So the Mayan's reckon they know something that we don't ey?

Well if this is so, then by all accounts come sometime Friday, I'll be sitting somewhere in either a heaven or a hell or somewhere in between, as yeah, I guess I am one of those crazy goons that believes in an afterlife of some sort.

I am not really worried about it, I mean I made comment in a post on the Forum the other day, that mankind has been predicting the demise of the world since the time the first civilisations began recording their history and beliefs. One of the main issues I have with the theory is that no one can definitively say that the Myan's predicted the end of the world, or just stopped their calendar on the date in question.

Unlike other predictions of an apocalypse and the demise of the planet along with the end of the world, the Mayan calender just simply stops. There is no prediction or indication of what comes next. That in itself could be a forbearer of doomsday I guess, but then again, we also know the Maya people had three different calenders, so the fact that one of them simply comes to a halt is kind of confusing. Why would only one of them come to an end? Personally I believe that this fact could very simply be explained by the fact that way back then, the Maya guys and gals who gathered around to plot out this calender probably considered the year 2012 to be ludicrously far off in the future, and very possibly a date that the world would never reach, so why plot the calender further than this point?

Plausible? But of course, theory is all about finding possible answers. The truth of the matter is that until Friday or a few days either side, we will never really know, and even if we do survive as a society and species, beyond the ultimate cut off date giving allowance for calculation errors, we will still never know the answer as to why the calendar ends where it does. We simply can't go back in time to find out!

However the potential prospect of the world coming to its end this week posed two very interesting questions to me, and I thought I'd share my thoughts with you. The first of these two questions is looking back over my time on earth asking, do I regret anything I've done and is there anything I'd have done differently, or am I content with the life I've lived here on our homely little rock in the galaxy?

I have actually thought about this question an awful lot since I first asked it of myself on Sunday while I was watching a Discovery program about doomsday scenarios. It gave me cause to reflect back over masses of my own personal history, things I've done, memories, decisions, lessons learnt, adventures had, experiences hooked under my belt. I am lucky to have had a fairly active life, I've seen and done an awful lot. Some of it good and yeah of course some of it not so good.

Would I change any of it? The conclusion I have come to is that there is only really one thing that I'd do differently, although I don't make this decision based on a bitter regret, more an understanding now that had I made this decision my life could have been very different as a result.

The thing I would have done differently is coming out. You see I never really came out. To this day, I don't shout about my sexuality. I also won't hide it from someone asking for an honest answer, but in the later years of my life, I have begun to realise that had I been a little less afraid of bucking the trend, there are a lot of opportunities and doors that would have opened to me that I had no clue to being there when I was hidden in the closet.

Look this is something every gay guy or gal goes through. Choosing when to come out vastly effects the kind of people that you will come into contact with, and that in turn will influence a lot of the social circles we mix in, our self confidence issues and life choices that we make. I am not so much worried about the fact that I didn't "Come Out" so to speak, just that I was a little too stiff to explore more and take chances with opportunities that were given to me when I had a chance. I wish I'd been a little more daring I guess.

That, however, is the only thing that I would do differently if I am honest. I've had a chance to love, and lost it, had a chance to deal with the joys of life and the sorrows of death. I've been financially comfortable, and financially poor. I've travelled, met amazing people, seen some truly stunning places and done some hair raisingly stupid and dangerous things.

For the most part I have really enjoyed my life. There is one person I wish I could speak to again. One person I'd love to spend more time with. But the circumstances do not allow this, and for that reason I don't regret that we no longer speak, just wish I could change that.

There is a hell of a lot more that I would wish I had time to do, and in a way I do kind of get angry at the fact that things are so messed up in the world right now, and prevent us from being more carefree and happier, but then again, I am sure I am not the only person to have said that in his time on earth. I can only imagine how many times that sentiment was shared during the World Wars and the great depression. I am sure as well that people living through those experiences must have really believed that the world was coming to an end right there around them.

So in the big scheme of things, if I am to die on Friday, I die happy at where I am in life.

Ok, so my second question to myself...

In a real doomsday situation, when I know that I am in the final hours of the planet, who would I want to be with, and where would I want to be?

Hell, you know, if I am brutally honest with you all, I still am not really sure I know the answer to this. It is such a hard question to ponder, and if you really put yourself in a situation where you face the horror of what that kind of feeling must be like, where you are afraid, panicked, concerned, desperate for information, yet not really wanting to know what is coming...

When you really face that kind of overwhelming emotion, you can't think straight. You can't choose. You want a chance to say goodbye to everyone that has ever meant anything or been important to you.

As I mentally ran through all the people I've ever known, and the places I've ever been, I could endlessly name people and places that I'd like to be with, but I figured the only way to really get an answer to this question was to stick it out to the end and figure it out.

So my answer...

At this time in my life, the person that is most important to me is my mom. I couldn't and would not leave her alone to face the horror of a doomsday alone as I run off to be somewhere else, with one of the other people I'd have liked to choose. If I could really be choosy, I wouldn't mind having my dad there too, and I guess that the reason for that decision is that I kind of feel that I'm best known to my folks right? So in a bloody scary time like a doomsday scenario, the best people to be with, would be people that completely know you, understand you and love you.

They'd know how to calm me, and I'd be comfortable being with them when it came to the end. So yeah, it kind of seems like the logical decision to me. As for where? Meh, just at home in front of the TV watching something really funny on DVD would be fine for me.

I guess if I were involved in a relationship that it'd be different for me, but as things stand those would be my choices, and I feel pretty good about them too.

So there you have it. Two interesting questions I thought. I'd be interested to know what you think and what your answers would be. In the long or the short of it, I don't think that come Saturday we'll be any worse off than we are today, but time will tell if I am right or wrong.

Thought for today - "Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them." - Dion Boucicault

Song for today - Separate Ways by Journey