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Epilogue to Surrogate Process

Andrew Q Gordon


So I said the last entry was the final one - for now - in this category, but it dawned on me that I should add one on the actual birth. So until/unless we do baby #2 this should be the last one in this topic.


Baby Q was in no hurry to come out so the Dr. decided to induce. Let me tell you, as a gay man who's never really been very interested in the female parts [well I guess i do find boobs fascinating - go figure] - this whole process was totally TMI - TOTALLY. But now I know where all the girl parts are, and how they work - lovely.


We got to Upland CA on Monday 9/26 - too late to meet the hospital staff and sign papers or take a tour, but early enough to get an appointment for the next day. We ended up having dinner with Steph - who was looking very preggers. It was clear she was ready for it to be over. She also had gifts for Baby Q. She made - not bought, but made - a scrap book for Baby Q complete with pictures of the mom and pages for things like Halloween, 1st Thanksgiving etc. It was super nice. A year ago Mike would have fussed that this was her thinking too much like the mom and was showing too much attachment, but on 9/26 - he was very touched. Little Q will always know her mom and that was always important to me, so this was awesome.


Tues 9/27


The San Antonio Community Hospital folks were SO nice in every way. We signed the papers, then the Head Nurse showed us around. They were very good about explaining things and what we could expect. They also made arrangements for us - Mike and I - to get our own room once Baby Q was born - so we could stay with her and not have her stay in the nursery.


Steph reported at just after Midnight - what I learned is that this was for insurance reasons. Most insurers will only pay for a certain amount of days. By having her come in at Midnight, Steph got the most amount of time she could under the hospital's care for that day. We decided we would NOT go to the hospital that night/morning unless she was dilating - more girl part learning - because otherwise they would have to do something to help her get there. She wasn't, so we went to sleep.


Wed 9/28 Baby Q day.


We spoke to Steph early in the am and she said don't come until about 1 pm. Whatever they were doing to soften the cervix and help her dilate would end around 12:30 then she had about 30 minutes to get showered etc before they decided what's next. If whatever they were doing had worked, they would begin to induce labor, if not, they'd go another 12 hours of helping get her ready.


We showed up and Steph's Aunt and Cousin were there - both very nice. Aunt D was amazing through out the process. A nurse visit later and they decided they could induce. Woo Hoo the fun started at about 2 pm. For the rest of the afternoon, Steph had small labor pains, but nothing imminent.


Around 6 pm her water broke and the staff told us to go eat because she was likely going to be in labor most of the night. At first they thought she might give birth after midnight but that got revised down as time went on. Mike and I went to eat, then he went back to the hotel to get our clothes and stuff as it was pretty clear we'd be spending the night in the hospital, one way or the other. Another of Steph's Aunts arrived at this time to help.


When I got back to the hospital around 7:15, it was the opinion of the nurse handling Steph's delivery that she wouldn't make midnight, but we had a couple more hours. By about 7:45, I was told to make sure Mike hurried back because it was going faster than expected. For a baby that didn't want to come out at first, Little Q decided once it started not to mess around.


Things proceeded so fast that there was a concern the Dr. wouldn't make it back in time. Because of that the hospital sent a billion nurses into the delivery room. Evidently if the Dr. isn't there, hospital protocol says all these different types of nurses needed to be there in case there was an issue. About 8:25 Dr. Du arrived and the billion nurses left.


I had no intention of sticking around for the actual birth, the room was small and Steph had said we could stay so long as we were 'North of the her chest.' There were enough people there that it was hard to be north, so I figured I'd go outside. Didn't happen. When it was thought the Dr. might not make it, the billion Nurses had all this stuff with them and I was trapped. Once the Dr. was there, to get out, I'd have had to push past the Dr, and that seemed stupid, so I stayed.


Like I said, Steph's Aunts were amazing with her. They were such a huge help calming her and keeping her focused.


Baby Q arrived about 8:39 pm. 6lbs, 12 ounces, 19 inches long. They let us video the initial exam, the weighing and measuring which I'm so sure little Q will want to see when she's older - not. Anyway, as promised, they found us a room and left us with the baby. :blink: Thankfully about 2 minutes later a nurse arrived with food and instructions.


Thursday 9/29.


We checked out of the hotel, because we were going to stay with the baby until she was discharged then go to San Diego and stay with family. The pediatrician said 48 hours and because it was a night delivery, we'd leave Saturday morning. So we figured we had a bit of time. We had been speaking to Steph most of the day, and bringing Baby Q to see her. But she didn't want to hold her too much because she felt she was taking away from our time with little Q.


About 1 pm the nurse said, how do you feel about leaving tonight? :huh: Seems that 9/29 was a busy day for babies at San Antonio Community Hospital. They needed our room and Steph's though they never came out and said that. We said sure, if we could leave by about 6, because we had a 2 plus hour drive ahead of us. At first they seemed okay with that but then we were told we needed to be there 24 hours. I said fine, we'll leave tomorrow am, we were tired and didn't want to start the drive at 9 pm.


The head nurse was in the room at the time and she was like oh no, 12 hours is enough etc etc. Needless to say we got to leave by 6 pm. Sandi - the head nurse told us that the baby was doing great, she had no discernible issues. In addition, they were observing us - Mike and I - and we evidently passed the test of knowing what we were doing. Little Q was eating and the real reason to keep her 2 days was more for the mom than us. Since we didn't give birth and we were doing fine, they let us go home early. We spent the rest of the afternoon with Steph so she could hold the baby. We asked her if she wanted to, because we knew it could be hard. She wanted to so, so we let her have as much time with Baby Q as she wanted. Every day since Baby Q was born, we've sent Steph a text or email and a new picture. She said this was really helping her and she was happy Little Q is doing so well. I expect Little Q is going to have quite the extended family over time.


Last bit on this. When we got to the Condo my folks rented on Coronado - an island across the bay from SD - there were all these signs, saying welcome home 'Baby Q' and "It's a girl!" My sister and my nephew had worked all afternoon to get the signs up when they learned we were coming home early. It was really amazing - even made my tired old ass smile when we saw it.


Okay so that really was the last entry in the surrogate process. From now on, I'll post updates in the Daddy Chronicles, since that is where we are now.


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  • Site Administrator

Again, so happy for you guys! Being around that isn't easy for romantic partners, much less you who probably heard and saw and smelled more than you ever wanted to. :P Just reaffirms your lack of love of the lady parts, right? LOL. So glad you guys are home and happy and most of all, healthy!

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@Nephy - yeah me too :P Thanks for all the good energy you sent along the way :D


@Maria - this is one story that thankfully ended without any conflict :lol:


@Cia - well um yeah, did you think it would be otherwise? I mean there's a reason Mike and I are together and not me and 'Michele' 0:)


@Lugh - I am so sure I'll have you laughing at me going - 'yup, been there done that, welcome to the world of parenthood.'


@Breeze - Thank you my dear, we are all doing very well - especially the little chow hound, we're going through formula at a prodigious rate LOL

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Just caught up on the news I had you on my mind for a while. I am soooooo very happy for you and your partner. I'm sure you'll be great Dads. Congrats she is adorable.

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