A terrible, nonsensical poetry and others - 4. Monsters and self love

Ironic is it not?
Not once had I done things for myself even in the name of Love.
The modern west speaks of a higher self,
But the idea is as ancient as the Earth itself,
In the middle east they speak of Qarin,
It is a djinn they said,
It is unknown, their name destroyed by god himself,
For a sin unsaid,
It is a species hell bend on ruining us,
But most of all it is a human`s counterpart,
They will lure you to do terrible deed like a siren to a sailor

or so they said.

Then why does mine comes in the form of wraith?
Why does it haunts my dreams and nightmares equally,
No matter how I tried to run in them,
No matter how much power and ability the blood in my veins gave me,
No matter my descent are from warriors and kings,
Why does she always appeared and rendered me sleepless?
Why is she screaming in agony and for justice every time?
Always in fury...of what?
If it is so vile and damned why does all it asked for is for me love her and myself?
Why does all it persistently appear to me,
Only to ask for acceptance?

"A Qarin is the darkest side of you. It is an embodiment your sins", a wise man said.

He is only wise in this lifetime, compared to my countless ones.
Then tell me O wise man,
Why does embracing and loving for mine,
have never failed me so far?
Why does it helped me accept that I truly am a monster?
But not an unloveable one.

Ah, I have truly lost it haven`t I?

-Elton