Alone in the Night - 4. Alone 4

After the incident in the park I knew I needed to find something to do with the cash I was earning. I tried to be careful with my money and only spent when I really needed something. Most of it I was saving for the proverbial rainy day I knew would eventually come. If I happened to have a good few nights working, I’d sometimes end up with a couple hundred on me. It just wasn’t safe keeping that much where someone could try to rob me. I thought about Andrew and Dan as I pulled their cards out of my pocket. After a long struggle with myself, I called them to ask their advice. I hadn’t seen them since the night I stayed at their house. Guilt washed over me like a tidal wave for only calling because I needed something. I wasn’t sure if they’d even remember me. I finally found one of the few payphones that still worked and called.

Andrew answered and I explained who I was. I could hear the smile in his voice as he told me how good it was to hear from me. Both he and Dan had hoped they would hear from me again. He asked if I was okay and I assured him I was. I said I felt bad for not calling sooner and I also felt bad I was calling because I needed some advice. He was happy to help out and asked where he could pick me up. I told him where I would be and within an hour we were on our way back to their house.

We talked for a little while before Dan got home from work. Andrew hovered over me making sure I had anything I needed. “We’d gone out looking for you several times. You’ve been on our mind a lot since we met.”

I sat quietly, not sure if I really believed him.

“After you went to bed, we talked about calling CPS for your own good. If you’re not with us, you should be in foster care.” He could see I was getting ready to bolt, just in case they had called to have someone come over while I was there. “No, we didn’t call anyone. We knew if we did, you’d run and never have any trust in us. You might realize someday it was because we care, but it could create more harm than good.”

“It was hard knowing you were leaving here and going to live on the streets.” Andrew sat beside me and placed his hand over mine. “We worried what would happen to you. That you’d fall in with the wrong people or end up dead.”

“I want to trust you guys. There were so many times I pulled your card out of my pocket.” I cradled my face in my palms. “After what my parents did to me, I’m scared to trust anyone. I can’t let myself get hurt like that again, especially this soon after them. I wanted to stay with you, but if you guys had done something, I probably would have killed myself.”

“We do understand. No one should go through what you did. It’s the only reason we let you go.” Andrew placed his hand on my shoulder. “As much as we want you to trust us, only you can get yourself there.”

Dan finally made it home and gave Andrew a hello kiss. He walked into the family room and saw me. Dan ruffled my hair then pulled me into a tight hug. While hugging me he whispered, “I’m happy you’re here.” That was enough to get my tears going again. We all talked for a while and I finally told them I needed their advice. I glossed it over a little and said I’d been working odd jobs when and where I could and I didn’t want to just carry the cash around with me for fear of it being stolen. I didn’t mention that I had been lucky and narrowly avoided just that. I knew I couldn’t just open a bank account because of my age and not having any identification other then my military dependent ID, so if they had any suggestions I’d be grateful. It didn’t take long for them both to tell me I was staying for dinner. Dan disappeared for a few minutes and returned saying they thought they had a solution, but wanted to ask the source before he said anything.

A little while later, there was a knock at the door and Andrew got up to answer it, returning with a man probably in his mid 40’s. Andrew introduced the man. “This is Chuck. Chuck, I’d like you to meet Matt.” We all talked for a bit while Andrew periodically checked on dinner. Chuck kept eyeing me. I think trying to figure why I was there. They had caught up a little bit when Dan changed the subject. “We had an ulterior motive for inviting you over tonight as we need your input on a problem for our young friend here. We don’t want to propose anything that would be illegal or a violation of your company policies, however Matt is in need of a bank account. The problem is he’s a minor and doesn’t have parents or guardians that can open the account for him.” They began to tell him a little about me; how I ended up in Richmond and that I was living on the street.

The man eyed me carefully. “What are you doing for money?”

“I do odd jobs for people to get by.” I sat there feeling very uncomfortable especially when I thought he understood most likely what the odd jobs probably were.

Chuck thought about my problem for a little while, he then looked at me. “If you were to have a bank account, how would you plan on using it?”

“I just want someplace I could put the money I earned working. Maybe save up to eventually get off the street. I don’t have any real expenses other than occasional food, laundry, and clothes. I just want someplace where what I earn can’t be stolen or lost.”

Andrew had gone into the kitchen and Chuck followed him shortly after. Dan was telling me that Chuck is an old friend of theirs and a good guy who they were sure could help me. He gave me a stern look when I told him I didn’t want to cause any problems for them. I also thanked him for the money they had slipped in my backpack when we met. Despite his protests, I said I WAS going to pay them back for that someday. If they didn’t want it, they could use it to help someone else out when I paid them. Dan then changed the subject trying to distract me from the conversation in the kitchen.

