First Night Seduction - 12. Part 3 Chaper 1

 

Theo took in a huge gulp of air, he’d done it. And as he’d predicted it was the look he’d been given which had been the worst of it.

When they’d both run out of words Theo had asked if it would be better for him to leave, a simple, single, nod had told him yes.

His forehead rested on his hands that currently held the car’s steering wheel as if he was a drowning man holding onto some random piece of flotsam. And he was, he was drowning in an ocean of grief and despair, he wept, his shoulders heaving with the great racking sobs his deep sorrow brought.

Behind his tears there was a moment of relief, it was over, the lying, the hiding, all of it and that in itself brought on another tidal wave of sobbing. For him to feel that relief had meant causing pain to someone he loved dearly – and always would.

“I’m so sorry,” he’d whispered as a final farewell.

Li-anne hadn’t been looking at him, she was staring out of their bedroom window although the night would show her nothing of the garden it overlooked; in her reflection Theo had seen she was holding the knuckles of her right hand to her mouth as if holding her words, her sobs, inside.

Theo had taken leaden steps to the garage, apart from collecting his personal possessions he would not return here. This house and their chalet in the French Alps had been signed over to Li-anne weeks ago, there was also more money than anyone could spend in a trust-fund for her. He wanted no protracted divorce negotiations and he doubted Li-anne would either; if the marriage was over better it be legally so sooner rather than later.

There was a room booked for him at a small, backwater, place around twenty minutes away but Theo was in no state to drive. He took out his mobile and, having wiped his eyes a few times in order to see the screen, he wrote a text,

“Roger, need driving to The Plough a.s.a.p. meet at the garage.”

 

It didn’t take long for his favourite driver to jog from his home near the gates,

“Wassup boss?” he enquired as he got to the car, a vintage Bentley, Theo was now leaning against.

Theo pressed his fingers to his eyes and sighed deeply before he spoke,

“Li-anne and I are getting divorced.”

“No! But why boss? Sorry none of my business but fuck! I thought you guys were solid, you know.”

“Look, Rog, I can’t get into it now, I need to talk to the family first. Just get me to The Plough for now. I’ve told Lily I’ll be incommunicado for a while.”

“Not a problem boss, come on sooner we get you there the sooner you can wrap yourself round the best part of a bottle of Kilbeggan, I’m sure there’s one in the back, to soothe your nerves. A hangover’s pretty good at taking your mind off your troubles for a while,” Roger told him as he slipped into the driver’s seat.

Theo had stayed at The Plough for a few days before taking up residence at the apartment his company owned in the next town. By the end of that month Li-anne had agreed to the settlement he’d offered, she’d even argued that the money was too much but Theo had insisted she take it; against his legal advice he’d written to her.

“Please Li-anne, accept the trust-fund as it stands, without your unwavering support these past years I would never have been as successful as I’ve become……You deserve this money, I need to know that you have the means to enjoy life, whatever time may bring to you.

I hope life brings you happiness and contentment but above all, love.

If ever you need me, for whatever reason, you will always be able to reach me.

I will love you my whole life Li-anne but I am truly sorry that how I love you will never be enough.

Yours,

Tx

. . . .

Theo had his elbows on his desk, his head held in his hands as he’d thought about the night he’d told Li-anne his personal truth and about the conversation he’d just had with the two men sitting opposite him and sighed heavily,

“What do you need me to do?”

This wasn’t supposed to happen, not now so long after he’d walked away from the world these two men represented; now here it was biting him on the arse. Biting a chunk out of the life he’d fought so hard to have even before he’d met and married Adrien. That had been the icing on the cake and now someone was threatening to destroy it all and Adrien didn’t have a clue that a wrecking ball was heading their way.

In all their years together Theo had kept what he regarded as his ‘real’ life entirely separate from those things he’d done that neither Li-anne nor anyone else outside of what these men brought back into his sphere needed to know. He’d been exceptionally good at what he’d done at the request of others, as a specialist in the field brought in to complete jobs that officialdom could not be connected with. It had been then when he’d collected about him the team of men he relied on, trusted beyond all others save Adrien – but then he’d never told Adrien about this although that had also to keep him safe.

And now, as with Li-anne, Theo faced seeing the shock of revelation writ large on Adrien’s face; but this time he wouldn’t be telling someone there was something about himself he couldn’t deny he would have to admit that there were things in his past he’d voluntarily done. Things not everyone would understand.

Adrien!

All three men looked towards the study door having heard the commotion beyond it.

“Fuck!” Theo spat as he looked up.

Adrien was supposed to be in surgery until late afternoon it was why Theo had arranged to take this meeting here at The Vicarage, away from prying eyes and these men should have been long gone before Adrien came home.

“It’s my frigging house! Joe what do you mean you’ll get clearance? Where the hell is Theo?”

Just as Adrien had fought his homosexuality, to stop it ‘intruding into his life’ as he’d said to Theo the night they’d met so Theo had done everything he could to protect his world – and top of that list was Adrien.

“Let him in,” one of Theo’s visitors muttered into his radio.

At the front door an unknown man had been blocking his entry as Joe had tried to appease Adrien. Suddenly he stepped aside and Joe strode alongside Adrien to the study door where he held up a hand to stop Adrien going further as he knocked,

“Mister Jepson, it’s Joe, the Professor’s here.”

“Come in,” they heard Theo reply.

