Standing In Shadows - 29. Chapter 29

SIS 29

After buying a bottle of water and a small milkshake I sat down and watched Andy and Keith fight over french fries as they ate. Rolling my eyes I poured some of the water into Trouble’s bowl and held her in my lap, not having her leash and being too close to the road had me worried that she’d get into trouble. The heat of the day was suffocating, even under the shade of the awning over the picnic table. Trouble’s fur was warm to the touch and she was panting, but the cold water in the bowl seemed to make her happy. Then I looked up and saw Andy elbowing Keith and when they both looked behind me I noticed Jenny pulling into the parking lot.

“It’s just Jenny,” I said as I heard music blaring as she opened her door. She had a swimsuit top on and a towel wrapped around her shoulders.

“Hi guys,” she said taking off her sunglasses as she stepped into the shade. Hornets were buzzing around the trash cans and around the food trying to soak up the sugary drinks. Jenny ducked one and brushed one out of her face as she sat down beside me and grabbed Trouble out of my lap.

“Hey Jenny,” Andy greeted as Keith stuffed another handful of fries into his mouth.

“How’s the hand?” I asked looking down. Her knuckles were red and probably would bruise, but they hadn’t swollen any.

“Sore,” she said, offering me a smile. “It was worth it though.”

“I wish I could get hold of him one good time,” Keith said before he took a sip of his milkshake.

“So when did you two roll in?” Jenny asked, putting Trouble and her bowl on top of the table. Andy picked up the rest of the fries eyeing the small dog as she put her nose down and searched out the food. They had both finished their burgers quickly.

“Late last night,” Andy answered, then glanced at me. “I hear you and Corey have been talking.”

“Not like that,” she said, turning to me her left eyebrow cocked.

“Oh we know he’s a nut cracker,” Andy said and I reached across the table and tried to hit his shoulder, but he leaned out of the way.

“So you told them,” she said, “that’s brave of you.”

“We wouldn’t turn our backs on him, he’s like a brother,” Keith said resting his elbows on the table. Andy balled up the trash and tossed it at the closest trash can cussing when it bounced off the rim.

“Awe, that’s cute,” she said and I watched as Keith’s face flushed.

“We need to talk some sense into him though,” Andy said returning to the table.

“Shut up Andy,” I said, batting a hornet out of my face. Looking around at all of them made me realize how lucky we had not been stung yet.

“What is he planning to do?” Jenny asked and I stood and scooped Trouble up off the table. She had started chasing and nipping at the hornets that landed on it.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said before Keith or Andy could tell Jenny what I had planned. I didn’t really know the details myself, but I knew I would cave if all three of them tried to talk me out of it. Jenny had been right a whole lot, so if she agreed with them I wouldn’t feel as strongly about the idea of outing myself to Cj. It had to be done to get Clinton to be brave enough, after everything I still had a little faith that he could do it.

“Ride with me?” Jenny asked and I nodded my head. Being crammed into the truck with Andy and Keith and their accumulation of plastic cups and paper bags wasn’t a nice way to travel.

“I feel like doing some fishin,” Andy said, winking at me as he walked around the table. I rolled my eyes, but Jenny didn’t say anything as we all walked to the only two vehicles in the parking lot. The small diner only stayed open during the summer, but the milkshakes are always well worth the wait.

After we were in the car, the air conditioner cranked on full blast I laid back and relaxed against the seat with Trouble in my lap. Jenny turned the music down as she pulled out of the parking lot and headed back towards her house with Andy following behind us.

“Are you guys going fishing later or something?” Jenny asked and I glanced at her feeling my face flush.

“No, those two couldn’t sit still long enough to catch a fish,” I answered remembering the few times I was able to sneak a few hours away from the store and Dad to do some fishing with them. We ended up wrestling on the bank and falling into the river not long after we got there.

“Then what did he mean?” She asked, smiling when she looked over at me. “Do I even want to know?”

“They think now that I’m gay, I can get them girls,” I answered and she busted out laughing. “I’m the bait.”

“Right,” she said, shaking her head. “Will they ever grow up?”

“I hope not,” I answered shrugging.

“You three have always been cute together,” she said, “maybe it would work, you being the bait.”

“Until one of them says something that gets us all slapped,” I countered, waving my hands in front of Trouble’s face, wincing when she caught one of my fingers. Her teeth were small, but sharp. “Besides they’ve been my only friends forever.”

