Trillion Dollar Family (contest)

This is my first review on the new system. First off I enjoyed your story tremendously. I read it straight through. 

I love good Science Fiction.  Heinlein, Asimov and Bradbury are some of my heroes. I would also say I am an avid fan of Mark Arbour. So it's not just Sci Fy I enjoy.

A story has to interest me early on, by the first chapter at least. Your's grabbed me right away. There were things I would have done differently, maybe change a subplot or explore it further. But, that would have NOT made the story better. Just different.

Now for the not so good parts: 

I sometimes have difficulty sorting out the dialogue when two people speak in the same paragraph. (Don't hesitate to use the return key.)

I found some transitions were a little rough, going from one setting to another and advancing time.

Now, IMHO:

Some lead characters could have been fleshed out better.

"Coincidentally meeting" old lovers cousin, old lover, Officer he assaulted, his Admiral being his sons, girlfriends father.  

I had had the feeling you grew tired near the end.

Bottom line is I enjoyed it and may check back again in hopes that you will have explored these characters and settings further.

Thanks for sharing,

jim