It's a really interesting plot. The first advice I can give you is that you need to know a bit more about this world you're creating. Given that it is fantasy/sci-fic, it's your world. How is it? How will this develop? Maybe you should spend some time "roaming" this world and "talking" to your characters. I don't know if any other author does that but I do. (It sounds crazy but I was never sane to start with. )

And maybe you could base this fictional world on something real. Try to do some research about gays in very conservative societies and try to relate it to your world. Or research on gays in some period of time a few centuries ago where homosexuality was taboo. 

Just my few opinions.

Hope it helps.

Cheers

Ieshwar

I'm guessing turn of the century to me anyway is around the beginning of 1900's when I hear that phrase that's the timeline I think of anyway. There really isn't a lot of info about gays at that time.  To me I guess I would research that time era, and specifically the zone or place its taken in. Even as it is today, some parts of Europe are very blatant in your face than North America.  Others European areas are was more straitlaced in modest. If it takes place in North America is it Caucasian based or native American.  If native American there culture has a whole different and laid back way in aspect if being Gay that white people did. So to me I would take what I found for the era, locale,race and since odds are there wouldn't be a lot of information just smudge what you did find a bit to suit your characters. It's your story as long as you colour within the lines they are afterall your lines to colour. Not sure if that's what your looking for or not just an idea given what info I read into your entry :-)