“You could have had other friends,” Jenny said, “like me and Cam, everyone likes you.”

“Do you think that will change once they know?” I asked knowing I still had one more year of high school left before I could escape this small town if I had to.

“You make it sound like you’re planning to tell people,” Jenny said and I looked out the window to see that we were coming up on Clinton’s house. When I saw Cj’s truck in the driveway I sighed, my heart racing. I had wanted to do it as soon as I could, knowing that putting it off would only allow me to think more about it. I know outing myself to Cj would mean telling Dad and Mom. Breaking Mom’s heart would bother me, but what Dad would say or do had me nearly too scared to do it. It was the only way I would know for sure that what I have with Clinton still exists and was real to begin with. I couldn’t think of any other way.

“As long as I have you and the two dumbasses I’ll be fine,” I said as she pulled into her driveway and put the car in park. She sat back and studied me making no move to kill the engine.

“Corey if you’re planning on storming over there, we’re leaving,” she said and she hit the automatic locks on the door.

“I can still open it,” I said rolling my eyes I unbuckled the seat belt and hit the unlock button.

“Don’t be an idiot,” she countered as she hit the lock button again. Then Andy tapped on my window and shrugged. They had pulled in beside Jenny’s car and Keith was walking around to stand beside him. I sighed knowing that I was outnumbered and nodded my head.

“I’ll at least tell you what I have planned,” I said, “before I do it.”

“Fair enough,” she said, “but know that if I think it’s a boneheaded idea I’m not going to let you do it.”

“Fine,” I said and she hit the unlock button and I opened the door causing Keith and Andy to dodge out of the way.

“What were you two doing?” Keith asked as I handed him Trouble before I stood.

“Let me go put her in with the others,” Jenny said smiling. “You should have seen how excited they all were to see their mom again.”

She grabbed Trouble and started walking towards the garage where she kept them. Keith and Andy both nodded their heads towards her. Looking out across the white picket fence knowing that if I crossed it everything would change made my stomach turn. They were probably up in Clinton’s room playing Xbox or watching a movie. They could have heard Andy’s loud truck coming down the road and knew we were all over here. I kicked myself thinking I should have done it last night when all I had to stop me was Jenny. I had been too chicken then and Clinton had looked so defeated. It left me unsure of what I felt.

“I don’t think she’s interested in your bait, guys,” I said smirking as I stepped past them patting them both on the shoulder.

“It’s not that, dude,” Keith countered as they followed me. By the time we were near her front porch Jenny jogged back around the corner of her house and smiled. I noticed that both Andy and Keith were staring at her chest, although it was obvious, Jenny pretended not to notice.

“Do you guys want to come in out of this heat?” She asked and I turned to see both Keith and Andy nodding their heads.

“Guess so,” I said and she smiled and grabbed her keys from her back pocket. The guys pushed me out of the way so they could follow her into the house. I glanced at them wondering if I could outrun them, but I still didn’t know what I was going to say or do once I did.

“Corey,” Jenny said as she came back to stand at the front door and I could hear the warning in her voice.

“I know,” I countered and she moved aside to let me into the house.

“Lemonade?” She asked, but she walked into the kitchen to grab it before any of us could answer her. I closed the door and walked over to the couch. I had sat on it a few times while going out with Jenny, doing homework or waiting with her Dad glaring at me as she got ready for the few dates we had.

“Where are your parents?” I asked when I heard Jenny coming back into the living room carrying a tray with four glasses of lemonade.

“Visiting Sis,” she said, “she’s already pregnant.”

“Really?” I asked, grabbing a glass of lemonade. It was cold and condensation was already forming on the glass.

“Yeah, good thing she’s graduating in the winter,” Jenny said rolling her eyes. “Makes me wonder why they rushed the wedding really.”

“It was still a big wedding,” I said shrugging.

“Yeah,” she said as she sat down between me and Andy. Keith was sitting in a chair that matched the couch. “Use a coaster boys.”

“Alright,” Andy said and grabbed a coaster before setting his glass down. Keith had already put his on the table, so he quickly grabbed the bottom of his shirt and wiped away the ring of water before he put his glass on a coaster.

“So what does Corey have planned exactly?” Jenny asked, shooting me a glare when I went to speak.

“Do you think we should tell her Keith?” Andy asked, turning to Keith. I smiled as they fell into their dumb routine. It was more of a way to stall and throw people off, it didn’t work on most people if they were determined to get an answer out of them. Jenny was determined and I wondered just how patient she would be with them.