Joe opened the door but didn’t step inside he merely waited until Adrien had and closed it again, although he didn’t move away from it; he turned to face the three men at the front door. They had it open, one standing in the doorway looking out the others flanking it looking in the same direction; if any threat presented from the front all three would be inside with it closed in under five seconds – well they would if Joe had trained them, if any threat came to the rear, where more security ‘specialists’ were posted, it would make for an easy exit for the four men in the study to the two cars waiting on the drive.

“Theo what the frigging hell’s going on? First I can’t park at the door thanks to two stonking great SUV’s then I’m told in no uncertain terms that I can’t enter my own home and Joe’s telling me he’ll get clearance. He’ll get clearance, he’s the head of your frigging security for fuck’s sake!”

Only when his rant was over did Adrien finally realise that he and Theo were not alone. He quickly took at the two men, classic men-in-grey-suits of a thousand bad espionage films and the haggard look Theo now had.

“Theo, would you care to introduce our guests?” Adrien asked, sounding as if he didn’t really want to hear the answer.

“Gentlemen, let us have this room,” Theo said, his tone brooked no argument.

The two men stood and passed Adrien wordlessly on their way to the door.

“Sit down Adrien,” Theo said heavily, “there’s something you need to know.”

“Theo start talking or my head’s going to explode, I’m imagining all sorts of things over here,” he replied as he took one of the now vacant seats.

“Just a sec love,” Theo said as he went to the drinks cabinet in the corner behind his desk.

He poured a very generous measure of Kilbeggan Irish whiskey into a large cut-crystal tumbler and an equally large one of Grey Goose vodka into another, dropping Adrien’s usual couple of ice cubes into it. This alone would’ve worried Adrien, they rarely indulged in anything so heavy-duty so early in the day.

“I think we’re going to need these.” Theo told Adrien offering him the vodka as he leaned against the front of the desk, setting his own glass on it beside him, “Do you remember the night we originally exchanged our rings?”

“In vivid detail.”

“Do you recall there was a subject I didn’t want to talk about and you said we need never discuss it?”

“Ye-es,” Adrien answered warily.

“Well now we do.”

“Theo who are those men?”

“They’re from MI10.”

“Excuse me?”

“A branch of the secret service.”

“And what do they have to do with you?”

“Let’s just go back to our betrothal night. Do you actually remember what you said and why when the topic I wanted to avoid cropped up?”

“Yeah, more or less, you wrong-footed me, got me to say we were engaged because you took the conversation down a different path, and I said you should’ve worked for the . . .” he stopped and suddenly realised where this particular conversation was heading.

The two men looked at each other for long moments saying nothing as understanding slowly dawned for Adrien. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened,

“You really did?” he gasped.

Theo nodded.

“When?”

“Can’t say.”

“If you can’t say why are we talking now?”

“I can’t give you specifics love but I’ve been given permission to tell you what they’ll allow you to know.”

“Which is?”

“That I’ve been what’s euphemistically called an occasional field operative, it means I was free to run my life as I saw fit, gave me the perfect cover to do what was sometimes needed because I could visit places under the guise of my business.”

“Is it why you took so long to come out?”

“No, not exactly, my employers, for the want of a better word, knew, well I admitted to being bi-sexual, in part it’s why I was recruited.”

“Hang on, one of our secret service departments recruited you despite you not being straight? Wouldn’t that leave you open to all sorts of possible blackmail scenarios? What aren’t you telling me?”

Theo looked at his feet and again heaved a sigh,

“Kurva!” Theo spat in a hissing breath

He had many languages in which to dish out expletives – most of them from the former Soviet Bloc.

“I was recruited when I was in my final year at university, yes glasnost and all that was starting to happen then but even now love things are not what they may seem. My degree was in business and modern languages and apparently I impressed one of their, well a recruiter.”

“You were top of your class, I know you were.”

“I suppose that may have had something to do with it but it wasn’t the main reason.”

“Do I want to hear this?”

“She was supposed to be a visiting lecturer, not as part of my course but we met through one of the on-campus study groups. And yes we became lovers.”

Adrien dropped his head, a cold sweat erupted all over his body, he swallowed the bile rising in his gullet and washed it down with almost half of his vodka and instantly wished he hadn’t.

“Go on,” he whispered.

Theo never moved as, over the next some minutes, he explained that he’d been trained in many things both in and outside of the bedroom. Had used what he’d learned whenever the call came and had never told Li-anne what he was now telling Adrien, had never needed to.

“I was a part of what the press call honey-traps, I smuggled people in and out of countries, I was sometimes required to do more.”

“You, you said you set up honey traps, was that as in blackmailing people or collecting pillow-talk or both?”

“Both, but I didn’t just set them up Adrien, I was an active part of them. There are more men like us out there who fear exposure than you could guess, any number of women too.”

“I’m starting to get the picture, but if you’d told them, if they asked you to, why didn’t you come out?” Adrien huffed, not able to express the thoughts he’d had about the man he thought he knew – and loved.

“Adrien, like most of us, like you told your parents, I knew I was gay by the time puberty hit and also like you I couldn’t, back then, face the consequences of being open about it in my everyday life. Li-anne loved me, I loved her, I believed I could subsume my real nature for her, give myself an ordinary, normal, life. The perfect cover for when I eventually said goodbye to the other stuff.”

“Oh. My. God.!” Adrien gasped, “You’ve been living a lie for over thirty years, you still are!” he yelled, suddenly standing up to face Theo, pointing a finger at him, “I’m living a lie!”

