You Make Me...Angry - 8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Lean on Me, I’m strong too…I’ll do anything for you

After dinner and Junghee was settled in his room, Dan and Jae went to their bedroom.

Dan needed a shower, so he left Jae changing out of his day clothes. He cleaned up with leisure, happy to be home. There was nothing like relaxing in the shower under a heavy spray of hot water. He came out of the shower to find Jae settled in the middle of their bed. Jae held a guitar, strumming with diligence, pausing to jot down notes on a pad on the bed. Dan ran fingers through his damp hair, going to the walk-in closet for a t-shirt and pajama pants. He came back to find Jae had put the guitar on the armchair on his side of the bed.

Jae held out his left hand to him. Dan took it, intrigued and climbed on the large bed, on his knees. Jae sat with his legs crossed.

“Lay down,” Jae said, patting his lap in invitation.

Dan smiled, doing as Jae asked. He rested his head on Jae’s left thigh. Jae leaned down and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“It feels good to be home,” Dan said, closing his eyes when Jae combed fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry I asked you to leave. Always come home,” Jae said. “No matter what’s happening between us…I’m happy with what we have, Dan. I don’t want to lose us.”

Dan opened his eyes and met sincere light brown eyes. Worry he hadn’t known was weighing him down lifted.

“I’m sorry too,” Dan said holding Jae’s gaze. “I should have told you the truth.”

“You should have,” Jae agreed. “I—

Jae broke off, his fingers pausing in Dan's hair. “I need you. I can’t even think of living here without you…so—

“It’s the same for me,” Dan said, his tone soothing. He understood Jae’s desperation. “What do you want to know? I’ll tell you everything.”

Jae sighed, his fingers continuing their sweep through Dan’s hair.

“I want to say everything, but that might not be easy for you,” Jae said. “There are parts of my relationship with Jaesun I never told you. So, tell me what’s comfortable, Dan.”

Dan shifted slightly, getting comfortable on Jae’s lap. Starting was hard, though once he got talking, his life story poured out hesitation. He’d always planned on telling Jae, there had just not been a good time.

He told Jae about growing up without parents. His mother and father had died early leaving him in the care of the state. He ended up in a home ran by Harry’s mother where he had met Justine. They’d grown up together, Harry, Justine and him. They went to school together, experienced the mundane and extraordinary all the way to college.

He’d grown up tough, always the one to protect Justine when neighborhood kids picked on them. As they grew older, Justine constantly looking to him to solve problems. Dan had always felt the need to work harder in any situation, wanting to prove he was as good as everyone else. Wanting to be strong for Justine and even Harry.

“We were poor,” Dan said, “not living-on-the-streets poor, but struggling to make ends meet type of poor. I wanted to better our lives so I worked hard, helping Justine along when I could. I wanted to make it, live a good life, despite being an orphan.”

Jae pressed a kiss on his forehead. “You have made it, Dan.”

“Yes,” Dan said with a slight smile. “I married Justine when I got out of college. We were both still young. Her symptoms had already started, and had I taken the time out of my quest to get rich, I would have noticed. She was having a hard time coping.”

Dan sighed remembering the terrible fights when he came home and found Justine hadn’t cleaned the house, or she’d argued with their neighbors again. Once she’d used up all the money in their joint account buying fifty raincoats from a home shopping channel. That day he’d wanted to kill her.

“She drove me insane,” Dan said, shaking his head. “We couldn’t get along and fought about everything. I got broke living with her, and I hated her for it. I let her know it too, which added to her stress levels.”

Dan rubbed his brow. “Harry came over around a year later, and found Justine home alone. The gas cooker was on, open flame burning, but Justine was in the living room. She kept insisting that her friend was cooking in the kitchen. When Harry tried to turn it off...she lost her mind. Talking about her friend, and how Harry was hurting her feelings. It was all so insane.”

