Sometimes my mind gives me a desirable scenario. My heart wants it even more. My brain says, "Maybe it's not such a good thing after all." My heart says, "Don't give up." What if everything turns out well, and I end up with what I want? My dreams and aspirations could reach fruition, but it's unlikely. I just wish it would stop so that I can get back to not wondering anymore and just stop the "What ifs" of my heart. I suppose it has to do with what I want more than anything as revealed in two re
This is my new themesong. Sorry, I guess there's some kind of problem with embedding. I have no idea why. This is my new theme song, "One Step at a Time".
Sometimes I feel like a nuisance. I guess that's life, but I wonder if I'm just poisonous to people, almost like I can't do anything right at all. It makes me wonder why I even bother, because all I ever seem to do is upset people in one way or another. Maybe I should just give up and not bother trying. I may have reached a point where I cannot afford to care anymore. Even when I have the best of intentions, I end up on someone's shit list. It's entirely depressing, and I sometimes feel as thoug
I am now solidly in support of Barack Obama. I have no doubt that he is a much better candidate than John McCain, and I know he will be a better leader. All McCain wants to do is promote the same failed policies of George W. Bush. That is not simply unacceptable. It is reprehenisible. George W. Bush is a disgrace to the office of the President of the United States. He should go on trial for treason, and the asshole should be sent to Leavenworth (federal prison) where he belongs. If McCain is goi
My new classes start tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited too. Some of the classes I'm going to be taking later will be interesting. For now I'm just taking a couple of introductory classes until around November. After that, I will take a web design class, and that's the one I really want to take. I know some HTML, but I want to learn some of the other stuff, because there's only so much that HTML can do. Now that I don't have the severe depression holding me back, I'm ready to move f
This is a show called Cutey Honey The Live. It's got a lot of martial arts action. For those who are into it, there is a young Asian woman who wears a really tight outfit.
This is the first episode in 3 parts. Did I mention the gratuitous violence and the fact that it's live-action anime?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvMwXlONhJU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnXRjhqePXA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FB94cQ4PjT4
I'm always looking for a name for my blog, believe it or not. I haven't found the perfect one, but this one will do for now. If anyone has any interesting ideas, I would love to hear them. I guess I'm just picky about for some reason, as though it's difficult for me to figure out what I really want. Hmmmm... that seems to be a repeating theme for me. It always gets me into trouble. I guess it could be worse.
Call me crazy, but I thought the US Women's Gymnastics Team basically gave away the gold medal last night. One of the women fell off the balance beam. The same one fell during the floor exercise. It was definitely a disappointment. They could have won if not for the fact that they made so many mistakes. I will say, however, that I am at least relieved that they won silver and did not do so poorly as not to medal at all. With huge mistakes like that, it could have been much worse. I was just hopi
When I graduated from high school, I had big plans for my life. At that time, I wanted to be a nurse. I tried being a CNA for a while, but it just wasn't for me. I later decided to try paralegal. I took a few classes, but the luster eventually wore off. Last summer I started some IT classes. Then I dropped out. Now, I'll be starting new classes on 8-20. It's a different school, and I don't know if I'll actually be able to use a lot of the credits from the first which really sucks. I owe the old
Today, I went with my mom once again to her gynecologist. It seems she has some kind of issue with her estrogen levels. It's not cancer or anything like that, so she will not have to have surgery. I'm happy about this, because I was so worried. Now I know she's going to be fine.
I finally saw The Dark Knight. It was an awesome movie! The theater is about 20 miles away, but it was well worth the trip. As strange as it sounds I went by myself. That's something I'd never done before, but I'm glad I went anyway. That was the best movie I'd seen in several years. It was certainly the best Batman movie ever. Everyone was right about Heath Ledger. He definitely deserves an Academy Award for his final performance. It was definitely an edge-of-your seat thriller, and I highly re
Today my mom had to go to a gynecologist. She has been having some problems lately, and the last week a nurse practitioner told her that she needed to see the gynecologist. There is a chance that she might have cancer, but I was told that it is a small percentage. That eased my mind a little, but I still see this worst-case scenario where she dies, and that really bothers me. I've already lost one parent. The thought of losing another is unbearable.