“I don’t know Andy, Corey is our bro,” Keith answered leaning towards Andy.

“But we think his plan is stupid, don’t we?” Andy asked, lowering his voice and I sighed rolling my eyes.

“A little bit,” he responded, glancing at me. “But if it is something he’s determined to do, we both know he’ll do it.”

“Damn, you’re right,” Andy added and looked over at Jenny. “Maybe Jenny can talk him out of it.”

“Alright,” I interrupted trying not to smile, “just tell her, we all know you’re stalling.”

“Clinton is a wimp,” Andy said and I leaned forward and shot him a glare. “So Corey thinks that outing himself will cause Clinton to come out too.”

“I can’t believe either of you are gay,” Keith said shaking his head. “And Clinton, really, are you sure about him?”

“Yeah,” I said smirking, “I’m sure.”

“I don’t want to know how,” Keith said and I saw Jenny turn to look at me. I knew if I spoke my voice would give me away so I quickly took a drink of lemonade.

“There has to be better guys out there than him,” Andy said, crossing his arms. “I don’t like them two dicks.”

“He’s not so bad if he’s not around Cj,” I countered, turning to Jenny, “tell them.”

“He’s really not,” Jenny said sighing, “but Corey, if he’s too afraid to come out, then you’ve done all that for nothing.”

“Not for nothing,” I said, “I’ll finally have good reason to beat the fuck out of Cj.”

“Don’t need a reason to do that,” Keith said cracking his knuckles, “his big assed mouth gives anyone good reason to.”

“Before we beat Cj up,” Jenny said and I saw a smile playing on her lips.

“Since you already did that,” Andy said smirking, “and we thought you were his friend.”

“People change,” she countered, shrugging as she turned to face me. “Corey, don't do it.”

“What would you have me do instead?” I asked, trying to calm my temper.

“Talk to Clinton,” Jenny answered, “give him one night to convince you himself.”

“Tonight then,” I said, “but tomorrow if he hasn’t convinced me…”

“Then dump him,” Jenny interrupted, “you’ll know he’s not worth it by then anyway.”

“She’s good at this advice thing,” Andy said and I looked over Jenny’s head to see him looking at Keith.

“We would have followed him over there by now,” Keith said nodding, “saved us a lot of trouble.”

“You’re just trying to get into her pants,” I countered ignoring the glare that Jenny shot me.

“She’s probably right though dude,” Keith said, “don’t ruin your life for a dude too chicken shit to stand up to his best friend.”

“Do you love him?” Jenny asked, surprising me I turned to look at her. Her eyes were widened like the thought had just struck her suddenly and she blurted it out before she thought better of it. I heard a glass tip over and bang against the hardwood floor. Keith cussed and I looked up to see him hovering over the mess he made waiting to hear my answer.

“I don’t know what that is,” I answered looking down at my hands. For some reason my answer bothered me. It made me want to defend Clinton and doubt him at the same time. I realized that if I didn’t doubt him, I would be over there now. It was doubt that allowed me to change my mind. I had convinced myself that it was fear, but it wasn’t really.

I jumped when Keith returned with a roll of paper towels. I watched him kneel and clean up the mess of lemonade he made. Then I glanced at Jenny to see her looking at me, her face no longer surprised, but maybe a little worried. Like she knew what I was battling inside my own head. Maybe I had caused her the same sort of anger and doubt once too.

“Are you alright?” Andy asked and I glanced up at him.

“Yeah,” I answered blinking, then I stood and put my glass of lemonade back on the tray. “Jenny, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

“Yes,” she said and I saw her look at Keith and Andy before she stood and led me through the kitchen and out of the sliding glass doors leading to the deck and swimming pool. I slid the door closed behind us and turned back to her.

“If I ever made you feel what I’m feeling right now,” I said reaching out for her, “I’m the biggest ass on the planet.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” she said, offering me a small smile, but I saw the tear streak down her cheek.

“I’m sorry,” I said, wrapping her into a hug. “I should have known what I was doing to you.”

“I forgave you for it a long time ago,” She countered, “you’re impossible to hate.”

“Am I?” I asked and I heard her laugh.

“I think they’re about to moon us,” she said, then she gasped and turned her back to me. “I will never be able to look at that door the same again.”

“Idiots,” I hissed, turning to see them both pressing their asses against the door and looking back at us laughing. I flipped them off and they high fived and pulled up their shorts.