“No, sweetheart, I swear I left it behind me years before we met, before I came out. And it has never intruded on my business or, more importantly, personal life since . . . until today.”

Adrien could feel himself shaking as he did before any major surgery, knowing this time he had no way to use the adrenaline rush that was causing it. He began to pace the study, taking occasional slugs of his drink.

Theo gave him time to inwardly digest what he now knew, little though that may be, the one thing he wouldn’t allow was for Adrien to leave the room until they’d thrashed this out.

“Adrien, please, listen to me. Nothing, absolutely nothing, about me, our life, the way I feel about you, has changed. You simply know more about me.

Adrien stopped his prowling to look at Theo,

“It’s that simple to you is it?”

Theo shook his head,

“Life’s never simple love, we all have history, baggage, I just left some of mine in a locker years ago. Now someone needs me to get it out again.”

“What was the more you mentioned?”

“I, I’ve,” it was Theo’s turn to hesitate.

“Have you killed people?” Adrien gasped.

Theo nodded.

“Fucking hell!” Adrien yelled, looking aghast, “I share my home with an assassin?!”

Theo nodded again.

Adrien made as if to sit on the chair he’d vacated but sprang up immediately, unable to stay still.

“Theo I have no way to deal with this, the sweet, gentle, kind man I thought I knew who I believed I loved just evaporated in front of me and I’ve been left with some sort of, of clone.” Adrien’s voice was rising with every word, “You look like the man I married, you sound like my husband but you sure as hell don’t fucking feel like him anymore.”

Adrien raised his arms out to his sides then allowed them to fall,

“What a fucking cliché, I was seduced by someone who’s done it for a living, well if they want you back I can give you a frigging brilliant reference, you’ve certainly not lost your touch. How dare you make me live a lie? How dare you make me think I had something so special it was perfect? How dare you break my fucking heart?”

Adrien threw the last of his drink down his throat and slammed the glass onto the desk next to Theo’s. He looked the man he still loved but felt was no longer there in the eye and hissed,

“I’m leaving, ask Lily to email me privately to let me know when I can come back, although I’m not sure that I’ll ever want to now.”

“Adrien, please let me explain, I’m not some psychopath. What would you have said if I’d told you I’d been a soldier, had killed people in the line of duty? How would you feel about that?” Theo tried to touch the sleeve of Adrien’s jacket but the look Adrien gave him stayed his hand.

“That’s different, a soldier has people shooting at him, he’s defending himself.”

“Not always love, and what makes you think people weren’t trying to kill me? Adrien I was involved in the darkest levels of keeping safe the ones I loved and it was a dirty business sometimes but mostly my job was to gather information by any means necessary and I was very good at it. Unfortunately it seems someone out there is offering to steal what’s called a KOTH List, Known Only To Handler, it’s a detailed list of agents their working names, their personal histories, where they’ve worked, every last detail of their lives, it would put a lot of people in deadly danger Adrien. It needs to be stopped.”

“Are you on it, the list?”

“Not now, no. That’s why they’ve come to me. If there’s any possibility the thief has gained any information whatsoever I won’t be in it. The intervening years have made me invisible, I’m not the only one from my time who’ll be working on this but I happen to be in the best position to take on certain aspects of it. I told you the night we met that one of my business interests is able to undertake security checks on prospective employees, through that I can start tracking the thief.”

“I don’t get it, why the hell can’t the people at MI10 or whoever do that?”

“Because we aren’t supposed to exist, have never supposed to exist, all our jobs had plausible deniability, if the service raises a finger to hunt down the thief it gives credence to the existence of the list. While-ever we can keep those for whom such a list would be invaluable guessing as to it being an actuality I, my team, can hunt down the little bastard who started this. It could start an unbelievably complex international incident if it gets out Adrien. I cannot say no, would you have me leave people who work for all of us in danger? This time love I’m looking for your compassion, for me.”

“You expect me to have compassion for a killer?”

“No, Adrien, sweetheart, for me, the man you married, the man who loves you to distraction,” Theo pulled in a deep breath, desperately trying to find the words to explain.

 

He stood up and faced Adrien, looking at him, hoping to find some remnant of what Adrien once felt for him on which to re-build what they’d shared.

“The people whose lives I ended, I didn’t pick them randomly,” he huffed, “I didn’t pick them at all, but every one of them had proved to be a threat to what we often call our way of life. Each one of them had already been responsible for more deaths than I alone could ever be. How does that make me any different to a soldier on the battlefield?”

Theo stepped a little closer to Adrien, desperately wanting to hold him, reassure him that nothing had changed about his feelings for him, tell him that he was sorry his old life had come back to haunt him.

“Because, well,” Adrien paused trying to explain his feelings to himself before he could do the same for Theo, he dropped into a chair, his head drooping forward “I don’t know, it just is,” he ended lamely still looking at the floor.

“Please love look at me, give me a chance to explain, please,” Theo knelt in front of him placing his hands on Adrien’s knees - at least he hadn’t flinched away from the touch and that gave Theo a little hope.

“Go on,” Adrien replied in a whisper.

“I spent my summer after graduation at what you’d think of as spy-school. Even then my cover was being built, my parents got regular updates from me as I supposedly travelled around Europe on an old-fashioned gap-year unhindered by mobiles and the internet.”

So began Theo’s desperate attempt to bring Adrien back to him. Adrien listened in silence to every word not yet ready to either speak to or look at Theo. It took almost half an hour for Theo to explain what he could.