Chuck’s voice rose. “What’s the deal with this kid? It’s not like you to bring someone like that into your home. You know what he’s probably doing for those odd jobs. Are you guys having sex with him?”

I couldn’t make out what Andrew said, but I could hear enough of his tone to know he was upset.

“Why haven’t you called CPS? How could you let him stay on the street?” Chuck tried to be a little quieter. “That boy should be in foster care or a group home.”

I walked to the kitchen and glared directly at Chuck. My voice was heated with a little fire. “These guys have been great to me. Even though I would have gladly had sex with either or both of them if they asked, because of my age and the fact that they met me right after I got put out on the street, they wouldn’t allow it to happen. They don’t want me on the street, but I’m too stubborn and won’t take advantage of their generosity and caring because of a situation my parents caused.” I paused for a moment as my anger built. “I’m NOT going to live in a group home or foster care with someone that doesn’t give a damn about me other then what they can get paid for me being there. I’ll take off and head to another city if I have to before that happens. They know that which is why they haven’t turned me in.” Tears streamed down my face as I gave Andrew and Dan a hug. “I’ve got to get out of here. I’m sorry I caused a problem with your friend. I’ll try not to wait so long to get in touch again.”

Before I could leave Andrew’s hand grasp my shoulder. “Dinner’s ready and your getting a good meal before you go anywhere.” He turned towards his friend. “As for you, Chuck, you may be an old and close friend, but when you’re in this house you’ll treat Matt like he really is our son!”

They both smiled at me and pointed to the dining room table. Damn those tears can start easily sometimes. Dinner was fairly quiet, but the food was wonderful.

Chuck apologized to me after dinner and gave me his card. “You can come by the back anytime and I’ll help you get an account opened. One of you two will have to take responsibility for the account.”

“Thank you, Chuck.” Andrew hugged his friend. “I’ll be by in the morning to sign whatever you need me to.”

The guys offered to let me spend the night, but I declined although I really wanted to.

“We don’t want you on the streets or doing the work you might be doing.” They presented a united front. Both of us really want you to stay here. We’d be happy to have you make this your home.”

I promised I would think about it some more but knew my fears and stubbornness would win out.

Before Dan drove me back downtown, they gave me a new high tech sleeping bag that when it was folded up got real small plus a new winter coat. They got them hoping they would find me and just in case they couldn’t convince me to stay. I gave them both big hugs and was crying again when they asked me if I would come spend Thanksgiving with them. I showed them the card from the restaurant saying one of the employees and the owner invited me. I was torn up over which invitation to accept, but Dan saved me from having to decide and said with the number of people they were having over, it might be a little overwhelming for me. “But you are staying with us over Christmas and New Year’s Eve whether you like it or not.” I was to call them no matter what from now on a minimum of once a week to check in and let them know I was okay. I agreed to their terms.

******

A couple days later I went into the bank and met with Chuck. He had the paperwork ready that Andrew had filled out. I felt much better after I got my bank account opened. Chuck did proposition me once the transaction was complete.

I politely declined. “Andrew and Dan would be mad at both of us if they ever found out. With how nice they’ve been I don’t want to keep secrets from them.”

That seemed to scare him enough that we agreed to drop the matter as if it never happened. I now had someplace to try and save my money while still having access when I did need to buy something. It was a relief not having to worry about losing it. For me it was a major step in taking my life back to some level of normalcy, if any part of being homeless is normal for a sixteen year old.

I might not be doing legitimate work by most people’s standards or even by mine, but it was about the only thing I could do. It beat sitting on a street corner asking for spare change. Begging was something I wasn’t prepared to do yet. Besides I thought it would draw unwanted attention to me. I quickly learned where the best locations were to work, and how to avoid problems. I always tried to have an exit plan for any situation I got into and worked with the policy of cash first only. I did develop some regular clients. A few were married and I hoped that by using me they kept their hands off of their own sons that they talked about. There would also be the occasional gay man that tried to convince himself I was eighteen.

With the weather rapidly getting cooler, some of the long term residents of the park taught me tricks for keeping warm. A few of them felt it was their responsibility to keep an eye on the kid. I was grateful for that because they made it clear to some of the others that I was off limits. I found out word had gotten out what I did for money and a few guys had thought about ganging up on me, raping me, and taking any money I had. Some thought they could whore me out.