“You better Windex those ass prints off that door,” Jenny warned, pointing at them, but she was smiling again.

“We knew we needed to lighten the mood,” Keith said, turning to see the very visible prints left behind on the door.

“Dude your ass is like twice the size of mine,” Andy said pointing.

“All muscle,” Keith said, flexing his arms.

“Go clean your asses off Jenny’s door so we can leave,” I said rolling my eyes. “I have to figure out how to get Cj away from Clinton tonight.”

“Are you sure they’re not fucking?” Andy asked, the question stopped Keith in his tracks and he turned to look at me.

“Not the way Cj talks,” Jenny said, “if he’s gay he’s doing a good job hiding it.”

“Just tell your Mom you’re crashing at my house,” Andy said shrugging.

“I don’t want to lie to my Mom,” I countered but he sighed glancing at Keith.

“He’s a saint,” Keith said nodding, “we both know this.”

“It’s a little lie man,” Andy countered, “you can wait here at Jenny’s for Cj to leave, hell he might not stay much longer.”

“We can watch a movie or something,” Jenny offered, “you might actually enjoy it since you won’t be worried that I’ll jump you.”

“You can jump me,” Keith said, winking at her.

“You’re right Corey, they do say things that will get them slapped,” she said smirking. I laughed nodding my head.

“Alright, drop me off so I can shower and grab some clothes,” I said, turning to Andy.

“I can’t believe we’re helping our best friend get ass from a guy,” Keith said grimacing as he turned to Jenny. “But won’t your parents be back?”

“Not until Friday evening,” Jenny said shrugging.

“It’s settled then, Operation Circle Jerk is a go,” Andy said and I groaned, reaching up at the same time Keith did to smack him on the back of the head.

After we got home I looked over to see Dad’s truck sitting in the lot. I glanced over at Keith and Andy who saw the truck as well and looked worriedly over at me. Sighing, I led them to the metal stairs. Out of everyone they had seen Dad at his most honest. They were probably more scared about what could happen than I was. They had missed so much and most of it I didn’t even want to tell them about. Them being here though meant a lot and knowing they would see it through with me, caused me to smile and not hesitate at the door. Opening it I saw Dad look up at me. He offered Andy and Keith a smile then he took a drink of beer.

“You two don’t look like you’ve gotten any fatter over summer,” Dad said putting his beer down as he stood.

“No sir,” Andy said as I frowned seeing them both go rigid like they were on the football field and he was drilling us. I half expected them to take a knee.

“Maybe we won’t waste the first couple of weeks getting all of you back into shape this year,” Dad said, slapping them both on the shoulder. Andy had to take a step to the side to keep from falling, but Keith only moved a little and I thought that was for Dad’s benefit.

“Sucks that Corey won’t be able to play,” Keith said and I shot him a glare.

“Thanks to those fuckheads,” Dad growled and I leaned against the counter. “Don’t get me started on that.”

“Sorry sir,” Keith said and Dad turned to look at me.

“Nice to see you finally hanging out with your real friends,” Dad said and I nodded smiling as Andy and Keith shot sideways glances at me. “And Jenny.”

“Yeah,” I said shrugging, “is Mom home yet?”

“She should be getting in around four thirty,” Dad answered glancing down at his watch. “Her going back to work is going to make dinner a little later now.”

“Probably,” I said, shaking my head. Dad was more than capable of cooking dinner, but always waited for Mom to do it. Over the years I had tried to fix dinner if Mom was too busy or tired, but Dad would only fuss about the mess or the food not being as good. So I gave up trying and it saved Mom a messy kitchen.

“Ask him,” Andy whispered when Dad turned to search for his beer. Keith elbowed him and shot him a glare.

“Dad, I was wondering if I could stay at Andy’s tonight?” I asked as he grabbed his can of beer and took a drink, looking at us over the can.

“We’re just going to my house, watch some movies and stuff,” Andy offered, shrugging his shoulders. “Since we’ve not seen Corey much this summer.”

“Don’t get up to any shit,” Dad said after crunching the can in his hand. He shouldered through us knocking us out of his way to the kitchen to toss the beer can in the trash.

“We won’t,” Keith said nodding his head, “just movies and video games.”

“Get that nonsense out of your system,” Dad said pointing his finger, “I’ll want your heads on football soon.”

“Right sir,” Keith said and I rolled my eyes as he stood straighter.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” I said smiling over at them and knowing they’ll have to wait out here with Dad.