“They quickly found I had a particular skill and mind set I could slip into easily, my dominant nature, they developed that, taught me how to employ it to my advantage. I swear to you love I have never taken a life easily or even willingly, and I’ve taken very few.”

 

 

Adrien swallowed, he could feel Theo slipping away from him, the one he loved. His stomach was in knots, his eyes stung with tears but most of all he simply felt numb. A simple, seemingly innocent, comment made on one of the happiest nights of his life was coming to life and he could do nothing to stop it.

“My personal M.O.,” Theo continued, “was always to try to deliver the target to those far higher up the food chain and that eventually led to me taking on another role. The one I need to return to now. The one I held for most of my time in the service. It was a form of gathering intelligence, an extension of the thing they originally trained me for and that’s what you recognised on the second happiest night of my life, the night you asked me to marry you,” Theo paused and risked alienating Adrien even more by putting his hands to his face, bringing Adrien’s head up to look in his eyes, “I love you Adrien, I know I may have lost you but I meant every word of what I said when I put your wedding ring on your finger there will never be an end to my love for you. It’s because I love you that I’ve been fighting to be allowed to talk to you, I couldn’t simply disappear without it.”

“Fighting?” Adrien mouthed, his brows slightly furrowed.

“Yes, today is not the first time I’ve met with my colleagues,” Adrien immediately picked up on the word, he’d lost this battle before he even knew there was one to be fought, Theo had already agreed to do whatever they’d asked of him, “before you I would’ve had no problem saying yes without thinking about it but now? No. This is the only thing I’ve kept from you love, in truth I had to. But if I’m destined to lose you then I at least had to have the guts to do it face-to-face, I hope to god you can forgive me for not saying anything before but I promise you it was as much for your safety as mine. I never thought what I did then would ever intrude on what we have now and I hope to fuck that we still have it. Look at it this way, I was basically a part-time civil servant.”

In the moment Adrien’s brows again furrowed at Theo’s description his husband leaned forward and pressed his lips to Adrien’s, he froze at the touch of someone he was already beginning to see as a stranger then he heard Theo’s moan of longing, smelt his personal cologne and felt Theo’s tongue sweep lightly over his mouth and he all but sagged into Theo’s kiss.

He opened his mouth and did the same to Theo, remembering all the things he loved about him and suddenly he was pulling Theo even closer. It hit him that their kiss had a different tang and he realised Theo was crying, the thought allowed his own tears to fall.

When their lips parted Adrien looked at Theo with sadness and regret,

“The night we got engaged I told you something, I told you to never scare me like that again and you just did,” Adrien dropped his head to Theo’s shoulder, “Oh god Theo how many times do I have to lose you to keep you?”

“You’ve never lost me sweetheart, but I know the pain a conversation like this can bring and the loss; and while I can handle the pain the loss would’ve been unbearable. Please tell me you still want me, love me.”

Adrien’s body shuddered as he breathed out,

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? What the hell have you got to be sorry about?”

“For speaking without thinking. For saying what I said.”

“Hey, in comparison to what I was expecting I got off lightly. But there’s one more thing you need to know.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Ok, so two things. The first being that you need to do something and unfortunately you cannot say no.”

“Which is?”

Theo held out a hand as he stood up, Adrien took it and they walked to the far side of the desk where Theo asked him to sit as he took several sheets of paper from a drawer.

“You have to sign these.”

Adrien saw the royal crest at the top of the first one and the words,

“Official Secrets Act”

immediately below it.

“I’m afraid that if you don’t it could be used to arrest you for treason, when you have it will be an act of treason to talk about it to anyone but me.”

Adrien picked up a pen but his hand trembled and he didn’t immediately sign it,

“If I do this does it mean you can come home after?”

“Yes.”

There was no more hesitation,

Professor A. E. Leadbeater-Jepson

he signed at the bottom of the four documents.

“You didn’t read them.”

“What’s the point? It’s not like I can negotiate the terms.”

“Adrien, until I get back you’ll have a protection detail from my own team, you won’t know them, you won’t see them but believe me you will never be in danger.”

“When do you leave?” Adrien asked again.

“Tomorrow.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know.”

“Days, weeks?”

Theo reacted to neither word.

“Months?!”

“I truly don’t know love.”

“Oh hell Theo, this is going to be bad, I just know it is.”

“Then I’ll make it easier for you, I’ll tell them I won’t do it.”

This was the only way Theo could really be sure Adrien had reached some level of acceptance.

“No, if you’ve fought to tell me what I now know you’ve already agreed. Just do what you have to and come home safe.”

Adrien stood up and embraced Theo.

“Thank-you sweetheart. This heart of mine you repaired was about to break and there would be no coming back from that for me.”

“Mr. Jepson your other guest has arrived,” they heard Joe say as he knocked on the door.

“Oh fuck! I’d forgotten about her.”

“Her?”

“Yeah, what happens next has to have the highest sanction, although not in writing.”

“Theo who’s the she?”

Another knock came at the door,

“Come in,” Theo called quietly.

Another nameless man held open the door and a familiar figure joined them.

“Good afternoon gentlemen, shall we sit down?” the woman said in a business-like manner as she offered her hand first to Theo then Adrien.”

“Adrien, this is,”

“Drusilla Lincoln Secretary of State and all that,” the woman interjected offering her hand to Adrien.

