Guardian - Prologue. Prologue

I wasn’t always alone, I had been pretty happy in my childhood. Every chance my parents got to sign me up for things, there I was doing tryouts or putting on a new uniform for cub scouts. I really enjoyed Soccer the most; don’t ask me why either cause honestly I think it was just because I enjoyed kicking the ball around. My dad would take me camping and my mother would gloat about my grades. I actually ended up becoming so bored in school that they put me in extra classes just to challenge me some more. As I grew older, I loved to write. I really enjoyed creating stories as a kid and for third grade I can still remember making a story about a wolf. I always had a fascination with the creature even as I grew up and never really knew why. However once my fourteenth birthday hit, I noticed something that was a little off.

When I say off, I literally mean like, why the hell don’t girls turn me on? While other guys chased after girls, I found myself not even bothering. It was like something was wrong with me. Don’t get me wrong, I attempted. I mean I tried dating, that lasted like a day. The girl was so mad at me I even ended up getting slapped for it. I won’t ever understand women sometimes. My mother would ask if there was a girl in mind, and I’d just shrug and mutter something incoherently. I mean would you tell her ‘no mom, in fact the last one I just so happened to date for a day slapped me’. Seriously, it's called embarrassment. I never found girls attractive, not even the really pretty ones where the other girls that were in the different clichés were like ‘OMG I love her hair I wish I had it.’

Ok, so I admitted I would never date one after that, but I did make some good girlfriends. Granted we didn’t talk about how Cindy looked hot, or they were jealous of her clothing. Or that Brad was drop dead gorgeous. I liked to talk more about books and what I was reading so instead, that’s what always fell from my lips. If it wasn’t books though, my eyes wandered at the males on our football team or the basketball team when they would practice. It never helped that I was part of the team. I would always take a sideward glance over at the girls who were always there to root for them, and of course my small group that seemed to always scream my name whenever I got a basket. That usually pissed off the coach.

After which once showers came, I wanted to really hide and escape. I tried to get my mind off it by going out for track, thinking that it would get my mind away from it. Boy could I be anymore wrong. I mean what was I thinking? That people in track didn’t shower either? Wrong. Realizing I had literally set myself up again for public showers, I ended up just waiting for them to finish before I went in and did my business. It always made me late for class.

It took me a year to find out that my sexuality wasn’t even close to the hetero that my mother was hoping to be. No. When I told my mother that I was gay, that’s when it went downhill, and not in a good way, if there ever was one. No I’m talking about like Jack and Jill falling down that stupid hill and not waking up until morning. I mean I didn’t want to wake up! Especially when the shunning began.I could say that was when i lost all my sanity, but let’s get real, that’ can’t happen all in one day. This took a few weeks, hell months. But in the long wrong. It really took everything else that made me, me.

It started when I got up for school the very next day. I was still running some things in my head from that night before, remembering my mother’s face, how disgusted she looked. My father had looked angry, angry to the point he wanted to possibly beat my head in. That is a really scary look to see on your dad ok? Anyways, once I got dressed, I headed downstairs. Well my mom didn’t even say good morning and my dad pretended as if I didn’t exist. I knew once i practically got the cold shoulder from them, all i could hope for was a better day at school. Then it hit me. I would have to tell my friends! How could I? Rejection from my own parents was hard enough and the more I thought about it the more i wanted to just disappear and hide. I was in a sour and sad mood when I got on the bus and didn’t talk to anyone. It was probably childish of me to not to but honestly I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. The rejection hurt enough and my mind began to wonder about what if they rejected me too! I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t handle rejection. I knew what others said about gays. I began to remember stories about some even getting beaten up for being that way. So maybe it wasn’t just rejection but also fear that clawed into my brain. Once I got to school, I tried to make it better. I didn’t want to tell them, so i just acted like myself. However that morning caught up to me, and apparently they could read me like a book. They started asking if i was ok and there it came again. The fear. I ended up snapping at them and just ignoring them for the rest of the day.