After wrapping my arm I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water. The yellow tiles and the old light fixture over the mirror on the sink made the entire bathroom seem to have a yellow glow. It was never really bright in here or welcoming. Not wanting to keep Andy and Keith waiting I quickly stepped into the shower and started soaping up my body. After I washed my hair I stepped out and dried off, tossing the taped plastic bag into the trash. I walked across the hall and dropped the towel as I closed the door. Then I looked over my clothes feeling nervous about what I was going to do.

Knowing I had to make it look like I was just going to be lounging around at Andy’s house all night I dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. Then I found the pair of flip-flops that Greg had let me borrow after the party down the river. Remembering Clinton laughing beside Cj caused my face to flush. Dad would give me shit about wearing them so I tucked them into the back of the closet and grabbed my tennis shoes and slid them on.

When I walked down the narrow hallway I saw that Dad had the playbook open and Andy and Keith were hovering over his shoulder as he explained plays they already knew. Dad hadn’t really updated the play book for a few seasons now. As long as we kept winning, he told us he didn’t need to. It was less for me to learn and I couldn’t doubt him, since we won a lot of games over the years.

“Ready to go?” I asked after Dad turned the page ready to start in on a new play.

“Yes,” they both said and then grimaced when Dad shot them a look.

“And don’t go breaking into the school, after those idiots brought that keg into the school the police aren’t being so cooperative,” Dad said shaking his head. “Can’t even have a little tradition for the fuck ups in this town.”

“Yes sir, we won’t sir,” Keith said and I walked around the couch and held the front door open for them. They both nodded their heads towards Dad and he gave me a glare and nodded towards the door when I was about to tell him bye, so I stepped through it and closed the door behind me. Andy and Keith led the way back to the truck, not saying a word.

“Dude your Dad has put on a few pounds,” Andy said his voice barely a whisper.

“He can’t hear us all the way down here,” I said smiling as I glanced over my shoulder. He opened the door and climbed into the middle, since they would be dropping me off at Jenny’s.

“He probably can, dude,” Keith said shaking his head, “and it will be me and Andy paying for it.”

“I think you kissed his ass enough with all those yes sirs,” I countered causing Andy to snicker as I slid in beside him. Keith glared at us as he walked around the front of the truck and got in the driver’s side and started the truck.

“Yeah I thought you’d end up kissing him before we left,” Andy said, turning to Keith.

“Well you didn’t help none,” Keith said as he backed out of the driveway. “I think he’s onto us, he told us not to go to school.”

“Well we’re not,” I said shaking my head.

“What if he calls lookin for you?” Keith countered, “I don’t think we should do it.”

“He’ll probably be glad to know I’m with Jenny,” I said rolling my eyes. “Don’t be a chicken shit.”

“But you won’t be with Jenny,” Andy said, “what do we tell him if he asks for you?”

“I don’t know,” I said sighing as we drove towards Jenny’s house. “That I’m taking a dump, you’ll think of something.”

“That’s a good one,” Andy said, turning to Keith. “I never would have thought of that, I would have tried to imitate Corey’s voice or something.”

“Yeah and get us all killed,” Keith said then he glanced at me. “Corey do you really want to do this?”

“The plan?” I asked, “Look don’t worry about it, I’ll be the one that catches hell for it, not you.”

“I mean with Clinton,” Keith said, turning back to the road. I looked forward as we got closer to Jenny’s house. “You can just come with us to Andy’s and be normal for another year, then we can find you a nice guy.”

“Keith,” Andy said elbowing him, “shut up man, if it was a girl we’d be doing this for him, no questions asked.”

“Well actually, I would have asked if he was packing a condom,” Keith countered and I felt my face getting warm. “I always have a spare.”

“Dude,” Andy groaned, “it would be like O.J’s glove.”

“Fuck you,” Keith said swerving in the road as he tried to punch Andy in the shoulder.

“You don’t have to lie for me guys,” I said and I saw Clinton’s house coming into view. As we passed my heart skipped when I saw that Cj’s truck was no longer parked out front. I almost told Keith to stop, but I let him park at Jenny’s. She would be worried if I never showed up.

“Don’t go running over there yet,” Andy said, grabbing my arm.

“If you give it a year, you wouldn’t have to deal with your Dad or the people here,” Keith added and I saw them both looking at me. What they were telling me made sense. I could wait a year, I could wait forever if I wanted to.

