Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 19. Entry 19

Saturday

“But…true love waits, Brandon!” That’s what Chandler wrote in his last email to me.

I guess that means I’ve got to be patient and not be so easily discouraged. Billy is definitely coming around! His behavior yesterday afternoon was not disgusted or confused. It was more like he was having trouble putting into words his feelings. That was the same problem I was having!

Chandler made another important point: I need to accept myself and be clear about my own feelings if I’m going to capture Billy’s heart. I can’t doubt myself anymore! I’ve got to accept (and that means truly accept) that I’m Gay and that I want Billy as my boyfriend. I think about it and talk myself into it and out of it all the time, but those two things are facts that don’t go away. How can I be clear with Billy what my feelings are when I’m not clear myself? Chandler is dead on about that! I need to stick to these two facts and just focus on them. Religion, my Dad, the other kids at school, none of these things have to matter as much as who I am what I feel for Billy!

If I have to be clear what my feelings are then I’m sure Billy does too! He’s had a girlfriend before in Joanna, but that didn’t work out and Sam was able to snake her out from under Billy pretty easily. If Billy had been dedicated to Joanna because he was in love with her, would Sam have been able to pull that? I’m betting not. So, if Billy couldn’t be clear with Joanna about his feelings for her then that must mean he wasn’t clear about them with himself either!

One thing is very clear and getting clearer every day: Billy really does like me! His eyes brighten up when he sees me, his smile never leaves his chipmunk face, his fumbling words try to mirror mine about how much we like being together, his long looks only get longer! He tried to tell me how much he wants to be together with me yesterday. Now, I have to put my own doubts away and believe it!

“Letting in and letting go and doing so patiently will be the key to solve Billy’s puzzle, Brandon!” Chandler also wrote.

That’s a pretty deep statement and one I’m still chewing on to see if I really understand what Chandler is telling me.

Letting in Billy and trusting him to let me in too can only come if I let go of my fears and doubts and just let things happen in their due time. I’ve got to wait on what we’ve planted here and see what grows out of it. I put in the seed, now I need to water it and give it sunshine to see it grow and, hopefully, blossom.

That’s a tall order for an angsty 15 year old, but…I think I can do this. I think I can keep going and open up more to Billy. I’m going to try, but it won’t be easy. I’ve had a death-grip on this closet door of mine for so long I don’t know if I can let go at this point. But, if the reward is having Billy then it will be worth it and I’ll open that door…even if it’s just a crack!

Now, since I’ve been thinking of him so much, I really should do what Chandler suggests and call Billy…even though I may be afraid to. I don’t want to seem clingy or weird with him, but, then again, I know that’s my own fears and insecurities trying to talk me out of things again.

So I’ll pick up that phone and dial that number and hear that sweet chirpy voice once more before I go off to dreamland to dream of him.

~

You know what’s funny?

Just as I was about to pick up the phone and dial Billy’s number, the phone rang! I nearly dropped the phone!

I picked up and there he was! He’d called me first! It is like we are totally in synch like telepathy or something!

No, we didn’t talk about our undying love for one another or even about what we said on Friday at all! He didn’t bring it up, so I followed his lead and didn’t bring it up either. He seemed a little breathless like he was doing something or moving around a lot. I wondered what he might be up to on the other end of the phone! The perv in me hoped it was him totally naked and whacking off was we talked, but the more wholesome part of me figured he was, maybe, drying off from a shower or something. Interestingly, both parts of me had Billy naked somehow! In any event, his silly behavior got me to giggling at him which got him to chuckling and we found ourselves laughing at, basically, nothing!

Only Billy can make me laugh at nothing. Just talking to him makes these fizzy bubbles come up in me to where I feel tickly and wiggly all over. I was having a hard time sitting still in my chair! I was also having a hard time down there too! Billy’s voice can now just do that to me. That’s all it takes…hearing his laugh.

I swear, at one point, I could hear him, like, wiping off his end of the receiver as if he was cleaning spit off of it or something. That was a bit weird!

In any case, we didn’t chat long since we seemed to be getting sillier by the minute and I knew my Dad was going to be home soon. I didn’t want him catching me on the phone licking it or sucking on it or something else obscene. I was tempted to do just that…french kiss Billy over the phone!

Billy makes me that crazy!

He really does!

This is Brandon going crazy.

