Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 23. Entry 23

Sunday

More Dad-like weirdness this morning…

After Mass we went to Jonathan’s, a nice restaurant down in Schaumburg near the Mall. We didn’t go alone either. We were joined by another family - the Richards family. They are another family that goes to our church, but I’ve never really gotten to know very well. Except for the passing nod to Michael and Victoria Richards, the two kids in the family, I haven’t had any real interaction with any of them.

Now, we’re having breakfast with them?

Of course, I was completely suspicious about the whole thing. You see, Mrs. Richards or, as my Dad calls her, ‘Marilyn’ is a single Mom! Yes, I know I said ‘Mrs.’ so I can only figure she’s a widow, I guess. Her two kids are still pretty young. Both look like they’re still in Elementary School. Michael might be twelve and Victoria might be eight. Both were well behaved, but very quiet. They looked as nervous as I felt! To make them feel better, I smiled at them both and that seemed to brighten them up a bit. They seem like nice enough kids.

It’s weird of me to think of folks younger than me as ‘kids’, but I guess they are as compared to me now. But then, I’m still considered a ‘kid’ to most adults, so…

Marylin was nice enough. She’s, kind of, tall for a lady. She’s taller than my Dad who is 5’9”, actually! She and my Dad were sitting together, but with a ‘respectful’ distance from one another. We were in chairs around a dining table. That didn’t play down my suspicions, though. I’m pretty sure this person is who has been making my Dad act ‘happy’ around the house!

They didn’t make any big announcements at breakfast or anything and my Dad really didn’t explain to me why we hung out with these people. He only said that they were ‘friends from church and that we should make more of those’. I didn’t press the issue either. I just acted like I accepted it for whatever it was and that is basically the truth of it. I don’t have much choice in the matter, do I?

Like I mentioned yesterday, it mixes me up a bit. I want my Dad to be happy and to be dating again because I know how alone he’s been these past few years. Then again, selfishly, I don’t want to have to adjust to a new person (or now I know it would be new persons since this Marilyn has two kids) living with us!

I also don’t want to have to resent someone I hardly know for trying to replace my Mama, but I’m just repeating myself from yesterday on that. I don’t know what’s going to come of this if anything. I don’t even know for sure that this Marilyn is the one that’s been causing my Dad to act funny.

All I know is that change is in the air! Something big is about to happen and I’m not sure what it is or if I’m ready for it!

This is Brandon in the dark.

Monday - Wednesday

Well, I’ve not had much to think about except school and my Dad and Marilyn for the past few days. I’ve been finishing projects and turning them in and that’s basically it. There’s been no Billy at all to talk to! No matter where I look, I can’t find him! I have to wonder if he’s hiding from me for some reason. I really must have pissed him off with my miserable attitude last Friday. I should call him and explain what was wrong with my Papa passing away and all. I don’t know why I don’t just do that. Why do I always get the nervous flutters when I think about calling Billy up? I mean, when we’re on the phone we can go for three hours straight without taking a breath! It isn’t like I should have anything to be shy about. It’s so stupid and confusing! I confuse myself so I can only figure I must confuse the shit out of poor Billy! He’s got to be losing interest in me by now. I know I would if I were him. ~sigh~ Oh, well…dammit!

Well, at least today (Wednesday) I had Stevie to have lunch with. He’s been hanging out with Benji this past week after school. His Mom’s been ragging on him about that since she considers Benji a ‘bad influence’ on Stevie. I mean…has his Mom taken a good look at Stevie lately? He’s got full on make-up now, a dyed black mop of hair with a purple stripe in it, he wears nothing but black tight clothes all the time, and leather bracelets with metal studs! If anyone can be considered a ‘bad influence’ it would be Stevie! I know better, but still. But, as compared to the athletically beautiful, but fairly ordinary, Benji…? I don’t get it and neither does Stevie which is why he says, and this is his own words: “Mom can fuck the hell off!”

There must be some mighty rows between Stevie and his Mom at their place, that’s all I can figure. Stevie is the ultimate rebel without a clue.

He’s not the only one without a clue. I wish Billy would give me one! I wish I could give him one. I wish we could just clear the air between us, fall in love, and live happily ever after!

This is Brandon the clueless.

Thursday

Whoa!

I just heard the most outrageous thing!

Billy got into a fight!

What’s more is he won that fight with a single punch to the chops! I’m so PROUD of Billy I could bust right now! Oh my friggin’ gawd!

So, I’m in the Library minding my own business and hoping that Billy will come find me when Bobby comes up to me. He’s all smiley and I have to wonder what’s got him so damned cheerful.

“Did you hear the news! Billy punched out the guy in gym class that’s been harassing us!” Bobby blurted.

“Ok? Is Billy alright? Which guy?” I asked and stuff.

“Billy’s more than alright! He’s, like, a hero! That Kyle asshole has been picking on us for weeks now! He just pushed Billy (literally) too far this time and Billy let him have it right in the grill! It was so awesome!” Bobby was just about bouncing on his toes at that point.

Kyle, hmmm. I don’t remember a Kyle. Sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to remember, actually. Bobby using the term ‘us’ with Kyle’s harassment got my blood up a bit. Who is this guy fucking with my Billy now? Does he need to keep his teeth in his head? Why was Bobby involved? What went on in that gym class? I asked the last one. I’m not sure I liked the answer very much.

“Kyle’s been ragging on Billy and me for being gay with each other! He kept saying we have a secret love affair going on or whatever. Up until yesterday, it had all been just name calling, but then Kyle had to go and get physical with us!” Bobby explained to my dismay.

“What did he do?” I had to know.

“He tried to get Billy and me to…dry hump or something while we were just in our underwear. He pushed us together to kiss, that sort of thing. It was…whatever, but that’s when Billy turned around and walloped Kyle right in his stupid face and knocked him on his ass!” I think I cringed at what Bobby was telling me. I doubt he could know the real reason why I was cringing! I’m sure he thought it was out of disgust for what Kyle had done to them, but that’s not really the case.

I had to wonder if there could be any truth behind any of Kyle’s accusations. Was he sensing something real going on between Bobby and Billy?

Why would I even think that? I know how homophobic and outrageous the guys in this school can be…especially in the gym. You put a bunch of sexually frustrated teenage guys together in a room half-naked or, worse, full-on nude and see what happens!

But, sometimes rumors can be true.

Have I lost Billy to Bobby already?

Have I waited too long and played just too hard to get?

Have I missed my chance at happiness?

Again, the same round of doubts and questions about Billy and me. I’ve got to resolve this.

I don’t think there’s time to pussyfoot around with this shit anymore. I have to tell Billy I love him or I’m sure to lose him soon!

I’d have told him something today…but, he wasn’t anywhere to be found! It dawned on me he had probably been suspended. Poor Billy! That’s so unfair! I SERIOUSLY HATE THIS SCHOOL!

This is Brandon the procrastinator…