After that, the days began to blend and it was the same treatment. My father still had that same scowl on his face and my mother never stopped looking at me with disgust. I could barely even walk in the door or out without feeling their eyes of disapproval on me. It made my whole being hurt. When I would arrive home I would just go upstairs and attempt my homework; only to start crying in the middle of it. After about a week, they began giving me a list of chores to do; saying that in order to even eat with them, I had to finish it. Some were just retarded, like put the pens back in the drawer. Or even fix the quilts on the couch. I mean they were almost every day things that they could do and here I was supposedly their stupid maid. It was like they purposely made messes just for me to do it. I refused to do it, however I ended up doing it after three nights of no food.

Let’s not forget they had paid for my lunch at school. Once that ran out, I stopped eating lunch. I was lucky to have friends that would share. Even though they were still getting on my nerves since they could see my whole mannerisms had changed. I mean I was becoming emotionally drained at home and weekends just blew all in general. I was cleaning and doing stupid spring cleaning, usually on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet or floors from stains. Weeks went by and I soon found myself even pushing them away. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them, but their worry to me was like a mask. The fear was creeping up more and more the more they showed it and I just couldn’t take it anymore. My normal routine of coming in and bull-shitting with them became where I would go inside and go straight to my homeroom. They started asking me if I was ok, purposely finding me and trying to literally get me to talk. I remember feeling such fear that I finally snapped at them and told them to just leave me alone. It was a grave mistake, one I had to now live with.

My grades started to decline and during lunch I would sit in the library and just read. Books had always been my escape. I would get so wrapped up it them that often during my other classes I would daydream, wishing I live in that world. It was different there, and maybe I could get along better. Of course the day dreaming only got me in trouble really. I didn’t pay attention in class, and I only started to really show that i really could care less. What purpose was there to continue? No one would be proud of me if i got straight A’s. Hell even if i got Val-victorian. By the time I got home I was starving and would rush to finish what they gave me, just happy to be able to sit at the table and eat. It wasn’t always a lot. They would make just enough for two honestly and I would get like the smallest amount of food. It honestly felt like they were already excluding me from the family. I stopped track after the first year and didn’t bother doing it again. My couch was upset and expressed that I had the best 100 yard track record in school. However it wasn’t just my decision either. With my declining grades, I would have had to bring them up to even reconsider. I didn’t bother. I knew I would just become overly exhausted without proper nourishment.

I did, however, dread leaving school. I’m not talking about just for the weekend. Once my year was over, I was going to be stuck with the family that hated me until the next August. That alone made me want to escape after chores were done. However, that wasn’t the case. My dad would wake me up early and take me to his work which was at a nearby lumber mill. I was not made out to work there. My dad was a big guy, and he was the one that would ride the forklift. Me though? I got stuck pushing the lumber into the saw and those damn trunks were heavy. Not to mention i had to lift them up on the platform. They are not kidding when they say lift with your legs. I was lucky that he even let me eat lunch with him. Usually mom made dad a sandwich with an apple or an orange and then a large bottle of water. I got the last bit of the water which was hardly enough and maybe some of the apple or orange. The other men there didn’t even pay me any mind. I was just a kid who helped out.

Inside I was slowly rotting away. The job at the lumber mill got so hard for me I could barely keep up until my dad’s boss told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He offered to let me work in the office but my dad quickly refused it and just sent me home. Walking home was the longest trek I had done in my life. We lived 10 miles away from it. I swore on my walk home that my dad drove by me cause once I arrived home, he and my mother already had dinner. My body ached so bad and tears seemed to creep into my eyes. I just went upstairs, not even caring about the chores. They made no attempt to talk to me. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I earned my keep during the summer by working with my dad until i was pretty much fired, and helping my mom around the house with the yard work. It was never easy. Every morning I would wake up after being fired from dad’s job and begin to clean the house. My mom always had things to do and after she couldn’t find anything she just put me outside to work on the yard. There were flowerbeds to weed, grass to cut, mulch to lay. It never stopped. I didn’t eat all day until dinner and still barely got anything to even sustain myself. I was happy for one thing, and that was water. I drank so much of it kept me full most of the day.