Does anyone else ever wish certain things in their life could be different? I certainly am at a point where I have that wish. For one thing, I wish I was somewhere else completely. I'd also like to have someone in my life. I'm lonely a great deal of the time, and it would be nice to find somebody to love. It would make my life a whole lot more meaningful, and I would certainly be happier.
I'm not a firebug or anything, but yesterday I saw a house that was on fire. Apparently, it was set ablaze on purpose. The mayor of the town actually wanted the house to be gone. It was amazing. There's something about the power of fire that stirs the imagination for some reason. I could watch fires like that all the time, though it would never turn me on sexually or get to a point where I would become an arsonist. You could see the fire from anywhere in town, and I got several views of it from
My insomnia seems to be worsening. I went to bed after midnight and woke up at 6. I tried to go back to bed, but sleep would not come. This is starting to really annoy me. I can't take this much longer. I need to be able rest, but it never seems to happen. I have periods of time where this happens, but I wish it wouldn't. Well, I have written and posted two poems. I have been writing poetry every single day. The first one is called "Chains of Pain" and the second is called "Locked". I figured I
I happen to be a firm believer in making up for misdeeds. I've always been told that it's the right thing to do. Sometimes our own selfishness can cause us to forget what people mean to us. Only through painstaking steps can we repair what has been broken. Even when we take these steps, there may be times when it isn't enough. Words can only do so much. It's so frustrating to watch as people no longer interact with you the way they once did. Maybe I my own personal issues are too much for some t
I have always thought that learning from our own mistakes of the past can help us move forward. For me, there's always been a tendency to be too dependent of other people. I have never truly allowed myself to stand alone. This has led to a lot of problems for me, and I realize I must stop doing this if I ever want a good life for myself, one where I live free of guilt. At the same time, I've also tried to be an appeaser. I have put others' needs above my own. I can't do that anymore either. Basi
Every once in a while we lose sight of what is most important in life. Chief among these important things is taking care of one's self. That is something I had forgotten for a while. I had allowed myself to get caught up in something that just isn't needed right now. The only way to fix it is to distance myself for a while. I would like to personally thank Trebs for the advice he has given me. I have gained new perspective where a lot of things are concerned. I was at a point where I wanted to b
My mind plays tricks on me. There's no way around it. I wish it would stop, but it doesn't seem to be. I find myself questioning people's intentions and misunderstanding some things people say. It's like I've been in my own little world where reality is bent. I have to get to a point where this is no longer the case. I need a sense of clarity and a sense of direction and purpose. I think I'm figuring out that depression creates an alternative reality where you don't always see the good in people
I recently started taking Wellbutrin. It seems like ever since I started taking it, I have a hard time concentrating for any length of time. I can't write very much, and reading seems to be just as difficult. It's really frustrating too. I like to get lost in a story whether I'm a reader or an author. It's like Wellbutrin does something in my brain that makes it difficult to focus. It does seem to improve my moods though. Hopefully I will adjust soon and my brain will be able to function. I'm al
With Luck A Rocky Landing
I wasn't sure where this should go, so I opted for my blog. Anyway, these people have lost their minds and they jump from rock to rock. It's enough to make even C James cringe with fear. I mean, they could break their bones doing this. I don't care how drunk I get, I could never do this. The locals cite some kind of adrenaline rush as the reason for doing this. I watched the video, and I was wondering why anyone would want to do this. It scares the shit out of me ju
I generally tend not to trust people or believe everything they say for quite a while. This is one of my defense mechanisms as I have been burned a lot in the past. Generally speaking, I'm not to the point where I think every word is a lie. However, it does take me a while before I believe all or most of what a person says to me. I make it a habit to look for certain patterns before I make a judgment call. This tends to save me from a lot of undue drama and even pain in some cases. While most pe
Gabe just posted a similar blog, so I thought I'd do the same. I thought others might want to know a little more about me.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes I was. I was named after two uncles. Both of them died young.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I