“A pleasure to meet you,” Adrien replied, shocked to the core by her presence.

“Given the circumstances I doubt that very much Professor, I was appraised that you had unexpectedly arrived before myself but we work with what we have. I take it you have signed the Act?”

“Just now,” Theo informed her.

“Good, well pour us all a drink Theo, looks like I’m one behind already.”

Adrien could never be sure when he looked back at that afternoon but this was probably the moment things became very surreal for him.

“Erm, I have no idea how to,” he began.

“Drusilla will do Adrien, I may call you Adrien?”

“Yes, erm, no problem.”

They talked as they drank, this time Theo had poured smaller but perfectly acceptable measures into the glasses.

“I’m sorry Adrien but I have to ask you to leave your husband and I to it,” Drusilla told him as she drained her glass some time later.

Adrien found himself being inordinately pleased at her words, yes Theo was his husband and now, he was certain, would remain so.

The two men walked to the door, Adrien taking hold of Theo’s hand, weaving their fingers together,

“I won’t be long,” Theo murmured as he gently cupped Adrien’s face with his other hand when they stopped at the door, “will I find you’re still here when they’ve all gone?”

“Yes,” Adrien whispered.

“Thank fuck for that,” he huffed, “I’ll see you upstairs,” Theo said a second before their lips met.

Outside the study Adrien looked at Joe,

“It’s a lot to process Professor, why don’t we go and get a brew going?”

Adrien nodded, looking as if he was in a stupor, and followed the other man to the kitchen.

“Sit down lad, I’ve no doubt you’re in shock. Tea or Theo’s coffee?”

“Coffee please,” Adrien huffed as he sat at the kitchen table.

“Here’s what I know, well what I can say,” Joe began as he filled the kettle, “we first met Theo when he’d been contracting for the company for about two going on three years or so. We were a bit sceptical, him being young and fairly green but by god he knew his stuff.” he set the kettle to boil and went on to measure coffee into the caffetiéres, “From the first day in the field with him he proved himself to be a man worth following. I don’t know much of what he needed to do when he was alone with the subject but we all heard rumours, didn’t believe most of them because we knew he was married. That’s why I think it came as more of a shock to him when he came out than it did for us. Made sense of a lot of the jobs he did. And he did them very well. He’s carried this for you and Li-anne for virtually all of his adult life Adrien cut him some slack son that was some bollocking you gave him.”

“It’s ok Joe, we’re good. It was the shock, I spoke without thinking I’ve apologised for it.”

Joe stood leaning against the sink looking at Adrien, a slight smile on his face shaking his head,

“You apologised?” he huffed a short laugh, “He tells you whatever it is he was able – and the way you went off on one means, well I think we both know what it means – and he gets the apology. Didn’t expect that.”

“He didn’t say anything designed to hurt me Joe but I went for the heart, and believe me I know how to find it.”

“Never mind that now, it’s already in the past, you need to work out how you’re going to have a future.”

“With him, Joe, if he still wants it.”

“Why wouldn’t he? The bloke’s crazy about you.”

“Because of what I said, he knows how vicious I can be.”

“Nah, if you want vicious I’ll introduce you to my first wife,” Joe chortled.

As they’d talked Joe had carried on making the coffee, he poured a mugful for Adrien and set it on the kitchen table in front of him but not before adding a decent slug of brandy.

“Here you go, get that down you.”

“I reckon I’ve already had a couple of double vodkas.”

“So? You planning on driving anywhere?”

“No but I need to think Joe.”

“Go and think then, they’ll be a while yet, it takes a bit of planning does plausible deniability.”

“I’ll be upstairs if he, well I’ll be upstairs.”

“I’ll tell him.”

Adrien picked up the mug, regardless of the alcohol in it and dragged himself to their bedroom.

“How is he?” Theo asked Joe over an hour later after all their visitors had left.

“Hard to say boss, hurt, shocked, remorseful, curious but I reckon he’s feeling real lonely, I mean he’s just found out that he’s the only one around here who hasn’t been in the service.”

“That coffee done?”

“Yep, take two mugs with ya boss, he took a mugful with him but if he hasn’t drunk it it’ll be stone cold by now.”

Theo climbed the stairs silently, he long ago taught himself which of the stair treads creaked and how to avoid them doing so, in fact he could move through the entire house without making a sound; it was an old habit one he’d never been able to shake.

The door to their bedroom stood a few inches ajar, beyond it the room was in semi-darkness as the daylight was fading and Adrien had left all of the lights switched off. Theo opened the door just wide enough to get through and closed it behind him. Adrien was sitting in the padded high-backed chair looking out across the garden and Theo was, for the second time that day, taken back to the night he’d confessed all to Li-anne.

He set the tray he carried on the nearest nightstand but didn’t pour the coffee, for once in his life Theo Jepson-Leadbeater, crazily successful businessman, utterly devoted husband, sometime government contractor, had no idea how to proceed, his training told him to talk to Adrien, try to guide his thinking, but Theo the husband, the lover, wanted to give Adrien as much time as he needed to truly come to terms with all he’d learned - despite every minute Theo didn’t have Adrien in his arms was a minute wasted and they had too few of those before they had to part.

His training won – on behalf of Theo the husband.

He poured their drinks but Adrien didn’t move when Theo approached him to put their drinks on the small table beside the chair,

“Brought you a fresh one.”

Adrien nodded but carried on looking at the darkening sky pondering something so far away it was beyond Theo to see it.

