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RIP - Comicality
    Ron
  • Ron
  • Author
  • 09/03/2014
  • 27 Words
  • 715 Views
  • 12 Comments
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Lines and Squiggles Resembling Poetry - 2. Tanka No. 1

Poetry Prompt 1

Cool air against skin

Beats sweat and miserable,

And yet I miss air

Could this be so substantial,

Be worth the price of the heat.

First ever Tanka. What do you think?
2014 R.L. Hunter; All Rights Reserved
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Valkyrie
  • Site Administrator

I'm not knowledgeable enough to judge its form, but I enjoyed it. I agree 100% with your first two lines. Those days aren't far away.

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Irritable1

Whee! I'm struggling with the meaning of the middle line, but the last two are really nicely balanced, Ron, very musical.

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Ron
On 09/04/2014 08:34 AM, Valkyrie said:
I'm not knowledgeable enough to judge its form, but I enjoyed it. I agree 100% with your first two lines. Those days aren't far away.
I think I captured the technical if not the purity of the thing. I am glad you enjoyed it, Valkyrie.
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Ron
On 09/04/2014 09:03 AM, Irritable1 said:
Whee! I'm struggling with the meaning of the middle line, but the last two are really nicely balanced, Ron, very musical.
The poem is about summer and air-conditioning. The middle (3rd) line is about missing a real breeze as opposed to the manufactured one of the first two lines and followed by two lines of wondering if fresh air is important enough for the cost of the second line. Blame my aversion to heat with humidity for this.

 

Thank you for the compliment, Irri.

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Aditus

Okay so I cheated by reading your response to Irri's comment. I'd never dared to say I actually thought of air-condition when I read this. LOL Very good, Ron.

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Jaro_423

Wow! Loved in, Ron! You did a great job there and the meaning was very clear to me. Thanks. I really want to try doing some Tanka too - sounds like a dance! Haha!

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Ron
On 09/04/2014 04:49 PM, Jaro_423 said:
Wow! Loved in, Ron! You did a great job there and the meaning was very clear to me. Thanks. I really want to try doing some Tanka too - sounds like a dance! Haha!
Do, do, do, do-do, do-do, do the Tanka! Extra points if you recognize the tune, Jaro.

Thank you for reviewing my little ditty.

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Ron
On 09/04/2014 04:36 PM, aditus said:
Okay so I cheated by reading your response to Irri's comment. I'd never dared to say I actually thought of air-condition when I read this. LOL Very good, Ron.
We've been in the 80's and up recently and Godawful humidity--I thought it an appropriate subject to work with. Glad to see the comment, Aditus. Thank you.
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Ron
On 09/04/2014 10:42 PM, nostic said:
That was nice. Mind if i opened the window for you?
:great: Thanks for the compliment, Nostic.
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Percy

I did guess a/c but I wasn't sure! I pictured myself as a kid in South Carolina on those days I wanted to lay on the shag carpet in the a/c, bored beyond belief, rather than go outside. Good job!

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Ron
On 09/07/2014 03:19 AM, Percy said:
I did guess a/c but I wasn't sure! I pictured myself as a kid in South Carolina on those days I wanted to lay on the shag carpet in the a/c, bored beyond belief, rather than go outside. Good job!
One of the greatest transitions from cold to heat and humidity that I've ever experienced, was when traveling from Ohio in February, to Miami and Florida during a heat spell. When the sliding glass doors from the airport slid open, I felt like I walked into a wall of moisture. It was stunning. I don't wish a lack of a/c on anyone living down south.

 

 

Thanks for reading, and the compliment, Percy.

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