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About this blog

I have friends who have encouraged me to write a little.  When the urge strikes, it will wind up here.

Entries in this blog

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Identity

Who am i? It’s a question i think we all ask from time to time. i've been asking that a lot recently. i’m doing some work on myself, talking with a therapist almost weekly and it’s been a really good thing. Except. i'm discovering that i’m not who i thought i was. Kind of. i’ve discovered that i really am “good enough” and that “good enough” isn’t “average” or “meh” in the way that it was in my head. “Good enough” always had a negative connotation. But it’s not really a negat
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Coming back to the light.

Anxiety is like a long, dark tunnel. You can maybe, if you squint just right, see a dim light at the far end. But as you move towards it, it flickers and dims as you encounter a turn in the tunnel. You begin to doubt that there was a light. That what you saw was just a figment of your imagination. You do, eventually, reach some light. Only to find another tunnel. And it’s just as dark. And twisty. The tunnel is cold, damp, and dark. Very, very dark. Sometimes, you can see that light fl
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it's gone

it's been a really long couple of weeks. i have to become proficient in a new skill by end of summer. i'm being asked/told that the way i do my job MUST change. and it must happen now. not sure if i can do it. i have never done well with change.  ever. and now here is the BIG BOSS telling me that while i am among the best at what i do that he's ever worked with, i must change. i must take on tasks that haven't been mine in the past. i don't know if i can do it. i embarrassed my manager
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2022 is here

i'm not into resolutions but i'll put this here   NOTE TO SELF IN 2022 i must be consistent in the things i do for my spiritual, mental, emotional and physical well-being. i can’t expect to get where i want to be by doing things only occasionally or just when i feel like doing them.   i'm looking forward to seeing what lies ahead this year.
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Saturday Randomness

when you just sit and watch... waiting for Phil at the cafe in the grocery store while he sees the diabetic educator... why are babies so cute? especially when they are using those cute pacifiers with stuffed animals attached? i don't understand. why do you look at all the muffins? the boxes are all the same. why do you pick the pack of muffins from the one spot you can't reach? you knocked all the other boxes askew. you have one box of pastries, why did you need the sho
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i'm proud of him

Today, my younger brother is the bravest person i know. 2 years ago, my nephew was killed on his first day of university. Today, he and my sister-in-law, took my niece to school to begin her freshman year. What makes this so much more than just hard, is that not only is this a reminder of that day in 2019, but my niece is out of state. 848.2 miles; 1365.0456 km; 12 hours; 29 minutes; two days by car; away from anyone who knows her. my Husband and i talked about this on Wednes
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i just don't understand...

They're good kids, young adults, young men, mostly housebroken. They really are. But today i'd sell them to the gypsies. When we got the house put back together after the floors were installed they were told that at least twice a week the floors needed to be dry mopped, swept, and at least every weekend a good wipe down. Not even a full mopping, just use the Swiffer wet. We’ll  drag out the mop and bucket every other weekend. As long as it’s kept clean, and spills or whatever are wiped up r
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It's been a weird week

This has been a long, weird week. Am i glad it's over? Well that's a loaded question. Last Monday the process of getting new flooring started. See, the landlady is having tile floors installed. Phil & the boys were shifting furniture around the house each day. It's an enormous mess & stressful for me to be in such a chaotic environment. i have an online class i'm taking & with the mess at home i've had to find other places to do that. Luckily, we have a great coffee shop in town
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When the news you get, isn't the news you wanted

When the news you get, isn’t the news you want… My Husband,  Phil, gets regular injections to his eyes for complications from diabetes. (DME) Yes, it's as bad as it sounds. It's been happening for over three years now. Two weeks ago He saw the doctor for His regular appointment. The doctor asked the staff to go ahead and scan both eyes, not just the left. It wasn’t good news. The swelling in that right eye was back. It’s been stable for two years; it’s just been the left eye being trea
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