“Will you be there if I don’t?” I asked, wondering if they were beginning to crack under all the strain I was putting on their shoulders. Seeing them struggling along with me hurt.

“We just don’t want to see you go through all the bad shit that’s gonna happen,” Andy said and I nodded my head.

“It’s going to anyway, right?” I said smiling. They both smirked, but the worry didn’t leave their faces as I opened the door and got out of the truck. I closed the door behind me and Andy slid over to the window.

“If something bad happens get to Jenny’s house and call us,” Andy said, “and for fuck sakes I hope he’s worth all this trouble.”

“We’ll find out soon enough,” I said trying to smile as I headed towards Jenny’s house. I heard the truck backing out of the driveway and when I stepped up onto the porch Jenny opened the door and we both turned and looked towards Clinton’s house. When I turned to look at her I saw that she was dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top. Her hair was still wet from a shower and she smelled of strawberries.

“Cj ruins everything,” Jenny said, sighing as she stepped out of the doorway. “I popped popcorn and everything.”

“Well maybe Clinton is with him,” I said shrugging. “Besides that, once I’m out your parents might let me stay here and not worry that I’m sneaking into your room.”

“You’re just talking to Clinton,” Jenny warned, grabbing hold of my arm. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I won’t,” I said smiling and she wrapped me into a hug.

“I love you,” she said and I felt my throat tighten as I wrapped my arms around her.

“I love you too,” I whispered and I felt her relax in my arms and I smiled.

“Alright” she said after a few moments, “go get him.”

“Don’t throw that popcorn out, I might be back soon,” I said and she rolled her eyes and nudged me towards the stairs. I walked down them and turned to look at her as she was standing in the doorway and I gave her a quick wave and she returned it before she closed the door.

Walking across the yard to the white picket fence is when the nerves really hit. I had to keep wiping my palms on my shorts and more than a few times I wanted to stop walking. Lightning bugs were already coming out of their daytime hideaways. The night was still and a few stars were already visible in the warm twilight. It was a nice night at least.

I ignored the front door and walked around his truck parked in the gravel driveway to the carport and side entrance. When I stepped onto the smooth concrete the security light came on causing me to jump. Before I could talk myself out of anything I reached up and I buzzed the doorbell and stepped back into the light and listened for footsteps approaching the door.

When I finally heard someone coming I held my breath. Part of me was scared that it would still be Cj, even though his truck wasn’t in the drive. When Clinton opened the door I began to breathe again. When he saw me standing there his mouth fell open and he fumbled for the knob on the screen door to open it.

“You never called me back,” Clinton said, stepping out onto the carport.

“I know,” I said, noticing his hair was damp and his t-shirt was wrinkled. “I didn’t think it would be a good idea.”

“I didn’t see you drive up,” he said and I glanced over my shoulder towards Jenny’s house. This wasn’t the way I wanted to start the conversation, I could feel myself becoming more impatient as we hovered out here. I knew I would never say what I needed to out here too.

“Andy dropped me off at Jenny’s,” I said shrugging, “some elaborate plan, I was going to wait you out until Cj left.”

“Oh,” he said, offering me a small smile.

“Is he coming back or something?” I asked, noticing the angry edge in my voice. I swallowed hard knowing if I messed up tonight I’d probably never know.

“I fucking hope not,” Clinton said reaching back he opened the screen door. I smiled as he held it open for me and stepped out of the way.

When we were both inside I looked around. I could smell pizza and the living room was a mess with plastic cups and pizza boxes still scattered around. Turning back to look at him he was scratching the back of his head, the bottom of his shirt rising up. He was looking over the mess of the living room shaking his head slightly.

“Have a nice party?” I asked and he shot me a glare then he rolled his eyes.

“No,” he answered, “he cancelled, his nose is pretty messed up.”

“I hope it’s broken,” I countered smiling.

“More his ego than anything else,” Clinton said and I noticed him looking sideways at me every few moments. I could tell he wanted to say something. I probably looked the same way to him. The small talk wasn’t getting either of us anywhere and I knew I didn’t have long. I had already accepted that what happens tonight determined the rest of my summer or the rest of my life. Not so much with Clinton, we were both young and had a lot of time. I knew I didn’t love him, I just wanted to know if that was a possibility with him someday down the road. If it was, then I’d have to clear the way for us to be together.