“Adrien, please, talk to me, tell me what you’re thinking, I’ll answer any questions you have as far as I’m able. Tell me if you’ve changed your mind,” Theo paused, when he spoke again his voice was tight and low, “about us.”

“Do you know what keeps going round and around in my head?” Adrien glanced at Theo.

Theo shook his head not wanting to interrupt now Adrien was talking to him.

“What would Li-anne do?”

“What? Why?!” Theo exclaimed incredulously.

“Because as far as I know she’s the only other person to have loved you the way I do.”

Theo recognised that Adrien was speaking in the present tense and jumped on it.

“You think you still can?”

“You said it, the only thing that’s changed since our pre-breakfast shower is that I know more about you,” he paused, “I have just had the equal worst day of my life, both due to the man I love, the only man I will ever love. . . .” he stopped and looked up briefly at Theo with red-rimmed eyes, “and I have to find a way to live with this. And I’ll pretty much have to do it alone as you’ll be gone to fuck knows where, for fuck knows how long, to do who the fuck knows what to fuck knows who. I’m having real trouble with it Theo.”

Theo swallowed and again knelt in front of his husband, the man who could break his heart, his soul, if he decided that there was no living with this, he sighed deeply before speaking,

“Adrien, if while I’m gone you,” he had to stop, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words that came next but he knew he must, “if you don’t,” he sucked in a deep, slow breath and began again, “tell Lily if you don’t want me to come back.”

“What?!” Adrien exclaimed, “Why would I do that? I said I ‘have to find a way to live with this’, not ‘I’ll try’ or ‘I don’t know if I can’. How the hell can you think that I wouldn’t want you to come home?” Adrien’s eyes burned with a mix of hurt and love when he looked at his husband, “I need you Theo, I need you to come back, I need you to,” he laid his head in his hands sighing deeply, “I just need you,” he murmured.

Theo said nothing, thinking of what Adrien had said, knowing how he felt now may well change in Theo’s absence but at least Adrien wasn’t telling him to leave now and that was a start.

Adrien huffed a small laugh and shook his head as he looked down, it was soon obvious to Theo that he was chuckling silently, he joined in without knowing what had amused his husband,

“What’s so humorous?” he asked.

“How long have we been married?”

“One year, five months two weeks and,”

 

“Yeah ok, so you know,” Adrien cut in, “well after all this time I finally understand the songs you chose for our wedding dance, well one in particular; here’s me thinking it was because of something I once said to you in the throes of love-making but oh no, my Mister-Spy-Who-Loves-Me,” Adrien purposely mis-named the film the song came from, “had his own hidden agenda.”

He looked at Theo giving him the smallest of smiles,

“Everything you do has meaning even if the real one’s not the obvious one. That night you told me what you’d been, I simply chose not to listen. Promise me, they really won’t come to you again.”

“I swear to you they won’t love, Lily will have Drusilla’s, well the company’s really, written contract for the want of a better word that I will no longer be on their reserve list in,” Theo looked at his watch, “well by now actually.”

“How long do we have?”

“About twenty-four hours.”

“In that case Mister Bond,” Adrien kissed Theo then stood up, taking Theo with him, “I’m going to run a bath, would you care to join me?”

Before Adrien could move away Theo pulled him closer,

“Are you trying to be my very own Monepenny?” he smiled.

“Not at all,” Adrien smirked wickedly, “she never gets her man,” he finished as he stepped away, he half-turned to look back at Theo, “bring your coffee, you’re going to need the caffeine.”

Theo’s head dropped back as he again sighed deeply, Adrien had accepted what he’d been, needed to be again, well he was willing to try and for now, for Theo, it was enough.

When he heard the water flowing he jogged from the room and down to the kitchen, he knew he had a few minutes.

“How’s it going boss?” Joe asked as Theo crossed to the fridge.

Theo beamed at him as he reached for the mascarpone he knew he’d find there.

“That good huh?” Joe chuckled.

“Don’t fucking start,” Theo sniggered.

“Sorry boss but it’s a bit of a giveaway,” Joe chuckled nodding to what Theo was holding.

“Bugger, I’ll have to find a new desert for the pair of us.”

Joe helped Theo gather what he wanted onto a tray before saying,

“Seriously though I’m dead chuffed for you boss, for the both of you, you’d have both been miserable as sin without each other.”

“Yeah we would,” Theo agreed as he left the room.

The aroma of the bath-soak they’d always used drifted through the bedroom to meet Theo as he slid the tray he carried onto the top of a chest of drawers,

“Be there in a minute,” he called, toeing off his shoes and socks.

“If it’ll get you in here any quicker I could help you undress,” Adrien said quietly.

He come to stand in the bathroom doorway, leaning forward a touch, his hands raised to hold the top of the doorframe giving his body just a hint of stretch, he was naked and his manhood was already more than halfway erect, but in that moment, thanks both to his training and his febrile imagination, Theo saw Adrien secured in similar vein and totally at Theo’s mercy.

His cock hardened immediately, it had already been rising and now it threatened to become painful, trapped as it was behind his zip, although he grinned mischievously – he knew exactly how he and Adrien would be spending much of what time they had.

“Good idea.”

Theo reached for his belt-buckle as Adrien’s unknotted Theo’s tie his fingers then touched the buttons of his shirt, what he did next shocked the hell out of Theo. He pulled it apart ripping it open, the moment he saw them Adrien attacked Theo’s nipples, moving from one to the other with his fingers, lips, tongue and teeth.

