A Year Changes Everything - 14. Chapter 14

I woke up the next morning and, like an old clichéit took me a while to remember where I was.

Well, not that long a while as my first few breaths brought unfamiliar pain and I remembered everything, including my confession to Andrew.

My stomach lurched and I felt sick. I couldn't remember his reaction. Why can't I remember his reaction?

I didn't remember that I had barely been able to speak and that my last two words before losing the battle against the pain meds and my own exhaustion had been The Truth.

I could barely touch the breakfast that was brought to me and the doctor who came and checked up on me must have thought me rude as I barely said two words to him.

He told me that I was ok to leave the hospital and that I had a visitor. MY stomach plunged again.

It was Casper.

"Hey bro," he said. "You don't look much better than you did last night."

"Broken noses and black eyes don't heal over night," I replied.

"The doctor says you can leave so I've come to set you free."

"Where's Andrew?"

Casper's face fell.

"When we got back last night he had a message waiting for him. His grandfather died yesterday. He left for home first thing this morning."

I knew his grandfather had been sick for some time and that Andrew was close to him.

"Did he give you a message or anything?" I asked, selfishly.

"Jeez, bro. I think his mind was on other things."

"Right."

I got changed and we left the hospital. Casper had driven my car, which didn't fill me with joy.

"Slow down," I said as he sped through an amber light.

"You're such a grandma," Casper replied. "Unlike you, I passed my test first time."

"I was hung over the first time."

"Yeah, right."

"Besides, didn't you tell me that your examiner was gay and that you flirted with him?"

"That is not why I passed."

"Yeah right," I parroted Casper.

It seemed like the story of the attack had spread around the dorm room and I got a lot of pats on the back and sympathy.

All I really wanted was to see Andrew.

We got back to the room and I looked hopefully for a note, but there was nothing. We spent the rest of the day eating takeaway and even had some of the arugula.

I managed to drive Casper to the bus station that evening and waved goodbye. We'd agreed a story to tell our parents so that they remained oblivious to the visit to the gay club.

"I just can't believe you could get mugged outside the library," my mom said when I spoke to her that evening.

The library had been Casper's over-egging of the story.

After speaking to my parents (my dad was more skeptical than my mom) I wanted desperately to call Andrew. I chickened out.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I'm thinking of you and your family.

Can you believe that that text took me 10 minutes of agonizing to draft?

I fell asleep after taking another pain pill and slept through the arrival of Andrew's reply, which awaited me when I woke late the next morning.

Thanks.

That was it. To say that the curtness of his reply worried me would be an understatement. I read all kinds of meanings into that single word and not one of them was good.

My agony increased over the next two weeks. His grandfather was quite the 'big cheese' in politics, or had been 30 years ago. There were obituaries in most of the serious newspapers and even a photo of the funeral in the New York Times a week after his death. I could just make out Andrew, who was one of the pall bearers.

I was too scared to send him any more texts and as the silence from his end continued I grew depressed and not a little maudlin.

Whilst Matt and Simon reveled in their 15 minutes of fame on campus - how weird that a visit to a gay club should make you more successful with the ladies - I shied away from the notice and kept myself to myself.

It was two weeks after the attack and I was lying in bed wide awake when I heard a key in the door. I immediately closed my eyes and feigned sleep, hoping that he wouldn't hear the loud and rapid thumping of my heart.

"Ryan, are you awake?" he whispered.

I didn't answer.

"Ryan?"

I continued to play the coward and listened as he moved around the room and then finally got into bed.

I was awake the next morning, but didn't dare get up in case I woke him. I waited for an hour before he finally woke up and waited again as he showered, changed and left.

I got up immediately and quickly got dressed and went to the furthest corner of the library, hidden behind bookshelves in a section I knew he wouldn't need to come by. That's where I spent the whole day. I didn't even leave for lunch, just in case I bumped into him.

It was nearly 11pm by the time I headed back to our room. My legs felt weak and my heart pounded as I approached the door. I hesitated, took a deep breath and went in.

The sight that greeted me wasn't at all what I expected.