The government thing sounds like a good idea. The pay isn't that great, but the benefits are incredible and like you said, the experience will be excellent for later on.

Sorry to hear about your parents. I know how it is to not get along with parents, so I can definitely sympathize. I would've moved out at 14 or 15 if I could have.

Good luck!

Unfortunately, computers aren't that great to punch; that's why you punch your pillow!

Honestly though, I think you should work stuff out with your mom before you decide to do anything; you seem to be on a pretty big anger rush so that may be clouding your judgement as to what you want to do in the future (you really want to go to a community college and work for the government? you might as well accept the financial aid package from the military c(= ). So, take your time and choose wisely. Certainly, at least, talk to someone about your situation; it'd be a real shame to dump your family because of curfews and possible misunderstandings.

:hugs:

Tell your mother that it's bi not gay but I don't think she'll change the Curfew.

Think goverment will be a great experiance, you also might get connections later on if you decided to go somewhere else.

Actually, this isn't really a snap decision... I have given this a lot of thought recently.

And it's not the curfews that are the main issue. It's that fact that she's putting these rules on me because she doesn't trust me, or fully accept who I am. I have given her no reason not to trust me, besides possibly the fact that I never told her about myself. And I never told her because I thought something like this might happen... and it did.

I haven't just started thinking about this today. It's been a few months that this possibility has been floating through my mind. Where as I really don't want to have to do that, if that's what it comes down to, then I will do it.

Parents can be extraordinarily foolish at times. This appears to be one of them. Good luck on the move out, Joe, someone who works as hard as you do doesn't deserve all the crap you're getting and if it had been me it would have been real hard not to tell her right then "No, I'm trying to get as far away from you as I can because you're treating me as though I'm fourteen without any reason. I work my ass off, and I will continue to regardless of the idiotic rules you're making, and where our relationship goes from here is up to you, because if you want to treat me like shit you can expect I'll have little wish to have anything to do with you at all as soon as I can get away. I'm your son and I have to follow your rules due to my current circumstances. Those circumstances will change soon, and rather or not you'll still have a son may change with them. All you're doing now though, is pushing me away. Don't be surprised when you needn't push anymore because I'm gone."

Yeah... it'd be harsh, and would probably result in some backlash, but like I said, it would be her choice to have a son or not, and the choices she's making are the sort which do nothing but damage your relationship.

Minor suggestion... um... maybe, at some point when you're calm and she's in a good mood, think about pulling her aside and talking to her about the curfew? I get where you are coming from - and ... she may not really be realizing what she is doing... seriously.

You're right - in her mind, she is protecting you now that she has the vision of you going out at night and getting into all sorts of sexual situations. Reality is - if you wanted to, you could still be having sex in the middle of the afternoon. But parents don't always think rationally...

But sitting her down, bringing up with her "Why the new curfew rules - you used to let me stay out later, don't you trust me?" could start a beneficial conversation that makes her think through that you aren't her little boy that she needs to protect (a VERY easy place for any parent to go to).

I know it is so much easier to just think that she's wrong and want to run - but... given a chance, she may realize herself that she needs to adjust her thinking. It doesn't do you any damage, and could in fact illustrate to her that you are an adult that she needs to deal with - not dictate to. Even if you still decide to move out come December, at least you know that you tried to communicate with her.

And... considering how well you write and hold yourself here - I'd be very surprised if this didn't result in a positive change in your relationship with her.

But sitting her down, bringing up with her "Why the new curfew rules - you used to let me stay out later, don't you trust me?" could start a beneficial conversation that makes her think through that you aren't her little boy that she needs to protect (a VERY easy place for any parent to go to).

I agree with Trebs. If you're an adult now (or going to be one), you'll have to learn to sit down and have a conversation with your mum. If you can do it calmly and respectfully, you might be able to convince her that you are trustworthy and that she's being irrational.

However, easier said than done with your mom then anyone else. I can't talk to my mom for more than 5 minutes without me ending up yelling.

Vic

I have no doubt that, whatever you decide, you will land on your feet and make a good life for yourself. You've dealt with your mom, you know what she is like and how she will respond. She may surprise you, but in my experience, those surprises and behavior changes due to implied or direct threats are very short lived. Living your life on your own starts with ... actually living your life on your own.

My only worry is that this is the same person who was afraid to approach a cute guy in whom he was interested. There are parts of you that are still very young, and without a net you may find yourself in over your head (wow, did I mix metaphors ).

Bottom line, you know you have many friends here (and I am sure other places) that will help you if you need us.