“Fuck!” Theo hissed as Adrien reached between them to stroke his still covered erection,

“For fuck’s sake get your frigging clothes off,” Adrien told him, squeezing Theo’s dick, “I am going to fuck your brains out.”

“Really? And what if I want to do the same to you?”

“Tough, right now your ass is mine,” Adrien growled.

As Theo unbuttoned the waistband Adrien tugged down the zip and before Theo could stop him had pushed both trousers and underwear down to Theo’s knees. Without warning Adrien spun Theo to face the waist-high set of drawers, pressing between his shoulders to bend him forward over it then stood behind him pushing the tip of his cock between Theo’s thighs.

“Are you telling me that you don’t want my cock?” he growled, setting up a slow rhythm sliding his erection back and forth, grazing along the underside of Theo’s balls, “Do you expect me to believe you don’t want to feel this slamming into your ass, filling it with my spunk to take with you? D’you really not want to feel how open you’ll still be when you leave?”

“Oh fuck yeah!” Theo gasped, he could, thankfully, give Adrien what he needed now but later, well later Adrien would pay for this little transgression.

“Good, because before you leave tomorrow I’m going to pound your ass all over again, just to be sure you know you’ve been fucked. Now get naked and into that water.”

With that Adrien pulled away from Theo and strode to the bathroom, Theo watched as he moved – it was worth the few seconds delay in removing the last of his clothes to do so, for a man a little over forty Adrien had the body of a much younger one and Theo loved watching Adrien move around naked; in fact after that first night of their honeymoon they’d only ever fully dressed when they absolutely needed to whenever they’d been at the house in Santo Porto – it had become their private, and only, naturism spot.

Theo found Adrien floating on his back in the bath and his eyes were immediately drawn to Adrien’s now fully-hard cock laying on his torso pointing straight towards his navel.

“Fuck me but I won the lottery when I met you,” Theo said as he sat on the edge of the bath.

“I hope you’ve done what I said and brought your coffee,” Adrien smiled at him, Theo smiled back and held up his mug in affirmation, the things he’d brought from the kitchen were also to hand.

He slid into the water close to Adrien’s head and began to run his fingers through Adrien’s hair, massaging his scalp.

“Don’t think going all sweet and gentle’s going to save your ass,” Adrien told him, “I’m still going to ruin it before you leave.”

Theo bent forward to kiss the only man he’d ever felt, would ever feel about so passionately, this man could break him, had almost done so today; he’d meant every word of what he’d said to Adrien he could never come back from having his heart broken by Adrien.

“Come and sit with me love, we need to talk. I need to tell you how, if at all, I’ll be able to keep in touch.”

When they were sitting side by side Theo picked up a fork stabbed a grape then swept it through the cheese and fed it to his husband.

“Ok, so talk,” Adrien said around the fruit.

“I cannot leave a comms, communication, trail leading back to you and there’s been no chance to set up an encrypted link to your mobile or email so any and all messages will have to go through Lily.”

“You mean she’s?”

“Yes, love, all my close team come from my time with the company, the service, she was never a field operative but her comms and logistic skills are second to none. So whatever you say to me and I to you will have to be pretty banal I’m afraid. Things like,” he paused trying to think of a good example of what he meant, “I’ve been thinking of our first trip to Canada’.”

It had been their first lengthy holiday together, they hadn’t gone to any of the tourist-ridden ski-resorts, why would they when Theo had long since found a fabulous place that was much quieter, more private, with runs down the mountain that went from blue to black and locals who didn’t care about them being gay?

They’d revelled in the privacy Theo’s cabin had given them and indulged their passion for each other for the first time without having to think of work or being seen together.

Adrien had always thought that it was then when he’d truly understood how Theo felt about him – when they’d been free of responsibility and Theo had been able to do all those things they had to be so wary of doing at home.

They’d walked round the nearest town holding hands or with Theo’s arm thrown lazily across Adrien’s shoulders, he’d turned out to be highly tactile knowing that no-one cared – the only thing they hadn’t done in public was to kiss, then again except for when Theo had been in hospital and their wedding-day they never had, even at T.J.’s.

“How about ‘Do you remember the night of the double e ending?’ would that be ok?”

“Yeah, but Lily will edit or reject anything she thinks is too close to giving anything away, so you can mention France for example but not specific places like Cannes. Trust me you’ll soon get the hang of it, love.”

“Wish I didn’t have to,” Adrien said quietly.

“So do I but as Drusilla said we work with what we have.”

“Theo just how many of our senior ministers are you on first-name terms with?”

“The more pertinent question would be how many of them are on first name terms with me,” Theo chuckled.

“Show off,” Adrien smirked, knowing he wasn’t going to get a precise answer.

“Speaking of which,” Theo leaned to kiss Adrien briefly, “someone said they were going to show off their ass-drilling skills.”

“I’m glad you mentioned that, get your gorgeous body floating on this water I want to swallow your cock first.”

Theo moaned as Adrien stroked his dick,

“That’s so good.”

“Be better when it’s in my mouth,” Adrien retorted, raising his brows.

When Theo was as Adrien had told him to be he slipped beneath the water under, then between Theo’s spread legs, he began flicking the very tip of his tongue over Theo’s balls as his fingers began to maul and spread his ass cheeks; before he ran out of air Adrien slid his tongue from Theo’s sac toward his hole but stopped before reaching the puckered skin.

