I wrote this poem some time ago, and I'm posting it again now, with some extra stanzas. It tells my story pretty well I think.

 

I was walking across a rope bridge

Behind me, my life without you

Before me, the day I move in with you

Below me, no rivine, nor rushing stream

Below me lay a vastly wide river

Moving warm and slow

To nowhere I'd rather go

Than the other side.

 

You were standing on the other side

When I saw you disappear,

And a moment of confusion crossed my mind

When you returned, axe in hand

And with one swift movement

You cut cleanly through the ropey rail

And I picked up my pace.

 

You turned to cut through the other rail

As I shouted "Wait, please, don't!"

And my balance in our relationship

Was lost with your next stroke.

 

Calling on my deepest will,

I continued forward faster still

I could not understand why

You had done what you did

But I knew I loved you still.

 

And you ran out to me

And held my hand

I thought to guide me across

It made so little sense

What you had done

But your love again I felt

 

Until once more I was surprised

As you shoved me over...

Or at least you tried.

I clung to that path and pulled myself up

As you turned back around to view your work

Again, on the other side.

 

And still I walked that path.

Striving ever to be with you again

You Called out to me

"What are you waiting for"

And I steadied myself

Sensing briefly the love

I could no longer be sure of

And Continued along the path.

 

Till once again,

with a malicious grin

Out came the axe from hell

Severing another tie

 

With terror in my eyes

Betrayal rocking my heart

No path remained, only a thin line

I grabbed ahold of that line

And held on for dear life

Though it would be so easy to just let go

The warm waters of a calm river of life

That seems never to lead to you

Threaten only my heart

A heart already wounded

But a stubborn heart, unwilling to lose

I could not give up the dream of being with you.

 

I begged you "Please!" Hoping you would understand

Begging you not to take my last guide away.

And as though you could not hear

As though you did not know

As if it all was completely sane

The axe of hell struck once again.

 

And even in those comforting waters

Leading everywhere but where I wanted

I swam on in your direction

And like a fool to you I shouted

"Throw out the preserver"

And to it you did go.

You picked it up, examined it

And chucked it just for show.

My heart lept and clenched

within the space of five beats

As that little ring flew up,

and landed out of reach.

 

Sadness coursing through my veins

I called out to you again

Not knowing just how far I'd have to swim

I hoped you'd come yourself

Meet me halfway.

You smiled at me and laughed out loud

As the river met the bay.

 

I swim on in shark infested waters

I know not love

I know not hope

My heart has lost its way

In an ever wider bay.

 

I find it wider but not deeper.

My feet even touch the bottom.

I could go anywhere from here

Only the sharks here to beware.

But in my heart I do not care.

Without my Love it does not matter

 

Light turns to dark,

and all around there's not a sound

only the light flutter

of so many other ways to go

On my back, I look at the stars

So beautiful and oh so far

And I exit the bay, into an ocean of tears.

 

I am no longer alone. You are here now.

But you can not see me.

You can not hear me

You rendered me invisible,

My vocal cords inaudible

And together like this

We will never reach the shore.

 

That is why you have to go

Its why I must move on, you know.

But, forever locked inside my soul

Will be the dream of reaching our goal

 

What could have been, had you only seen,

had you only listened,

had you, like I, never given up on our dream

I believe it will haunt me forever

 

But as you swim beyond my sight

A new day dawns, and on shines the morning light

Someday, someone, maybe, will love me

The way I have always needed to be

 

I will not drown in this ocean of sorrows

Not so long as there is still tomorrow

I will swim, I will seek, and I will dream new dreams

Out there, somewhere, someone is still waiting for me.

In an Ocean of tears, an ocean of love

With such depths below, and the vast heavens above

I do not yet know just where he is

But so long as I have love to give

I will search on, and on,

Until at last I have him in my arms.