“Harry took her to hospital and got Justine diagnosed. He forced me to see that she was sick and not being spiteful and crazy. I broke apart then. Our whole life together was essentially over the day I realized she was sick. I really wanted to take care of her,” Dan said, “that I couldn’t felt like a failure. I had focused my time on work, rising up the ranks in the old entertainment agency. I didn’t have time for her. We struggled the next year. Justine was in and out of the psych ward. We tried everything to fix her, but she seemed like she was getting worse. Too focused on personal problems, I didn’t know when the rumors started at work.”

“My assistant wanted my position, before I could counter his underhanded agendas, he had me labeled a conman and working with the mob. The company kicked me out, and I was out of a job. I had hit rock bottom."

Dan met Jae’s gaze.

“Harry’s mom came to see me. She made me realize that I needed to get help for Justine. So....I had Justine admitted into a long term facility, I sold our house to pay for her care and moved into an apartment. I spent most of my time bumming on the couch that year, trying to figure out my life. I ended up watching the fall of Black Shade on the news. I was obsessed with the story. It was your face. You looked like I felt.”

“Broken?” Jae asked with a small smile.

Dan reached up and touched Jae’s smiling lips.

“It’s amazing you can smile about it now. Those days, I didn’t think you’d ever smile again. Your plight drew me in like quicksand. I found myself asking for a meeting. I thought two broken people, surely there’s nothing more to lose.”

“So we met,” Jae said.

“Yes, and you gave me a hard time,” Dan said with a chuckle.

“Then you kissed me,” Jae said.

“You fell hard for me,” Dan said, making Jae laugh.

“Are you sure that you didn’t fall first?” Jae asked.

“I was deep in love with you by the time I was kissing you,” Dan said. “I’ve loved you since the day I picked you up in your old apartment. The day you wanted to drink yourself to oblivion because Jaesun broke your heart. I was so jealous.”

“Dan,” Jae said his eyes wide with surprise. “That long?”

Dan sat up, turning so that they faced each other.

“Yes,” he said.

Jae studied him for a moment, and then pulled him into his arms, holding him tight. Dan buried his face into Jae’s shoulder, taking in his sweet scent. There was nowhere else he wanted to be. Here was good, always the best place.

“I love you, Dan,” Jae said. “I’m sorry you went through that alone. I see now.”

“See what?” Dan asked, wrapping his arms around Jae.

“You’ve always handled the problems, I see that now,” Jae said. “But, you’re not alone anymore. I’m here. I’m here, no matter what, I won’t leave even when we’re drowning in trouble. Can you trust me to help you?”

Dan closed his eyes and kept holding on to Jae’s warmth.

“I will do better, Jae,” he promised.

They held each other like that for a long time.

****

Jae woke early the next morning, leaving Dan sleeping. He dressed quietly, making sure not to wake Dan. Junghee had already left for a four a.m. shoot.

Leaving the house, he had Ken drive his private car instead of the van he used for work. By seven o’clock, Ken parked the car in front of the Amhaus Sanitarium. Jae sat in the back seat staring at the black sturdy gates.

“Are you going in sir?” Ken asked when ten minutes passed and he hadn’t moved.

Jae met Ken’s gaze in the rear view mirror.

“I have to get stronger, to be able to take of Dan, don’t I?”

Ken glanced at the sanitarium gates then gave him a nod.

Jae closed his eyes, gripping the door handle tight. He wanted to be stronger, but it was harder than just saying it. Taking in a deep breath, he got out of the door, and closed the door. He buttoned his dark coat and let out a sigh.

A black Sedan pulled up behind his car; he wasn’t surprised when Harry emerged.

“Are you sure you want to meet Justine again?” Harry asked in greeting. “Dan must have told you about her, but to do this—

“Dan’s my family, Harry,” Jae said, deciding to make a stand with Harry. He was tried of the passive jealousy he carried around. It was exhausting. “Dan is my closest family, you understand that, right?”

Harry studied him for a moment, and then smiled.

“Finally,” Harry said, stepping closer to Jae. “I haven’t seen that expression on your face before. It looks good on you.”

