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A Decision


AFriendlyFace

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A year and 9 months ago I took him home. He cried the whole way home while his sister lay next to him peacefully resting. Once I'd gotten them inside and let them out of their box he promptly went and hid behind the washer and I barely saw him for the next week. Meanwhile his sister busied herself exploring their new home and encouraging him to come out and join us.

 

Eventually Timmy settled settled down and while he was still nervous around people he was mostly sane. He'd often get himself into trouble, spill things, shred things, but mostly he wasn't too bad. Lucky was always a little angel.

 

On the way to Houston he screamed his head off the entire trip. Lucky (from what I told) slept for most of it, but would give a soothing, purring response if spoken to.

 

Now that we've all been here for awhile and everyone's had time to get into a new routine in a new environment one thing stands out: Timmy's bad behaviour. He's always been a handful, but lately he seems much worse. He's constantly shredding things, messing up the carpet, climbing on things he has no business climbing on, and screaming his head off. He's also being purposely bad. He'll get on a table or desk, look at me, sometimes even speak to me, then knock things off. If I shoe him off of one thing he'll often go straight to something else he's not meant to do. A few weeks ago he broke a window, and more recently he shredded a semi-important document. Basically he's driving me crazy.

 

In less than 24 hours I'll be leaving for a visit back home. I'll get to see my family and I'll be attending the graduation party of a good friend. If I made the decision I could take Timmy back with me and leave him at my mom's. He'd be an out door cat which is a catch 22 kind of situation. He'd have more room, and he'd have more things he could play with, but it would be a more dangerous environment for him. He'll definitely remember my mom and probably my grandparents and he likes them. The main problem would be that the two most important in his life wouldn't be there - myself and Lucky. It's just a hard decision to make.

 

I definitely feel like this is what I want, I'm just fed up spending all my time saying, "Stop that" and cleaning up after him. I know they'd treat him well, and in many ways I think it might be best for him. It's just that he and Lucky are SO close. Not a day goes by....heck not 4 hours goes by, without them laying together, cleaning each other, or gently playing. I've never seen two cats that were closer. Seperating them seems like a horrible thing to do...which of course honestly is why I took Timmy in the first place.

 

It just brings up so many complicated thoughts and feelings for me. I mean on one level I just feel like a failure for not being able (or willing??) to handle him. I'm scared of the implications this has with regards to my potential skill as a parent. I'm also worried it makes me selfish in general, irresponsible. Yet on the other hand it's like this seems like the perfect opportunity to solve the problem, he'd get a good home, and I could quit worrying about everything. When it comes down to it I just don't particularly like the idea of spending the next 10 or 15 years of my life babysitting him....but then that makes me feel mean and selfish again.

 

I also keep putting myself in Timmy and Lucky's place. I mean their relationship is really quite nice. It almost seems like seperating two people who were in love. I mean it's just a terrible thing to do. Plus as needy and clingly as he is I have no doubt about his affection for me. I really do love him...but as my mom pointed out I've always favoured Lucky. Well perhaps not...I mean they're just very different, you have to care about them in different ways. Lucky's really what I wanted and expected from a cat. She's a total doll, cuddly and affectionate, but very low maintance. She's seldom clingy, she's not loud or rambunctious; she's very self-contained. Timmy's just the opposite. I don't know what I'd have done without her to help look after him all this time. I couldn't get a moment's peace if she wasn't there to help divide his attention. I just don't know how they'll do on their own. I mean I think she'll be sad at first but get over it and keep doing her own thing. With him I have no idea, he really seems to need her.....

 

Anyway I'm just not sure what to do. On top of that I feel guilty and selfish. I also feel like this is an embarrassment and disappointment to my mom. She didn't exactly say that so I'm probably just projecting here, but it's like if I compare coming out to her and this...well it's like with the coming out she might have been disappointed about the situation regarding biological grandkids, but I wasn't really concerned that she was disappointed in me....this seems like something she might specifically be disappointed in me about. I don't know it's probably projection though I'm disappointed in myself...On the other hand I'm sure this is the decision I want.

