Chaos Lives in Everything - 6. Chapter 6

Skold stopped when he saw the young woman sitting outside his apartment. She was sitting on the ground, slumped against the wall; her eyeliner and lipstick was smeared. She looked like she had been through a rough night.

In the two years it had been since Skold had last seen her, almost nothing had changed about Rebecca Hall. She still had the punked out pig tails, the rock star clothes and flamboyant look. He still remembered her name. Like all fae, Skold’s memory was flawless. When able to remember things from centuries ago two years was nothing.

Skold knew that she would show up at some point, the reason for doing so he could only guess. He’d known that it would only be a matter of time; that time was tonight. He stood there unsure of what to do. Should he wake her or leave her sitting there? He thought back to that night, two years ago, a night that he pondered often. It was like turning a stone over and over, searching for clues that the eyes kept missing. Just like his missing memories. The question was this: why had he stopped that night? Why had he killed those men?

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity of apathy, Skold felt the echoes of an emotion: uncertainty. She was here. After two years she had come to him. What did she want? What would she say? Just as quickly as the feeling appeared, this feeling of uncertainty, he tucked it back quickly behind a thick wall of ice. He remembered the words that his father had rooted into his brain: Fear is vulnerability. Fear is flaw. You are to be neither of these things, invulnerable, flawless. Even though his father, Kane was dead, had died in the very beginning of the Paladin Wars, his words still echoed in Skold’s head.

Skold ignored the ghost of his father’s voice, shook himself free from it. He went back to the place where emotion did not exist, only instinct, only impulse. He bent down in front of the young mortal woman and shook her, not hard enough to hurt her but not gently either. She started, opening her eyes. At first they were empty, asleep and drunken. They were a deep bloodshot red, a result of intoxication or crying or both. Slowly recognition and surprise took place of the emptiness, her body becoming aware. Her eyes widened and her lips parted.

Rebecca said one word: “Skold.”

Rebecca struggled to breathe. She was both spellbound and afraid.

Elves were the most human looking of the fae. The difference was their sharp tipped ears and luminous eyes; but in their own right, they could be quite intimidating. The way they moved, so quick and graceful, the way their elegance could fool you, captivate you. Like all elves Skold was beautiful to look at, so beautiful that Rebecca wanted to reach out and touch his crystalline skin. She wondered what it would feel like. Would it feel smooth, like satin, or as hard and uncompromising as stone? His face was smooth, so smooth, the flesh unblemished by age. Though he had been around for centuries there was something angelic about it, an everlasting youth. His features were androgynous, delicate and unyielding at the same time. But there was also something that lurked underneath the beauty that frightened her. Rebecca reminded herself that Skold was a predator and if he so chose, would kill her in a heartbeat. She would not be able to run, she would not be able to defend herself. She remembered what the four men in the alleyway had looked like when he was done with them, their body parts scattered everywhere. There had been nothing left of them.

Still Rebecca allowed herself to take in what was happening, to process it with her brain. For two years she had thought of the words that she wished to say to him, her gratitude, imagined how the scene would play out. She envisioned like something out of a movie. She wrote the words, the speech on paper, often filling notebooks, crumpling up most of the pages and tossing them on the floor. She wanted to thank him for saving her, for tearing those men apart so that she didn’t have to; so that she didn’t have that terrible sin on her soul. She wanted to thank him for taking her to the hospital instead of just leaving her there, in agony, leaving her there so that the elements could perhaps finish her off. And more selfishly she wanted to ask him why he hadn’t stuck around to make sure that she was okay or send her flowers or something. Yes, she knew that it was a selfish thing to think, but she wanted to know nonetheless.

The words were there, in her throat, but Rebecca didn’t know how to say them. For the moment she had forgotten how to speak. The words fluttered uselessly inside of her throat, catching themselves on invisible pipes. Why couldn’t she think? Why can’t I just say something? she thought.

She said the first thing that she could think of: “I need your help.”

Silently Skold stood up, his eyes glittering. She felt an abrupt pang of disappointment. He wasn’t very tall, in fact, he was shorter than any elf that she had seen. Ridiculously short. She felt a little less intimidated. Not much less so, but enough to find the will to get to her feet and meet his gaze evenly.