“So,” I said as I stepped around him not wanting to talk in the living room or the kitchen. The mess in the living room kept reminding me of Cj and the kitchen was too open. I turned around to see him hesitating as I stood at the bottom of the stairs. “Are we going to talk or am I going to leave?”

“I want to talk.” He answered swallowing, he started towards me so I turned and walked up the stairs and into his room. The door was open and the light was on. The Xbox was pulled out onto the carpet and both cordless controllers were on the ground in front of it. His bed was unmade and when I glanced over my shoulder he was standing just inside the door.

“Do you want to stop what we’re doing?” I asked, turning to face him. The question seemed awkward and I felt myself begin to blush.

“I don’t know,” he answered, walking into the room he sat on the bed. After a few moments I sat down turned towards him at the foot of the bed.

“So you don’t have feelings for me then,” I said and he shook his head.

“I do,” he countered, staring at me. “I’ve missed the hell out of you, there were many times I wanted to tell Cj to fuck off so I could call you.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked frowning. “Cj is just an excuse.”

“He’s been my friend since Elementary school,” Clinton answered, his shoulders slumped as he turned to look towards the door. I wanted to reach out for him. I didn’t like seeing him look defeated the way he was.

“I’m not going to ask you to choose between me and him,” I said and I saw him relax a little. He could probably sense that there was more to what I was going to say. It caused me to hesitate, I wasn’t convinced I even wanted to yet. I had hoped we were already into the fighting or the kissing. The thought caused me to sigh. “But I want to know if you’re going to try too.”

“I will,” he said looking up. “I’m sorry I haven’t defended you, I’ll tell him to go fuck himself from now on.”

“You made that promise before,” I said remembering the promises we made to one another the first time we shared a bed together. “I know we can’t be together unless he knows.”

“He can’t find out,” Clinton countered grimacing, “you know that.”

“I’ve told Andy and Keith,” I said shrugging, “they accepted me.”

“Cj wouldn’t,” Clinton argued, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you told Andy and Keith.”

“I knew that if I didn’t it would be more difficult to sneak around and do this,” I said looking around his room.

“Why can’t we?” He asked, “It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it.”

“I’m not going to hide in your guest room and listen to him call me names,” I countered standing. “I won’t do that again.”

“Don’t leave,” he said and I noticed I was inching my way towards the bedroom door. “I should have defended you, I know that. I shouldn’t have agreed with him.”

“It sucks that I understand why you did it,” I said leaning against the wall. “I thought I was ready to deal with it, but I’m not on my own.”

“I know,” he said standing, he took a few steps towards me and hesitated. “What do you want and I’ll try to do it.”

“I’m coming out to everyone standing in our way,” I said studying him. “Cj, my parents, everyone.”

“And you want me to come out too?” Clinton asked, crossing his arms. “So it’s that or nothing?”

“Yeah, together,” I answered, feeling my stomach turn. I knew it wasn’t right to ask him to. Thinking about everything I was going to go through and the people I might lose afterwards.

“I can’t do that,” he said, “I’d lose Cj, my Dad...”

“Do you think my Dad will like the idea?” I asked pushing off the wall. “Why does everything you do have to go through Cj?”

“He’s my best friend,” he said looking down.

“Do you love him?” I asked and I saw his shoulders tense before he looked back up at me. His eyes wide, his hands falling back to his side. “Are you two?”

“God no,” Clinton answered, “he’s straight.”

“Good luck with that then,” I said as I turned to leave the room.

“Let me prove myself to you,” he said as he reached out and grabbed my shoulder and before I could shrug him off he turned and pushed me back against the wall. When his lips crushed mine I felt myself go rigid. I let my hands fall beside me and when I didn’t return the kiss I felt his lips soften and then he took a step back. I heard him sigh, but for the first time I didn’t see the fear that I saw before.

“What was that?” I asked, my lips still tingling from the pressure of his kiss.

“I’ll do it,” he said, “I’ll tell the bastard.”

“Really?” I asked and he nodded offering me a small smile.

“Now will you kiss me back?” He asked, his face reddening.

“Yeah,” I answered and I stepped away from the wall and reached up with my left hand. I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me. This time his lips were soft and I felt his hands slide down my sides to my waist. It was then I heard a gasp from behind me. I instantly felt Clinton go stiff and break the kiss. I turned to see Cj standing in the doorway with a pizza in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other.

“What the fuck is going on?” Cj asked and I glanced behind me to see the fear in Clinton’s eyes again.