Adrien broke the surface between Theo’s outstretched legs and shook the hair away from his face,

“Better start relaxing this little hole,” he said pressing a forefinger to Theo’s sphincter, “because it’s going to have to accommodate this,” he pressed his cock against Theo’s balls, “very soon.”

“Now,” Theo gasped, he wrapped his legs round Adrien’s waist and pulled him closer.

“If you like, but I think it needs a little help first, hang on.”

Theo immediately realised what Adrien’s comment meant, he’d dropped lower into the water and lifted Theo’s behind just clear of it, Theo instinctively threw out his arms and grabbed onto the bath-rim. Adrien’s thumbs parted Theo’s ass cheeks to expose his puckered ring and, in a move that shocked Theo to his core, laved his tongue across it.

“Jesus. H. Fucking Christ!” Theo bellowed.

This was not something they’d ever done, oddly had never even discussed doing, it had simply never arisen as a topic of conversation. Theo’s body shook as Adrien continued to move his tongue over, around and across the sensitive skin, sometimes using only the very tip at others with it flat, but never trying to go beyond the muscled ring.

 

Adrien kept an eye on Theo’s cock as it twitched against his torso, the pre-come already leaking freely from its tip leaving short strings between the shiny cockhead and his skin every time it did. Theo was panting hard, as if he’d been running,

“Please love touch my prick,” Theo gasped.

“Happy to oblige,” Adrien replied, touching it by sweeping his tongue from Theo’s ass, over his balls and along his hard flesh, finishing by lapping up all the pre-come he could.

“Adrien, please, suck it, touch it I’m so close it hurts.”

“I know,” was all Adrien said before he went back to rimming Theo.

“Fucking hell!” Theo yelled when, only seconds later he felt the tip of Adrien’s tongue breach him for the first time; that was all it took to send him over the edge and ropes of hot spunk flew across his body.

But Adrien still hadn’t finished with him and quickly wet a finger with his saliva to slide it into Theo’s ass to play with his prostate, as he stood up.

“Fuuuck!” Theo’s voice filled the room, his head was thrown back and his eyes were closed.

“Caffeine for you, protein for me,” Adrien giggled as he licked away Theo’s jizz.

Theo’s body was shaking so violently Adrien almost lost his hold of it as his tongue swept over Theo’s hard torso – until it went limp that is.

He carefully lowered Theo’s hips to the seat and pressed his own body against him to keep him there as Theo’s breathing calmed from short, quick pants, to slower but still short breaths. It took less than a minute for Theo to speak again but when he did it was in a whisper, between deep heavy breaths, although for all that it was no less fervent,

“What. The. Fuck. Was. That?”

“Something that clearly does it for you,” Adrien chuckled both at Theo’s words and the look on his face when he’d raised his head.

“Six frigging years, after six sodding years you decide to pull that particular rabbit out of the hat. You could have given me some bloody warning, I nearly had a fucking coronary.”

“No problem, I just happen to be a bit good with the cardiac stuff you know.”

“I know you said you were gonna fuck my ass I would never have imagined you meant like that.”

“Oh, believe me I haven’t even begun to fuck your ass,” Adrien retorted his voice a mix of humour and seriousness.

Theo lifted his arms from the bath’s edge to wrap them around Adrien then began to plant soft, small, gentle kisses all over his husband’s toned torso something which barely more than three hours ago he’d begun to believe he’d never be allowed to do again. He stood up slowly allowing himself the time to cover as much Adrien’s skin with caresses as he could.

Adrien shivered when Theo’s lips pressed against first his left nipple then his right, he moaned quietly as Theo licked his way from the base of his throat to his chin, there was a moment’s hesitation as their eyes locked,

“I am truly sorry love, I never thought you would be dragged into what I thought I’d left so far behind,” Theo spoke quietly as if to a skittish animal, “I swear I have Drusilla’s written order that this will be the last time they come to me.”

Theo mashed his lips to Adrien’s his tongue skimming over Adrien’s lips who opened his mouth and their tongues tangled together. Both were breathing heavily when the kiss ended,

“Please tell me I’m forgiven,” Theo whispered, placing a hand gently on Adrien’s face his thumb skimming along the plane of his cheekbone.

“Yes, you’re forgiven for scaring the living shit out of me, again, won’t get you out of suffering the consequences though,” a corner of Adrien’s mouth lifted in a smirk that spoke of wicked things to come.

“And what would those be?” Theo asked as he nuzzled Adrien’s neck, licking and kissing the sensitive skin just below his ear.

“Get yourself dry and in the bedroom and you’ll find out, if you’re up to it that is.”

With that Adrien was gone, he got out of the bath, took a couple of towels and a robe from the pile on the vanity unit and left the room. Theo knew he had to let this play out however Adrien needed it to – but he was also determined to make sure they both had plenty of fun along the way.

He didn’t hurry to follow Adrien choosing to dry himself slowly, well not until he heard music playing in their bedroom. He too took a robe from the pile and was tying the belt as he stepped into the other room. The curtains were drawn and Adrien had switched on a single bedside lamp to give a soft, subtle, light to their surroundings. He was leaning against the drawers he’d earlier bent Theo over, his arms were crossed and his head down but when he perceived that Theo had joined him he turned his head to look at him,

“You took your time,” he smiled.

“Glad I did when I find what greets me,” he waved a hand to take in Adrien and the room.