If it wasn’t for my damn pride and mistrust in people, I could be sleeping in a warm bed and have two loving dad’s taking care of me. Maybe even finish high school and not have a care in the world. I would settle for my check-ins with my fairy god mothers , who despite their disagreement on the subject respected that no matter what, I felt it would be taking advantage of them.

******

I thought the worst part of being homeless was when it rained. There is nothing quite like being completely soaked from a cold rain, trying to find some dry doorway that I wasn’t going to get chased from. In Seattle, I loved going out in the rain. I didn’t mind one bit getting soaked to the bone. The difference now is I just can’t get out of it so my clothes end up being cold and wet which made me that much colder. After several hours or even a couple days it becomes very unpleasant. Even if you do manage to find shelter for a little bit, more than likely someone is going to chase you away from the little patch of dry heaven you found. I know it’s not good for business owners to have us homeless people hanging around their doors and I’ll freely admit some can be rather unpleasant in many ways. The weather greatly limits the food you can scavenge as it just makes what little you find inedible. The rain also meant there wasn’t going to be any work or at least not from the level of customers I had gotten use to. The ones that were available, I had to significantly drop my prices for.

When I said I thought the rain was the worst, I was wrong. By mid November we got our first ice storm followed by snow. There is just no way to warm up from that. If you’ve never been in an ice storm or freezing rain or whatever you want to call it, one of the byproducts of the storm is it tends to knock out the power from ice heavy tree branches falling on power lines. With no power, the Y periodically didn’t open, so I couldn’t take refuge there with a hot shower or a chance to work out and use the pool. Laundry mats are about the same. No power to run anything so can’t dry any of my spare clothes and change into something warm.

Most times I would just find some quiet spot and hope that I could freeze to death in my sleep. A nice and peaceful end so I could be done with all this. No such luck though. If the God my mother held in such high regard does exist, it would seem that he wasn’t quite done with me yet. On the really cold nights when you can almost watch the puddles of water freezing over, I would have happily burned in hell for eternity just to be warm again. Word would get around our community about who didn’t survive the cold nights. It was usually someone who had already been sick and finally succumbs to the elements.

******

A couple of days before Thanksgiving the weather was miserable and it had been raining for a week straight. On Wednesday the storm broke up and we finally had some sunshine again. It was still cold, but with the sun out you could at least get warm. I put on my last set of clean dry clothes and went to do laundry. After that I went by the Y to shower and do my work out. The staff there had all gotten use to seeing me and even though I kept a low profile I still didn’t go unnoticed. A few of them asked me what I was doing for the holiday

I shrugged my shoulders. “Someone invited me to dinner, but I don’t know if I’ll go or not.”

“Why wouldn’t you go?”

“I’d feel out of place going to a nice dinner. I’m shaggy and scruffy.” It didn’t seem to affect my ability to find work, I just didn’t like the way I looked. I also said, “With the Y being closed tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to shower or anything so I don’t know what I’ll do yet.”

He let me get back to my workout

When I’d finished and was heading out, the staffer I had been talking to handed me a card for a barber shop that was nearby. “Be sure to tell him I sent you over. He has fair prices. If you’d like to be able to get showered and cleaned up for your dinner, I can let you in for a little bit around ten tomorrow morning.”

I couldn’t help it and gave him a hug saying thank you and I’d see him in the morning.

I found the barber shop. It was just around the corner from the Y. Looking in the window there were just two people in there and one of them was a customer. I cautiously opened the door making a bell on the door ring. Both the guys looked in my direction and the barber smiled. “I’m almost done. Have a seat and I’ll be with you shortly.” I took off my backpack and sat down feeling nervous. I knew I had enough money in my pocket for a haircut, but I had gotten very tight with spending on anything. This seemed like an unnecessary expense. He finished with his customer. “You can hang your coat on the hook along the wall.” After getting me in his chair he started the usual questions about how did I want my hair cut? I tried to describe what I usually had done and he began clipping away. I guess all barbers are masters of small talk and mentioned he hadn’t seen me around before.

“Jason at the Y told me I should come here.”

He kept working and smiled. “I thought as much.” It didn’t take long and he was finished with my hair and picked up an electric razor. “Since tomorrow’s a holiday, may as well give you a nice clean shave if you don’t mind.”

“I know I can pay for a haircut, but I don’t think I’ve got enough on me for a shave.”