“If you have a bounty I’m sorry, I can’t discuss tonight. I’m tired. Perhaps you can come back sometime tomorrow evening.”

No, Rebecca thought, her face hot with disappointment. This is not how I imagined this to go, to just be turned away like this. Not when it took so much just for me to come here.

“Please,” she begged. “I need five minutes, just five minutes. And then if that’s not enough I’ll leave and come back tomorrow.”

Skold studied her, his face unreadable. Even though the moment of silence lasted for a few seconds, to Rebecca it seemed to stretch on for forever. After a moment he said, “Five minutes, no more.”

He opened the door and stepped back to let her in.

Rebecca looked around the apartment and found herself wanting to be in the smaller more cozy confines of her own apartment. This apartment was simply too big, there was too much space. How one person could need this much space, how they could stand it, was beyond her. Or perhaps I’m just used to having the basics, she thought. The only real expensive stuff that I have is my computer equipment. If I could just get out of debt with Bajork maybe one day I could own a place just like this.

It wasn’t until she looked out the window that Rebecca remembered just how high they were. She immediately felt dizzy looking at the view of the city as it unfolded before her, like a ball of yarn. Seeing all of those cars and the mazework of streets below, imagining herself walking through those streets, made her feel incredibly small, an ant in a collasal sized labrynth.

Skold sat on the sofa. Even the simple movement of him bending his knees and sinking into the black leather curtain was airless, graceful and sudden as a cat. He made no offer for her to sit down, but simply stared, waiting. Rebecca decided to take a risk and sat down, sitting on the sofa opposite the window.

“I have someone I want you to kill,” Rebecca said.

Skold sneered. “I didn’t think you the type.”

“You’d be surprised.” Rebecca was proud of the way her voice came out, sounding more steady and brave than she felt; inside the Olympics was carrying on inside of her stomach. But really I’m just putting on airs, she thought.

“Who is it that you want me to kill?”

“Bajork.”

Rebecca expected Skold to laugh in surprise and tell her to get the hell out but instead he said, “That’s a pretty interesting bounty. Complicated.”

“Would you be able to do it?”

“Of course. But I assume I wouldn’t have to tell you the ramifications of what could happen afterwards?”

She blinked. “Ramifications?”

His grin widened, his eyes glinted mockingly. “Of course. I will tell you as I told a client earlier this evening. Bajork is a powerful figure. A brute to be sure, but very powerful indeed. But he has family. I’m sure you know of his brother, Fallon. His brother had started quite a ruckus in Russia. I’m sure you’ve heard about the civil war on the news.”

Rebecca nodded.

“While they don’t love each other, would certainly kill each other if they had the chance, Fallon would surely avenge Bajork’s death. And rest assured another would just take Bajork’s place and so on. They would come for me. That I am not worried about, not in the slightest. I would take great enjoyment if such circumstances were to arise. But they would come for you too and I doubt that you are as adept at defending yourself.” Skold paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. “You didn’t of that, did you?”

Rebecca blushed, her heart dropping. “No.”

“Why do you want to kill him?”

“I owe him money. If I don’t pay him by next week he’s going to kill me.”

“How much?”

“Fifty grand.”

Skold laughed his cold, mocking laugh. “And what makes you think that you would be able to afford my services?”

I made a big mistake in coming here, Rebecca thought. Twig was right. “I don’t know, I was kind of hoping that I could set up a payment plan or something.” The moment the words came out of her mouth, she hated herself for saying them.

“I am not rent-to-buy,” said Skold. “My services are not something that you can put on layaway. The people who pay for what I do can afford to. If I were to kill Bajork for you, you better have the money for me when I collect the bounty. If not I would be taking your head as well. But you don’t have the money so I can’t help you. And I can assure you that my services cost more than fifty grand.”

“I-I don’t have anyone else to turn to,” Rebecca said. “You’re the only one that can help me.”

“I have no wish to help you.”

“If I don’t do something within a week he’s going to kill me!”

“Not my problem.” His face was completely blank.

“So you would just let him kill me?”

“The way I see it you should have never gotten involved with the world of the fae in the first place,” said Skold. “You should have kept the clientele with your own species instead of getting into things that you do not understand. Things that you are beneath of. My services are not for blind, idiotic little girls.”