“What are you on about?” Jae asked.

“Dan is always freaking out about you. He promises doom to anyone who so much as tries to hurt you. It’s good to see you wanting to protect Dan.”

“Aren’t you—,” Jae broke off.

“I have known Dan a long time, Jaehan. He’s never had someone to look out for him. He always took on the responsibilities.” Harry glanced at the closed gates. “She’s been his largest weakness and his biggest failure for a long time. Now that she knows about you, Dan is probably terrified you’d leave him, or she’ll do something to hurt you. I hope you can protect him from her.”

Relief flooded Jae; suddenly Harry looked like his biggest ally.

Jae squared his shoulders, and cleared his throat.

“How do I get in?” he asked looking at the intimidating black gates.

“I’ll handle it,” Harry flashed him a grin. “I’m your manager after all.”

Jae smiled when Harry reached for his cell phone. Ten minutes later, Jae sat in an armchair across Justine Suk. His heart beat too fast, because she didn’t look like the frail woman he’d met at the hospital. Her expression was one of hate and distrust.

“You came,” she said, her tone unfriendly.

Jae nodded. “I thought we should officially meet.”

“Did you convince him to sign me over to this place? Is he going to let me rot here for the rest of my life?” Justine demanded. “Was it because I dared look for you?”

“I—,” Jae stopped. “I haven’t convinced Dan to do anything but tell me about you.”

“Can you talk him out of locking me away?” Justine asked her gaze so hopeful, Jae felt helpless. “You can do it if you try. Please Kim Jaehan. You’re nice and warm. Don’t let him do this to me.”

Jae shook his head, unsure what the right answer was.

“You bastard!” Justine shrieked. “This is your fault. This is all your fault. Get out of here. Get out! Get out!” Justine jumped to her feet, rushing him.

Jae sat frozen, too shocked to move. The nurses saved him. They came running into the small living room followed by Harry. The nurses took Justine away. Harry tried to get him up to his feet, but he refused. Jae pushed Harry’s hand away. He leaned forward, taking in several deep breaths. How had Dan lived with that woman for a year? How, when he’d thought she was going to kill him that one second. Her eyes…Jae shook his head…it was her eyes.

“I’m sorry. She’s usually calmer,” Harry said, crouching at his side. “She must still be upset. I have realized that. Dan signed the papers authorizing her full confinement. She can’t even go outside without someone watching her.”

“She’s right,” Jae said in a whisper. “It was because of me. I told Dan to leave the house that day, and he came here afraid she’d try to see me again.”

“Yes,” Harry said. “You’re the one he protects now.”

Jae closed his eyes. “At what cost? Taking away her freedom like that was probably hard for him.”

Harry rubbed his back. “It’s the best choice for her. When she’s like this, a lot of things go wrong.”

Jae wiped a hand down his face. “I don’t know that I can handle this.”

Harry rose to his feet and patted Jae’s back.

“You just need to get used to it. The first time is hard. Two more times and you might get a word in,” Harry chuckled. “That’s life, Jae. You gotta keep trying.”

Jae sat up to look at Harry. “Are you turning into a guru?”

“Want met to do a chant?” Harry asked.

Jae laughed. “You have a strange sense of humor.”

“You ready for work now?” Harry asked. “I know you haven’t told Dan, but you’re not exactly writing. You’re going around looking at what everyone has written, but you’re not focused. We need a second album, Jae.”

Jae stared at the armchair where Justine had sat. Harry was right. His thoughts were too focused on his personal problems to concentrate on writing music.

“I want to move studios,” Jae said then. “I want to work at home, less distraction, less threat of a stalker. Keep out everyone, even Jinho, Harry. Can you do that for me?”

“Will that help you write?” Harry asked.

Jae stood thinking about Dan talking about Justine last night. Seeing Justine this morning had cleared up any of his doubts. Dan’s love for him was absolute. Perhaps it was time he made sure Dan knew his love for him matched.

“Seems I have something to say,” Jae said.

