Ok, I have a little confession to make..........

I've been depressed ever since we got home from California. I know what it has to do with, and it's really silly, but it still has me feeling bad.

For as long as I can remember, we've always gone to the cross at the spot where my mom died and took flowers. When we lived in Cali we did it a lot, and every time we've gone back we've done it too. Well, the last time we went back was for my big papu's memorial, and we didn't go because we didn't have a lot of time. I really wanted to but my dad said we'd go for sure when we came back out.

Well, last week we stopped and got flowers and we drove there, but the cross was gone. I know it's not the end of the world, but I feel like we missed our last chance to go there when we were out there in March. I mean, I know she's not buried there, but it's still symbolic to me for some reason. I feel like what happened there changed the course of my life and the lives of everyone else I love, and now there's nothing there to remember my mom by. Nothing to say, hey, in August of 1991 someones mother, someones daughter and someones girlfriend lost her life right here. Drive carefully.

I thought I'd be okay about it, but the truth is, I feel horrible and dissapointed. I've been sleeping a lot since we came home and my dad got so worried about me that he said I have to be out of bed my 8 in the morning no matter what day it is because he doesn't want me sleeping all day. I'm really trying hard to move on but it's hard.

So I'm sorry to everyone who's been waiting on the next chapter of My Jump Off, What's the Difference or Bodega Bay. I haven't really been in a writing mood, but today I finally sat down and got moving on What's the Difference. Sometimes I think writing that story is thereputic for me because it let's me live some of my memories, the good ones and the bad ones, and it let's me think about my life my families lives too. So I'll probably be working more on that than on My Jump Off for now, but I'll still get another chapter of My Jump Off out by next friday at the latest.