Sunday

So, last night I had sex with Billy…

Ok, that was mean, I’ll admit.

I should say that I dreamt of having sex with Billy last night. But, boy, that was some dream! I can still taste Billy on my lips even now…at least his imaginary taste.

This one went way beyond anything I’ve dreamt about him so far. This one was oh so detailed and, yes, it became quite wet.

I’ll put down what I remember of it. I will want to keep this for, um, later…

~

We are in his room just like we were on Friday. It is different though, because we are just standing there, staring into each other’s eyes. It is like I am looking straight into his soul, but also outside of myself looking at us both standing across from each other. Dreams can be weird like that sometimes.

He walks a step closer to me and takes my hand in his. He massages it and squeezes it gently and, for some reason, that makes me so hard that I’m afraid I’ll go over the edge right there! But, fortunately, I hold on and relax. He leans in and we kiss. I don’t think we Frenched because I don’t know what that is like and that must mean my dream-self can’t do that yet.

Anyways, we kiss for a few and that just makes me even more turned on. I don’t think I can get any more turned on than I am kissing Billy, but that’s when Billy, still holding my hand, moves it and presses my hand against the front of his pants! Instinctively, I grope him feeling how hard he is and how much of him I can feel through the cloth. I reckon he isn’t wearing underwear. How sexy is that?

I can feel the length of his shaft, the ridge of its head, and the fullness of his balls all in my hand. He pushes into my hand, stops kissing me, and gets this desperate look in his eyes as he starts to pant. He whimpers a bit as he humps himself into my hand slightly. I’m about over the edge by this point and I feel Billy must be too. But, Billy isn’t just satisfied with me feeling him through his pants.

He takes my hand, lifts it, and pushes it down inside his pants! That’s when I can feel the sensual warmth of Billy’s bare skin, its smoothness next to the slight roughness of his pubes, and then finally his iron hardness which pulses in my hand. I grip it and stroke it which makes Billy arch away a bit and he almost looses his footing.

“Oh, Brandon! Touch me more! I want you to!” Billy whines breathlessly as he regains his footing and thrusts himself forward in my hand. He takes my wrist in both his hands as I work him like he’s grabbing on for dear life. I can feel a wetness come which I figure is Billy’s excitement growing. He hasn’t cum just yet, but he feels close! This prompts Billy to pull my hand from his pants since he doesn’t want to reach the end so fast and not in his pants.

I make Billy very sensible in my dreams, don’t I?

Slowly, Billy unzips his fly and then pulls his pants down showing his large member free itself from his clothes. I feast my eyes on the long pink shaft and the rosy apricot head. It bounces as he moves, pulses as the cool air touches it, and flexes in anticipation. It seems so much bigger than my own! Just like in my other dreams, I make Billy outrank me in that department. I don’t know if that’s his true size or not, but…maybe!

He pulls himself free of his pants and then walks up closer to me. He takes me and embraces me, taking me by my ass and pressing my pelvis up against him. I reach up under his t-shirt, and find his smooth, bare chest and run my hands over his stiff nipples. Billy releases me and puts his arms up as I pull his t-shirt off over his head.

Now, Billy is completely naked in front of me! In my dream, his body is tight, slightly defined, but not overly muscular. His skin is the color of apricot cream that blushes in spots showing just how horny he is. I drink him in with my eyes and looking at his sex, my dream-mouth waters wanting to drink with more than just my eyes…

Boldly, I step up to him and smooth my hands over his body. Shakily, Billy reaches over and helps take off my own shirt which I help him with because it’s button down. He comes to my belt and unlatches it almost violently! He then unbuttons my fly with a soft pull and then reaches into my jeans. He finds my own hardness and my body shivers in pleasure as I feel his warm hand close around it. In the dream, I mustn’t be wearing underwear either which is totally unrealistic because I’m always wearing my boxer briefs!

He strokes me gently a couple of times after he pulls it out of my fly. He then reaches around me, under my jeans, and feels my butt. He squeezes it and that pulls me right up against him, our naked sexes pressing against each other. We’re both panting now, and my lips find Billy’s and we kiss deep and hard! With his hands still cupped around my butt cheeks, I feel my jeans give way and slide down my legs. I take a moment to step out of them and I feel myself smile a silly smile as I nearly trip. Even in my dreams I’m a klutz!