Rebecca jumped to her feet, her hands clenched into fists. “Then why did you save me that night, two years ago?” she demanded. “Why did you kill those four men and take me to the hospital? Why didn’t you just let them rape me and dump my dead body in the dumpster when they were done? Why did you even bother?”

“You just got lucky. I was bored, I had nothing better to do. I wanted to kill something. Those happened to be it.”

“That’s bullshit! You took me to the hospital, I know you did...”

The words died in her throat. Rebecca was sobbing now. She turned away from Skold, facing the window but not seeing what was beyond the glass. She fell to her knees and imagined an axe falling silently through the air, slicing cleanly through her neck. Such a death would be merciful, she thought. Quick, painless. If this is how things are going to be, if this is how my story is going to end, that’s how I want my death to be. Quick and painless so that I don’t have to feel a thing. I’ve felt enough pain. Off with your head, just like in Alice in Wonderland!

The tears poured from her eyes endlessly. She could taste its salt on her tongue; it seeped through the cracks in her lips, making it sting. She’d forgotten where she was. It didn’t matter, she didn’t care anymore.

“Kill me,” she said, gulping for air. “If you’re not going to help me then just kill me.”

Kill me…Kill me…please…

Her words echoed inside of Skold’s ears, the echo reaching back into the dark chambers of his memory, chambers that had once been full but were now completely empty. Rebecca’s words brought about the same feeling of déjà vu that the dream did; the dream in which he was standing on top of the mountain, watching the village below him burn, certain that he had the answer to the riddle.

Skold felt an impulse to do just that, to put her out of her misery. When something wants to die it has no reason to live, no purpose. To put it out of its misery is to give it the greatest mercy. Those were the words of his father, Kane. Kane had said a great many things right before he’d ridden off with the rest of Yaldon’s army on his great steed, only to die weeks later.

Skold could see it now, reaching for one of his guns and shooting Rebecca in the head. She would no more pain, no fear, only silence.

He thought back to the night he had killed those four men. Why did he stop, why did he kill them, why did he take her to the hospital? These were questions that he had asked himself many times.

Skold had just finished a bounty and was walking around the city, high from the kill. Killing always gave him a sort of high, a rush. He’d taken one of the alleys, the very alley where Rebecca had been. And when he saw the one man, the brute of them all, what he was doing to her, he’d felt a blinding rage. Where the rage came from he didn’t know, hadn’t even been aware that he was angry. He barely remembered what he’d done to them, only fragmentary pieces. He remembered their faces, the look of fear in their eyes, their screams for mercy, so helpless. He remembered how easy it had been to rip their arms from their bodies, tearing through bones, tendons, muscle; it had brought him joy and when he thought about it he only wished that he could do it all over again.

When he was finished with them he was covered in blood. He could smell their blood, smell their guts, sense their souls leaving their bodies. May they be with the Frrey Maan forever, he’d thought. He remembered carrying Rebecca’s broken body to her car, speeding through the town to the hospital, skipping through traffic lights, not caring if he got stopped by the cops. He remembered handing her into the arms of a doctor and watching as they carried her away and out of sight.

These feelings, the anger and the empathy, were not supposed to be there. They were supposed to be behind the wall of ice for forever. His father had done everything to purge him of them, to make him the perfect weapon.

Suddenly Skold was afraid, afraid of what he was feeling. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything. He looked away from the human girl crying on his floor and looked down at himself. He saw himself standing in a stone chamber where there was no light, no one to hear his screams of agony, and saw the place where his cock and balls had once been. In their place was nothing but blood and mangled flesh. Blood was running down both legs, endless amounts of it. The flesh would heal, the blood would dry and peel away and the pain would fade, but those things were forever gone. This one scar would never heal when all of the other wounds had. In you I have the perfect son, Kane had said almost tenderly, his eyes burning, the same color as Skold’s eyes. Flawless. The perfect weapon. You can never be weakened by the things that weakens us all.

Skold wanted to scream. Why couldn’t King Yaldon have all of his memories erased so that when these emotions creeped up on him he didn’t have to remember these painful, painful memories of his father? Why had he only taken the good memories, the memories of when Skold had been at his best?

All of this passed through Skold’s face within the blink of an eye. Rebecca was too busy dealing with her own pain to see it; if she had, she might have been able to form a revelation or two. The feelings, the memories, were tucked back behind the thick wall of ice just as quickly as they had gotten out. His face went back to being cold, impassive.