Harry nodded. “Consider it done then.”

***

Han Jinho stood in Harry’s office, his fists clenched tight.

“Did you hear me?” Harry was saying. “Jaehan is off limits for the next few months. He won’t come into the building, by default that means Andre and Junghee. I’m reassigning you to the Rebellion PR team.”

“Sir,” Jinho started. “I can help out—

“The only reasons why Junghee and Andre keep their assistants is because they have outside schedules. Jae has scrapped his; he wants to work in the studio with no interruption. I can handle everything Jaehan needs. Help the ladies in PR. Rebellion has merchandise to sell, help them empty the warehouses.”

Harry’s phone buzzed and he dismissed Jinho with a short wave.

Jinho left Harry’s office, running to the men’s bathroom. He held in his sobs until he was locked in a stall. Jaehan didn’t want him around. Pain stabbed through his heart, he bet over, tears spilling down his cheeks. He’d worked so hard to get close to Jaehan. He’d even gotten into Jaehan’s house, however brief that visit had been. Now, Jaehan didn’t want him.

He cried hard, the sobs wrecking through his body until his tears ran out and all he could do was hiccup. Wiping his eyes with his sleeves, he sat on the toilet seat, staring at the grey bathroom door.

Jaesun was right. Why was that bastard always right?

He would never get close to Jaehan at this rate. He was now closed off again. He’d tried to get into Jaehan’s compound and that was impossible. No one got in that house without an expressed invitation from Jaehan. No one. Fuck! It was easy here because no matter the amount of security, he was part of the team. Working close to Jaehan too…shit!

He needed Jaesun’s help.

Jinho thought about Jaesun’s terms and rubbed his forehead. He had no idea what would make Jaehan go find Jaesun. Jaehan didn’t even talk about Jaesun. How could he make Jaehan seek out someone he didn’t think about?

The bathroom door opened, and someone came in whistling a Black Shade song. Jinho smiled then. Yes, there was the one thing Jaesun and Jaehan had in common.

Music would make Jaehan seek out Jaesun.

***

“I brought you flowers,” Jae said carrying a large bouquet of white lilies in a glass vase. He took the vase to Justine’s bedside table.

Justine sat in the middle of her bed, pretending to read a book. She was ignoring him, refusing to acknowledge his presence. This wasn’t new. They’d gone two weeks like this. The first four visits were hard. She’d screamed at him, thrown things at him, scared him out of his mind, and kicked him out of her room. Gods, he didn’t remember making friends being this hard. She’d pushed him to a limit he hadn’t known existed.

Jae sat in the armchair set by her bed.

Still, here he was, determined to turn Justine into his friend, for Dan’s sake.

“I wrote a song for you today,” he said. Dan hasn’t heard it. You’ll be the first to hear it, if you like it, I’ll put it in the new album. You gotta smile at me for it to go into the album though.”

Jae glanced at Justine. She had her hair held in a ponytail today. Her dress was a cute pink. She had a white sweater on over it. Her feet were in fluffy pink socks. She looked sixteen instead of the twenty-eight she was.

“Should I sing it?” Jae asked.

When she didn’t answer, he launched into the sweet melody he’d written that morning at the thought of Justine. The music was light, the melody flirtatious, and the chorus catchy. He smiled when she started moving from side to side, a smile tagging her lips. She fought the smile, so he kept singing until she glanced at him with a full on smile.

A small triumph, he thought with elation as he finished the song. Justine was beautiful when she smiled.

“Should I let Dan listen to it?” he asked with a grin. “If he hates it, he won’t let it on the album.”

“You said if I liked it, it would go on the album,” Justine said, surprising him.

“I did,” he said.

“Will you tell Dan that?” Justine asked her gaze skeptical.

“Of course,” Jae said.

“Good,” Justine nodded. “Tell him I like it, so it has to go on the album. You said you wrote it for me?”

“I did,” Jae said with a smile. “Do you like the flowers?”

“Why so many?” Justine wrinkled her nose. “Are you trying to woo me?”

