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Everyday Thinking

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I've Been Away For A Long Time...

In my last blog, I wrote about witnessing a young girl commit suicide in front of me by jumping in front of a train. I knew it affected me, but it did more damage than I thought. There are days when I don't dream about it, and those are the good days. I need to go back a few years to explain why my depression came on so slowly that I didn't realize I was depressed.   I had thyroid cancer almost ten years ago, which led to me having a complete thyroidectomy. I have to take a pill for the rest o

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

Suicide... why do people do it?

I've always wondered what drives people to the decision to end their life. In certain cases I can understand why, I may not agree but I understand. There are a few who choose to do it in the privacy of their homes while other's choose a more public forum. The reason I bring this up is because last Monday, I was waiting for the train on my way into work. A young lady and her friend were talking but I had my headphones on and couldn't hear what they were saying. The young lady looked down the tunn

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

My 37th year on this Earth was a struggle!

Over the years, you either learn who you are as a person or you don't. I've learned that when you have the right people in your life everything will run smoothly. There might be a couple of bumps along the way but you learn to keep going. There seems to be at least one bump which turns into a freaking insurmountable obstacle you don't think you can get over.   My insurmountable obstacle came when I worked to a large retail store who could give a flying f$*K about there employees. When I was hi

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

I need to vent!

For the past few months, I've had the misfortune of having to work three jobs to keep my head above water financially. This is getting increasingly harder to do now that one job is done for the summer season and the remaining two are constantly cutting back on hours. I've worked almost 50 hours a week sometimes working two jobs a day for three months. But now I find myself barely working twenty hours combined for the last two weeks. How am I supposed to pay bills and rent when my jobs are taking

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

Mortality Sucks!

I recently suffered the loss of an aunt. It was unexpected and hard to deal with. Ever since I was little, I've had a problem with the thought of death. My first experience came with the passing of my grandpa (my dad's dad). This was the first and only funeral, I've attended in the almost 38 years I've been alive. At the time of his passing, "Thriller" was in heavy rotation on MTV and the radio. So think of it from my POV, I'm six years old, and I'm watching my grandpa being lowered into the gro

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

What I want for this upcoming year!

After one the worst years of my life last year, I look to 2014 with a new attitude and a new fondness for life.   2013 brought about the loss of a friend (they didn't die), an unexpected emergency surgery and the length of my hair.   The friend, I'd mentioned in a past blog I'd written, is still a sore spot with me because I never received the closure, I felt I was owed from my ex-friend. I've seen this person but I was in a rush to get to catch the last bus for me to get home. I saw her and

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

Never Settle For A Diagnosis You Know To Be Wrong!

Over the past year, I've experienced episodes of back pain accompanied with bouts of nausea. The first few times I rode them out and didn't seek medial help. The last three times before this week, I sought out medical attention through the ER and with my primary doctor. I had my kidneys checked and knew they were not the cause of my pain.   Then early Saturday morning of last week, I had an attack which left me in tears and went to the ER. I explained all my symptoms and told the doc I didn't

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

Not Feeling All That Well...

so I'm off to the hospital again! I went to the ER last Saturday morning, I felt good for a day but have been unbelievably uncomfortable ever since then. I'm hoping I can get a better diagnosis at this hospital than what I got at the last one. I have a nagging feeling something was overlooked and I'll regret not going back to have myself looked over again. I'm just nervous about what can be found but I'd rather have a definitive answer than play a game of "What If?" Well I'm off!

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

I'm Exhausted!

I've been up since 4:30am. I was awakened by stabbing pains in my lower back which induced nausea. I was so nervous, I went to the ER and was just released an hour ago. My doc thought it was kidney stones but it turned out to be just a severe muscle spasm. I tried to go back to sleep but I'm still feeling the pain in my back. Now, I'm hanging out in my living room, on the couch, watching the first season of "2 Broke Girls", and debating which season of "The Big Bang Theory" to watch. Decisions.

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

Today's My Birthday!

I find myself asking two questions: I'm another year older (37) but am I another year wiser? Am I still supposed to make mistakes at this age?   I've made choices in one instance which inadvertently ended a friendship. In this case, I know what I did wrong but my former friend takes no blame for her part. She sees herself as the person wronged in this situation and refuses to even talk to me. I give people chances. I gave her multiple chances for us to talk but she chose each time to walk away

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

Who knew writing a coming out chapter could be so taxing?

I never had to come out as being straight, it was just something known by everybody who knows me. I haven't the slightest idea what it means or how it feels to come out as being gay. So how do I go about writing my main characters coming out having not had to go through it myself? I went on instinct. I had numerous directions I could go writing in the way they came out and the reactions of the parents. Do they accept them? Are they indifferent? Are they quoting from the Bible while throwing holy

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

 

My brain is finally letting me write again

As a young child, I was an avid reader and a book hoarder. By the time I was nine, I'd already accumulated over 800 books and counting. My mother allowed me to read whenever and whatever I wanted, which was the best thing she could've done for me growing up. Though my 6th grade teacher had a problem with my reading, "The Color Purple" during class, I continued to read on.   I read so much, I decided I wanted to become a writer, one of the many professions I wanted to do growing up in the 80s a

huktaunluv

huktaunluv

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