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Demetz

End of the year happiness

So a good friend flew down to spend new year's with me and so far we have had an excellent time. Yesterday we went to the beach and spent most of the day there, walked through the surf, shared an icecream cone, and watched the sunset. To make a great day even better, this girl took pictures of us together watching the sunset and e-mailed them to me. I'm so happy he came and really enjoying our time together.      
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Encouraging Conversation

I had a very encouraging conversation with my Dad this morning... glad I got to sleep early enough last night to see him before he left.   We started out talking about politics... both of us are very disappointed in the available candidates. He mentioned McCain... I said I felt betrayed by his recent pandering to the religious right, that I thought it was a big mistake on his part since those are precsisely the people who hate him and the people who liked him are the kind who don't care much f
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Doctors visit

Okay... so this lump of... whatever the hell it is... it seems to grow and recede and is most prominent when I'm aroused. Guess what I'm NOT when in an office with an 80 year old asian doctor I can barely understand? I could still find the lump, but it was so small the doctor couldn't... an no matter how much he rolled my balls around in his hand or played with my shaft, my arousal level was not budging and the lump was gonna hide indefinitely.   So... doctor couldn't find it to diagnose it a
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Did I shave my nuts for this?

A few days ago a cute guy i met online asked me out for a date for today. We were supposed to go to the beach. A few hours ago i send him a text message asking me when he wants to meet. The first answer I get back is "when do you want to f**K" and I thought "what the hell, you asked me on a date not to screw" so I messaged him back asking if that was all he was interested in. He responds that he was just checking to make sure thats not what I was interested in. Great... he thinks he has to be de
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Defense Mechanisms; Fear of the Uncertain

I spent a lot of my life hiding from myself, in more ways than one. Psychologists say that the mind and body each develop certain defense mechanisms to make it through the stresses in our lives. As with all things with me, this is rather complicated.   It seems as though the defense mechanisms I developed were in place for so long that I fear now they have grown to become and are more a part of me than what they were defending. I don't understand the how and why of it, my only explanation is t
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days of... huh?

Okay, so monday, i go out with my friend and her fiance. We saw vantage point.... I loved it. President Ashton... has a nice ring to it, lol.   After the movie we went to dinner at Chilis.... I love their Nachos and they have this tasty fruity drink that goes 2 for 1.   After dinner we went driving... didn't really care where we were going... drove all the way to the end of university parkway, then turned around and went the other direction towards the airport. It was during this time that
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Dad Chat Part 2

So a couple days ago I was talking to my dad and the conversation led to him asking me if I'd ever been molested or raped. I froze for a second and looked down, my head in my hand. There's no saying "no" after that happens. So after a second I looked up at him, then away, closed my eyes and nodded.   I have to give my dad a lot of credit for how he handled the rest of that conversation. I suppose I should have known he would not freak out. There were questions, of course, as there had to be. W
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Crazies

So yesterday I was going to class and in front of the building stood two crazies. One had tied a cross to himself from which hung a sign. One side said "Turn or burn" the other said something to the effect of "Jesus: your savior or judge?" Perhaps I'm mistaken but it appears that last one is a bit contradictory and the former rather counterproductive. Regardless, their rantings, ravings, and random insults to passing students was quite amusing - as were the cops who showed up when they were draw
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Constitution v Law

In seeking to find out information concerning the legal status of an immigrant to the united states who marries someone of the same sex in Massachusetts, I came across this section of the US legal code which rather perplexed me....  
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Computer Games... my single greatest vice

I can't tell you how many countless times I have played a game on the computer instead of doing something far more important. Usually the something far more important has been studying. I'm strongly considering handing my computer to a roommate and asking him to hide it from me until the semester is over so I won't have the temptation anymore.   I'm taking in five weeks a number of classes that would normally be taken over the course of four months. I should be studying instead of playing game
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Church; Poem

Last night at around midnight my mom knocked on my door and asked me to go to church with her, saying I should get some sleep so I could wake up early enough if I wanted to go. I am not a very religious person, and there are things about Christianity that will probably keep me from ever becoming a devout Christian, and while I really would rather not have gone, she didn't ask me as a matter of normal routine. My mom is not exactly the most religious person either; she goes to church when she nee
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Christian forgiveness

I found myself in a discussion with one of those adamantly believing Christians. Initially I merely expressed somewhat incoherently the failure of religion to support my mom. You see... every few years my mom starts going back to church because she feels she can not cope with life otherwise. For a while she'll feel great having been "forgiven" for her sins. Then she'll feel guilty for not imposing christian "values" upon myself and my brother and for not having consistently imposed them on herse
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Changing Plans

Okay, first on the agenda today: my job. I'm not especially happy working at the restaurant. If a table comes in and can't figure out what the hell they want until the next table is in too, its like having double-duty. Top that up with having to put together all their salads myself and fetch countless little things for them that don't come with the meal and only some items go through the computer, but most don't so I have to remember when to punch stuff through....   Ugh.   I'm told breakfas
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Cancer