 

Anyway as of right now (of course I've been back and forth at least 5 times in the last 24 hours with my mind "firmly" made up) I'm planning to leave here tomorrow around 7:00AM with Timmy. I'll be there until late Tuesday so he'll have me around a little bit at first to perhaps ease the transition and if he's absolutely miserable I can still take him home with me. Assuming he stays I guess I can think of it as a "trial seperation". I wasn't planning on going back for my birthday at the end of the month, but if he's miserable, and/or Lucky and I are unhappy, then I guess I can go back and pick him up then.

 

It's just a crummy situation on lots of levels regardless of what I ultimately decide. Feedback about this would be appreciated, I'll definitely look before I leave in the morning and I'd be happy to hear reasons why I'm making a mistake (and thus could reconsider) or why I'm doing the right thing and should rest easy.

 

Anyway best wishes to all and lets all keep Mark in our thoughts (and prayers if you're the type) for a full and speedy recovery!

 

Kevin

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Hey Foxy,

 

Okay so I totally get why you're feeling guilty and almost selfish and irresponsible... I mean you made a commitment to be the owner/provider for those kitties right? Thing is hun... you have to be able to function and if your choices are... lock Timmy up in the bathroom all the time when you leave caue he is being destructive or give him a home to play and be free and run around... it seems like to me, letting your mom take Timmy is the best for all of you... not an easy choice, but the best one... and, the good thing is you can always go visit right?!

 

Good luck hun,

Viv

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We used to have a cat named Daisey, and we loved her. She came after we had our first dog, Skalaki, and she was the sweetest cat in the world. She used to love to be petted and to sleep in our beds. Then she started to get goofy on us. I think it started like a year after she came to live with us. She would purposely do bad stuff, just like Timmy, and we started making her stay outside.

Well, after we did that she got better, so we let her come back in. But then, my cousin moved out and took Skalaki with him, so we got a new puppy, Shotgun. We left them alone in the house one day for like an hour and when we got home, we opened the front door to go inside and Daisy ran out the door as fast as she could and never came back again :(

 

The moral??? Punish him. Maybe you can try putting him in a cage or putting him outside when he acts out. If he wants to come in he has to behave, but as soon as he acts out, putting him back outside. Maybe he'll learn.

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A year and 9 months ago I took him home. He cried the whole way home while his sister lay next to him peacefully resting. Once I'd gotten them inside and let them out of their box he promptly went and hid behind the washer and I barely saw him for the next week. Meanwhile his sister busied herself exploring their new home and encouraging him to come out and join us.

 

Eventually Timmy settled settled down and while he was still nervous around people he was mostly sane. He'd often get himself into trouble, spill things, shred things, but mostly he wasn't too bad. Lucky was always a little angel.

 

You have two very different cats here (obviously) but probably more important than how Timmy will react is how Lucky's gonna take losing her brother. :(

 

It takes some cats a long while to get used to a new environment, and during that time they are really insecure. If you can stand it they should stay together... which is probably not what you want to hear!

 

Camy B)

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Cats are a lot like people in that they have very distinctive personalities. Some are good natured and friendly, skitish and fearful or grouchy and mean. If you know cats well, you can tell that some cats are smarter than others. Some are very sensitive and you can hurt their feelings or make them angry and they don't forget easily.

 

My cat Boo is dumb as a rock. He's afraid of everything. He used to get lost in the house. He is skitish to the point of being hysterical. My mother once told me only you would have a retarded cat. I scolded her for using the "R" word and told her that he's special.

 

When I first got this cat, I though I was going to hate him. He wasn't fond of me either. It took an enormus amount of attention and affection but he's turned out to be a pretty good cat.

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Ok heres my 2 cents.

