I have some acquaintances from high school. One got an article write-up about landing a role in a professional production of Romeo and Juliet. The other one, who works tech, is apparently going to work scifi effects for a Disney movie. Another hasn't had anything big happen, but she is really working toward her goal of breaking it into the movie business in Hollywood. It just had me thinking, about when I was fifteen years old and really wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be in movies- maybe an indie film star with a career as the quirky supporting character. Or, in a dream fuled by my visit to NYC, an actor living in some hip artist colony. Roughing it out in some starving artist studio, living on nothing but dream and ambition as I moved from audition to audition. At some points we'd break into song about our inability to pay rent for our outrageously overpriced apartments.

I used to read monologue book after monologue book...poured over acting tip help books, and I even majored in acting during high school. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to make magic...be something bigger than I am. I wanted to take an entire crowd of people and move them so much with my acting that it'd stay with them for awhile.

Somewhere along the line, it dawned on me that it wouldn't happen. I'm an okay actor but nothing amazing, and to be honest the lack of stability would have driven me crazy. The history field isn't exactly booming, but if you keep searching for a few years, you'll find something. Acting- you can be in there for a decade and get nothing booked. I didn't want to take the gamble, and I found that in the end, doing the history field fufilled me in a way better than trying to be an actor would have been.

Still, every once in awhile...I see friends who are out pursuing dreams we all shared when we went to high school together, and there's just this little twinge. Likely envy, possibly regret...but mostly pride in these people who took a gamble and are doing what they can to make their dreams come true.

Any of you ever have this feeling? It's kind of an odd feeling and I'm not sure I'm describing it correctly, but there's something about seeing people you grew up with really chasing the big dreams and lofty ambitions that you once shared with them. I'm glad for them that they figured out what they want out of life and are going for it...but it makes me wonder what my dreams are now. I don't really know anymore. I'll try to keep you guys posted when I figure mine out.

I'm curious to see if anyone's been in a similar place.