:king: Snow Dog

However, easier said than done with your mom then anyone else. I can't talk to my mom for more than 5 minutes without me ending up yelling.

 

Vic

k Vic - you can take the rational step too far... I mean, we're giving advice here, doesn't have to be something we'd follow ourselves. I mean, just because I personally haven't spoken to my own mom for over 6 years (due to a MAJOR fight that ... um... she still hasn't appologized over, not that she is ever likely to).... well....

I'm sorry, Joe. It may indeed be time for you to move out, but if you do so make sure you do it on the best terms possible. You should try to communicate with your mom and understand each other. It isn't always easy but it's worth it.

Take care

Kevin

Joe-

I am fairly sure that you could be a webmaster for any number of companies. You could also be a whole lot more.

Try not to make any decisions that may limit what you can do tomorrow because you are angry today.

Sometimes it pays just to grin and bear it for a while. You've got plenty of time. You're not going to be an old maid for decades yet.

JS

Joe, I agree with Trebs and Vic that you should consider talking this out with your Mom. Also, I would not assume that you must forego your college fund as a price for freedom. Can you come up with a good reason for attending a college farther away? If you've got an A average and decent Boards, then you'll have a choice of colleges, include some specialty schools that are not close. One wrinkle is that you'll have to pay room and board far away. You may need a good enough argument for a remote school to counter your Mom's argument that expenses are lower at home. But it seems doable. Good luck!

*thought more about this*

Hi Joe,

The underlying issue is that by trying to control you via curfews & college dollars, your mom is trying to get rid of the gay part of you.

And while I have no doubt that you can be successful doing this on your own, you have a right to those college funds just as much as your brother and sister do. You've worked hard at being a good student and you deserve the opportunity to go to the best schools possible.

If possible, have a sit down with your mom (and maybe your father too). Tell them what you've told us. Tell them that you will be going to school with or without their help. Tell them that you've earned the right to stay out later, that you've maintained excellent grades, work hard, and deserve their trust. Keeping you home at midnight on vacation will not prevent you from having desires for companionship of the same sex. It may prevent you from fooling around with boys (and girls), but the thoughts won't go away.

I'm not sure you should come out and threaten them, but they need to understand that they risk loosing you if they continue along this path. Do they really want to risk loosing a good relationship with their son? Put it in those terms.

Vic

In my early 20's, I moved back in with my mother while attending community college. She tried a lot of similar rules to what your mother is using because she knew I was gay. At that point, I remined her I had moved out when I was 17 and I was ready to do it again.

Eventually we reached a compromise that was livable for both of us. As time went by, she didn't even blink an eye at a boyfriend staying the night, although it was a few years before she reached that point.

The point of all that...talk to her. Be forthright with your plans, but don't be insulting or rude. Familiarity breeds contempt and it is far too easy for a parent and child to know exactly what buttons to push with each other...even if they're not consciously choosing to push those buttons.

Tell her that you think her added restrictions on you are because of your bisexuality. Let her know that it is unacceptable to you to continue living in such an environment and that when you are legally able to do so, after you complete high school, you will be moving away. If she wants to know why you want to attend college so far away, tell her its because you feel the need to be away from an unhealthy home environment.

I still miss my mother. She was too young at 48 to die. One thing I take great consolation over is that before she died, both of us knew that we loved and accepted each other for who we were as people. We still had our disagreements, we still fought over things, but there was no doubt about where we stood in each other's hearts and minds.

Part of that was because of her, and part of it was because I stood up for myself and confronted her bigotry when it happened. It wasn't easy, there was a lot of heartbreak along the road, but in the end it was worth every ounce of effort.

Hey sorry about all this shit goin on...i feel kinda responsible, had it not been for me ur mom would never have found out...im really sorry Joe i never wanted you to have any pain cuz of me

Joe

Nothing wrong with being honest with her, if she is wondering about the long distance colleges, tell her the truth.

Your not her "little boy" anymore, and your tired of her pulling your chain.

You are not that far off of moving out on your own anyway, maybe let her show you how much she really wants you there.

I agree with everything Snowy and Jamessavik said.

I know how it is, my ma is a total control freak, and I'm 43. She still pulls shit. Call your moms bluff, your an adult now......you got a pair use um. But use your head too, don't loose it.

I came home on 30 days leave when I was 19, I stayed out unlil 6am one night. My ma explained the curfew rules, we had a rather heated discussion. I left and went back to the Base 4 days before Christmas, didn't return my Dad's calls, he would have talked me into comming back. Finally called home about 3months later.

Yeah I ruined my and my dad's holiday, but somebody got her feces coagulated out of the deal...........Priceless.

Ex.