By the time school started back up, I still fit into my old clothes, since my parents refused to buy me anymore. Honestly they were a bit big. I had lost so much weight during the summer. I didn’t receive any new supplies and a week before gathered my old ones that I hadn’t used all the way. It was depressing to say the least. I sat in my room looking at my old backpack that was already a little worn. My supplies that looked used. My pencils and pens. Even my binders. I don't think I slept good that night either.

The first day was the time that parents would come and meet all the teachers. No surprise that mine didn’t show up, and I just went alone. I tried not to watch everyone else but my heart ached for how it used to be. During breaks when the parents would talk to the teachers, I would go into the bathroom and just hide. I ended up doing that a lot. I would venture into my classes, greet the teacher and then just leave like a shadow. That day i probably spent 85% of my time hiding away in the bathroom or one of the halls that was not used much. I watched my old friends that tried to wave at me but I just ignored them and kept to myself and walked away. I could hear their hushed whispers of their parents. Sure, I probably wasn’t the only kid that didn’t have his parents there, but to me, they had someone. I saw grandparents, maybe uncles and aunts. Even foster parents perhaps?

The teachers would ask me where my family was and I just told them they were busy. They would then try and ask me about anyone else and usually I just made something up and walked away before they could stop me. For every class I tried to get a seat in the back, but it sucked when they already had a seating arrangement and I had gotten stuck in the front row. The first day put me through such emotional pain and by the end of the day when the bell rang; I left with tears streaming down my face. I hadn’t started to cry until i was sure i was away from prying eyes, my hood over my face to hide my eyes and my head down as I just looked at the ground. I had to walk home like always now since the bus routes had changed and I was too far away for one. Even the closest one was still 2 miles up the road but I didn’t bother.

Walking was like a solid medicine for me. During my walks, I’d think about what they had for me when I got home. It never really occurred to me that during the time I came out till that recent moment, my 15th birthday had just literally flown by. One day when I thought about it I literally stopped walking and ended up just sitting on the ditch on the side of the road, listening to cars drive by. A year had passed and I didn’t even remember my birthday. Had it been that bad for me? It went without saying that I had slowly stopped crying over everything. It felt like the tears just dried up and my care just went out the window. It was near the middle of the school year when I was walking home and I hadn’t realized that there was a stray dog following me.

I hadn’t really noticed it until I had stopped at a crosswalk waiting to cross and i turned to see it, simply staring at me. It was weird to see it just sitting there, looking at me as if it was expecting something. It started doing that every day, and it would wait for me by the end of the road where our school turned out into the main road. The more I looked at it, the more it began to made me curious. It was far too large to be a regular dog. Even a malamute wasn’t that big, and it sure wasn’t as fluffy. Not to mention its coat. I knew that some dogs did have red, like the huskies and such but this red, it looked too off coloring to really be just a dog.

One day I snuck a piece of meat from the fridge without my mom knowing and I took it with me on that day. Besides it was way early in the morning and my mom hadn’t even awoken yet. The dog sat there waiting for me like it had all week. The more I thought about it the more I wondered on why the dog even chose me to follower. I know animals have this weird sixth sense that they know when someone needs help or that they know they are dying. You know that whole thing. So I sat down next to the road, pulled out the meat and waited. When he got closer, I really took my time to gaze at him. His fur was all different shades of reds and deep browns. He had little white on him, maybe a bit on his paws. His eyes were a deep amber color. Those ears and face, there was no way he was even related to a husky or a malamute. As he got closer, he was just huge! I held out the meat for him and he seemed to hesitantly take it from my hand. He ate it right there.

That Monday I went to the library in the school and started looking at pictures. I vividly remember every detail of his fur and stature that when i simply googled ‘wolf’ iIbegan to compare it to the other ones i saw. However, his size dwarfed the ones i was looking up. Even the large half breeds he was definitely bigger. I got even more curious and for the sake of just that, I typed in dire wolf. When I saw the size comparison, that was it. An extinct subspecies of wolf, was literally following me around. I thought about it all day, hardly paying attention to really anything in class. I was too busy trying to figure out what else he could be. Maybe he had great dane? No that was stupid.