“Oh, my God, Brandon! You have the smoothest, softest ass I’ve ever felt!” Billy moans into my ear as he presses me up tighter to him and proceeds to grind against me bringing me to my tippy-toes.

That almost made me wake up! I must have been right up close to it in my sleep! One false move and it would have been all over! But, the dream continued…Boy, did it continue!

As he kisses me, he begins probing the outside of my hole with his finger. This drives me insane! I feel myself lose my mind as I grab onto his marshmallow butt cheeks and twist my kiss into his face. We are both whimpering like hungry puppies as I feel myself raise my leg to wrap around Billy’s waist. I feel the heel of my foot nestle into the cleft of his gyrating butt and then feel myself lose my balance.

Billy deftly twists us in mid-fall so that my back lands on his bed with him pulled on top of me. With his full weight on me, the friction between our naked bodies gets stronger! Sensing an oncoming explosion, Billy tries to relax and not move as much. In my dream, he has the silliest half-smile on his face as his brown eyes sparkle.

“Ooops! I…almost…lost it…there! You’re just…too damned hot…Brandon!” He says between pants. His beautiful cheeks are flushed from the ‘hotness’, I guess. It is such a beautiful thing to see and I don’t even know where that vision could have come from! Billy just sets my imagination on fire!

“You think I’m hot now…” I hear my dream-self say with a lustiness I know I could only get into my voice in a dream. I wouldn’t have the courage to do it in waking life!

I wrap both legs around Billy’s back, exposing myself to him completely. He is already so hard and so long that I can feel him rubbing against my pucker. His instincts must take over because my dream has him humping against that hole and he hasn’t even penetrated me yet!

“Oh, God! Put it in, Billy! Pleeaaase!” I beg him, feeling an unbearable hunger to have him inside of me.

Fortunately in dreams, all the normal chores of lubing up and teasing things open aren’t necessary. Now that I’ve experienced, well, doing things to myself, I’ve learned the right things to do to make things more comfortable for me. In my dream, I am already nice and comfortable!

So, there is nothing to hold Billy back from plunging right in!

He enters my dream-self in one full push all the way to the hilt! All I can do is gasp as he makes me see stars as he hits my Love Button right square where it counts! I have to grab on to his shoulders to keep from falling backwards into oblivion!

“Ahhh, fuck! You’re so-o…tight!” Billy says in a strained voice while closing his eyes tight.

Immediately, he begins a vigorous pulling out and pushing in. He is like a man possessed and I can feel each stroke as it drags sensually against my insides! Some strokes he ends with a deep grind that presses against me in such a way as to prolong the ecstasy! Each thrust and grind pulls a short grunt or shout out of me!

I feel myself upward stroking to match his downward strokes as I try to angle him to hit me right in that sweet spot again and again. My gyrations only make Billy crazier and he begins to moan and groan with increasing volume as he pounds me harder.

Before long he is pressed on top of me with my legs wrapped high up his back grabbing him in a near death-grip. My ass is cocked up in the right position for him to drive deep and I feel the end of our dream will be over all too soon and I am right!

Unable to take anymore, my body gives out. It doesn’t help that my rock hardness has been beautifully stroked by the movements of Billy’s tummy while he loves me. I feel my orgasm start deep inside and I know this must have been where I was making a mess of things back in my waking world.

Sure enough, when I woke up I had made a mess in my pillow again. My poor pillow! Apparently, I’d slipped out of my underwear as I was dreaming and so my spillage could not be contained! Hehehe!

Billy, likewise, comes to his climax. I have no knowledge of what that actually feels like so I could only enjoy my dream’s reactions with his cries and whimpers of unbearable pleasure. I couldn’t actually feel anything myself.

I did wake up after that and felt the results of my latest wet dream, but there was a difference from this dream as opposed to others I’d had with Billy.

This time my heart was beating deeply with a beautifully sweet feeling. Usually, I will wake up from a wet dream with a fast racing heart and breathing hard. The body reacts the same way to things whether you are asleep or not. But, this heartbeat resonated! These breaths were longer and deeper!

I felt I’d really made love with Billy this time…at least in my dreams! That wasn’t just sex in my dream, that was lovemaking!

I really, really wish this dream could come true! All I can do is imagine what that would be like for real! If my dreams can be this vivid then how much better can the reality be?

This is Brandon…making imaginary love!