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Dear Santa


Demented

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Dear Santa 

       Listen, I'm going to need you to not pop by my place this year. I know, you're super bummed cause you wanted to drop off all that good shit, but seriously this is just not the year. In fact, you probably shouldn't do your run at all this year. Social distancing is the name of the game right now, and a man traveling by airborne animal sleigh going to all the houses (above a certain income threshold) in the world just seems like a bad call champ. I mean, what if you got Covid and didn't know it? Then you'd be bringing that shit to all the boys and girls down their chimneys or wherever the hell you break and enter from when they don't have those. 

       Perhaps you should look into Drone deliveries? You could make the drone festive or something, and I'm sure your elves could crank those things out in your sweat shops. Oh, excuse me, Santa's workshops. Gotta get that brand synergy right. Say hi to the Missus for me! 

Irreverently,

Demented.  

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