“Normally I would be inclined to fulfill that wish,” he said. An idea formed in his mind. “Without hesitation. But I won’t, not tonight. I might just have some use for you.”

Rebecca blinked. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, felt the coolness of her snot against the skin of her forearm. Normally a feeling that was so gross had become a luxury, something to be savored. She was still alive, she still had her head on her shoulder for better or worse. Skold had not killed her yet. Was this a sign of mercy or simply another way to torture and mock her?

“Sit back down,” he said. “I don’t want you getting snot all over my floor.”

She obeyed immediately, taking her sitting position in front of him again.

“I hear that you are rather good with computers,” said Skold. “The best. Is that true?”

“Around here, yes.” Rebecca could say that stiffly, with pride. She had always been good with computers, with mechanical things. Things that were made of wires and cogs and gears and circuit boards. She had known how to change a car tire and change the oil since she was five, knew how to take an engine apart and put it back together when she was ten. And computers, computers above all were her best friends. Computers could give you easy access to the things that people wanted to keep hidden, all you needed to know was the password. In a time where everything was processed and recorded, finding the password was an easy thing if you knew where to look.

Skold nodded with approval. “Good. I could use someone who is good with computers. I am pretty savvy with a computer myself but not with the degree that you possess. I have heard about the work that you do. All of the reviews are good. From time to time I do work for the Roc City Police Department. I assume that you have heard about the troll attack that occurred the other night?”

“I think everyone has by now,” said Rebecca.

“I have reason to believe that this troll attack was not a mere coincidence. I believe that the attack was orchestrated and I am looking into it.”

“Do you have any leads?”

“Some, nothing concrete. Recently a client of mine gave me some information that could be of use, a business acquaintance of hers that might know of something or of someone else who knows something. We will get back to that in a minute. I have a proposition for you.”

Rebecca’s heart skipped a beat. “What?”

Skold’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully; his arms were crossed over his chest.

“Help me with this investigation. You can help me collect information, anything that I may need. While you are working for me you will have my protection from Bajork. He will not harm you while you are with me. At the end of the investigation I will pay off your debt with him and you will be free. If it comes down to it I will kill him. Either way you will be free and you can move on.”

Rebecca let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. If you agree to work with me the work will be dangerous, more dangerous than anything you’ve done before. If you agree to work for me there is no going back, there is no getting out of it. You will be bound to me until this thing is through.”

Bound. Like a contract. Fae were known for being deceitful, for manipulating the truth. They could go back on their word within a heartbeat. But once a fae said bound, when they promised that they were going to do something, they did it. It was just how they were. But that also goes both ways, thought Rebecca. When dealing with fae she had always been cautious when they tried to make her deals. You just never know what trouble they’re going to get you into and I’m in enough trouble as it is.

“Know this,” said Skold. “If you get in my way, I will kill you. I will cut you down the same as I would any adversary. If you agree to work with me and try to back out of our deal, I will kill you. I am only doing this because I think that you could be useful to me, not because of some sense of integrity or because I want to be my friend. If you prove me wrong, if you stop being useful, I will kill you.”

Rebecca knew what he was saying to be true. She nodded. It wasn’t the idea situation that she wanted to find herself in but her chances of survival with Skold were a lot better than her chances of survival on her own. What choice do I have? she thought.

“I’ll do it as long as I have your word that you’ll protect me from Bajork,” she said.

He nodded. “You have my word. Then we are bound.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to look up anything that you can find on a Draxis Sinclaire.”

“The guy that owns that fancy hotel?”

“Yes. I need blue prints of the hotel, any security detail. You use your judgement. I want you meet me here tomorrow evening, at eight. Until then go home and get some sleep. I do not want to work with you when you look like this.”

“Yes.” She had never wanted to go home or felt so exhausted in her life.

Rebecca called a cab. She barely remembered the ride home. She felt like a zombie as she her keys from her jacket pocket. It took a certain amount of effort to find the right key and get the door open.

She stumbled inside and kicked the door shut behind her, making sure to lock it. She set her alarm for noon and sunk into the single mattress lying on the floor. Never before had the worn mattress felt so comfortable. Without bothering to undress she curled up, pulling the comforter over her and fell asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.