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I guess I'm meant to revisit traumatic moments in my life this year.


methodwriter85

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Many of you know about my friend Steve, who died of a heroin overdose when we were 27 years old in 2013. It was, to say the least, a very painful experience for me, during a very turbulent year and half of my life.

I recently got an email from our mutual friend inviting me to a bench dedication they're doing for Steve at a park that was, coincidentally, built near the site where their former dorms were.

I mean, I'm going. No doubt about it. I just don't know how I feel about more crying. I'm going, though. I like to think it will be a positive experience.

It's just weird to have this come up after having to go to my dad's funeral a month ago. Like I'm having to revisit painful memories from first my childhood, and now my 20's.

 

Edited by methodwriter85

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Sometimes it takes something like this to give you some closure. Closure doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore. It just allows the pain to fade into the background.

Some people are good at closure. I'm not. I'm bad about blaming myself and poking old wounds.

Edited by JamesSavik
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One of the unfortunate facts of life is that we will revisit traumatic events from our past many times in life, how we handle it is the important part of this. We are all different and how we handle these events will different for all of us, unfortunately, we never 'get over' it as some like to say, what happens is that we learn to deal with it in a way that is less painful for us. Closure is when we start to come to terms with these events and manage to cope better with them. Attending the bench dedication may be beneficial for you, but only you can decide that. Your friends are probably using it as a means to remember the better times which helps them to cope better, somewhere to remember the better times often helps to lessen the effect of the more painful memories. If you don't go now you can still go sit on the bench in the future and cast your mind back to the better days, maybe in the company of your friends, sharing those good memories helps many of us who have lost someone we had strong feelings for.

Maybe talking to your friends before you decide will help you with your decision and help you feel better about whatever you decide. Make the decision that you feel is best for you and give you the most peace. I wish you all best in making your decision and for the future.

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My anti gay sister died a month ago, we were long estranged. I went to the funeral for my other siblings, not for myself but to support them. Perhaps you need your friends support now and allow them to help care about you while you show your care about them. Just a thought ( mentally giving a hug and pat on the shoulder)

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On 7/16/2023 at 1:01 PM, Mark Arbour said:

I think it will be good for you. 

Yeah, especially because I missed Steve's funeral. I did attend the wake, but yeah.

I'm thinking about just going "fuck it" and renting a hotel room in my college town and just going out the night before. Hopefully hang out with some of my friends from college. I feel like it's going to be pretty heavy.

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11 hours ago, methodwriter85 said:

Yeah, especially because I missed Steve's funeral. I did attend the wake, but yeah.

I'm thinking about just going "fuck it" and renting a hotel room in my college town and just going out the night before. Hopefully hang out with some of my friends from college. I feel like it's going to be pretty heavy.

You should definitely do that!

8 hours ago, chris191070 said:

Revising painful memories is good for us, it will bring you closure and peace of mind.

Not always. 

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