He just laughed. “It’s not like you have that much to shave, so don’t worry about it.” He was right I could probably get by with shaving once every other month. When he was all done he pulled the cover way from me. “That will be one dollar.”

I looked at him blankly and pointed to the sign showing haircuts were ten dollars.

His smile never faded. “Tomorrow’s a holiday, so today is our one dollar special day for anyone Jason sends over.”

I paid him the dollar and was having a hard time fighting off those damn tears. He wished me a Happy Thanksgiving and I thanked him and did the same.

In the morning I found a market that was open. I bought a few pieces of fruit to hold me over for the day. I walked around downtown until it was getting close to 10:00 a.m. when I went over to the Y. Jason was just pulling up across the street when I got there. He waved and ran over. “Don’t let anyone know I did this for you.”

Just being me I stopped in my tracks. “You’ve already been so cool to me. I don’t want you to get into any trouble, so let’s just skip it. I’ll see you after the weekend.”

He was one of the friendlier staff at the Y and was one that had never tried to get me to do anything. He frowned at me. “Not a chance. I’m not giving you an excuse to not go to that dinner you’re invited too. Now go hit the shower.”

I was quick about it and got cleaned up. Part of me expected to see him come into the shower or at least looking in watching me but as far as I know he didn’t. I put on the best clothes I had in my pack and was finished in no time. When we got to the door to leave, I couldn’t help myself and hugged him. “Thank you.” He returned the hug and sent me on my way.

I had a few hours to kill, so I found a nice sunny bench and snacked on my fruit, just enjoying the warmth of the sun. Being a holiday there weren’t that many people out which was kind of nice. Occasionally someone would zoom by on a skateboard or a couple would be taking a walk hand in hand. I kept wondering if I should really go to the restaurant. My damn pride was telling me no it wasn’t right, but the rest of me was telling me it would be rude not to go. This time, my pride lost out.

I showed up at the restaurant about the time it said on the card and found the door locked. I figured something had changed and started to walk off when I heard someone open the door. The guy told me he was sorry, but they were closed for the day. In the background I heard someone yell something to him and he apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realized you were one of our guests.” He held the door open for me and I quietly thanked him and walked in trying to make myself as invisible as possible.

The owner greeted me with a smile. “Matt, I’m so very pleased you joined us. I wasn’t sure if you would or not. Chad is in the kitchen helping out, but I know he’s going to be thrilled you’re here.”

I could barely find my voice, but thanked her. She told me if I liked I could set my backpack down and take off my coat. I finally did and she had given me a little time to adjust to the small group somehow keeping others from coming up to me.

Chad came out of the kitchen and saw me. He was smiling from ear to ear when he saw me. He came over to me and tentatively gave me a hug, “Matt, it’s cool that you came. I really didn’t think you would, but I kept hoping.”

I was having a hard time holding myself together. The owner, who I finally found out her name was Gail, came over and as Chad took my hand, she guided me over to the group and started making introductions. After she got through naming off everyone, she waved her hand towards me. “Everyone, this is Chad’s friend Matt.”

Chad added. “And hopefully my date for the night.”

I know I turned a couple different shades of red and just before my emotions completely let go I bolted for the door. I stopped before going outside and sat down next to the host’s podium by the door trying to hide myself. I couldn’t get a hold of myself and kept crying. Chad only let me go for a minute before he came over and knelt in front of me taking my hand. He didn’t say anything but just sat there with me. I won’t even try to guess how long I cried for.

When I started to get control of the waterworks, Chad gave me something to dry my eyes. We sat there a little while longer and I know Gail was periodically looking over to make sure everything was alright. Chad finally asked me, “You feel up for doing this? If not, we can always take off.”

I shook my head. “I think I’ll be okay. I just didn’t know I was coming as your date and it kind of overwhelmed me.”

“I’m sorry for surprising you like that. Are you sure you’re okay?”

I nodded and we walked back over to the group who all looked a little concerned. Chad had his arm around my shoulder saying everything was cool and it was just a little overwhelming for me. The only time Chad left my side or wasn’t in some kind of physical contact with me was when he went into the kitchen to help bring out dinner and Gail stayed by my side while he was gone.

Dinner was wonderful and I’m surprised I didn’t make myself sick with how much I ate. I had been eating, but I didn’t realize just how hungry I was. No one said anything and treated me like I was meant to be there. For a little while I started to forget what my day to day life was like. After a couple hours the group started to break up. I thanked Gail and did my best to fight off more tears.

