. I selected one and he put it on for me, as I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t tell him I never really have gone fishing, that I could remember. It was something that Dad thought was pointless and a waste of time, even if all he ended up doing that day was sitting around and drinking beer.

After setting my hook, I heard a buzzing noise in his pocket. I knew it was his cell phone, but he made no move to answer it as he looked for a lure to put onto his own pole. I wondered who he was ignoring, but thought it was probably Cj. Someone he thought would upset me if he took the time to answer the phone.
“Do you know how to work that lure?” He asked, his eyes seeming to become brighter by the glare of the sun off the water. “You cast, then you give a quick jerk of the rod, then you slowly reel, the shiny metal attracts the fish.”

“Ok,” I responded, “I’ve not really been fishing.”

“I like to fish, I come here probably once a week in the summer,” he said then we fell into an awkward silence, because the small talk had played out between the two of us. I wanted to ask him questions. Things I thought would upset him for me to ask. I also was well aware that he was still good friends with Cj and probably will remain that way. So taking the time to hang out with the one person Cj seemed to hate the most, just didn’t feel right to me. I didn’t ask any questions though, we both just sat there in each other’s company, the only sounds coming from the lake and the other boats in the distance. I did have to admit to myself, that I was at least having a good time. I just didn’t know how long it would last.