After school that day, I walked out to meet it and there it was. I remember smiling at him. I had been brainstorming about a name for him, and I wasn’t sure why, but the name Reid seemed perfect for him. More so because of his reddish fur. He didn’t walk far away from me anymore. He started to walk about two feet behind me, his head well above my waist when we stood and waited to cross the street at intersections.

The weeks went by,and though i had lost my friends due to my own doings, I seemed to have found another friend in the furry nature. Reid always would wait for me, in the usual spot. His tail would wag and I could remember every time i saw that bright fuzzy face of his how mine would light up as well. It had been a long time since I knew what happiness had been like. Having him around, it made my life just that much better. Once the months of school were coming to an end summer was once again just around the corner. I had barely passed my sophomore year.

During that summer, I went in search of a job, asking my parents if I could and promising to still help around the house. Honestly I didn’t want to stay around and work my damn ass off for nothing. Having a job could allow me to start buying my own clothes and even my own clothes and school supplies come time for the next year. My father wasn’t too happy about the idea; probably because he couldn’t drag me into his job really since apparently in his mind he thinks I can do any better. My mother must have talked him into it though, cause she all but pushed me out the door to start searching.

I was able to find a job at the nearby gas station, and of course while being a minor, I could only work a max of 20 hours a week. But even with like what, minimum wage, it wasn’t that bad when I had nothing but food and maybe some supplies to get. When I received my first pay check however, and brought it home, my mother took half of it, saying that it should cover my rent. My jaw dropped! Rent? I already did chores and still helped around the house and now because of this, she was taking half my damn money! It's not like we were poor. My dad did get a nice sum from the lumber mill so why the hell did they need my money? They wanted to start charging me so at 15 I was paying rent for my own room and doing my own food shopping, along with everything else. I was furious! With my following checks though, I got less angered. She had set up an amount that never changed, so even if they gave me extra hours ,I was able to keep that extra bit. So with that, I was able to save up more money. I already felt like a fucking college student. Ramen noodle and nothing but damn water.

I worked on buying a collar and a tag for Reid. I mean sure, he was a wolf and I’d probably have to like buy an extra large collar just fit around his massive next but why not? Maybe the collar would at least not let the animal control or anyone else not like hit him up or take him away. He was always around and when I would walk to work he’d show up and just follow me. Later on of course, I got him a nice black leather collar and a ID tag that said “Reid”. Just below that I put my name. When I went to put it on, all he did was look at me. The look he gave me was like something I had never seen before. There was such intelligence in his eyes. He didn’t seem to mind and maybe even smiled at me. The curl in his muzzle made me smile as well and then I felt his tongue lick my cheek . I gave a softly laugh and then wrapped my arms around his massive form, closing my eyes to really feel the comfort he gave me.

My 16th birthday wasn’t all that great; but it at least was much better than the one I had skipped, that being my 15th of course I had gone into work on my off day, greeting one of my co-workers while I bought some of the donuts for myself. I was looking at the different beef jerky and decided on just an original flavor for Reid. Once back outside, he and I sat at the curb and I opened up the back fully and then placed it down for him to eat it. I munched a bit on my donuts while humming the ‘happy birthday’ song to myself.

Reid joined in with his own howl and trying to take a nibble on my last donut which I laughed at and just let him have it, allowing him to lick my fingers. I had been sitting there for a while and apparently my loitering got the attention of a cop. When he approached me and asked what i was doing, I didn’t lie. When he looked at Reid, he could feel the wolf getting antsy. He asked me how far I was away from home and he wasn’t too happy on the answer. I frowned and stood, knowing that since curfew was becoming close, he would have to take me home. Reid of course didn’t get in the car, but instead ran off before the cop could open the door for him. I figured he just didn’t like cars. I was taken back to my house and lectured how loitering could be potentially dangerous with the hooligans out. . After he left, I don’t think I would have ever known what happened. Because all I remember is blacking out.