Chad and I walked out to the parking lot. He leaned into me and surprised me with a soft kiss on the lips. “I can’t stand the idea of you being on the street. Especially tonight. Would you… Would you come home with me?” I think he could see the mistrust in my eyes, which I desperately tried to hide. “I promise the most that will happen is we might cuddle. But only if you’re okay with it.”

I enjoyed being around him and it felt so good to have someone close to my age wanting me around. I told him okay, so we got in his car and headed for his apartment. It wasn’t very far and to most people it wouldn’t have been anything special, but it was his first place and he was very proud of it. We sat and talked for several hours, about what he was doing in college and a little about me and what I did, mostly about me working out and swimming at the Y. He knew my parents had kicked me out and why, but he asked a few more questions about it. He told me he he would never come out to his parents for fear they’d react like mine did. I told him how it happened and how my dad beat me before kicking me out.

When we were both feeling tired he suggested we go to bed. I was getting nervous, but following his lead I stripped down to my underwear and got under the covers with him. He pulled me up against his chest and was spooning me and running his hand over my chest. It didn’t take long before I felt something poking me. I tried to ignore it at first, but I could feel it throb once in a while and I started to tense up. He ran his hands over my stomach and gradually moved them lower and found that I was hard too. I think he took that as an okay to move forward and began grinding his hard-on against my ass. I jumped out of bed and started getting dressed.

He got out of bed, concern covering his face. “What’s wrong? I thought you were enjoying it”

“I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I didn’t come here for sex. I should go.”

“You don’t need to go. Let’s talk about this. Please stay.”

“I’ve got to go. This is my fault and my problem. I can’t do this.”

He finally got a little mad. “You cuddle with me and got just as hard as I did. You wouldn’t be hard if you didn’t like it. When I start to play you get upset? Talk about being a fuckin’ tease. I thought we were having fun.”

“I told you I wasn’t looking for sex. I like you and thought you were a cool guy. Not just for what you did for me but because you wanted to hang out. I just wanted someone to want me for me, not want me for sex.”

He stared at me like I’d grown horns. “I want you for you and yeah, I want to have sex with you. I think you’re hot and you turn me on. I can’t help that. I wasn’t planning for sex, but we were both hard. You make me want to do everything with you.”

I gave him a sad look before turning away. “I’m sorry if you think I gave you the wrong impression, but I can’t do this. It’s just better if I go. Thank you for the best day I’ve had in a long time.” I got my coat and backpack and left thinking this is what I deserved for allowing myself to trust someone.

It was a couple mile walk back to where I was living. It was late and Chad had left me an emotional wreck. I wished he could have understood that what I needed was a friend or to be held. I was very attracted to him and had thoughts of having sex with him, but not at this point. Sex was now a job for me and I just couldn’t do it that easily with someone I did like. A car was driving up behind me and I tried not to give it any thought until a spotlight shined on me. “Great… A cop car. Just what I need tonight.”

The officer turned off the light, got out of the car. “Son, what are you doing out so late?”

I partly lied with some truth mixed in. “I was spending the night at a friend’s house, got in a fight with him. I decided to go home, so I’m walking.”

“Do you have any weapons or drugs on you?”

“No, sir.”

“Face the car and put your hands on the hood.”

I figured, “oh great. I’m going to get taken in.”

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen, sir.”

He started patting me down and did a very thorough job spending much more time on my crotch and ass than he should have. He also went through some of the pockets on my backpack and found my stash of condoms and lube.

After completing his search his hand remained in the middle of my back, keeping against the police car. “You have two options here. I can run you down to the station and we can try to call your probably nonexistent parents. Or you can find some way to convince me to just forget I saw you.”

With my hands still on the hood of the car, I looked over my shoulder. “What does option two entailed.”

Without saying a word, he undid my jeans and pulled them and my underwear down just below my ass. His hand pressed firmer on my back holding me in place on the hood. I could hear his zipper going down. He ran his dick up and down my crack.

I begged him. “If you’re going to do it to at least put a condom on.” Before he could stop me, I pulled one out of my backpack along with some lube.

He did roll the condom on, but didn’t accept the lube, opting to just use spit. Thankfully he wasn’t that large, but unfortunately he had no interest in being gentle. All he cared about was his own satisfaction. Since we were on a street, even though it was dark and very quiet, he didn’t want to take a lot of time. When he finished, he pulled off the rubber and forced me to my knees. “Make sure nothing gets on my uniform.” When I finished, he zipped up and smiled. “Happy Thanksgiving.” Soon he drove off into the night as thoughts of suicide returned with a vengeance.