When I was sixteen, my Grandfather died of cancer to the lungs, liver, and kidneys. On Friday I found out my mom has skin cancer and is undergoing treatment. That night, I realized I have a lump on my right testicle... non painful.   According to what I've been able to find out, there are five things which can cause a non-painful lump. 1) Varicocele - some kind of inflamation of the veins, which is supposed to feel like a bag of worms... which does not fit the description of what I have.  
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Campaign/Political Carreer and how I would deal with inevitable slander

As for the decision to run... I'd probably do what I'm sure plenty of politicians do and get the family together, talk with them about it, and after hearing their concerns make the decision from there. I think the only person who would hold an absolute veto in my mind is my boyfriend... maybe our son as well, but I would stilll want input from everyone.   As noble as it might sound to refuse to even acknowledge the inevitable slander... I know me well enough to know that I couldn't go on day a
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Bicycle Lights

Tonight was my last night at work. It was the last night i would ever have to make that three mile ride through near pitch-black dark. I was going to ride on the far side of SR 70 since the side i normally ride on is having some work done on it in some places.   However, yesterday I learned that despite my mom's request to have the 22nd off was not just granted, it was also forgotten and she got scheduled anyway. What this means to me is I have to be up at 8:30 am on wednesday to get the uhaul
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Been a couple weeks

Yesterday I realized again just how much I love Silven. Just the thought that it might not be until December that I see him had me upset...   I suppose in a way its a good thing that I'd get upset at the idea of not seeing him sooner...   Anyway... I was pretty annoyed with myself last night, I got home too late to talk to him, he'd already gone to work. And now this morning my Internet connection was cut off, so I couldn't get on until seven... I guess he's asleep now... hopefully sleeping
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Apparently I'm an evil sexist man for daring to have an opinion on abortion

I think abortion should be permissible in such cases as where the woman's life is endangered by the pregnancy or when raped. I'm also against elective abortion morally, but unwilling to make it illegal.   I hesitate on the issue of abortion for two reasons: 1) The child is conceived without his or her own consent and is innocent, punishing the child with death for a parent's mistake is cruel. 2) The morning after pill can prevent conception and thus make the question of elective abortion irre
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Abortion: part 2

I would like to clarify that when I posted the previous blog I was highly frustrated for having been chewed out just previously for having an opinion on the issue at all. I have various reasons to be indignant about the events transpiring in that situation, but they're ultimately irrelevant to the issue of abortion and merely relate to the irrationality of the person I was misfortunate enough to speak near.   In spite of that person's protest that as a man I don't have a right to an opinion o
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A revealing talk with Dwayne

So, tonight, against my better judgment, I went into what I've avoided doing for a long time. Of all the conversations in my head with Dwayne I knew I didn't want to actually say those things to him. Well, tonight against my better judgment I said some, and his reaction was precisely as I predicted it would be... he really doesn't know how to deal with someone emotionally troubled. Eventually though, after blathering on about my feelings and thoughts I said that I was conflicted, and he remarked
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A return to blogging

April 30, 2010         I've just completed a good run. I always feel well afterward, if a bit parched since I don't have a water bottle. I'll be fixing that soon, hopefully. I've been meaning to work out more regularly and I've decided that today will mark day zero for that effort. My goal is to eventually do two miles in fifteen minutes, and twenty minutes of running total. Today I got maybe a mile and a half before the fifteen minute mark and my lower legs felt like they were burning, but
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A new guy, Aaron

A few days ago I was at work and this cute guy sitting at the counter gave me his number, last night (my first night off) I gave him a call and he came over... we went to a little park and hung out for a bit, then headed back to my place and had a couple drinks. As I was walking to his car we kissed...   I was taken a bit by surprise at his kissing style. How to describe it.... well, it was a lot more... aggressive than what I was used to, and quite a bit, um.... sloppier. But, as we continued
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A Mach 3 Bath

I Have to say that a person can never fully comprehend the sheer amount of surface area there is to the human body... until they attempt to shave it. I just spent three hours in the tub and went through three razors... and I'm still not finished. Got m upper arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, what I could reach on my butt, and my my legs north of my knees. On the agenda tomorrow: what I can reach of my back and my lower legs. Day three comes the touch ups and hopefully day four onward will just b
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A conclusion reached

I've made a few philosophical decisions about how I'm going to live my life from now on, based on certain experiences, and grand disappointments that I've had.   First I'd like to say I won't be giving up on love itself, as I'd been pondering doing just yesterday. That's still just not the kind of life I want to live.   What I am doing though, as a matter of preserving my own personal dignity and self-respect, is throwing aside a certain path I was traveling too often. I will no longer be p
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2 years old

Its been a little over 2 years since I came out to myself. I hardly even remember what it was like thinking I was anything other than gay. My rebirth as a gay man 2 years ago resulted in a great deal of personal growth and changes, many good but the occasional one a bit more painful to go through.... life before being openly gay is now more of a distant memory, almost as though it happened to somebody else.   In some senses, it did happen to someone else. The me before I came out was radicall
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