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Trillion Dollar Family (contest)

   (1 review)
Sub-genres: Suspense, Soft Sci-Fi

Sometimes, life just sucks. Jared Warren knows this better than anyone. His 'loving' marriage has had thirteen long, long years to explain it to him. In detail. But when the choice between an experimental life-saving procedure and dying comes up, he doesn't hesitate. After all, he has to protect his kids!

Copyright © 2010 Rilbur; All Rights Reserved.

Story Recommendations

  • Action Packed 0
  • Addictive/Pacing 0
  • Characters 0
  • Chills 0
  • Cliffhanger 0
  • Compelling 0
  • Feel-Good 0
  • Humor 0
  • Smoldering 0
  • Tearjerker 0
  • Unique 0
  • World Building 0

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Table of Contents
  • P. Prologue
    • 1,155 Words
    • 2,253 Views
    • 0 Comments
  • 1. Chapter 1
    • 4,567 Words
    • 1,819 Views
    • 1 Comments
  • 2. Chapter 2
    • 5,063 Words
    • 1,395 Views
    • 2 Comments
  • 3. Chapter 3
    • 4,649 Words
    • 1,427 Views
    • 0 Comments
  • 4. Chapter 4
    • 6,793 Words
    • 1,516 Views
    • 0 Comments
  • 5. Chapter 5
    • 5,618 Words
    • 1,493 Views
    • 1 Comments
  • 6. Chapter 6
    • 4,384 Words
    • 1,439 Views
    • 1 Comments
  • 7. Chapter 7
    • 5,574 Words
    • 1,702 Views
    • 0 Comments
  • 8. Chapter 8
    • 4,615 Words
    • 1,460 Views
    • 0 Comments
  • 9. Chapter 9
    • 4,333 Words
    • 2,045 Views
    • 4 Comments

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sojourn

  

This is my first review on the new system. First off I enjoyed your story tremendously. I read it straight through. 

 

I love good Science Fiction.  Heinlein, Asimov and Bradbury are some of my heroes. I would also say I am an avid fan of Mark Arbour. So it's not just Sci Fy I enjoy.

 

A story has to interest me early on, by the first chapter at least. Your's grabbed me right away. There were things I would have done differently, maybe change a subplot or explore it further. But, that would have NOT made the story better. Just different.

 

Now for the not so good parts: 

 

I sometimes have difficulty sorting out the dialogue when two people speak in the same paragraph. (Don't hesitate to use the return key.)

 

I found some transitions were a little rough, going from one setting to another and advancing time.

 

Now, IMHO:

 

Some lead characters could have been fleshed out better.

 

"Coincidentally meeting" old lovers cousin, old lover, Officer he assaulted, his Admiral being his sons, girlfriends father.  

 

I had had the feeling you grew tired near the end.

 

Bottom line is I enjoyed it and may check back again in hopes that you will have explored these characters and settings further.

 

Thanks for sharing,

jim

 

 

Link to review
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