I'm back! Thank you to Steve and Cia for taking care of the blog while I was gone. What a better way to celebrate being back than by starting a new blog feature called Improve & Encourage. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open!  These will post once a month until we no longer have content. Once that happens, I will critique the last author that posted. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. I'm hoping to have a lot more authors sign up, and just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured.

Sparkle

Aditus

Critique By: Hudson Bartholomew

Please give us a short summary of the story you chose.

Sparkle is a 3-part historical vampire anthology, with each part told from the perspective of a different main character. The first tells the story of Zaidu and how he was abandoned by his mother as a child, eventually to become a vampire with a mission. The second is about Adam and his resilience and love of life, despite the hatred and intolerance he's endured. The third focuses on Adam's lover, Oliver, and how his nobility is inspired by the love he and Adam shared. Zaidu, Adam and Oliver come together at the end of part three, which feels more like a beginning than an end, with hints that many great adventures lie ahead. 

What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem?

Aditus packs a lot of world building into each of the three short parts, bringing the reader directly into the action without any drawn out data dumps. The characters' personalities are immediately established, as are their motivations and desires. At the outset, the reader almost expects each part to stand completely independent from the others, but Aditus weaves the stories of the three characters together seamlessly, with each connection feeling natural and logical. By the time you get into the middle of part two, it becomes clear how each character compliments the others, so that by the end of part three, the stage is set for some epic quest (full disclosure: I have no idea if such epic quest exists, but I would certainly like to read it if Aditus writes it!). 

What do you see as the weaknesses of the story/poem?

Much of the story is told in flashback, which was a little confusing until I caught on to what was happening. In parts two and three, Aditus uses italics to indicate a flashback, which helps to differentiate between what is happening now and what is a memory. As each part reads like a short vignette, I often found myself eager for more background or development of certain plot points. For example, Zaidu sounds like he has a long and rich history as a vampire, which is difficult to do justice to in a short vignette; and Zaidu and Adam develop a relationship off-page that I would love to read more about. There are only a few references to the specifics of vampire-hood within this universe (for example, their origin story, the effects of daylight, etc.), which could be expanded upon for more world building; to be fair, though, those details are not central to the story thus far. 

How do you think the story/poem could be improved?

With more installments to the anthology! The first three parts really do feel like a set up for a much longer story, and I feel that there are many nuances to the characters that have been introduced, but not fully explored. I am quite confident that if Aditus chooses to continue writing Sparkle, many of my unanswered questions will be more than adequately addressed in future installments. 

What was your favorite part? (scene/sentence/etc)

I loved the last scene of part three where Zaidu and Adam exchange some brief dialogue loaded with subtext. It hints at a deep relationship they've developed and leaves the reader wanting more. Also, even though he is supposed to be a mighty warhorse, Riah sounds adorable.