 

And, Really, I dont want to sound insensitive here or selfish. I love cats, I have 2 currently, I have had 4 at once at one point in time.

 

Dump the kitty. As long as he has a good home where there are people he likes, Don't feel guilty about it. As for Lucky, Here is what I know firsthand from having many cats and moving lots and having to have them around other animals. No matter how close they are, Cats are loners. They prefer to be by themselves to suck all of your attention with no competition. They might be sad for a few days, But they do get over it awfully fast. I know the first cat i ever had(whom I just had to have put down in 2003 at the age of 18) Had many brothers and sisters over the years, But she was always haapiest when she was an only. She always did like our dobermans though--she was an expert at training them. It was awesome the way she would leave actual whole claws sticking out of their noses.

Ok sorry it that was offnsive at all, It's just my thoughts. I know it is hard to abandon one, But if he's not happy there(happy kitties dont shred things just for the hell of it) Then maybe he needs a change.

B)

Hey Tim,

 

Thanks for the advice....Lucky does seem to be fine, but Timmy was very upset the whole time I was there and when I was leaving :(

 

That's awesome that you got to have your cat for so long :D:2thumbs: I bet she was a great cat! I hope you're right that he'll end up happier in the long run this way. Anyway take care!

 

Kevin

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Hey Foxy,

 

Okay so I totally get why you're feeling guilty and almost selfish and irresponsible... I mean you made a commitment to be the owner/provider for those kitties right?

Thanks Viv! That is how I was/am feeling.

 

Thing is hun... you have to be able to function and if your choices are... lock Timmy up in the bathroom all the time when you leave caue he is being destructive or give him a home to play and be free and run around... it seems like to me, letting your mom take Timmy is the best for all of you... not an easy choice, but the best one... and, the good thing is you can always go visit right?!

 

Good luck hun,

Viv

**sigh** I sure hope you're right! It was nice to come home and find everything exactly like I'd left it! I guess in the long run Timmy will enjoy the extra space....he seems to be taking awhile to adjust though. But I'm going to stay optimistic about it, and you're right I can go visit!

 

Anyway thanks! :)

 

Kevin

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You have two very different cats here (obviously) but probably more important than how Timmy will react is how Lucky's gonna take losing her brother. :(

well she seems to be fine. She's behaving completely normally.

It takes some cats a long while to get used to a new environment, and during that time they are really insecure. If you can stand it they should stay together... which is probably not what you want to hear!

 

Camy B)

Yes, you're right. Timmy definitely has alot of trouble adjusting to new situations. My family just tried letting him go into a new room...just a new a room...and he was too scared and ran out **sigh**...but hopefully eventually he'll get used to everything.

 

Anyway thanks for the advice, Camy, I really did want to leave them together...but it felt like the right thing to do. I guess I'll wait and see what happens next. Anyway take care.

 

Kevin

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Cats are a lot like people in that they have very distinctive personalities. Some are good natured and friendly, skitish and fearful or grouchy and mean. If you know cats well, you can tell that some cats are smarter than others. Some are very sensitive and you can hurt their feelings or make them angry and they don't forget easily.

 

My cat Boo is dumb as a rock. He's afraid of everything. He used to get lost in the house. He is skitish to the point of being hysterical. My mother once told me only you would have a retarded cat. I scolded her for using the "R" word and told her that he's special.

 

When I first got this cat, I though I was going to hate him. He wasn't fond of me either. It took an enormus amount of attention and affection but he's turned out to be a pretty good cat.

Hey James!

 

Aww poor Boo! He sounds like quite a cat! Timmy's always been really skitish too, but I think he's pretty bright. I always got the impression he was choosing to misbehave and not that he simply didn't know any better.

 

Timmy was a great cat in many ways, especially before we moved. I mean he was always really mischevious, but he's also always been really sweet. It sounds like he's endearing himself to my family though, so hopefully it'll all work out **crosses his fingers** Anyway thanks and take care :D

 

Kevin

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