“Am I?” Jae grinned. Goodness, she was a tough cookie.

“Try harder,” she said. “The song might have worked a little.”

Jae scoffed. “All I get is a smile and a little conversation from you.”

“I’m not getting you anything,” Justine said. “You’re coming here everyday because you feel guilty that Dan locked me away.”

“That’s not true,” Jae said, though a small part inside him agreed with Justine. “I want to get to know you.”

“Your lover’s ex?” Justine asked. “Are you crazy?”

Jae blinked. “Well…, yeah, that’s debatable.”

“Should we exchange places, then?” Justine asked with a wink.

“Not a chance,” Jae said, shaking his head.

“Hmm….looks like you’re holding on to him tight.”

“Very tight,” Jae said.

Justine studied him, then reached for a pillow and hugged it. Her gaze dropped to her lap.

“You don’t have to keep coming here. I won’t cause trouble anymore. Dan was always able to put me in my place. I know he’s with you now.”

Jae got up and touched her ponytail.

“You’re someone Dan loved once. Someone he wanted to keep taking care of, no matter what. I’ll come tomorrow,” Jae said. “Should I bring you something nice to eat?”

Justine looked at him, her gaze hard to read.

“I’ll bring you sweets,” Jae said then.

“I won’t eat them,” Justine said when he reached the door.

He opened it and glanced back at her.

“I won’t get tired, Noona. I’ll visit you until you turn into an old woman.”

She scowled at him and he waved at her with a small chuckle.

***

“Do you have to keep going there?” Dan asked when Jae got home. “Jae—

“Don’t you know why I need to visit her?” Jae asked dumping his coat on the couch.

“No, actually I don’t know,” Dan said with a frown. “Do you want me to go looking for Jaesun?”

“That’s not the same,” Jae said. “Justine is your family, Dan. You grew up together, before you married, she was your little sister. She’s now locked away in a hospital.”

Dan sighed and Jae moved to where he sat in an armchair. Jae pressed a kiss on top of his head.

“It hurts you, locking her away,” Jae said. “So, I’m protecting your heart. It won’t hurt if you know she’s doing well.”

Dan sighed. “I’m so lucky.”

“Kiss me hello,” Jae said, smiling when Dan kissed him fast. Dan’s attention seemed glued to the laptop where he worked hard.

“Don’t over do it,” Dan said.

“She talked to me today,” Jae said, straightening up. “She didn’t throw things or scream at me. She has a pretty smile.”

Dan glanced up from his laptop. “Are you falling in love?”

Jae laughed. “Are you jealous?”

“Don’t go see her anymore,” Dan said.

Jae shook his head in amusement. “You’re my one and only, Dan. Only you…that’s a song, you know.”

“Punk!” Dan called after him when Jae headed to the basement. “We’re getting spicy chicken for dinner.”

“I love you.”

***

Jinho watched Jaesun listen to the song he’d gotten from the Rebellion studio.

“Jaehan wrote this, didn’t he?” Jaesun asked. “It sounds like his tone, though he didn’t write the music. It sounds like his Black Shade era.”

“The song was sent to him. He liked it very much, so he worked with the original songwriter. He wrote the lyrics and helped the songwriter change the music to perfect it,” Jinho said.

“Perfect,” Jaesun smiled. “Thanks, Jinho. Now it’s my turn, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Jinho said, barely able to hold his excitement. He’d gone two weeks without seeing Jaehan. Not a glimpse, not even when he’d gone to the house, he hadn’t seen Jaehan leave. He was desperate.

“I will release this song as mine,” Jaesun said. “That should capture Jaehan’s attention. He’ll want to see me, so I’ll call him here to this condo. What you do with that opportunity is up to you.”

Jinho grinned. “Really?”

“As long as I don’t get dragged into the mess,” Jaesun said. “I have a career to look after.”

“I understand,” Jinho said, finally hopeful, this was his last chance to take Jaehan away from Suk Dan.

***